Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Sickly Rant

I am sick y'all. For the first time in two and a half years. I am mad about it. I hate feeling miserable. Can't sleep. Can't think. Can't post!!! Smelling, tasting and being quiet are things of the past. Cheerfulness is somebody else's problem. Energy relates to something electrical. Irritation is my constant companion. He is a cool dude too.

Now I really know why my family pisses me the hell off. Mostly because they ain't shit!

My sister smokes like a damn chimney. That isn't necessarily a bad thing except her ceiling is messed up. So whenever she lights up, I do too. And I hate them shits. I feel like murdering. Just to breathe clear for ONE day.

The older nephew, who shall be known as The Driver, does just that. Wakes up, gets in that damn car, gone all day. What the hell is the purpose of having a driver at your disposal if they are always gone?

The younger nephew, also known as Internet Pimpin', is also sick. And lazy as hell. I awakened him because I needed assistance. And his ass had to this point, @6:00 p.m., been in bed all damn day. Anyway, I asked this sumbitch to stroll down a flight of stairs to see if the rumored chicken from the holiday was down stairs. I needed to know about the chicken so I would know what I was getting from the market. I of course was walking to the market to get AND prepare dinner. 15 minutes later, and 5 attempts to find out where he went, I hit the stairs and find his ass in the damn bed! WTF?

Mind you it is @6:00 p.m. and I had not managed before then to muster the desire to eat. Which means that my mother hadn't either. I know this is one of those days where she REALLY wishes she hadn't had the stroke. Anyway, The Driver returns and gives me the damn car keys, lazy bastard!!!! I go and buy provisions to complete three or four meals and return. I start building dinner, a grilled chicken salad. I ask Internet Pimpin' to ask his mom if she wanted some. I get attitude (long back story) about this! So I went from salad for five to salad for two attitude. I decided not to be stupid and finish dinner since it would be senseless to waste resources having three or four people make the same thing!

::: This story has been edited to fit in the time that I felt like telling it. Translation: I left some shit out. I am sick, sue me! :::

Needless to say, when I get the energy back, I will be on the rag until I see tears drop or furniture get packed! This means war dammit!!!!

Oh yeah, Lebron and the Bron-bron's won today. That pisses me off too!

Saturday, May 26, 2007

I'm So Mad At Music!

I am so mad at music because...

...Detroit is one of the blackest cities in America. Why are the most popular recording artists from the area: Eminem, Madonna and Kid Rock?

...Luther Vandross did not do "Dance With My Father" a capella. That Casio keyboard arrangement killed that song for me completely.

...A song entitled "My Boo" became a hit. Twice. The first song was just awful with a Casio keyboard arrangement. And I am just hating on the second because of the title.

...Motown Records hasn't been in Motown in decades. And hasn't really been a relevant record label since.

...I spend more time listening to talk radio than I do to music when the radio is on. Is good musical content too much to ask for?

...All of them damn publicity stunts before album releases. I mean some of this dumb shyt they do HAS to be contrived! Right?

...Socially conscious rappers WERE popular and socially irresponsible rappers ARE popular.

...The RIAA are such assholes that the new version of Windoze doesn't even work right because of all the crap they whine about.

Binary Choices

Don't you hate it when life just served you up a fastball right to the face? When you are put into a position where you are "damned if you do and damned if you don't". The kind of thing where you feel like a gigantic steaming pile of shit no matter what you do?

Y'all been there? I seem to live there now. Wave if ya see me. More on this later...

Feelgood Moment

A parade just went by my house y'all. I forgot they do that every year. Local folk, local high school marching bands. All marching up a tertiary thoroughfare. And in the rain too. Community involvement is not dead after all.

Friday, May 25, 2007

A Most Interesting Myspace Friend Request

The Battle of the Bars y'all! You think I should try to go?

Phone Hex

What the hell is wrong with these telemarketers? Why they almost make you have to act up before they will hang up tha damn phone?

Telemarketer: Hello, I have a deal for you. Blah, blah, blah...

TSSE: * silence *

Telemarketer: You have been selected blah, blah, blah...

TSSE: Um...

Telemarketer: rate around blah, blah, blah...

TSSE: ::: interrupting ::: Do you have a number where I can call YOU? I am into something right now.

Telemarketer: ::: stumbles and mumbles for a minute ::: We sent you out a letter with our number a few days ago. But, blah, blah, blah...

TSSE: ::: interrupting again ::: So should I go look for this letter or am I taking your number?

Telemarketer: blah, blah, blah, yeah we sent the letter with the number a few days ago. You should have that by now. Blah, blah, blah...

TSSE: ::: interrupting yet again ::: Okay, I will look for that! YOU HAVE A NICE DAY NOW!!!

Telemarketer: You too sir...

I know folk got a job and all but when someone tells you that they don't have the time at the moment, hang the hell up!!! Just gonna keep talking and all. Are they trained to think that it is my JOB to listen to them do their job or something? It ain't that I am not interested necessarily. But can I be interested on my own damn time?

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

A Blogger's World

For the life of me there are some things I just can't forget. A bunch of these I have recently run across surfing the blog sea. Here are a few...

Opinionated_Diva singing the old school McDonald's song...

A bunch of little hookas-in-training grinding up on their old white teacher (courtesy of the above mentioned Diva)...

Yazmar and Miles Davis...

T.I. being "butterknife built"... (Yazmar)

Mary J. nodding to Yaz's NODHEAD JOINT... (Yazmar)

Deepnthought's big ass stuck in a window...

Nana's "fighting hair"... (deepnthought)

"Cause I got a Motha-fuckin' Magic Tongue!"... (quote courtesy of Terry)

"if your man is not longer than the area from the top of your middle finger to your wrist then... he's too short..." (courtesy of MzCoko)

"she was mad because she didn't want to read a FedEx packing slip...So, she called me at home..." (from Lola Gets)

Keeblers... (J)

Spotted Dick... (J)

J and her damn Ipod...

Nikki and her damn wasp...

The concept of the "cunt cameo"... (Nikki (crazy ass...))

Mom's steak on Mother's Day... (Nikki)

Crackhead lawn tools... (TJD)

The Brown Blogger and his troubles with Furious Styles and his furious styles...

And a big shoutout to That Bitch! She been cracking me up for many-a-year. Has the most addictive site I have seen. And most important, she brought me to you all by inspiring me to do this.

Thanks to all of you for these and many others!

What the Hell?

Why, Why, WHY did some asshole light up (not once, but twice) a damn cigarette in the damn EMERGENCY ROOM??!?!?!?!!?! This of course led me to ask the nurse about their new policy of using cigarettes as therapy. What a muhfugga gotta do to get away from other peoples damn cancer sticks, check into the damn hospital? Oh... wait... that don't work either. I digressed.... Man if I wanted to work on my pack-a-day by proxy habit, I would have stayed home and called in to find out which pill I shoulda jacked from mom!

Da Hail?

Nervy People: My Story

I am...

...back y'all. The stories of my untimely demise are to be delayed as long as I can manage it. The hospital didn't keep me. I guess I can be a little less afraid of going in the future. Blood pressure was high. They gave me some pills to bring it down. Prescribed me a water pill to hold me over until I can get someone on the job full time. My sugar was normal. I was glad to hear that since my meter has been acting up lately. Gotta get me another one/backup. By the way if you are diabetic, you can get meters for cheap (even free) if you check the pharmacies for deals. The test strips are a whole different story! That is where you go broke!!!! The sinus problems seems to be clearing up itself. Damn jinky ass weather been messing with everybody! So I actually left there feeling quite okay about myself. Now if I can only find my PCP's phone number. I guess I will have to use this newfangled Internet thing to find it. Wish me luck! LOL!

...sorry y'all. To everyone who felt a moment of worry. I especially apologize to my wife and my mother. To my wife because I had the freakin' unmitigated gall to get mad at her for dimin' me out to my mom about my less than healthy condition. To my mom for me walking into the room and feeling conspired against. To my sister for the same reason as my mom. That was the most spontaneous intervention I ever heard of. But I was really mad at myself and realized that QUICKLY. Me trying to blame them for being concerned was just plain idiotic. My psychosis runs deep y'all. But that is a whole different post! Needless to say, I got over myself within 10 minutes or so.

...NUTZ!!!! But I guess you already know that if you got this far! Maybe I oughta change up and let the lower head drive for a while. It at least doesn't get confused and doesn't mind making the hard decisions. Maybe I should trust it to lead me into the future. Hmm... 3.5 dirty jokes. Maybe I am feeling better...

...ending this post now. I gotta stop writing all of these books...

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


I been slippin' y'all. My recent relevations in were really the short version of what my experience has been the last few years. I didn't get into me, just the external forces around me. Needless to say... Aw fuck it. Never mind the long ass post.

Let me be real. I done made too many damn excuses for not taking care of me. I am Hyperglycemic and Hypertensive. My recent measurements are off the damn hook.

I wanna live.

I am headed to the ER. Right now!!!

Love, peace and hair grease until I get back!!! Cause they might keep my ass...

Black and Bright

Why is it that the blackest folk feel the need to wear the brightest damn clothes? Anybody who is blu-black or darker don't need clothing to make them stand out! So why do they do it? I know you done seen a bruh so dark that brown stops describing his skin color wearing a bright ass red suit! That might just be a Detroit thang, but I doubt it. Or one recent funeral goer who was posted up in a bright pink dress. Almost neon even. And she was the darkest thing in a family of VERY dark folk! Her previous funeral sins were bright yellow and super white.

Is it just me? Or do y'all see that stuff too?

Funeral Folks

What is wrong with our youngin's today? Why is it that they consider their "Good Clothes" the ones they wear to the club? And why do they think this is appropriate funeral dress? And I ain't talking about the good clubbin' clothes either. The good clubbin' clothes being the ones you COULD wear to the office if you don't mind the stares and commentary. Not them. I am talking about the ones you usually see near a really SEEDY HO-tel. Had me mourning the departed and the lack of good fashion sense.

And why does SOME relative have to embarrass everybody by clowning at a funeral of all places? Either they fall out over someone they didn't actually really care about. Or they talk over the minister while trying to comfort the relatives, DURING the service. Or they sing some hella awful song that inspires laughter and/or shock. Even call for the magician whilst at the mic. True story y'all, but she meant musician, cause she wanted to sing a song that sounded like a bag full of horny cats!!!!

I ain't trying to be insensitive or anything, but sometimes people just need to sit the hell down!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Nervy People: Chapter 2

You know, I just spent the last 20 minutes looking for my missing list of "reminders" that I made for myself this year. You know, the "New Years Revolutions" (No, not resolutions...) Anyway, why the hell somebody done moved my paper? I put something on my desk, why can't it stay there? If it weren't for a nervy muhfugga, I would be sharing right now!!! They were good too. All related to my post. If I find them, I will share.

Sometimes life really takes you places you never thought you would be. A few years ago I thought I had it together (at least on the way). Eyes on the prize. Looking to the future. Moving forward and all that. Home with a yard. Me and the wife employed in fields we went to school for. My car paid off! She in her own. Starting to get the credit fixed. Considering finishing my oft delayed degree. Even considered starting our own business. Just good enough for a black man to start to feel hopeful.

Of course not every story has a happy ending. Or happy middle for that matter. Of course you probably guessed that my means to get them ends stopped shortly after I started getting them good feelings. I lost my job, not because of wrong doing on my part, but because the company needed to cut costs after the bankruptcy filing. They needed to look like they were trying to save the company. Of course if they had tried to do that sooner no bankruptcy would have been necessary. But enough about them...

At the time I thought that being unemployed and Black in America, without a degree and living in a job market with an overabundance of folk like me, POST 9/11 was the worst that it could get. Bad yes. But not the worst.

Worse is having your father's chronic back problems turn into back surgery that he avoided like the devil himself for 30 years. Back surgery that went horribly wrong. Not only was it done wrong, but he contracted an infection so massive that the hospital was at a loss as to how it needed to be treated. This infection was one of those "one in a million" kinda things. The medication that could have killed the infection turned out to be worse than the infection. He had a nearly fatal allergic reaction to that medicine. Another "one in a million" thing. Several bad things happened along the way that made me a very surly and angry person. Some with the medical treatment, some with the family. I may get over all that one day. But after three years of being so drugged up that I though he quite literally lost his mind, or was in so much pain that it made me cry, he finally got the the surgery he really needed. Most of the pain went away and he started walking within a week.

Not long after that even worse did happen. My mother had a rather massive stroke that paralyzed her right side. A few weeks in the hospital and a couple of months in rehab. Then 8 months at another relative's house kept her away from me because of my own fucked up infrastructure problems. That whole 8 months I got shit talked about me like I was the bad son or something. Yet the person who talked it did little more. Mother finally returns home with other family members in tow. I finally get to participate in her care. Shortly afterward the living conditions with two very different families sharing the same space break down. My wife and kids move out. I couldn't get mad at her because I would have moved too but I didn't wanna leave my mom in her condition. My sister and her sons spend little to no time helping out with my mom. Basically my family abandoned me and mom to our own devices (her and dad divorced when I was two).

Fast forward to now. Mom had a second stroke. Fortunately it affected little beyond the first. Sis and nephews are a little more helpful now. But I am still point man. So of course I am basically a shut-in who spends his days taking care of his disabled mother. I am still on the hunt to get career tracked again. I got no money of my own. That pisses me off. My mom is taking care of me again (if I was 14 again that would be cool). That really pisses me off. I can live with it because her taking care of me allows me to take care of her needs and make her comfortable. But still... And she is supporting the sis and neps too! You can probably guess how I feel about that. Me and the wife are still getting along good. But it gets really tiring visiting your spouse. Especially because your spouse ain't comfortable being where you live for too long (works both ways...) We feel like Piper and Leo from Charmed. Hopefully we can pull off going to the Family Reunion down in tha ATL in July. We could use some time away, together.

If ya see me and I seem angry or sad, just know that a brotha needs a hug. I probably will smile for ya if you do!

Damn Thieves!

Somebody trying to steal my internet y'all!!! What the fuck is up with that? Lemme back up and 'splain before I start accusing my neighbors of some shit!

Today when I arose. I walked down yonder stairs and noticed something strange. There were five, count them: one, two, three, four, FIVE, green lights on my router! That was the first time I had ever seen such a thing. In fact I thought that it was only a myth that my router had such capability since I have NO wireless devices in house. I would have but my irresponsible 17 year old "lost" her $250 PSP, supposedly IN the house. That aside, my computer is hooked up via good ol' cat 5 cable. That explains light #2. Light #1 being power, #3 being DSL connection and #4 logged into the ISP. The fifth powered light signified an ACTIVE wireless connection to the router. Since I had no wireless devices, I never bothered with the wireless settings before. So by default the settings for the wireless ports were open.

Well seems some damn ghetto tripe done been all up in my shyt! I naturally punched the ejector button on my computer chair that was being inhabited by my nephew getting his Internet Pimpin' on. The ejector button of course being my right thumb pointed to the heavens over a closed fist. I promptly logged into the router's setting page, clicked the wireless settings and turned off the free wi-fi hotspot that I had so graciously been providing. Then asked Internet Pimp how long has that light been on? He said since yesterday. This of course perplexed me because it wasn't on while I was out here harassing all of you last night. Apparently the jacker in question sleeps normal hours or something. Not a vampyre like mahself.

If I didn't find that so funny that it happened I would be pissed as hell! That and I unwittingly allowed it to happen... But still... I am gonna have to find out the real range on my router to figure out who done been jacking my beats! Hell if the RIAA gonna send the FBI after me then it is gonna be for songs I stole dammit!!!! Got my eye out the window now. Wondering who done done me wrong! Other nephew and his new phone? Some kid with a laptop? Somebody else? Hmmm.... I DO see some car parts I could use...betta not be you homeboy!

I just had an epiphany. Apparently I am not as far in the ghetto as I thought I was.

Y2K Flashbacks

I was just sitting back remembering the hysteria that surrounded the second biggest event of the last decade. Y2K! Y'all remember that? I was a programmer for a major retailer at the time. We had prepared all the computer systems for the new calendar by changing all the date logic FOR 18 MONTHS! Projects put on hold, vice presidential then CIO approval to system changes and all that.

The entire IT organization separated into three teams, one for each eight hour shift, for 24/7 monitoring. I got the midnight shift. That lasted for two days. Because nothing happened. Not one damn thing! In fact the system was so damn stable that even the usual problems seemed to be afraid to happen at that time. My company was not the only one that prepared for the date change. But America still thought that the computer systems were gonna crash and Dark Angel or some shit was gonna happen. Now that I look back at it, I am kinda offended that America didn't trust me and others like me to have really earned our pay.

America! The Information Technology infrastructure laughed at you on 01/01/2000. And you made it easy. But the media was the biggest joke. I bet the canning and water bottling industries put them up to it.

So tell me. What dumb things did you do to prepare?

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Three Wives

If I hear one more Angry Black Woman lament the lack of "good black men" I will either scream or kill her. The screaming will make me feel better of course. Killing her will make me feel okay too AND will improve the ratio slightly while reducing the competition for the other ABWs. Murder in the first degree aside...

I propose the Three Wife System!

It reduces the number of single women. Lessens the chances of single parent homes. MAY reduce cheating in men. Works well for all involved.

Now I don't just mean ANY three wives. But three good and skillfully diverse women. the plan calls for:

1) A business professional. This wife serves as the second income that is so badly needed for a family to prosper and grow in the 21st century. She should have good financial management skills and a working understanding of "good credit".

2) A human care specialist. Doctor, Nurse, Teacher. Definitely an important position because have you seen the cost of health care these days? Or the condition that our schools are in today? The other upside on this one is the possibility of extra income.

3) A domestic engineer. Nobody can argue the importance of having someone take care of the home. This person makes the home, and primarily is the first point of contact with the children. Good cooking and housekeeping skills are definitely a plus.

Of course the man's roles in this are: 1) Income 2) Being a good father to all the kids. 3) Arbitrating various disagreements between wives and children and all (the buck gotta stop somewhere) 4) Taking care of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs for THREE women!

Sounds like a lot! But I am willing to try it just to not hear "all the good black men are either gay, imprisoned or married" one more time!

A Dyssturbed Mental Image

Imagine me all bootybuttnekkid in a locked room, with two big boobed asian chicks, a catcher's uniform, a beachball, a trapeze, a tub of cool whip and a tiger skin rug.

Are you disturbed yet?

Gays As A Test

I have been assaulted with much anti-gay ranting and raving these last few years. I have noticed it is mostly by those who CLAIM to be religious people. Some people are sickening to the point of needing euthanizing. All this ranting and raving got me to wondering. Could it be possible that God did indeed make these people gay? Not to test their faith, but to test the faith of the rest of us?

I ask this for the following reason. Don't God's main rules to us tell us to love each other and leave the judging to Him? So wouldn't bad treatment of gay people violate those main rules? I may be over simplifying things, but it seems to me that people are losing their way because they are too busy minding other people's business.

Thursday, May 17, 2007


Okay, that does it!!!! I tried to be cheap and find this info on the net. I ain't got that much patience no more. I am gonna break down and pay my library fines and check out a book on XML/HTML/HXTML and any other XL they choose to have. This stuff is frustrating trying to figure out how to change a damn layout with incomplete knowledge. Where is that damn "easy" button when you need the damn thing? I swear...

The Worst Injustice Of Them All!!!!

Ice Cream, ice cream. I just lub some ice cream!!!
I love to lick it! I love to eat it!
She is my woman, on who I ain't cheated!
So cold, so smooth, so tasty sweet!
Ice cream is a luvly treat!

I am lactose intolerant and diabetic.
Where is the love?

Of course if I was allergic to tha poo nanny too I would just kill my damn self.

Dumb Relatives

Okay. This one astounds even me.

Being black means that not everything works exactly right. In less politically correct times we called the fix a niggarig! You know, butter knife, vice grips and duct tape were the "tool box" and it was located in a kitchen drawer.

So I have this stove right? Three eyes self light. One don't. the one that don't of course is in the front. Typical black stove right? I put my good barbecue lighter out to compensate for the lack of spark. (yes I said barbecue lighter, can't keep matches!). Many, many, MANY times I have had to yell to the world at large "Don't leave my damn lighter on the stove!" To sensible people this only makes sense. But I am sure you read the title to this post, so...

I leave the house for a while. I come home. I find lighter in kitchen. BLOWN THE HELL UP!!!!! W! T! F!?!?!?!?! Who the hell sticks a grenade in a fire? If you don't know the answer to this one, read the title...


Plantation Mint

Is it wrong of me to love a tea so badly named?

Flies And Skeeters

I hate flies. I really do. They just invite themselves in ya house. Don't knock. Give ya no privacy. Come sit on ya roast beef sandwich, after they done walked in some shit! Buzz all around ya head when you trying to think, or anything else. Just a damn nuisance. I see their role as nature's sanitation workers: air division. But can SOMEONE teach these bastards some respect?!?!?!?!?

Now Mosquitoes I just do not understand. All the downside of a fly, none of the upside. And the little muthafuckas drink ya blood, leave an itchy ass bump and maybe even a disease or two. I still haven't figured out their role in the whole grand design. Da hail?

Hmmm.... Interesting....

I see human equivalents to these two pests. Flies are like kids. If you think I am wrong then OBVIOUSLY you don't have any!!!! Skeeters are like that person you picked up at the club last weekend. Think about it!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Untitled Rant





Sunday, May 13, 2007

To My Sisters And My Sistas

Being single and mom is not an easy combination. Be strong and fearless. Give your all yet don't give in. The new generation Does depend on you!

Happy Mother's Day!!!

p.s. I am still trying to get the Brotha's in line and in step with y'all.

To My Wife And Mothers...

Happy Mother's Day!

To Marlisa, My Queen, for being my everything. I wish you a wonderful day!

To Loraine, My Mom, for giving me everything. I wish you joy today!

To Helen, for being the wife my father always needed. I wish you smiles and good feelings!

To Monica, for giving me My Queen. I wish you a fun day!

To Mabel and Gladys, for giving me those who made me. I wish you were here, although I know it is beautiful where you are! You are still wonderful!

To Virginia, Agnes, Christine and Janie, for being Great and being my roots. Especially Virginia for loving my complete lack of color! Blessed I am for you having been here!

To Mary and Nellie, for joining the ranks of Grandma after I got here. Blood doesn't always make family, love however does! Thanks for that!

To all the other mothers that I did not mention, I didn't forget ya. I just didn't want to post a novel today. So to sisters, cousins, aunts, great-aunts and friends, I wish you all a wonderful Mother's day too!

A Note To My Queen

In a recent conversation with my wife, she said something to me that made me stop to think. Left me momentarily speechless in fact. What she said was, "One of the reasons that I really love you is that you told me that you are My Queen". Now I usually try to be modest about such things, not making a deal out of the truth and all. But then she said in a quiet little voice "Nobody ever said that to me before." Speechless happened. I felt like a million bucks and sad at the same time. I was the first to tell her how I REALLY felt and felt the way I said I did. On the other hand, I was first... A lot of dudes got this one simple little thing just plain wrong, and that IS sad. Sometimes the things we say resonate in someone else's life although we only feel we are "just telling the truth". And the things we don't say do too. Sooooo......

To my loving wife:

You ARE my queen. My kingdom is not as rich or as grand as it once was. But the seat beside mine is ALWAYS yours. It did not grow the first time without you. It shall grow again with you by my side. And it will always be there where you are. I have said a million times before, add one more because I ask again, "How can I be a King if MY WOMAN is anything but a Queen?" How could YOU be anything but My Queen? Because of you I feel like a King!!!!

Happy Mother's Day My Love!



Saturday, May 12, 2007

Fuck Spam!!!

I hate spam. Not the questionable pork product in the nice blue can. I hate that crap that loads up ya inbox. I used to enjoy e-mail. Now I barely use it. Why? Because it is a job now. I get so much crap mail that I have to empty 200 bulk messages a day PLUS the 100 or so that get through the spam filters, PER DAY.

Why this rant you ask? I was contemplating borrowing an idea for a Mother's Day tribute. I realized that I don't have all of the pictures I need to do it properly. Considered calling one of the sibs and having them e-mailed to me. Then I got that feeling that told me that finding a way around e-mail would be the best course. Mostly because I just don't wanna log in. I don't wanna go through 1746 unread messages that have little to do with me. Spam done killed the fun of e-mail.

If any of you see spam's ass hanging out at the coffee shop or walking through the airport or something, slap his ass upside the head and thank him for fucking up a good thing!!!!

Guess I will go and take control of my inbox again. See y'all in about 5 hours...

Pit bulls and Dumbasses

I have said it before, I will say it again. What the hell is wrong with these damn kids today!?!?!?! Yesterday I happened to witness the end of a dogfight in the middle of my street. The story...
The Players:
Psycho: Pit bull, Colby, happy-go-lucky, socialized, neighbor's dog.
Other dog: Pit bull, unknown heritage, unknown temperament.
Dumb ass gaggle of 4 teen boys: humans, questionable heritage, stupid mentality.
Okay, so Dumb ass gaggle of 4 teen boys decide to walk Other dog down my street. This was a stupid decision on their part because of 1) Psycho, 2) Kurn (son of Psycho, just as big, not as well socialized, I love him anyway...), 3) Psycho's daughter (whose name I can't remember, but prone to running out of the front door at a moment's notice). 4) It is no secret that these dogs are here! In other words this is the wrong end of the street to be fucking around on if you don't like unfamiliar pit bulls. Anyhow, Psycho is probably the biggest lap dog I have ever seen. He learned how to stay in his front yard and catch some rays (no fence or leash) and not bother or be bothered by passers-by. But here comes Dumb asses and dog. Psycho being Mr. Friendly goes to check out the other dog. Now I don't know about you but I see a pit bull walking up, I walk the other way dragging my own dog away from a fight. They instead let Psycho approach Other dog to within smell range. Psycho (as he usually does) sees this as a new potential playmate. <~~ Y'all can see the tension building already don't you?

Guess what the hell happens next?
I didn't call them dumb asses for nothing. Instead of trying to keep them separated, they encourage Other dog to attack!!!! WTF? Anybody who has ever seen two of these dogs go at it doesn't want to be anywhere near when they do. Did I mention they were dumb asses? Psycho took a little nip on the side of the head because he wasn't prepared for conflict at the time. But being the wily veteran he is, shook out of the hold and reversed the lock and gave the young fool a good shaking. The dumb asses finally got wise and tried to get them apart, after their dog caught the smackdown! Psycho of course had to be dragged off with a person on each front leg. There was blood, none of it his.

Morals to this story:
1) Don't fuck with the nice/quiet ones, the can of whoop-ass may be too big for you to deal with!
2) Not every pit bull has been trained to be a killer.
3) Just because you are stupid doesn't mean everybody wants their dog to fight yours.
4) Don't bite off more than you can chew (in so many ways...)
5) Most important of all: the dogs ain't the most dangerous thing on this end of the block!

Pitbulls With Personality

Some things just make me shake my damn head and smile. I decided to have a little bite to eat while blogging this day. I go and find some leftover chicken and macaroni and cheese (home made). From the moment my dog realizes I have a plate in my hand, he is all eyes. Sat up pretty looking like he auditioning for a dog show. Now I promptly tell him that he ain't getting smack so he should just relax. He of course ignores me and the game starts. He stares, I eat. He stares, I eat. He stares, I glance in his direction and eat. He stares, I look dead at him whilst ignoring his presence completely and eat some more. Usually he starts to bark when he don't get in on the goodies within 10 feet of his mouth. But I guess he came to the conclusion that he wasn't getting a damn thing. I almost won too. Ran into some gristle. Lucky fucker!

He of course realized that he had food of his own after I stopped swallowing. The nerve!

Friday, May 11, 2007


Okay, what is skilled when talking about "gettin' some"? What floats ya boat? Likkit before stikkit? Minimum orgasm count? Time? Position variation? Poetry, rose petals and a can of whipped cream? Somebody who can find the G-spot? Somebody who can make a wet spot? Someone who work so hard to get you off that their heels will sweat from the effort?

What kind of stuff makes you wanna consider unprotected sex or not mind that the rubber breaks and have you saying to yourself, "Worst case is that I have the inside track on this for another 18 years!"

What does it for you?

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Not So Confused

Tha Poo Nanny!!!!! I ain't so confused about that. Why? Because I am a heterosexual African American male in the inner city somewhere in the United States who DON'T need Viagra!!!!

My previous rant spoke to my confusion regarding a women's point of view. This is about a man's point of view. I got this. Basically what most of us want is Wet, Willing and not so wide we need a board strapped across our ass to hit it safely! If you think I am wrong, offer it up to the next random dude (bring a board if needed) and see what happens!

Although some guys will have some criteria regarding what they WANT, most will forego those desires to hit what is available. Our bare minimum is not doing a corpse or corpse like partner. I'm not saying that we are dogs. Just that our criteria are a little more simple. Like my daddy says "All putty is good putty. The only time you will ever see a bad one is on top of a garbage can. Because even she didn't want it!"

Y'all marinate on that...


About what you ask? Tha Dick. At least confused about the woman's point of view. Too many opinions and too many contradicktions amongst the fairer sex. The thing that I am really confused about is this whole size thing. Some say it is important, some say otherwise. There are those who think skill is more important than size. Hmm.... Just thinking about all the various criteria that women use to determine the perfect dick is astounding to me. Kinda reminds me of when your woman says to you "pick me up some pads while you are out!" Any man who has done that one knows that it is a mind boggling assortment of choices that we never have to make. I guess you gotta be in "the club" to pick pads or dicks.

Anyway... just on the size question, what would you women consider the bare minimum size wise? What is too short? What is too skinny? What is too limp? What do you consider a big dick? How does your bare minimum compare to what you consider a big dick? And what is skilled? What skills?

I ask because I hear women often talking smack about the dick. How dudes be too small or don't know how to work it or some such other thing. So fess up ladies. Inquiring minds want to know.

Then again, maybe I am just being nosy...

Little Interruptions

You know I had some shyt on my mind today. But the damn DSL been on vacation most of the evening. Now I done forgot!!! Don't this damn DSL connection know I got Oldtimers!?!?! It would have been okay if I was trying to download porn or some songs or get some cheat codes. But Noooooooo... Gotta be down when I got something to contribute! Cable don't sound that bad... We will see how they fix it first though...

Monday, May 07, 2007

Daring the Temporal Timelines

I love Science Fiction. And a recurring theme is that of the alternate timeline. For those uninitiated, an alternate timeline is one where some important event in the past went left instead of right. For instance what the world would be like if Hitler had won WWII. Got me to thinking how small this world really is.

Check this shit out.

  • There is a guy who married one of my cousins (father's side), who has been my step brother's best friend forever, who is the cousin of another cousin of mine (mother's side).
  • My sister's baby daddy is the son of the woman that wanted to be that special woman in my father's life instead of my mother. I believe that meeting between their children was chance by the way.
  • I just realized that in another timeline my wife is actually my first cousin. And that my mother-in-law would be my aunt. I didn't even know that our families had crossed paths before I met the wife...
I wonder how far I really am from Kevin Bacon...

Sunday, May 06, 2007

A Playing Field Not Leveled, Part 2

The playing field is most definitely NOT leveled. How is it that an inner city youth with more than the average level of smarts can fail in college? Okay it is actually genius level intelligence. Because that youth is sitting in a class full of other inner city youths. These other youths who have been crippled by too little attention. Too little attention paid and too little attention given. So genius youth sits in a class learning the same lesson for the sixth time, that he learned the first time, while the others catch up. Genius youth instead lets his mind wander onto the many other wonderful things that his mind can absorb to keep him from losing interest. This of course makes it too easy for him to get by. High school graduation comes and goes. He wins the best scholarship that one of the best HBCUs in the country has to offer. He falls flat on his damn face. How could such a thing ever happen if the playing field was ever level??

Nervy People

Why do people think that it is okay for them to intrude on your private time with their trivial problems? I write this blog to clear my head. Why somebody wanna interrupt me with a story about somebody else clean across town with car and money problems that have nothing to do with me at all? What the hell is wrong with my world? Now my head done got all full back up with shyt again. And I was just about to flush too...

Saturday, May 05, 2007

A Playing Field Not Leveled, Part 1

I recently had a couple of synapses fire regarding the sinking of the Affirmative Action ship in 21st Century America. Sinking so badly that even Black folk are beginning to say that it is unnecessary and a waste of time and resources. Of course I looked at those Black who said that and realized that they are the very ones it wasn't designed to assist. So quite naturally they would have said that. We won't talk about Uncle and Aunt Tom though...

Affirmative Action is not really where the problem exists. In a perfect world, it would never have been needed. In an ideal world, post Affirmative Action implementation, it should be dying a quiet death from under usage. But it can't really die because the world is not ideal. Why? Because they dropped the ball y'all. They tried to fix under representation in employment and higher education. This creates the problem because it tries to fix the problem after it becomes a problem. What they didn't do at the same time was to enforce equality in education at the primary and secondary levels. So I am sure you see the problem here.

Conspiracy theory follows...

Cut the legs out from under a whole population and you are ahead of the game already. So when the most determined of them crawl to a point where they pull on them bootstraps, they are already crippled. Give a few handouts, get a few converts, keep the rest down. And most of the ones you do get by then often won't be able to challenge for management positions and such. Of course Affirmative Action still being in place messes up that whole plan by strong arming those who have into making a show of promoting a few minorities. Then they call that "progress". At the same time those displaced by AA cry long and loud about reverse discrimination. Which of course makes it possible to raise the question of how AA can be a good thing when people who are qualified have to lose out to promote those less qualified. Soon AA goes away as unnecessary and outdated. What are you left with? The same shit as 40 years before but at least it looked like something was being done for 40 years to make things better.

I smell a new Civil Rights Movement coming...

Black in America?

Blacks have a 375-year history on this continent: 245 involving slavery, 100 involving discrimination, and only 30 involving anything else.
— Historian Roger Wilkins

Kinda makes you wonder why anyone would want to be Black in America doesn't it?

We Are Not Alone

Lately I have been expanding my awareness by clicking links from other blogger's pages. You run across some of the most interesting people because they have run across interesting people you have run across yourself. Today I ran across a brotha who is like and unlike me in many ways. His story runs deep to my core. I thought I was reading a post that I didn't remember writing at first. It wowed me. I want him to know...

You are not alone...

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Good Music!

Man, I miss the days when folk created really good music. You know the kind that stops a good conversation cold. When you having fun just talking shit and riding down the road with the radio on. Then something like 'Love Don’t Love Nobody' flows out of the speakers. Next thing you know, everyone seems to have forgotten what the previous conversation was about. And somehow everybody in the car starts channeling one of The Spinners. Ah, the good stuff!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

A New Blog

Made a new space where I could add some visual to my text commentary. Because after all The Truth IS Lamer Than Fiction

A New Look

Trying out a new look today. Let me know what you think of it.