Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Dissatisfaction Maximus

I have done it! I have hit the wall. I have gotten as low as one can get without taking actions that are described by words the end in -cide. And if you really know me, you are absolutely positive that "sui" ain't on the damn list!


I am halved. The person who makes my existence wonderful sleeps in a room 10 miles away.

I am broken. I am supposed to be the linchpin of an organization called My Family. And It seems my extended family. Of course things ain't working so well cause the pin is broke. So the whole thing runs like a triangular wheel. Imagine if you will, trying to take a shit on a toilet seat that doesn't have the screws that attach it to the toilet. Not the most stable situation. Trust me, I know this first hand. I still ain't figured how my toilet seat fasteners got broke... But that is a different story.

I am in crisis. Mid life crisis. I think. I can't be sure because I am not able to indulge in the kinds of activities that indicate such a crisis. Mine will likely involve a Buell Lightning XB12Scg or a Yamaha R1 (Team Blue). After the starter bike of course... But I can't of course do that because...

I am BROKE! Far too much to say on that one. Neither you nor I have that kind of time.

I owe. Far too much. Not because I am a deadbeat. Not because I am bad with money management. I just looked at my credit reports. Not as horrible as I imagined. More stuff settled than not. Why do I owe? See the answer directly above. I owe the state and three cities because I was too broke to pay my traffic fines. Iris and the remaining creditors because I was not able to complete my debt elimination plan due to an unceremonious dumping into the pool of the unemployed in a HORRIBLE economy. Still ain't cured of that disease. The wife, kids and dog because they deserve far better than this.

I am withdrawn. Life threatening illnesses to both parents over the last five years. The shame of those I loved most turning on each other like a pack of jackals as a result. Bullshit. Lies. Jealousy. Theft. etc. At one point I wanted to slay them all, just to stop them. The parents did survive the illnesses. But they have been changed.

I am suspicious. I don't trust anyone the way I used to. I am wondering about folks motivations nowadays. "What if" lives in the front of my mind. Because of this, I had to make the single worst decision of my life. Because of that...

I am torn. In two. I had to decide between my favorite two people in the world. I had to decide who needed me most. I had to let my wife leave an intolerable situation and in turn me because I couldn't leave my mother in a less than favorable situation. Not after her disability. I would have felt no different than if I had driven a large knife through her chest. Sorry. Not on my watch. So...

I worry. About stress and blood pressure. My wife is under great stress because of logistics and the crap surrounding the situation. My mom had two strokes because of very high blood pressure. I got both on me. My blood pressure is due to the stress (a large part anyway) of the whole situation. The worst part being...

I am dependent. On one or both women. Depending on how you look at the situation. That shit eats me alive. Don't pat me on the back for I may shatter from being so hollow. Or I may choke for being so melodramatic!

I am not happy with the choices or the alternatives. And most unhappy with the fact that I have essentially regressed 25 years. I feel 15 again. Helping to take care of mom through her illness while she supports me. Hmmm... I have come full circle. Didn't see that before. I guess there are too many other complications now for me to look from the outside. But yeah. I am back to that. Cancer instead of Stroke. High School instead of Wife and Kids. Puberty instead of Situational Bullshit. To quote Heather Headley "Oh no, here I go again!"

A Contradictory Being

That be me.

I believe in live and let live. Just do that shit away from me. You might intrude on my shit!

I have traditionally been a loner. But recently I have been considering joining several different organizations.

  • The AMA because of my motorcycle infatuation.
  • The NRA because they advocate for my right to carry my death dealer legally. Oops! Did I say Death Dealer? I meant Criminal Deterrent Device.
  • And the one that surprised even me, I have seriously thought about joining a fraternity! Betcha can't guess which one...
I love and respect women to the utmost. But I was almost sorry to see BET: Uncut get cancelled. What can I say? I like to see asses jiggle but don't like bar smoke!

Like most parents, I want to see my children grow an prosper and go out into the world to do things for themselves. But I believe most parents have hard time visualizing such a thing happening. At least I do.

I respect the right and conviction of those who can and DO drive the speed limit, especially on the freeway. I just hate when they exercise their rights and stick to their convictions in front of me! I drive a Mustang gotdammit!!! Get the fukk outta the way! I know I am in the right damn lane! That is still no excuse! Move Yo Ass!!!!

I am all for saving the environment. Except when it affects me twisting the throttle on a bike (future), or me stomping my gas pedal (now). Kinda hard to feel the need for speed with a "green" vehicle.

This is just the tip of the iceberg y'all. I just don't want it to become a book. This of course WILL be continued in (likely) several parts...

Alignment: Revisited

Yep. I think I recently experienced yet another alignment change. I think I have moved into the Neutral Evil sphere of thinking. For those of you who aren't D & D geeks, this particular tidbit may not mean much of anything. If you are completely lost on the whole thing, my previous visit to this subject may explain a bit. Check it out here

If you happen to be an aforementioned geek, or you are just returning from the linked post the your mind may be going a bit. You are probably wondering what priest of which good or neutral god I have slain to push me over the edge. Nothing so dramatic has happened. Yet.

However. My base attitude can most definitely be described as "I truly could give a slow fuck or a hot damn shit!" About most anything these days. My prior shift in attitude basically was me departing from the good citizen arena. This time I am giving the greater good a swift kick in the ass. The greater good. Now that one is a joke. The way I see it, if it ain't good for me then it ain't no good at all. Let someone else worry about that shit! I think I am so low in Maslow's Hierarchy that "Aggressively Selfish" is what you can call the core of my motivations. I plan on using that to my benefit.

Strangely enough, I think I need to be that way. Just to save my sanity.

After a while, I may return to Chaotic Neutral. Then I will read this and laugh.
I may even rediscover Lawful Good, and be motivated to delete this post...
If I have saved my sanity.

Monday, August 27, 2007

New Words Of The Week 6!

1. Remasculate - Just in case you didn't get it right the first time.

2. Ligamortis - Save face any way you can!

3. KIEBLER - J made me do this one!

4. Poochacha - A rose by any other name...

5. Belt Butt - Who? Me?

6. Big Mac - Diva made me do it!

7. Nom De Blog - This means you!

8. Sascrotch - Got comb?

9. Motorcock - Clever...

10. Taurus Excretus - Stinky too!

11. Boob Bucks - You know you done it!

12. Antagoblog - I won't mention any names...

13. One Pump Chump - Betcha met one!

14. Unprotected Sleep - The worst kind!

15. Oreo Effect - I wish somebody would do it now!

Friday, August 24, 2007

A Little Quiz

I got five right. Can you do better? I will post the answers to the quiz soon! This DOES count towards your final grade!

This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers.

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward ?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters " dw" and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S."

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Another Change!

It seems that my cool old layout is no longer available for use. So I must change to something else. May have to use the same thing for both sites... We shall see what I come up with!

Monday, August 20, 2007

New Words Of The Week 5! The Special "Hot" Edition!

Warning. The shyt that follows is nazzty! The Second Sixty-Eight does not advocate such techniques. They are merely offered for your... *ahem*... "education".

1. hot apple pie - Sounds a little painful. But if you need a little dessert...

2. hot buttered cock - May have to try this one though...

3. hot caesar pleaser - When in Rome...

4. Hot Carla - Just when you thought Carl didn't have a friend...

5. Hot Chester - Sometimes you just can't hold it...

6. hot charley - Especially good for those chilly winter days!

7. Hot Gaggle - Yep! Carl with friends!

8. Hot Gideon - Carl going even faster!

9. Hot Hornet - Whoa!!!

10. hot kirby - Beware of funny smells...

11. hot kiss - Ditto!

12. hot kitty - You know how cold natured them women get. This takes care of it!

13. hot smoothie - Self lubing...

14. hot morris - Who among us hasn't done this one?

15. Hot Pineapple Sauce - No thanks! Kool-Aid please!

Hot Sanchez - SMDH...

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Back On Slow

Wow. I just been counting. Not looking good! If you don't include the words of the week posts, I have only put up seven posts in the last two weeks. If not for Barry Bonds, it would have two words of the week posts in a row! But I ain't the only one. I was all ready to do another greatest reads post after I got to 100. But there haven't been that many. I guess I ain't the only one who been on slow. Hmmm... I guess that Atlanta air had an unforeseen effect. Got me some blogstipation it seems.

I guess I will go and surf for some porn. That may be just mindless enough to get my mind working on something more substantive.

Monday, August 13, 2007

New Words Of The Week 4!

1. blogwhore - uh...

2. Blogstipation - Been there! Done that!

3. blogonaut - You know who you are!

4. Bloggerazzi - First! Bytches!!!!

5. blogdouche - And you wonder why I don't allow anonymous commenting!?!

6. holy ghost enema - Can I get an Amen?

7. turn-pussy - I see them ALL the time!

8. Snowbird - LMAO!!! Florida you deserve it!

9. Pedomitzvah - Not to be confused with R.!

10. DSL - Not just for internet access!

11. cyberscort - The surprising thing is, it ain't uncommon!!!!

12. gamble gas - Don't act like you ain't been there before!

13. assweasel - A special kind of brown noser!

14. siamese whoopee cushion - Must only work for white folk...

15. Cincinnati Air-Freshener - Been victim and victimizer!

I done lampooned the bloggers this week! So have a healthy laugh at yaselves! Next week the really disgusting stuff! A sample...

Bonus: Cincinnati Juicebox - After this one juice just ain't the same. Sticking to water from now on...

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

The Record!

Today Barry Lamar Bonds sits atop the record books again. He has surpassed one of baseballs greatest records. He now has more home runs than any player in Major League Baseball history.

Congratulations Barry!

I seem to be in the minority with that statement. Since most people say instead "Cheater Barry!".

Sad really. An achievement that takes a whole career to accomplish gets dirt kicked on it. Because of suspicions. Not that anything was proven mind you. But suspicions. To my admittedly limited understanding (mostly because I just don't really care) Baseball has been testing players for the last five years. If that is true then why do folk still have "suspicions"? How inept do you have to be if you can't catch a drug user after five years of drug tests? Did I say inept? Maybe I should have said willfully blind. Because we all know that is exactly what it is. Only when some record is in question does the whole issue even come to light. And even then only when it is convenient. When McGuire and Sosa were tag teaming balls out of the park, baseball was suffering from a serious identity crisis. Almost to the point of dying as a draw in the United States. But their race was "good for baseball" at the time. Yet Sosa had been suspended before for using a corked bat. And McGuire had all but admitted to "juicing" to Congress (by strategic non-answers).

I ain't one to advocate use of performance enhancers and such. But then again, that ain't important. When the folk who pay the bills take a strong stand against such things, that is when the issue is important. When integrity is more important than money, things may change. Yeah... keep waiting on that!

So today I say congats to you Barry. You managed to do 756 times what 99.95% of the muhfuggas who are talking shit about you couldn't do once.

Let them talk. You just passed Hank Aaron. A bunch of them been talking shit about him for the last 33 years! And they liked him a lot more than they like you.

Monday, August 06, 2007

New Words Of The Week 3!

1. Dink Frump - HUH?

2. man nod - 'Sup!

3. Sixty-eight - I had to do this one!

4. sixty-nine 11 - something interesting to try...

5. Pork Orc - If you work in an office, you done met one!

6. ignoranus - You know you know at LEAST one!

7. Hand Baby - Scary!

8. Hannukah Lewinsky - YEAH!!!!!!

9. magoo - The first definition is the best!

10. plunging the happy hole - Don't act like it don't happen in ya house!

11. Strumpetulance - Cause hoes got a 'tude too!

12. She-Tox - For those who are TOO whipped!

13. Michigan - Tha Dirty Glove!

14. Booty Do - Also known as the Club Special!

15. preferosexual - When Bi just ain't the right term...

Too Damn Sad.

Three young people were killed and one was wounded in a school yard attack in Newark.

Three friends were forced to kneel against a wall behind an elementary school and were shot to death at close range, and a fourth was found about 30 feet away with gunshot and knife wounds to her head

Find the story here.

This here is one more reason to get my CCW. And I think that .45 may be the caliber I settle on. The cops can't save you. They do paperwork and investigation AFTER THE FACT.


Evia Moore was quoted in an Associated Press article today. The shame, the shame. As if being born black and with a dick was not enough on it’s own. Now the national press giving THAT nut some press? I feel set back about 400 years. I don’t know about anyone else…

Thursday, August 02, 2007

My Folks!

Warning:: This is a long ass post!

We arrived in Atlanta a day early for some plans that didn’t happen. So to relieve the boredom we decided to explore a bit. The first instance was the night we arrived in town. The Wife and I brought three teenagers along for the ride. The kids and their cousin. We got to town late in the morning. We checked in, ordered pizza, ate around noon and crashed. I was the first awake at about 5:00 in the evening. We sat around, watched TV and asked them what they wanted to do. Being teenagers, they of course had no opinion. Several recommendations later, nothing. Later on we encouraged one of the girls to go and explore. The other one of course went with her. The boy on the other hand was experiencing heaven (cable tv) and was not about to unvelcro his butt from the bed. Until I spelled it out for him. "BOY! YOUR SISTER AND FEMALE COUSIN ARE LEAVING THE HOTEL WITHOUT YOU! GET YA DAMN SHOES ON AND TAG ALONG!!!!" Of course my next statement to him would have involved what was going to happen in that room in the next 10 minutes whether he was there or not. Fortunately he ain’t THAT dense!

After a spirited christening of another city we decided to take a stroll ourselves. We took a walk around the 2 blocks that contained the MARTA station. Bending the second corner we found the first Atlanta Starbucks. And more shocking to The Wife, we encountered her first bug. We both happened to look down and saw a big ass bug walking across the sidewalk. She let out a little yelp and asked what the hell that was. I sweetly and diplomatically told her "That is what they call a Palmetto Bug down these parts" I wasn’t gonna tell her that was a cockroach until we were far enough away. I wasn’t carrying her ass back to the hotel! Next intersection we see a couple of clubs, and another Starbucks. Bend the corner to head back toward the hotel. I bet you can guess what was on the next corner! I started to wonder how they stayed in business until I noticed the number of expensive German and Japanese sedans roaming the area. By the time I got back to the hotel, I noticed that somehow I managed to walk uphill almost the whole way…

The next day we got the same "I don’t know" answer when I asked them where they wanted to go. So I decided to show them where I went to school there, a million years ago. This had to be the event of the trip. I had been telling my wife I went to school in the middle of the projects and it was right outside of downtown. Those were only slight exaggerations. After the told me to go anywhere I accessed my old memories and headed for West End. New and vigorous downtown gave way to old and scary. They missed the really good part of the adventure because I missed my turns. When I finally emerged it was at West End Mall. I can’t even describe their reactions. Needless to say I was laughing at them for the next hour or so. Pointed out the colleges of the AUC one by one. As I drove by pointing out all of the changes since I had been down there. Then through the hood. They surprised me by wanting to stop at a store. So I did.

It was almost surreal. Hoodies came out of the woodwork. One dude started wiping of the hubcaps to the car, "out of the goodness of his heart". Another walked up asking for 15 cents! Got out of the car with little cuz, because she wanted to stop. I walked in and saw plexiglass as far as the eye would want to see! And old wood paneling! And that is it! I then heard "I’m straight" and I turned around to see her narrow ass getting back in the car. She just left me standing there y’all! We beat a hasty retreat out of there after that! It would have been hastier but I didn’t wanna run over hubcap man who was still working on the wheels! We laughed about that for the rest of the day. I wonder if any of them will leave it up to me to decide again?

The Varsity

Warning:: This is a long ass post!

This little story starts near the end of the meet and greet. My family is known to gather together and hang. And I do mean hang. This particular night was the first full night of the event. And the rooms in which the dinner was held were closed around nine or ten. So a group of us "tweeners" decided to keep the party going. Since the meet and greet only had finger food, folk mentioned the need to deal with their hunger. So the idea that we should go as a group came up. And some wanted to explore for food on foot. I felt this was trouble but kept quiet. I don’t get to hang with them that often so a little (bucket of) sweat was a small price to pay to hang with my favorite cousins. The idea that won was a little stroll to The Varsity. The Varsity is a famous Atlanta drive-in restaurant which serves hot dogs and hamburgers and such. The first problem was that the Atlanta resident in the group lived on the other side of the city. The second problem was that those wanting to walk had just arrived within the prior six hours and hence didn’t know the lay of the land. The third problem involved someone mentioning that it was only three blocks away. I knew better since the wife and I had gotten a day early and had to hunt for food the night before. So we didn’t pay attention to how far it actually was since we turned a few times and were distracted by the driving of the residents. But we knew it was more that three blocks. We just hadn’t realized how far…

In truth the three block walk would turn into a 17 block odyssey. So Me and The Wife, The Prophet, Big P, The Chocit and Banilla Revolutionaries, The Ol’ War Vet, Six, The Fire Man, DJ Beav, and The Ghost Writer headed on out. Now to call the terrain in Atlanta rolling is being charitable. I would have sworn that I needed mountain climbing gear along with my towel. By four blocks we ran across the Checkers which was the nearest food to the hotel. And at that time NO one noticed that we couldn’t see The Varsity even though we were at the top of a hill. I felt like I was dying but it was down hill for quite a ways. Someone asked how much farther by then. Some security guard told us three or four more blocks. Of course we found a grocery store that far down. So a couple of folk decided to hit the ATM while the rest of us stood guard. Shortly after that we ran across a panhandler who wanted a quarter. When he got not joy he said this: "I can’t get a quarter from all of y’all?" Now you would think he would stop right then? Noooo… "A whole bunch of y’all and I can’t even get 25 cents?" Irritating but still ignorable. Then "Just one quarter, and I can’t get it from all of y’all?" At this point I noticed a several folk cut their eyeballs back in his direction. I started counting the number of fists in the party. I wondered aloud if there were enough so that nobody had to use the same hand twice when we counted to 25 on his head. Eventually he got the point.

A few more blocks found us passing a Cheetah’s. At this time Big P attempted to persuade us to stop there instead. To which The Banilla Revolutionary replied "We doing all this walking to get something to eat! And what we gonna eat, you won’t find up in there! Besides I am strictly dickly!" I wasn’t about to argue with her… And then the conversation degenerated into a debate on prosthetic body parts and hair. More to the point if the bubble butted lady in front of Cheetah’s had ass implants.

The next block found us walking toward three wanna-be-gangstas. Gold chains, hip-hop gear, the whole nine. Now the beggar incident was still fresh and they wanted to act like they didn’t see ALL 11 OF US! Again I started counting fists and started doing division… After they passed us they turned the hell around! And they started walking in our direction! I think at that point some of the others were counting fists too! I was just hoping they were lost. For their sakes… They found their way before they caught back up.

The next two blocks found us near where we were going. The Wife had peeped this dude who rode past us twice. He then parked his car like two blocks uphill and got out. He then proceeded to switch his ass downhill for three blocks to a club. There were two open doors in his general direction. Me and The Wife took bets on which was the club he was headed to. She won the bet when the shim who was waiting on him sashayed outta the one she picked. Although the place smelled like an old basement when we went by.

FINALLY! The Varsity! I have to say that I was underwhelmed. There was a grip of folk behind the counter so it had to be a pretty hot spot. Especially on the weekend right? Crowded? Yes. Good? No. Everything seemed puny. Maybe that is why we are so fat in Michigan, too large portions… But the Chicken Finger combo (Onion rings, coke) was almost seven bucks! But it looked more like a chicken toe combo! And the hot dog that we thought was a chili dog actually had hamburger meat on it. And it was far too small for $1.70.

We left there and started to decide if we were gonna walk or ride back to the hotel. The riders won that vote! But the ones who wanted a drink won first! So we crossed the street and shared a couple of big ass beers and saw some fashion mistakes that kept us entertained. Ran into a waitress from Detroit who had managed the club where Six tended bar back in the day. Saw a street dude who was also from Detroit. You know those dudes who are really smart but look messed up as hell? Then we saw a dude who looked like he escaped from an Ivy League pub or something. You know the kind who have the sweater hanging over their backs with the sleeves tied around the neck? Did I mention that it was about 90 degrees at the time? And he didn’t match? And there was one chick who was wearing this crocheted dress that wasn’t the right size? Looked like someone had knitted a cozy for a pickle barrel. And we saw that same damn outfit at the African Art Festival the next day!

After the beer we stalked this cab driver who pulled up to the gas station across the street. We piled in and I nearly choked when he put the $12 on the meter before we even started. I guess we had six or so folk over the minimum. Then we all felt stupid as hell when he turned the corner toward the hotel because there was a damn friggin MARTA station sitting right on the corner! We could have saved all of that walking, the cab ride AND got the obligatory MARTA Train rides in at the same time! Drinking and walking don’t mix.

Porch Monkeying And Such...

Warning:: This is a long ass post!

This little story starts near the end of the reunion dinner. My family is known to gather together and hang. And I do mean hang. This particular night was the last full night of the event. And the rooms in which the dinner was held were closed around nine or ten. So a group of us "tweeners" decided to keep the party going. One cousin, The Prophet, had a bottle of wine he had been saving for a special occasion. Another cousin, Big P, had this gigantic bottle of Parrot Bay. So we all decided to transfer to the hotel courtyard for a little drinking and a lot of story telling. So we gathered the crew, the Chocit and Banilla revolutionaries, The Ol’ War Vet, Babyface, Twin Lady and Six. Yeah, yeah, I know we sound like the Justice League or something, but the names had to be changed to protect…something…

Anyhow, it was a little rainy outdoors at the time. And there was a porch that led to the courtyard. So there we went. The nine of us, respectfully, congregated at the far side of the entrance and had us some more drinks. And some stories. A lot of stories. A bag of Crown Royal and a bag of ice came out with Cousin Slim. A couple of aunts and uncles joined. And I had another drink.

By this time the talk of the Detroit-Atlanta People Mover kicked into high gear. So we decided to stroll across the street and jump on the MARTA around midnight. I have to say that it is interesting to see a bunch of half drunken 30 and 40 somethings on the move all wearing the same t-shirt. Then there was a great debate as to how to use the fare dispensers. The proper buttons were pushed and the associated monies paid. Off to the trains!

The cousin in Atlanta mentioned that the trains stopped running around 1:00. So we didn’t have a lot of time. We waited for about five minutes for the train. We hopped on and rode the five stations to Five Points Station. There we jumped off for the ride back. While in the station I noticed that we had quite a bit of time left and asked if they wanted to explore the station or take another train in a different direction. Then somebody noticed that the escalator was broken. So I went to find another one. Nobody followed. So I went back to the group and got on the next train back to where we came from. This train car however smelled like it had just pulled out from the Atlanta Zoo. So thankfully it was a short ride back to where we started.

Out of the station and into the bar across the street. That was an interesting place since it was the first bar that didn’t really have a set closing time. I have to say that was the cheapest bar run I have ever made. We all drank a shot with this guy who was fancying the t-shirts. All those shots he bought and still didn’t get the shirt… Was tasty though. Wish I could remember what it was called. But the $1 Rolling Rock made my day! Although we didn’t get him a shirt we did try to explain family relations and what they mean. I have to admit it is some hard to lock on subject matter when you have been drinking and you don’t have visual aids. I wonder if he remembers any of those explanations…

Out of the bar area and into their smoking area to join the smokers in the crowd. I guess we were having too much fun because one dude just came right up and joined us. I suppose the folk of less color were less colorful personalitywise also. Now I don’t know how they do where you come from, but where I come from party crashers are likely to get that ass spanked. And not in a fun way… But we were feeling rather peaceful so we let him entertain us. And he did. By trying to hit on Big P on the sly. Didn’t go over well but it wasn’t like we didn’t suspect such a thing to happen in Atlanta! After that we all crashed out and prepared for the long treks back across the You-Ess-Of-Ay!

Man B.

Did y'all see the sound byte from the press conference when Mz. Spice and Mz. Allred declared war on Donkey Norbit? Mel B. totally sounded like a dude. Her damn voice was deeper than mine! That child is gonna grow up so confused. A mother that looks like a mom and sounds like a dad. And a dad who looks like a donkey and sounds like a dad. They didn't call her ass Scary Spice for nothin! I couldn't have hit that in the dark. Cause if she said something in the dark I would have to jump the hell up and land on the light switch. Have me wondering what dude got into the room when I wasn't looking. Hmm... I will have to include earplugs in any future fantasies that she may star in.