Special Guest Blogger Alert!!!!!

Sagittarius (The Archer) 22 Nov - 21 Dec
Positive: Sensual, inspiring, spiritual, very happy, open and honest, doesn't hold grudges, full of enthusiasm, sees the best in others.
Negative: Fears responsibility, impatient, a risk taker and gambler at heart, argumentative, has a lack of commitment, they believe in their talents and are highly disapproving of those who don't.

It's that time again folks. I'm back with another one!

Happy Birthday D-Money AKA Taz



Isn't this just the cutest little thing you ever saw? (just don't tell him that) When he got to the end, he proudly announced to all "I didn't drop it!!!"
















This is one of him and Old TSSE splashing in the pool during a Kings Island trip. Note the death grip on the life preserver...




















This is my favorite elementary school picture. Now that I think about it, this is the only good one I have. He chose to make funny faces in the rest of them...















This is the proud youngster showing that he got first place in the science fair! He should have, I worked damn hard on the project!!!! (Please ignore the ashy hands, I try but...)















Mr. Suave at his middle school graduation. Can't wait to see what he wants to wear for his REAL (a.k.a high school) graduation!
Huh? Wha? Who else is that you say? Oh, that is me...

Favorite Story: As you may know, kids can be a challenge at times. As Hubby says, "Kids are good for two things, torment and entertainment!" This particular day SOMEBODY (I won't name him but there are several pictures...) was not being very entertaining. He was losing his mind for some reason and neglected to clean his room after the fifth reminder. So I got fed up and sent him to his room to get it cleaned! He had his radio on to help him through the project. Being something of a music lover, he tended to sing along quite often. Not knowing the lyrics never stopped him. I was headed to see how much cleaning hadn't happened up to this point. I noticed Lady Marmalade was on the radio. I kinda got into it. All of a sudden this little ashy brown creature in tighty whities leaps out of the room. He starts twitching like he was being electrocuted (dancing?) and promptly yells "ITCHY ITCHY YA BA DA DUH!!!!!" I was pretty much done for the day after that.

Another Favorite Story: Yet another day D'Angelo was being a little less than entertaining. In fact I thought he had lost his damn rabbit ass mind! Frustrated to the point of exploding, I decided to act. I figured I would try a "non traditional" method of discipline. So I said, "All right D'Angelo, that's it! YOU GOING INTO TIME OUT!!!" He stopped and looked up at me. Then he said in the cutest little four year old voice "Time out for what mommy?" I was done then too! Obviously the time out don't work...

Happy 18th Birthday D'Angelo!!!!

A Profile Ain't Just A Side View

Oh yeah. Funny incident of the month. Me, my son and a cousin were riding bikes to the store to grab some groceries. On the way back we got profiled. It was kinda slick how the cops did it too. I mean these two ain't the best riding partners since I frequently had to look for them to see where they were. And as usual with the black male of 17 years vintage, they had great difficulty with taking things seriously. Now I am riding at a slow but steady pace. These two fools are every damn where but with me. On the sidewalk, then across the street to the other sidewalk, bumping each other, half a block back, a whole block back. Generally acting asses. I mentioned that particular thing to them when we got to the store.

On the way back, the started the same bullshit again. I pretended not to notice that they were doing it and had decided to quit wasting time waiting for them since they were obviously in play mode. I had seen the cop in his patrol car but pretty much ignored the fact that he was there. Except when I made my own rapid crossover from the wrong side of the street to the right one. I promptly forgot about him when I ran through the hole in the street. I was distracted by the musical tones coming out of my spokes, never heard that before.

I turn the corner and get my stroke on so I could get home and eat. Next thing I know a squad car rides up next to me slowly. My first thought was to be annoyed, I am sure it showed on my face. I wondered what the hell I did wrong. Then he said "Excuse me, are those guys on the bikes bothering you?" I think my face also betrayed the shock I felt. My response, "Bothering me?" I looked back to make sure who he was talking about. "No, they are not bothering me. They are SUPPOSED to be riding up here WITH ME!" I guess he was a little satisfied with that since he said "Okay, I was just checking." Not to be rude, I said, "Thank you officer! You have a good one!"

At this point I am DYING inside with laughter! They caught up after he pulled off. "What did he want?" Trying my best to (unsuccessfully) contain my bemusement I told them, "Um... he just wanted to know if you two were harassing me..." The looks on their faces were priceless! I almost fell off my bike laughing. "Now do you think the two of you could keep up before we all get arrested up out in here for riding while tanned?" So we hit the next two turns and hit the home stretch. I look around and see two bikes riding away from me. One in the park to the left, the other into the park to the right. You'd think they would have learned. So I turn my had toward home and focus on timing the traffic light so I don't have to stop. I notice that the cop who rode up to me was just turning that corner up ahead. Then I hear ANOTHER cop car! This one toggles the siren switch. You know the way they do to make that noise to get your attention. My head quickly turns with a REALLY annoyed look on my face. He keeps going by. I get to the light and lil' cuz catches up. He is mumbling something hateful and violent about cops. I tell him to cool his jets, it ain't worth the blood pressure spike. He then tells me that the second cop with the siren had slowed down to give him the "I'm watching you" signal. This kinda pissed me off a touch and made me laugh a little. My reply to him was, "Shit, don't worry yourself over it, neither of those cops was Black OR Jewish, they are the ones who look out of place around here! Now do you think you could keep up now?"

Got home and relayed the story to the ladies and we had a pretty good laugh about it. Especially after I thought about it and mentioned that the way they were riding, they did look like they were out there fucking with people. I couldn't resist adding a moral to that story...

Captain's Log: Supplemental

Well, here I am for my obligatory twice a month posting.
Okay...
Kidding really.

Just ain't been able to write much lately. I guess I feel guilty that the time spent should be used chasing paper that seems nonexistent to me personally. I don't even spend as much time on Facebook. And I did that largely to chat jack you all and my family and friends. But you didn't come here to hear about my economic troubles. And I didn't come here to write about them. Plenty has been said about that as it is.

My campaign to "retake the bridge" as outlined in my last post has netted good results. Some underlying issues still have to be ironed out. The youngin's are still struggling with coming of age and being under the roof at the same time. But as usual, that means they are struggling with desires against requirements. Sucks for them. I will not be deterred. I do what I do to improve things. If they feel a bit of discomfort, then they are likely one of the hurdles to improvement. Mostly to themselves or the group as a whole. Time runs short to whip them into shape. The bulk of the work has been done. But the devil is in the details they say. It is the details that are causing the problems.

The fact that one could give a shit saddens me greatly. He will be 18 in less than 30 days. He could not tell me what his plans for his future are. This nearly had me in tears. A manchild born with brown skin in the United States who in 2009 just rolls with whatever anyone decides for him while on the cusp on the adulthood. Tragedy just doesn't even begin to describe this situation. He is taking a voc-tec program where he has changed direction twice since Labor Day. Yet he says that it is what he REALLY wants to do. Yet he has not convinced me. I am starting to think he is wasting his time in the program. I am tempted to have him removed and back to his regular school full time to ensure that he graduates on time. But I don't know if it would be the right thing to do because I just don't know where he is trying to get to. And he either can't tell me, or he won't. That and his discovery of the female type (too soon for him I think!) has taken a strange and possibly disturbing twist. Since these kids only listen to what they want to hear, he has taken half of the advice given him. He got this thing about being a one woman man, yet they come and go so fast that we can't keep track. I told him that getting serious was the last thing he needed in his life right now, for several good reasons. I mentioned that he should have five at the same time and not get too deeply involved until he figured out what he really wanted. His interpretation is that he should have five in a row and try to get deeply involved, until they showed tendencies toward insanity. I think he really missed the point on that one. Oh well, I just hope he is on his own before he encounters the crazy stalker one. I would hate to have to pull my belt off and whoop somebody eles's daughter's ass because she did that Jasmine Sullivan shit on MY car!

The other one has some strange space issues. More important, if somebody ain't using it RIGHT NOW then it is okay for her to do what she will. NOT okay since the inherent laziness means that places on the property, in and out, end up being dumping grounds for her half assedness. She has an uncanny knack for uttering "I don't see what the problem is". This is in response to things such as:

• Bringing home strays, human and animal.
• "Cleaning" by shifting shit from one place to another.
• Ignoring blatantly obvious yard issues.
• Mistreatment of the dog.
• Her own part in FUBAR situations.
• Lightfingering other people's shit.

Okay, let's just say it is a catchall for her just being irresponsible. For instance, yesterday I put them both on the path to refurbishing the property in general. I mentioned a bag of yard waste. This bag of yard waste had busted because my kids insisted on throwing the dirt away. I told them NOT TO throw the dirt in the bag because only the green stuff needed to be removed. Instead of dumping the dirt back into the flower bed, THEY decided to press on as before. The yard waste never got picked up because the bag was too heavy. The chose to ignore me again when I told them to unload the bag and return ONLY the green stuff to the bag, it would get picked up then. They didn't, it rained, they finally tried to move it, the bag broke, they tried to pretend they didn't see the mess, I tripped. Now the bag in question, still full of dirt, made it as far as the driveway next to the house. It is still there. All the green done dried up and is probably compost now. Somehow they can't figure out how to move apparently. In spite of me giving pretty detailed instructions, several times, that a shovel and walking would be involved. But now the dry season has worn off. So the dirt is gonna get heavier and heavier the more it rains. ALL of this I explained to the both of them yesterday. I did this because she said "I don't see why it is a problem. It has been sitting there all this time. Nobody can see it." The paragraph above is PART of my response. The short version of the rest was that she must be a blind ass idiot to even think to tell such an obvious lie.

Sigh... I could write a book on each of them. But to be honest, I am just too damn lazy. Especially since I would feel obligated to write on about my own issues, just to be fair. And I just ain't got the time or energy or desire to write those three books.

Captain's Log: Stardate 55177.4

7:19 a.m.
I have been awake one hour and nineteen minutes.
And I am pissed.
Why?
Lemme see...

• Awakened @ 6:00 a.m. by multiple alarms
  
• Attempted to page teenagers on lower level
• Lower level phone dead
• Swore aloud since I made a point of mentioning that said phone should get charged the day before
• Got out of my comfy bed
• Walked down stairs
• Searched for first body to awaken
• Found previously mentioned body awake in bathroom
• Asked myself WTF am I doing up then?
• Left instructions to first body to make sure the other two bodies get the hell up
• Banged on door to interrupt the slumber of bodies two and three.
• Escaped lower level, but only after noticing(ONE MORE TIME!) that them trifling muthafuckas need to get their cleaning game on.
• Returned to upper level to contemplate life and other such things while attending to blog comments and e-mail.
• Got fed up that dog had been whining for several minutes with no action being taken.
• Asked body number one WHY dog has been whining for several minutes WITH NO ACTION BEING TAKEN?!?!? wait... Imma give you the long version...


• "Um... Sir?"
• "Yeah?"
• "Whatchu doin'?"
• "Huh?"
• "What are you doing?"
• "Waitin' for my clothes to dry"
• "Waiting... While you are supposed to be getting dressed?"
• "Yeah"
• "Wouldn't it have been more intelligent to dry them YESTERDAY?"
• "..."
• "Hello?"
• "Yeah, it would have"
• "So why are you waiting NOW?"
• "Actually I am trying to get the wrinkles out"
• "Uh, huh..." Actually this was me resisting the urge to go into a long discourse about the merits of using an iron... But not to get distracted from my mission...
• "So you are doing nothing then"
• "Um... yeah"
• "Really?"
• "That and listening to the dog whine"
• "Listening to the dog whine..."
• "Yeah"
• "And you think this is a good thing to be doing right at this moment?"
• "He be whining for no reason!!!"
• "Really?"
• "Yeah, you know..."
• "When has he been out last?"
• "I don't know"
• "You don't know?"
• "Yeah"
• "You don't know, yet you feel justified in saying that he is whining for no reason?"
• "Um..."
• "For that matter, are his bowls full?"
• "He just got done eating and stuff!"
• I sigh heavily and a moment later I hear a "chink" and then a large white blur thunders up the stairs at me. I open the door to his "bathroom".
• "Um... Are y'all using the car today?"
• "The car?"
• "Yeah"
• "Why?"
• "I wanted y'all to drop me off and pick me up from school?"
• "Really? What's wrong with the bike?"
• "Nothing, my legs hurt"
• "Your legs...?" Translation: from laying around on your ass?
• "Hmm... We'll see..." Translation: You still laying on ya ass 15 minutes before you are supposed to leave, I am gonna do the dishes Y'ALL didn't do last night (while you are at school), I cooked last night, the garbage ain't out (today is garbage day), you been ignoring the dog, AND I gotta constantly pretty much get off in ya grill to get shit done. Yet YOU want ME to chauffer ya ass around? HMPH! (The only reason I even considered it was because there was a bit of chill in the air this morning...)
• "While you are standing around, why don't you make sure the other two are up!"
• "OK" He schleps over to the door and taps lightly
• "Do you think you could actually knock on the door?" He knocks harder. Then again like he actually means it.
• From inside the door comes "YEAH?!?"
• To which I replied "GET YA DAMN ASSES THE HELL UP OUTTA BED. THE FUCK YOU WAITING FOR?" it is 6:45 by now...
  
• I also notice that the lock is missing from the garage.
• Go outside and see that the bag that didn't make it out to the curb last week is still sitting busted in the garage.
• Garbage IN the house is still in the house
• Dishes ain't done yet they ate for the last two days because I cooked!
• Went to see about my sick wife and here he comes with the car shit again!
• This of course set her off since the car is messed up and costs money that needs to be put in the rent. The sheer selfishness of the request had her in tears.
• AND she went downstairs (very rare) looking for something and was disgusted with the condition of the basement.

Needless to say, there will be me and hell to pay. Been kicking back too long not making waves. Since I ain't been contributing to the finances as I would like to be, I let her steer the ship since she got the wind up in the sails. But it is time for me to take command again. This ship needs her captain. Not saying that Spock is not an effective captain. But he ain't no Kirk. Wifey got the Bitch gene just fine. But command requires the Asshole gene. I got that. That is what command requires. As wifey, and the neighbor lady with the out of control kids, can attest, the Bitch gene is not enough.

p.s. For those Star Trek purists who would dispute my use of the Stardate in the title, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME! If you however are curious as to where it came from... HERE!

SMDH!

I don't know about y'all. But I am convinced that this dude is straight crazy! And definitely disrespectful!!!

Um... Okay.

I must have awaken today in Bizarro world. Why you ask?



I daresay Rhianna betta watch her back! When aged where are they now celebs with huge racks and accents as thick as molasses start performing her stuff onstage, she might be in trouble.

Shit, I gotta start watching the damn Jerry Lewis Telethon again! That was strangely entertaining!

Who knew Charo wanted to be a pop star?

A Song For Nikki...

I told myself that after the post below, I would raise the flag back to the top of the pole again. Public expressions of mourning shouldn't last forever. And I need to take that private anyway. Already I lied to myself and am posting one more than I told myself I would. (this one)

Tomorrow it is back to the usual blogging and facebook stuff. New post, new status update, different tone and focus. Of course I will still be available should someone need me to get something off their chest. And there is a little bit of smurfy that needs resmurfing.

In short I will go on. But a little closer to a few because of a shared loss. And I shall add one more to my list of remembrances. And I am thankful for them all. I will probably speak on all that in more detail after now.

But there real reason for this post is a song dedication. It may be corny or cliche'. And if for one moment you think that matters, then obviously you have forgotten where you are, the title of this blog AND/OR the dude who authors it! I have been singing this song in part or whole all damn day (which started @ 3:30 this morn nap not withstanding). Since I didn't want to insult your souls by recording that caterwauling, I will let the professionals do their jobs.

Blog Jacking: Nikki - The Memorial Edition

I have been known to jack a post or two in my time. Usually to reedit one done by someone else to "improve" the experience. All done in fun of course. Particularly to honor the blogger in question. This time is no exception. At least the reason for doing it is the same. However this time I will jack the entire post and put it out there without "enhancements". This post is one of many that were hilarious, though provoking, wildly entertaining and the creations of a very talented (and slightly burnt out) mind.

This particular post was one of my favorites. I linked it in one of my old "Best Of" posts. After this I couldn't get enough of that kooky, wise, gifted, (insert 10 - 12 other adjectives here) blogger known as Nikki Indigo. From then my obsession our relationship grew and she would be in my world forever more!
And... (in her words) "it started off harmless enough, really."

I dedicate this bit of blogger love to you Nikki, on the day or your memorial.

Friday, April 27, 2007

crotchless panties

*sigh*

it's time...

i've put the dirty deed off long enough.

i was ready to squeeze one more week out of them, but it's become painfully obvious i can no longer wait.

it started this morning when i reached down to scratch my pubic area. it was itching as the pubic area is wont to do and i quickly sought to end the discomfort, so i reached under my miniskirt with the intent on scratching hard to compensate for the cotton covering the area.

imagine my surprise when instead of scratching through cotton my fingers came into immediate contact with short, coarse hair. for a minute there i wasn't even paying attention. it wasn't until i attempted to pull my hand from beneath my skirt and snagged one of my unmanicured fingernails in the hair on my crotch that i realized there was no cotton there. incredulous, i lifted my skirt and looked down to make sure i had on underwear (uh, sometimes mornings can be hectic...)

i had on underwear alright, or what was left of a pair of undies i'm sure i'd owned since college. the cotton dangled despondently like cheap lace from the edges of a gaping hole that framed my vagina like a cunt cameo. SHIT. when i'd grabbed them from the shelf this morning they looked wearable...a bit gray and threadbare but wearable. now, as i sit here at my desk i realize just how tattered they really are. the elastic is drooping like drunken lips around my waist, slovenly hugging my hips like an inebriated lover groping for me in the dark. there are other smaller holes everywhere along with a faded bruise 'the crimson bitch' left from one of her visits sometime during clinton's first administration.

not a good look.

time to toss these panties in the trash.

but i need help, because i just can't seem to part with THESE panties. it's like if i throw them away somewhere an angel loses her wings or a bag of puppies is tossed into a lake. on the days i know i'm wearing them, i pray i'm not in an accident or collapse in public so i won't have to show my rag-covered ass to the masses. i've put them to the side numerous times, mentally making note to toss these bad boys out.

so why can't i get RID of them?!?

maybe i've got some kind of attachment issues. maybe this is my version of the security blanket. maybe i wanna fool myself into believing my ass is still the same size it was when i was in college (while completely overlooking the fact that the material is so stretched out i could wrap my couch in it).

or maybe, deep down inside, i'm using them as a weapon against bad dick. i mean, the power of these panties to shrivel a dick is a sigh to behold. it's like watching a person crumble to the ground after being shot in the chest.

either way, something's got to give. any suggestions?