Monday, December 31, 2007

Freebie Day

Yesterday was a fortune kissed day, I guess. My wife was a little disappointed that the usual rib roast that is the center piece of one of the two holiday dinners wasn't happening this time around. Tightened budget and $10.59 per pound put that plan on the back burner. Until... We popped into our favorite store. A little shopping for the celebrations for the new year. We end up in the meat section. She was determined to have some kind of steak before we started the drinking. So the plan was for chuck steaks instead. On sale at $2.20 per pound made it not a bad plan. But lo and behold. What did we find in the midst of the beef? A 3.5 pound rib roast that was $6.99 per pound. She found her roast for less than $23. Don't try doing the math at this point. I know the numbers are off... The only problem was that the wrapping had experienced some damage. Sooooooo.... (stay with me here) She caught the nearest butcher department worker who promptly dropped two packages of center cut pork chops in the cart. She then asked him to REWRAP the roast for purchase and transport. After he walked off she asked if I had ordered center cuts. I looked at her as if she was mad since I was checking out the $1 per pound pork shoulder at the time. For those of you who ain't been paying attention, I am frugal. So center cut chops are not something that I would think to grab with out a really good sale price. So we figured that he wasn't too swift or that all black folk look alike to him. He comes back with the roast in hand, rewrapped and with a new label and an explanation. NEW LABEL I SAID! Why did he go and reweigh and all that when he just needed another layer of plastic wrap? The new label of course had a price that was around $31. So after The Wife kindly told him that the price was wrong, the began to explain to the other butcher what happened. Apparently not only was the price per pound different, but the weight was also different. By a whole pound. Now both of these guys must be new since in Michigan is the product is sold at the posted price if the customer finds it that way. Correct price or not. They had to call the manager. He told them to find the old price tag and hand it over.

THEN we go to KFC for a little Hot Wing action since they are only available for a limited time. We make our order. We are told that there would be a wait. We didn't mind the wait since that meant fresh food. We were offered free drinks while we waited. Cool! Of course there is an overbearing manager in the place or there wouldn't be a story. She of course did her overbearing thing and screwed up. Another couple came in right around the time our wings were done and ordered, you guessed it, Hot Wings. What did overbearing manager do? Gave them our damn chicken instead of filling our order first. She was promptly informed of her error by the person who was SUPPOSED to be working that register. Which led us to taking bets on what was gonna happen next. They were of course short for our order. So they offered us those nasty ass honey barbecue wings. That almost got some shyt started. Instead they got their heads outta their asses and gave us six crispy strips and four biscuits to make up for the missing six hot wings. We decided not to trip and run off with our additional good fortune. Of course we did notice that they sent he black kid out to deal with us. He was the only one who didn't help us before. Go figger!

THEN we found the bottles of wine that we have been searching for over a year to drink. Even better they were 2 for 1!

Okay it all wasn't free. But it might as well have been.

You know what else. I didn't have jack shit to talk about today. That is why you all had to read this book.

Love Ya Babies! Have a Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!

We will have to compare inebriation stories next year!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The Christmas Cheer

I found it in two dogs yesterday. Kurn (my dog) did his best 7 year old on Christmas morning bit when my nephew gave him a gift. There was an old love seat in the house. It saw it's last day here and was thrown out. My nephew decided to save the pillows. He gave them to my dog. Talk about happy. He tried to climb on them, sniff them, move them and run around them all at the same time. I guess he realized that he needed to decide and laid down. I don't know if he was happier because he gets to lay six inches above the floor, doesn't have to lay on the floor or because he doesn't have to get in trouble for stealing folks clothes and laying on them. Although I think that old habits die hard. The minute he was free and alone, he stole somebody's shirt and put it on the pillow.

Speedy is my SIL's spoiled dog. I think he was the one who cleaned up best. I saw no less than five new toys. And he ain't much bigger than my shoe. Aside from the now too many choices to chew up and the fact that there was company, he had a favorite toy. There was this funny looking orange and white penguin that made noise. It was a strange noise that was a cross between a moan and a fart. But this set Speedy off. To the point that he ran around the house shaking this little thing like it personally cursed all of his ancestors and then scheduled him for neuter surgery while changing his canned food to dry.

Too funny that...

Friday, December 21, 2007

Dog Madness

My dog is a nut. But I think he is learning. I think he realizes that he likes eating and drinking more than he likes using my wood floor for a commode. In fact to prove that point, this morning he was laying asleep in the same spot that his pizzle usually pools up in the floor. And no surprise "foot mines" to walk on either! I was ecstatic! After I persuaded him to stop wasting time licking snow instead of using the out of doors time for bath rooming, he got a nice cold drink of already liquid refreshment. If he keeps this up he may stop getting skinny too! Now if I can only get him to understand that six feet is not enough room to run, then we will be making real progress. Or for that matter get him to understand a simple equation, my leash arm hurting from crazy dog running while attached = steel toed snow boot up the ass.

You think he would learn...

I didn't have these problems during the spring, summer or most of the autumn...

Tha Old Hood

I was puttering around checking real estate prices. I happened on a spot that mentioned the prices of recent sales. So I checked the old neighborhood. Found three things interesting. My two closest neighbors houses sold recently. The one next door went for a nice price. And then sold again for a significantly smaller price shortly after. The neighbor behind me sold his too. For about a third less than it was on the market for when I was there. And my old house finally sold too. For $9,000 less than I sold it for myself! And mine was an "impending foreclosure, take what you can get, we're doing you a favor" kinda sale. And it needed a roof bad! The house behind mine sold for $7,000 more than mine did three years ago. But that was still $33,000 less than the last asking price I saw. Wow. Of course the downer is that the house next door is no longer owned by Mr. P. Wonder where he is now. May have to find his son, who lives on my cousin's block, and see.

Today is the day to appreciate those blessings that you didn't know you had.

The Bush That Stole Crimmus

I am feeling a bit less ill today. So I will return to my usual illness, already in progress...

G.eorge B.ush done stole Christmas!!!! I say this because I was out walking the dog last night, and noticed three pitiful displays of Christmas lights. This may not have been much to think about but for three things. One, that was for the WHOLE block! Two, they were (indoor) lights in windows only! It was five days before Christmas!!! I mean that would have been fine for the day after Thanksgiving, but this close? The spirit ain't going around either. Maybe it is just me, but I ain't feeling it. Nobody I know is feeling it. And it seems that even the advertising is a bit less than usual. Or is it just me? 10 months is far too long just for a glimmer of hope...

From The Voice Recorder...

This next post comes from the mind of an ill individual. Of course some of you would contend that it is my natural state. I won't argue the point. Could get quite embarrassing to be wrong and lose an argument that is supposed to prove you sane!

What follows are thoughts mumbled into a voice recorder by a man in a dark place.

It’s hard to be misunderstood, for the greater good
It’s easy to misunderstand, when you don’t understand what it is
In this case the greater good is what’s best for everybody else in the long run
Although it is really not best for me
Long run or short run
I sacrifice because, well, that’s what I do
For that greater good
I stick myself in the line of fire of resentment
from many
For various reasons
Because I promote that greater good
Over the desires of right now
The good for now versus the good for later
That overreaching thing that will bind everyone together is not what’s understood
It’s just what is now that is desired
It is what is now that’s only important to those I am in the line of fire of
At this point, I am not even sure that I understand what it’s worth is
I’m not really even sure if it is worth it
To me
Or to them
I stand in the breech, hoping to forestall an attack on those behind me
But they don’t understand
Or they don’t care
Or maybe it is just that I don’t understand
And they maybe do more than I do
Probably should just step on
Get out of the way
And find my own fate
Find my own understanding
Find my own way
Maybe the whole time, what I have been doing has been fruitless
And unworthy
Only time will tell for sure
But maybe it is time for me to stop
And find my own path

Of course, I blame the pharmaceuticals for this...

Monday, December 17, 2007


I am sick as hell. Niagara Falls has seemed to relocate to somewhere in my nasal passages. The sneezing is downright painful. Feels like I have a firecracker exploding in my head in triplicate. I may or may not show my face before Friday. Now where is that damn order form for Nana's soup?

Harry Mania!

Finally got my Harry Potter fix this year! I managed to finally see the fifth film and read the seventh book this weekend. Both good! With a nice few little surprises in the book!

Also, I Am Legend was off the hook. At least that is my own humble point of view. I gave it a 9 out of 10. But only because I didn't like the way it ended. But not every story ends like you want it to. It just ends the way it does...

Friday, December 14, 2007

The Old Sleaze Test

How sleazy are you? Aw hell, who am I foolin'? Y'all are a bunch of escapees from Old Rome. Y'all done did some shyt in ya lives! I know it, you know it. So spill it... Here it is! The good old Sleaze Test!

The rules are as follows...

This is fun to do. Just read the 'offense' and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each 'offense' and add up your total fine. Title your comment 'My Bail is $........'
You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine. Of course if you wanna share, I don't mind reading about your debauchery...

Smoked pot -- $10

Did acid -- $5

Ever had sex at church -- $25

Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you-- $40

Had sex with someone on My Space -- $25

Had sex for money -- $100

Ever had sex with the a Puerto Rican -- $20

Vandalized something -- $20

Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10

Beat up someone -- $20

Been jumped -- $10

Crossed dressed -- $10

Given money to stripper -- $25

Been in love with a stripper -- $20

Kissed some one who's name you didn't know --$10

Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15

Ever drive drunk -- $20

Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50

Used toys while having sex -- $30

Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20

Went skinny dipping -- $5

Had sex in a pool -- $20

Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10

Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20

Cheated on your significant other -- $10

Masturbated -- $10

Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20

Done oral -- $5

Got oral -- $5

Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25

Stole something -- $10

Had sex with someone in jail -- $25

Made a nasty home video -- $15

Had a threesome -- $50

Had sex in the wild -- $20

Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25

Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20

Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20

Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25

Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50

Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25

Went streaking -- $5

Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15

Been arrested -- $5

Spent time in jail -- $15

Peed in the pool -- $0.50

Played spin the bottle -- $5

Done something you regret -- $20

Had sex with your best friend >-- $20

Had sex with someone you work with at work --$25

Had anal sex -- $80

Lied to your mate -- $5

Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

OK , now tally up your answers, and post them in the comment section!

I thought of making this a tag, but the wave of volunteering seems to have come over folk. So I leave you on your honor.

But I will tag folk if I need to! So fess up!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Mmmm.... Piiiieeee....

I baked pie y'all! See...

The story on these are that it was supposed to be a simple single pie to test the concept. Well. I went and bought 10 huge apples. Huge meaning roughly softball size. I peeled six of them before I started slicing them. I realized that only about half would fit in a deep dish Pet-Ritz (okay it was Meijer brand) pie shell. Yeah I cheated. So what? Anyway, too many apples. I finished assembling the innards of the first (the ugly one) pie. I attempted to top it with the second shell from the pack. That didn't go over too well. Turns out I let it thaw too much while it was in the pan. Okay, on to plan B. Kinda sucked because plan A allowed me to be lazy and not make pie crusts. What you gonna do? So I solved the sticky pie shell and over abundance of cut apple problems by making a second (the pretty one) pie! Of course I needed to break out the mixing bowls and such because there ain't nothing sadder than a topless fruit pie. Sooooooo... I got out the cookbook and got to mixing. This resulted in my first pie crust. I bet you can guess which pie that one went on! Since I the whole experiment was an exercise in learning, I learned that the recipe in the book makes one dry ass crust. So I improvised on the second. And of course pretty pie was the result. In fact that crust rolled out so nice that I had a bunch of extra dough. So of course I used them. Like I said, too much Food Network!

Things I learned.

  1. The book ain't a better cook than me.
  2. Bake longer, apples get softer.
  3. I watch too much damn Food Network (I am blaming The Wife for that!)
  4. I CAN DO PIE!
  5. Da hell with Pet-Ritz!
  6. Butter makes it better.
  7. Da next time I will tackle the butter crust! Of course that may make it taste so freakin' good that I will be tempted to "American Pie" the damn thing instead of eating it out!
Next up, solving the logistics of the Cookie Christmas Gifts! You know how many, what varieties, to whom?

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Gettin' Better

I seem to be getting better y'all. I actually managed to read everybody in my link list in one day! Whew! I am tired... But I had to come by and at least lurk if not actually leave a comment. Of course you know I can't resist leaving one. This time I read from the bottom up. That way them damn bubbles didn't keep me away from the rest of ya! Which of course saved miss Diva and Six for last!

I seem to be going link crazy because there are two new link lists that were not there a month ago. The recommended reads were the ones from you guys. The M.I.A. are the ones who are somewhat behind in their posting. Not that I don't understand that. I was a little behind myself. But hey, folk get busy. So I have moved them to a different place of honor. See y'all when you get back to it!

I think I also may have found a new entry for my next greatest posts post. I may have to go and dig into folks histories a little more...


Saturday, December 08, 2007

Da Hell?

Why do you nutcases out there in bloggerworld post a link to ya damn Myspace page and then set ya fukkin' profile to private? That is like walking up to somebody and telling them you got a secret and then walking the hell away! I see I ain't they craziest nut in this Snickers bar!

Since when did being homeless turn into a job? I ain't saying that folk don't have problems. But when I see the same grimy hand at the same damn joints for two damn years, I consider that something of an issue.

2 girls 1 cup. Curiosity can be such a dangerous thing! Now I wish I hadn't wondered what the hell folk were talking about. That shit is gross and nasty. And yeah the pun was intended too! Y'all will have to excuse me. I will now go to be sick...

More later... Consider yourself threatened!

Not Much...

I don't have much today. I am gonna go lurking.

But I did wanna say hi to my newest fan! Hey Wifey!!!

Now maybe I can get you over that horrible shy thing where you care what folk think and get you into communication (blogging) mode...

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Post 150!!!

Wow! I finally got to 150! Raced to 100, crawled for 50 more... ah well. What can ya do huh? Technically this is 152, but there are still two in draft stage so they don't count. May finish them one day... But then I gotta read more to finish that new greatest hits post...

I finally got my head up outta my ass! When I got my head screwed on right, I can remember those gems that come to mind when I am not at my computer. Why? (I know you are asking...) Because there is a voice recorder on my phone! I did mention my new phone didn't I? Anyway, I may post more random shyt as a result! (shaddup! I know I always promise, but it is like quitting smoking, just gotta keep going until successful!)

That said, Robin Williams HAS to be the most insane person on the planet. I awoke to Inside The Actor's Studio yesterday. He was the subject of the interview. If you have ever seen him outside of a scripted performance, then you know he just don't stop. Ever! The guy asked him the method to his madness. His attempt at an explanation was some of the most hilarious improv I have ever seen. I always knew he was "special", I just didn't realize how gifted he truly is! That and he spent some time in the area (the rich folks area) because his pops was a vice-president for Lincoln.

This damn old-timers is a bitch. I just forgot what I was gonna say after that thing I just said!

Oh yeah! I just added another section to the blogroll. The recommended reads are in their own list. Now if I can just get caught up enough to read them all... Gotta stop going to Divalicious Opinions first. Them damn bubbles...

If ya didn't already know, y'all are some "special" individuals. And I mean that in a good way! Okay I mean that in a lot of ways... But you understand where I am coming from since it takes one inmate to truly understand another! Much love blogger peeps!

Sick To My Stomach

Warning!!! If you are even close to being in a good mood, come back and read this later! It WILL ruin a good day.

There are some truly sick bastards in this world. Love between a mother and a child should NEVER have to go to these lengths. It makes me sad that there are folk who have so little respect for others that this had to happen. I am posting the short version. The full story is linked below. Sigh...I am going to check the mail right now for my permit.

As her mother lay bleeding from two gunshot wounds and a family friend frantically called police, 8-year-old Alexia Parker lunged at an ex-con who apparently planned to kill them all.

On Tuesday, Alexia was recovering from multiple gunshot wounds, many to the head, in a Detroit hospital...

After watching her mother get shot, Alexia "jumped into the front seat, trying to protect her mom and stop" Tillie, the police report said.

The report added that Tillie "without hesitation, immediately fired six shots into" Alexia who "collapsed, critically injured."

The full story is here

Monday, December 03, 2007

Much Of Nothing

You know I really don't have any thing to say today. But I didn't want to make this an empty click trip for ya! Ha Haaaaaa!


Why is it that those gems of thought that I have while away from the computer completely elude me when I am sitting here? Is that Postus Thoughtus Interruptus?

I do sometimes wonder how many bloggers are actually fat nerds like myself. I know when I read my own stuff there is some buff handsome dude writing it. Okay, the buff part is the fiction. What can I say?

Thanks to J I do hereby name the 1990's as the decade of the Damn! Why? Because she said this to me recently.

Adub was born in 92. I think that was the year of the "damn" cause thats what I say to her when she says she doesn't know why she makes the choices that she makes.
Of course there are three in my sphere of influence born one and two years ahead of her who are no less "enigmatic". That is they also think that "I don't know" is an acceptable answer when I ask them why they made the choice that they did.

My dog recently had an outta body experience. He has for some reason forgotten that the floor on which he sleeps is NOT suitable for bathroom purposes. Uncharacteristically of me, I took the high road and did not meet his erroneous ways with a violent reaction. I merely gave him the idea that it was not acceptable and let the terror of a possible encounter do the work. Of course he chose to take my kindness as a sign of weakness. How do you ask? This dumb son of a bitch growled at me when I stopped to look in disbelief at what he did to my damn wood floor for the FIFTH time in four days! Somehow because I chose to be nice he thought I did something stupid like forgot I was the alpha male in this pack? Can he be serious? When the hell did he think he earned alpha male status in MY damn pack? He don't feed or shelter his damn self, much less anyone else! Asshole! Anyway, I met that small act of aggression with one of my own. I used the baseball bat, as a cane for me to lean on, just to let the realization of what he did sink in. After he let his sense return, I proceeded to clean up the floor whilst reminding him of two very important things that he seemed to have forgotten. First is that he has no thumbs. And second that I have the damn food, and water. Then I wished him luck finding provisions for the next two or three days. You know he was so nice today I actually let him eat lunch. Of course my floor had to stay dry and shit free for three consecutive days before I would even consider it. Remember kiddies, violence ain't the only way!!!

And if you think I am dead wrong about the bat, then check this muhfugga out!

Damn, I guess I did have something to say. Ignore my teasing at the beginning...