Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Fat Anarchists

This is a shout out to all the fat anarchists out there!!! Especially to the one who inspired this particular rant! You know who you are cuz! See you guys on the front lines when all others have gone away. Just before the cockroaches take over…

A New Alignment

Today I realized that my alignment is now Chaotic Neutral. For those who don’t understand the whole Dungeons and Dragons alignment system, I shall explain briefly. The alignment is basically your outlook on life. It is made up of two components. Each component has three stages. Two of the stages are ideas that are complete opposites. Law versus chaos and good versus evil. The middle ground being neutrality. Pick one from column A and one from column B and you have an alignment. Double dipping in the neutral gives you what is called true neutral. This gives you nine different ways of seeing the world. For those who have just been under a rock, I will explain the ideas. Good of course means that you respect life, liberty and all that. Evil means that you could care less about other peoples lives or anything else. Lawful means you are into truth, justice and the way of everyone staying their behinds in line. Chaos is the random basis of the anarchists soul.

We are indoctrinated into certain beliefs from the time we can assimilate information. Which beliefs are determined by environment. In America that indoctrination is into the lifestyle of wonderfulness called Lawful Good. Be nice, care for others, don’t steal, yadda yadda yadda, bump bump bump. The indoctrination is so tough that you get it in school, in church and even in cartoons. The ultimate representation of this idea being that paragon of good called Superman. Nearly all powerful, but he doesn’t take anything by force from anyone. In fact this dude ain’t even from around these parts but he gives his life to the service of others. Guardian, protector, friend to all, all-around good guy. Lex Luthor being his arch villian, he is supposed to be Chaotic Evil. This being the complete opposite of Supes’ LG. You know, the "bad guy".

As I said, my alignment is now Chaotic Neutral. Not necessarily a big thing by itself. I mean it takes all kinds right? But like in D&D, an alignment change is a big thing. I am no longer that idealist that America tends to try to create. I understand the concepts of law and good. They just are not as useful to wear as they once were. Evil, I just don’t see the reason to give up your scruples full time. Chaos tends to serve my purposes these days. Not always staying in line. Not always fulfilling other people’s expectations. Doing what is right, just not necessarily for the greater good. Writing this weblog and not caring if anyone hates it! Accolades are a different thing…

Unlike in D&D where dramatic events usually trigger such a change, life provides a more subtle change for us in the real world. Instead of one dramatic event, it tends to be a string of events that move you around the alignment square. Sometimes a few big ones will change us for the better or worse. In others it is a long string of small but frequent events that slowly move us from one place to the next. I found that mine was a combination of both. Wonder what it will take to make me change again? On the other hand, I can wait on that.

Thursday, September 21, 2006


You know, equilibrium in life is sometimes a very difficult thing to find. On the whole it isn’t that hard to achieve when you are alone. However the forces of others make it a hard task. The more people, the more difficult. The system is so wacky that at times we don’t even know who is keeping us from reaching out happy neutral. At times our struggle is affected by others around us desperately trying to get their own thing in order. They knock us out of balance while trying to get their own balance. Other times there are folk who just don’t want to see you standing on an even plane. Greed, envy, selfishness and many other things motivate these people to mess us up, if only for a moment. These are of course aside from us sometimes not knowing how to find that balance.

When you feel the forces working, stop, take a breath, minimize your contact and in turn minimize theirs, and most of all PEACE OUT!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Torment and Entertainment, Part 1

Anyone who knows me, also knows that I can be quite quotable at times. I’m that guy whose kids always say "My daddy always told me…". One of my current favorites is that "kids are only good for two things, torment and entertainment". In their stumbles and bumbles through life kids do things. These things tend to generate extreme emotions in parents. It is not often that children find a middle ground when it comes to actions that spur emotion in parents. Strangely enough the entertainment is often and strong enough to somehow balance the near constant torment they put us through. In fact just enough to make it all worth it in the end.

Torment and Entertainment, Part 2

I can’t wait for grandchildren!!!! Well I can wait another 10 years or so. But the wait will be worth it I think!!!! For years I have been hurling THE curse at the kids. You know the one I am talking about. "I hope your kids are EXACTLY like you!!!" I hope, I hope, I hope! Yep, I can’t wait until they start being the "uncool" people in their houses. In fact I may have to video record my ultimate reward moment. You know that moment when they look at their own kids and then turn to you and ask "was I that bad/dumb/stupid/excitable/dramatic/lazy/etc.?" That moment of course pales in comparison to when one will actually apologize to you. You of course smile knowing that the apology comes far to late to counter the years of bad karma they sent our for themselves. But I imagine that it will feel good just hearing it anyway.

But like I said. I can’t wait for those little ultimate revenges to be born. Finally allies in the struggle. Kids you like, who will LOVE you if for no other reason than you have a common enemy. They are gonna turn my kids uncool. Make them do things they wouldn’t dream of doing in my house, like housework. And show them that "summer vacation" is more about inconvenience than fun. Call me petty if you want!!! I STILL CAN’T WAIT!!!!

Torment and Entertainment, Part 3

Every once in a while the freeloaders in your house surprise you. One recent incident involved one such freeloader who shall be called GirlChild. Last year GirlChild became a high school student. A student at one of the best schools in the Detroit metro area. A school where admission required surviving two separate weeding out processes. A school whose curriculum would make a lot of college students jealous. A school with graduation and college admittance rates in the high 90’s. A school that was brand new. A school that was free. A school that catered to her talents and goals. Somehow all of that was not enough. As with a lot of teenagers today, the really important stuff was not important at all. The stuff that was important was that the classes started later and that the whole experience be more fun than a barrel of monkeys. Those two things the school wasn’t. As a result punctuality and participation suffered.

One year later, and one transfer later, she is in the "neighborhood" high school. After one day she finds out that it is not anything like the previous school. More important she finds that it is even less fun than before and school still starts at the same time. She also realizes that the entire year of cussin’ and fussin’ we were "putting her through" was not so we could be mean to her, but to save her from making a gigantic mistake.

Yesterday she made it her number one priority to find her mother as soon as she possibly could. Why? Because GirlChild was moved to an apology. Her biggest fan and staunchest supporter is and always will be her mom. So I guess GirlChild felt she owed it to her mother to admit that she was wrong.

A sixteen year old admitting she was wrong. Call me surprised.

Friday, September 15, 2006

My Mind is Officially Blown!!!

It is Ghetto Week at Rhymes With Snitch! There is an entry called Peachez Getto Fried Chicken that has to be the strangest video I have ever seen. And indeed probably one of the guiltiest pleasures since the first season of Flavor of Love. I think You Tube may become one of my new favorite sites too!

Term Limits!!!

As I was recently pondering the flame on a very fragrant candle, something crossed my mind. Term limits actually are a good thing! I’m not trying to disrespect Emperor F.D. Roosevelt or anything, but let’s be real. America can’t take anyone staying in charge more than eight years at a stretch. For the last few years I have been thinking that term limits were a bad thing. Because even with the scandal I think Clinton would have killed Bush in an election. But that is just speculation on the past. But now I am feeling joyous again because G Dub is a short timer!!!! Woohoo!!!! In a little over a year America will select a new DMFIC. And THAT is almost enough to give me a warm and fuzzy feeling. I say ALMOST because this is America after all…

Bill Clinton

Bill? What the deal? You had Hillary and got with a fat chick who after much fame and some fortune is still not hot! Bobby Brown had Whitney and now got Superhead!!!! Step ya game up Mr. Prez! It may seem like Bobby started with the better hand and had to get a better upgrade, but that ain’t true!!!! I mean I am sure most guys would have taken non-cracked out Whitney over Hillary in a heart beat. But how many dudes can say they got head from SENATOR, ya hear me? You tell me who got more pull!!!! BC is so fly that even the folk who hated his ass is paying to keep his ass alive!!!! On the other hand I don’t hang around Harlem so I don’t know who up in office "workin’ late".

Yeah, I know it is old news, but I still had to get that off my chest!

Phat Chyks

This one has been on my mind ALL dayum summer!!! I GOTTA get this one out before my mind gets all constipated and my head busts open!!! The Phat I am referring to in the title is actually P.H.A.T (Pretty Huge And Think again because you know your big ass don’t need to be in them damn clothes!!!!) Yeah, I said it!!!

Let me get this out of the way early so there is no confusion. I ain’t hatin’ on big women. Nor do I advocate such hatin’. However, sometimes you see such egregious errors in judgment that you simply cannot let it slide. FOOORRRRRRR instance…

…. She had to be a size 30 easy. She came outside with clothes on, almost. We talkin’ one of them thin pullover tops with the little bitty straps that only appear to be on the garment for show. The kind that ain’t long enough to make it down to her blue jean skirt. The kind that is low cut by default. Well you get the picture. The skirt was one of those little blue jean numbers that is short enough to pretty much erase the need for imagination. But it still was big enough for my (large) Pit Bull to use as a comforter.

The fact that she was a large lady in a little shirt wasn’t the thing that made this whole thing so wrong. The fact that she was a large lady in a short skirt wasn’t the problem.

See the problem is that she was sweeping the sidewalk in a little shirt with HUGE boobs, in a skirt that was two inches below tha thang whilst wearing 4 inch RED hooka heelz! Am I the only one who thinks that wasn’t quite kosher?

I must admit to enjoying the roughly 2.5 acres of breast she had escaping her top. BUT why have 12 inches of cleavage when 8 or 10 would have done the same job? And two inches of clearance before bushville? With thighs like that we need at least a 4 inch no-eye zone! And why do yard work in shoes that would be just like bear traps if you stepped on the grass?

If I am hatin’ too hard let me know. I ain’t against big women. I am the first one to tell any woman of any size to "Wear ya fat. It’s yours. Takes courage NOT to hide it." But some just take it too far.

So if you walk out of the house looking like this P.H.A.T. Chyk. You may want to go back in and check ya drag!

A Thank You

Before I get started, I would like to thank one very special person. That *itch at Rhymes With Snitch has given me many juicy topics to exercise my opinionated on. As a result I have found the need to express myself beyond the occasional comment. So here we are. Thank her or blame her, depending on your point of view. And check the site out (if you already haven't been there), because it is better than ET on TV. There is a reason that is the only (real) link on this page. That is truly another Dyssturbed Mined over there! So if I reference things over there often, don't feel the need to accuse me of anything unpure. That said....

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Under Construction

Over the next several days, I will be changing things around until my place is comfortable. Please feel free to comment on what you see, like, or don't like. If you know of something that will make this space a cooler place to inhabit, don't keep it to yourself!


I had to put something here so you wouldn't be TOO bored looking at a bare page. I will have more to rant and rave about when I am less sleepy. If anyone is out there reading this, be patient. I am still new.