Saturday, September 17, 2011

I Work The Black Page...Here And There

For some reason, I am getting the urge to start or even write this whole post in song lyrics.  In the last two minutes I have fought down the urge (mostly, see title) to quote lines from Sting and Stevie Wonder as openings to this post.  But while they might speak to some thoughts in my mind, they don't speak the words needed for THIS post.

See, I am here because of two things, fear and reemergence.

Fear has kept me from leaping into the future.  I feel myself being TOO cautious.  I fully understand why.  I just don't want to end up back where I was before.  But overcompensating is bad in this case.  Slow feet take more time to cover the same ground.  I find myself in a funny place because of it.  The mind knows.  But the mind believes different.

To illustrate that point, I got a story for you.

Way back yon three quarter score ago there was a young man.  Freshly enhappied and newly wed.  Young dude and his new bride arriveth in the magical kingdom of Toronto.  And being young (and dumb(ish)) he loudly proclaimed that he would take her to the highest venue in the land.  And when they would arrive at the high, he would drag her across the magical floor that looked upon everything below it.  So up, up, up, up they went until reaching the highest plateau.  Around the dark circle they strode, until they beheld a most wonderful sight.  Why it was the brightness of the sun blazing up through what appeared to be an enormous hole in the floor.  They walked to the very edge of what seemed to be oblivion.  They gazed down upon the kingdom.  They felt like a king and queen even as they gazed down upon men who fancied themselves Royals.  Many men named Jay in suits of Blue attempted to defeat these men of such lofty goals.  To which the new bride uttered "That's so cool".  And off she went.  She floated across the bright abyss as if an angel with new wings.  Her journey began with her new husband's hand in hers.  It ended with that hand empty.  The husband had attempted to fly with her.  But his foot never actually crossed the threshold between the solid ground and the lighted abyss.  It seems that his mind KNEW that there was a magical force field called plexiglass there (damn you Rio!).  His mind would NOT believe that the next step on solid ground called for a 1,100 foot drop before his foot would reach that ground.  Needless to say, attempts to get him to venture out were (mostly) in vain.

I tell you this story to say that I find myself again not able to put that foot where I know it should go.  When I think about it, I wonder why I am hesitant to walk into the future.  When I don't think about it, not walking seems normal.  That said, I think it is going to take some more work for me to reestablish my freedom.  I have shed some of the shackles.  This one is the most challenging.  Challenging because my mind is quite the formidable opponent.

From The Black Page,