Friday, November 30, 2007

Dissatisfaction Maximus Part 2

Yep. More of it. Except this time it ain't mine. This time it is The Wife. Why do you ask? Well those reasons are very much related to the reasons for the part 1 of this post. If you need to get up to speed, hit this link Dissatisfaction Maximus.

For her the issues mostly stem from the fact that we are not in the same place. It affects a great deal of things. Outside of the emotional things, it also affects the finances, child rearing, and generally peace of mind. I won't get into the emotional things here. I kinda did that in the first post. And I told her to start blogging to get things off her chest a bit. So I will leave that particular content for her, in case she ever decides to do so. I will touch on the other things.

In reverse order.

Peace of mind is the thing that is most lacking. For her, for me. I think you all pretty much are zoned in on why mine is gone. For her, at least to my point of view, it comes down to one thing once the separation and distance issues are accounted for. That being who she lives with. And yes, you guessed it, they don't call them A Mother for nothing! And don't act like you ain't got one cause you know what I am talking about! The short version is that she is being unnecessarily whiny, petty and self centered (for lack of more wordy and PC terminology). I can understand to a certain extent the effect of having extra folk in your house and all. BUT damn! For instance. If my wife decides she wants to see my face during the week, she has to jump a million unnecessary hoops. Usually she would stop by after work, wait until rush hour traffic died down and head on in. It would take about 15 minutes for her to get here. Around 12 miles driving. But her mother would complain SOOOO much about her leaving the kids there (17 and 16) now she goes to get them before coming by. Lemme frame that for ya. 20-30 minute drive(depending on traffic) to get them (15 miles). Wait for 10-30 minutes for them to get their shit together, AFTER she arrives (like they weren't already warned...). THEN another 20-30 minute ride to get to me (dependent on traffic, 14 more miles). So a 15 minute ride turns into a hour to hour and a half journey! So quite naturally she doesn't spend much time with me during the week. And these are the same grandkids that my MIL doesn't want anyone else to even think about claiming grandparenthood of. Go figure. Yet my BIL will leave his buddies or his girlfriend (who the MIL HATES) there and HE doesn't have to come across town to retrieve his peeps! And of course if she does come by (at all) she has to hear "If you love them so much you should move back in with them". I am really sick of that one. But I won't digress. Or if The Wife decides to rest (after work) instead of doing her mother's bidding, then "I bet you would do it for your HUSBAND or his mother!" Yes the emphasis is there for a reason, cause that is how she does it. And... Shit. So much for the short version. Hell if you ain't got the point by now, YOU need help. On to the next.

Before I get too deep in the rest I have to say that The Wife and I have a strange Yin and Yang thing going on. One strong where the other is weak. One mega where the other is minima. So we are almost completely opposite on a lot of things. Especially the next two.

Child rearing
is the next area. This one is not new. But the thing is that it is something that kinda slides on occasion because of absence. My wife is the spoiler. So she gives just because. I am the discipline. I put my foot in their necks, and their asses. I would spoil them more but I can't because she won't bring the smackdown. I am sure you can see the problem with that. Since they ain't with me...

Finances is the other area. The Wife is like the ultimate consumer. Well, not quite. She will do her best to do for everybody, but her. Just to illustrate (this is a fictional account) you will see the kids (16 and 17 remember) walking around with fresh kicks (for the second week in a row) and she will be walking around with her left tit sagging because the bra strap broke. And trust me, she need to support my toys! (I bet you can see me smiling from there!) I on the other hand will seriously consider not buying food if the funds get below a certain point and pay day is more than two days away. Yeah, I am a little psycho about that but hey, I have been caught broke too many times when funds were needed RIGHT THEN! But that is a bad habit I picked up because she isn't a saver. So the problem is I am not there to keep the spending reigned in. Or to add to the fund as it is. You can follow the rest of that line of thought to the logical conclusion.

Needless to say, she is stressed to a breaking point by now. I have been there for a while. Returning our house to a reunited state is becoming the most important thing on both plates. In fact becoming critically important. Almost to the point where making a not so smart financial decision seems like a good idea. Hmm... Things must be bad if we are considering taking an apartment in a complex where the management is sucky, the apartment is too small and it would leave the dog and both our mothers in questionable housing situations.


Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Can You Say Depression?

Will somebody please slap the Asshole-In-Chief? If I hear about the economy being anything but in the shithole one more time, I may snap! If you wanna know why, Check this out.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Beware!!!! Long Posts Follow!

A lot done happened since I posted last. So you all get caught up in one fell swoop. Go get some coffee though. A couple of them got quite long.

RIP: Auntie Bingo

This is a dedication to my recently departed Aunt Sandra. Or to those of us really in the know Auntie Bingo! If you are a bingo head in this city then you probably met her. Or in Windsor for that matter. In fact she was such a bingo head that she was sitting in a bingo hall on my wedding day desperately trying to remember what else she had to do that day! Her husband was on the golf course doing the same thing. So that day they got Uncle Golf and Auntie Bingo hung on them forever more. In fact the last time I saw her before the hospital, she was fussing about her sister making her wait and taking too long, "running her mouth, she talk too much, she play too much". I am sure I don't have tell you where they were headed.

So to you I dedicate this post. And I will have to risk lung cancer and play a session or two. But hey, it ain't a dedication unless you some gesture of the appropriate kind!

Funerals and Weddings (Okay Just Funerals)...

The two aforementioned occasions usually generate the most memorable stories. I am sure I mentioned a couple of funerals before. I haven't been to a wedding in forever so you will have to wait on those stories. That said...

My Aunt passed last week. The funeral was this past Saturday. This is a new one for the books!

Things started out normal. Got there with a minimum of muss and fuss and on time. The ceremony was probably the least abnormal one I have been to in a long time. The main glitch in this one being that the organist didn't show. So we got some spirituals acapella. Not too bad with a little audience participation.

Then things got a little weird. They told us to get in our cars and turn on our lights if we were heading to the cemetery. That is the last clear instruction given. Long story short, I ended up driving around like a mouse in a maze just to end up back in the parking spot I started in. Which of course means that I was at the back of the procession. ALL the way at the back. Usually the end car is the biggest damn thing that pulled up in the lot. I think in this one there were several at the front. Then where the line was forming was completely unclear. THEN somebody came after me and took the last position and borrowed one of the two flags on the roof. So things finally get moving, at HIGH speed. By the time I started moving good I realized that I was driving about 10 mph over the speed limit! Most processions I have been in were 10 under. Not this one! I don't know where what was because there was a van two cars in front or me and I don't think that driver knew what the hell to do. We alternated between bat outta hell and stop for three lights at the same spot mode. At one point it actually stopped and those of us at the end of the line were blocking a major street just sitting there. Looking stupid of course. Through no fault of our own, but stupid nonetheless! Finally we get going again and some dude with a death wish and a complete lack of understanding of what my family name is, and means, decides to pull a bonehead! How boneheaded do you ask? He passes several of our cars on our left (same direction) and when he arrives at his turn, what do you think he did? Stop and wait? No! I said bonehead! Slide into the funeral line (illegally) and then turn? No dammit! I said death wish! This fool ass makes a right turn from the left lane BETWEEN the two cars in front of me WHILE WE WERE STILL MOVING AT FULL SPEED (about 40). NEVER have I seen the like!

Of course the fun is not over because we pass a hearse in front of another church. I didn't know if it was ours or another funeral queuing up to leave themselves. Somehow that hearse managed to catch and pass us. I thought it was ours catching back up after having stopped for whatever reason. I guess I was wrong. As we approached the logical turn for the burial site, I watched my father's car (with flag) turn the corner. The two cars behind him turned too. The three cars in front of me kept straight! So did I! So now that line of cars that I had suspected of being separated were definitely separated now! So I turned my blinker on. The next light was a street that led to the cemetery along the north side of the airport that it adjoins. Luckily everybody else turned too! So now there are four or five cars with funeral flags rolling down Outer Drive with no hearse. The van behind me shoots around me and the car that was on the street before we turned. Suddenly we are all doing about 20 or 25 over the speed limit in some kinda morbid street race from The Fast and The Furious or something. Strangely enough we got to the cemetery gates as the FRONT of the funeral procession was waiting to turn left into the cemetery. That was the first time I EVER got there before the departed did! But there were already family members parked and waiting when we got there! So a group got there before we did. We arrived just before the hearse. The hearse with most of the rest of the group. Yeah, I know you just MOST of the rest? The fourth group, which included my father (remember?), ended up at ANOTHER cemetery because they got mixed in with the funeral line from the other church!

And don't even get me started on how some of these folk dressed!!!!


Been a little bit busy around these parts! Since my last post much life has happened. Mom was admitted to emergency for hypertension, 260/160 to be exact. Since her blood pressure is hard to control she of course was admitted. This was actually a couple of days before the last post. Right after I published the last post (10 minutes) I was given the news that my Aunt had passed. That one cost me an hour of composure or so. Two days later I got news that a friend of the family, who shares a name with me, died of a heart attack. He was two years older than I and in (seemingly) far better shape. Never thought I would see the bathroom as a potential portal to another existence... And I found out that my cousin/brother from another mother was also in emergency for the exact same reason that mom had been (see numbers above). After that was preparations for Thanksgiving dinner, preparations for my mother's return home, preparations for funerals and preparations for a long weekend of time spent alone with my wife. Oh, and I got a new phone.

Plans have a way of going awry though. Mom's return home was delayed by a energy distribution issue. But she is finally back where she is supposed to be. Fortunately there is some good news on that front. Her doctor is a fault for this visit. Too worried about running her blood pressure too low, he prescribed an insufficient amount of medication to keep it from going too high. Now his ass is history, with us at least. I don't doubt he is a good doctor, but being overly cautious and not listening is not a good reason to get sued because I had to plan my own mother's funeral for something that could have been easily avoided. Besides, he works for a different hospital system than the one where she makes her hospital visits. Too much keeps getting lost in the transition. Fuck all that! Time for a new!

Plans with my wife also went awry. Thanksgiving with family then a hotel suite alone then funeral and post funeral family time. Well... The Thanksgiving with family part went off as planned. The only problem is that I didn't drink nearly as much as I thought I would. But I ate more so there was no room. Felt like I was deep into my third trimester when I was press ganged into manning the blender for the first round of Frozen Strawberry Daiquiris. I would put up a picture of the table but I don't have the cable to connect my phone to my computer. Ah well...

The hotel part is when things really went off track. Friday night was spent at her mother's house instead. And even though everyone else was gone for the night, somehow we still didn't manage to be alone that night. Saturday was the funeral. This one requires a whole nother post! But afterward I cut the family time short to pick up our plans again. Saturday from check-in to check-out ALONE! Didn't work out that way. Headed home to get some info, check on mom and such. Nearly got run over by a big ass pickup truck because he wasn't paying attention to what he was doing. Fortunately there was a turn lane on the street we were on. I am talking UGLY otherwise. Ram 250 4X4 Vs Hyundai ugly! One cop close enough to see the accident kept going. Another was a block away at the White Castle. I wonder how long it took for one to show up at the accident site...

Anyway. We end up at the crib after deciding that drinks were in order after the close call. I walk in the house to find only the dog and my mom inside. You remember my mom right? The woman who can barely stand, much less walk? I saw my sister at the funeral, so I wasn't expecting to see her at the crib. However I didn't see either of her sons either. My mom thought they were in the driveway tinkering. Since there was no sight or sound of those who were supposed to be with her, we sat to stay a while. A half hour later my sister called looking for her sons. So they didn't go to gathering spot. So we waited some more... for like two hours. So by this time I am ready to kill, or stroke out. The left her alone for over two hours to go work on some cars. Their excuse was they were trying to get some money to buy mom some food. Of course there are several things wrong with that. First, if they needed money I could get some. I have access to her funds and I ain't about to let them run out before her next check. She do gotta eat!!!! Two, they know my damn phone number. Tres, She had two plates of food from Thanksgiving that she had yet to eat from. Quattro, she could have fallen trying to go to the bathroom, best case is she would have been on the floor until somebody came in the house and helped her up. BEST case. Cinq, Can anyone say FIRE? Sechs, The dog has not thumbs! So leashes and doorknobs would have presented some problems... Lastly, What the fuck? They only make pocket change IF the muthafukkas even pay their asses! That is more important than my mother's life? I betta stop now and go take my blood pressure pill...

Needless to say that my voice reached a timbre and intensity that few if any have ever heard before. But I ain't in jail. Self control is a good thing at times. And of course that also ruined the mood for the day. So my wife decided we needed a good drink, and a good steak too. Okay the steak was good. Belly busting porterhouses tend to be that way. Her drink was good. My two were...uninspired... The only thing they managed to do was make me sleepy. Either I was too pisst to get high or the bartender was bullshitting. Should have known I was in trouble when I asked for a drink recommendation and my server was not able to do so. She wasn't old enough...

So we managed to find a room anyway. Just to get away for ONE night. Found a little no-tell (with mirrors!) to kick back in. We managed to salvage what was one crazy ass day that ended a crazy ass week.

At least until we had to part. I got this in a text message three minutes after she pulled away. "I'm crying now". Just one more reason for me to hate Sundays...

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Fattening The Blogroll

It is not secret that I have been somewhat missing lately. For a number of reasons I have either been time or motivation or resource constrained. More important is that I noticed that I don't read as much either. I think that kinda goes to the motivation part. My blogging isn't always inspired by my own experiences. Sometimes I get a spark from somebody else and have to throw my own spin on something. And my longtime readers know that I will cut a long winded comment off and post that gem of opinionation on my own page. Besides who wants to read a novel in a comment section? So I guess what I am saying is that I been missing you guys somewhat. I have been here and not. I am trying to erase the not part.

That said, I will get to the point of the title. I am calling out to my blogger fams for some shout outs! I used to discover my way to others by clicking links in other folks blogrolls. I may continue that. But what I really want is for you guys to point me to your favorites. Who do you read on the regular. If you only had time to get to one or two faves in a day, who would they be? And why? I especially wanna know about the folk who aren't in my list already. I of course assume I am there because my ego is on that trip today, so you need not mention me. Well you can mention me if you wanna. Never turned down a good ego strokin'! Anyway, let me stop playin' before I start believing this egotistical crap...

Home By The Sea: The Beginning

Images of sorrow, pictures of delight
Things that go to make up a life
Endless days of summer
Longer nights of gloom
Waiting for the morning light
Scenes of unimportance, photos in a frame
Things that go to make up a life
- Genesis

This passage often pops into my mind whenever I think about the things undone in my own life. I am sure you all have asked at one time or another, "what remains of me after I am gone?" I often find myself wondering what certain folk would think of things as they are now. Hell just starting to think about this one is getting me all lost in the whole spiderweb of thoughts that started this post a week ago. Couldn't really get on top of the whole thing. Still can't. Too much to sort through. I may have to revisit this from time to time.

I will say this before the "to be continued..."
A thing I have been hearing at funerals lately is that on your tombstone under your name there are dates. The first number is when you arrived. The second number is when you left. In between is a dash. You live your life in the dash. For me, I think my dash is a broken line. Right now, there are things undone that I still feel are important. If for no one else but me. I guess it is time to fix the holes in my dash as it is. Of course I still got other stuff coming yet to do, but those are for the rest of the dash. The rest of the "gonna get considerably longer" dash.

to be continued...

Friday, November 16, 2007

Tha Damn Bubbles

I have just figured out a reason for my lack of blogging production. For some reason I spend a lot of time with somebody's bubbles. They are downright distracting in fact. But then again a good set of bubbles will do just that when you see them. But I find myself playing with Diva's bubbles instead of reading and writing blogs. Although I do admit that playing with her bubbles is quite fun. And I DO love me some bubbles. Got my mouth watering just thinking about them now... In fact, the post got me thinking about more than bubbles. Strangely enough SHE seems to be loaded for distraction in that department too... Now I am REALLY distracted. I think it is time to surf for porn again...


Tha Blogroll, Again...

In case you haven't noticed, my blogroll has changed. Fresh is no longer stalked on occasion. That dude is crazy as hell. If you ain't been there, go. You too will find yourself saying "Only you Fresh..."

And The Addict is a newbie to the scene. Since I commented all of her posts and started posting in her comment section (like I did all of you above her...), I had to add her too. Of course she does need to post more. But since I ain't one to put that out there being all guilty and such... Pop on over and give a little encouragement. Besides, I think she is showing signs of being dyssturbed too!

A Dedication To: The Wife

Chemistry Was Crazy From The Get-go
Neither One Of Us Knew Why
We Didn't Build Nothing Overnight
Cuz A Love Like This Takes Some Time
People Swore It Off As A Phase
Said We Cant See That
Now From Top To Bottom
They See That We Did That (yes)
Its So True That (yes)
Weve Been Through It (yes)
We Got Real Shit (yes)
See Baby We Been...

Too Strong For Too Long (and I Cant Be Without You Baby)
- Mary J. Blige

Yeah, I stole it. Okay it ain't so much stolen, but being used as an inspiration for this post. That said, it has been eleven years (and change). So I dedicate these lyrics to my beautiful wife _____. (Ha! Nice try y'all, I ain't tellin'!) And even more important a hearty and lusty middle finger to all them fukkas who made predictions that were short of forever. And especially to those whose predictions fell short of the newlywed phase. And I am giving that muhfugga north, south, east AND west. So if ya standing, laying here, laying there or hanging from a rafter like the bats that ya are, you understand what I am screaming! Ya feel me! (that one snuck into a rant didn't it?)

Thursday, November 15, 2007


Been a little missing because the dog chewed up the cord to the router. Damn nephew gave it to him...

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Why I Blog: By Opinionated Diva and The Second Sixty-Eight

I started thinking about this after Opinionated Diva asked an extremely good question. Why do you blog? Since I seem to be something of an inspiration to her (and one of her favorite bloggers!!!!) I would do a sore disservice by not answering this myself. Not just a comment for me! No no no. I gotta post this one. Especially since her answer is so much like mine. So I decided to "borrow" her answer and apply a little "editorial license" to the mix. What you get is today's post. Which also explains the title...

The funny thing is that I didn't come to blogworld to blog myself. I'm nosy, so I loved reading other people's shit. I'm opinionated (and I don't always tone down my comments to not appear overly critical), so I created a blogger ID to let other people know what I thought about their posts. The first place I left a comment was here. Then I realized that you could click on everyone's name and see their page, and click on the names of the people who came to their page and so on and so on. I was hooked...still am to a degree.

I got started September of last year. A little case of phoneus interruptus kept me at bay for a while so I couldn't continue posting until March of this year. It started slowly and then I started getting harrassed by her (to this day she still harrasses me, but I love her anyway) to update my page, so I got with the program and did my thing. I was gonna be different! I was gonna post every day...some times twice a day - yeah effin right! LOL...I was so psyched! Well, okay, I did post damn near every day with as many as five posts at a time. No wonder why some of you are so spoiled... My posts back then were usually really long rants about other folks situations. Now I have jokes when I'm too lazy to put a post together (on the OTHER page) or long rants when my level of pisstivity is really high or no post when I am REALLY lazy. I really do try to stay away from long rants because honestly when I see a long rant, I rarely read the whole thing, so why should anyone read mine? That said, I guess I will stop the blatant plagarism before it does get too long. But you must admit she did do such a good job that stealing was easy.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Other Random Shit

DAMN! I was looking at my damn countdown timer on my start page. I missed the milestone! I was gonna post for that. Well anyway, here goes.

G.eorge B.ush's ass is almost gone. My timer says that his ass has less than a year left! I am almost excited except for two things. One is that a year is still quite enough time to get us all killed. Or at least mess up our prospects for having a prosperous Christmas shopping season for another two years! Two is that a year from now Stupid America will have another shot at electing another ineffective dumbass. For those of you who don't know, Stupid America is the demographic of folk who are responsible for this mess. NOT the ones who voted for him the first time. We all know what up on that. But Stupid America is the sum total of idiots who REELECTED his ass! I bet you know at least two!

On another note. Just reading J's continuing struggle with the crazy elder child, I am inspired to start a business. It's called Rent-A-Belt. Yeah, that is right. You heard me. For those parents who are under siege and can't take it anymore, you can hire a "hit" man. Adjust their attitudes while out for a movie! Motivate them to correct report card "errors". Find out who really did break your crystal bowl in the White Living Room (you know the room where kids (and some relatives) are never allowed in?). Hell, I am even thinking of naming the website!

Recently I ended up in a room that was barely big enough to fit the bed in it. I bet you can guess what happened after that right? Yep. I got to play Spiderman! I think the couple in the other room was playing Hulk vs. She-Hulk...

Saturday, November 03, 2007

On Some Silly Shit!

You know it occurred to me that sex can be a costly thing if you are a guy on Viagra and you need a hooker to use it!

If a dog is going to town licking his own ass, is it because they don't have toilet paper in dogworld or because he enjoyed his last meal THAT much?

Why do people wanna share when they find something that stinks most horribilius? Is it because they for some reason think that their own nose is a chronic liar or something?

I am thoroughly convinced that money is wasted on the old and youth is wasted on the young. Think about it.

If you think that God doesn't have a sense of humor then peep this. One of the most fun things to do in the world is REPRODUCTION. However the little beings that result are just as much NOT fun raising their little ungrateful asses as they were to make.

I still do not understand this younger generation. Why is having your ass outside of your pants a cool thing? Is game that lacking these days that they have to show some skin before anybody will even listen?

Something occurred to me recently regarding masturbation. Those who would tell you that it is bad are some selfish and jealous sumbitches. I say this because they are pissed that another person can enjoy sex WITHOUT their asses being involved. How self centered is that? "How dare you get off without my participation!!!"

I think that weed should be legalized. The main side effects are lethargy and obesity. Which if you think about it, a large portion of the weed smokers are already either fat or lazy bastards anydamway! Outlaw tobacco! Hell the high ain't as good, it stinks just as bad and is more addictive! You do the math!


I'm a favorite!!! I'm a favorite!!! I'm a favorite!!! [dancin' and doin' a jig]. By BBFF said it and now she can't take it back!!!! I am somebody's favorite!!!! Yeah! Hmmm... Suddenly I feel bad for sleeping at night now... Ah well. That will soon change and I will be back on the Vampire Shift again. If it is any consolation, Divalicious Opinions is the first place I land in blogworld after I open up my own page. Hey, booty AND bubbles, what more could a guy want?

Thursday, November 01, 2007

SBM ISO PTB for ????

For those of you not indoctrinated into the world of personal ads. That meant Silly Blogging Male In Search Of Part Time Bloggers for ??? For what you ask? What else do part time bloggers do? Blog part time of course! What did ya think, I was cruising for some freaky sneaky? Er... Well that is beside the point completely and not the reason for this writing. Although turning it down out right is not what I am gonna do...

Anyway. Now that you got me off track and such! What I was thinking about before you dirty minded people corrupted my thoughts is... Um... Ah...

Seem to have lost my mined. That sucks of course.

You know if there were some other part time folk contributing to a community blog, I wouldn't have these problems remembering to stay up to date. Now if only I could remember what I was talking about...