Monday, July 30, 2007

New Words of The Week 2!

1. Designated Drunk - Sometimes you aren't the driver...

2. figging - OW!

3. The Source - SMDH...

4. fuck puff - You know you done been there!

5. power slam - Need that once in a while...

6. stocking the porcelain - Been a victim of this far too many times...

7. penis car - Ladies! Now you know what is up ahead of time...

8. penis butter and vajelly - Ah... That is what they call that...

9. lou lou - Now you got a new term for it.

10. Toss the Pink Salad - Ditto above...

11. crapfork - Been there...

12. Mashitty - Who hasn't needed this on occasion?

13. cunty - When bitch just isn't the right word...

14. pocket book - All this time...

15. nerdelicious - Yep! That's me!

I'm Back!!!!

Yep! Vacation is over!!!!

...

Damn, damn, damn, dAMN, DaMN, DAmN, DAMn, DAmn, DaMn, DamN, dAMn, dAmN, daMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!

... ::: sigh :::

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Short Break

Well y'all the time has come for me to go. Time to hit the road and all. I will holla back at y'all when I return on Monday. Or Tuesday... Well You know...

One tame little Definition before I go...

1. out dis piece - in relation to home.

See ya!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

New Words Of The Week!

Today I am going to attempt to increase your vocabularies. Yeah, yeah. I know you went to school for that shyt. But trust me, you won't mind this little exercise in education. You trust me don't cha?

1. hot carl - I wouldn't try it, but my tho't hurt from the laffin'!

2. donkey punch - Don't try this at home! Use a motel instead!

3. bucking bronco - I cannot lie. Sounds fun AND dangerous.

4. pregret - How often do you do this?

5. internuts - AKA the anonymous commenter!

6. cafediem - I bet I ain't the only one!

7. askhole - There is always one...

8. fifty yard fake - Who among us has not experienced one of these?

9. Email Bankruptcy - Been there, done that. Especially on Yahoo!

10. drunk catcher - These are so entertaining...

11. dap and dip - Like you ain't done this before...

12. Bluetool - I know you done seen one. If you ARE one, be ashamed!

13. cubicle speed - So needed this stuff!

14. check your vitals - Like you ALL don't do this ereday!

15. epiphanot - Seemed like a good idea...


Yes. I am truly dyssturbed for this one!

A New Color

You know, I noticed something strange that needs a solution. A bunch of black people are trying to be white through prosthetics. A bunch of white people are trying to be black via tanning and hip-hip. I propose we all pick a new color. Something right in the middle.

I propose all of those folk call themselves Caramelos!

That is all I have to say on that one...

Today...

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

POST 100!!!!


Here it is. The last of the first hundred posts. I won't talk a lot on this one. That is for you all to do. But here is a picture of me in bike class mode!

Yes I broke the picture ban! This once... But how else are you gonna look at me!

To my blogger family, I give the gift of me!!!!

Blogger Family

It has been batted about here and there about how folk feel about meeting other bloggers in person. I have thought about this myself. I in fact would like to meet my blogger fams whenever I get the chance. There are a few folk in the area I wouldn't mind meeting. There are some who in their paths of travel end up in the D. In fact one mentioned that she was on her way soon. I may have to unvelcro my butt from this chair and find the time and means to meet her when she arrives. Just before I head out of town myself.

All my Atlanta peeps! Heads up! TSSE will be in Hotlanta from the 26th through the 29th. All y'all down there may have me looking for ya! So send me a message or a comment and let me know where ya be. Cause all o' y'all I might get to see!

GAS!!!!

I am officially outraged up in here today!
Why?
Bullshit and greed!
Over what?
You ain't been paying attention!!!!

Gasoline prices are higher'n shit! That should be no surprise to anyone who has been awake in America (or the world) the last three years. But my particular beef is with the fact that in the home of the American motor car we are paying the THIRD highest rates in the entire country!!!! I was recently on the website www.fuelgaugereport.com checking out the prices of gas along a soon to be traveled route. What I found out is that we are paying (on average) almost a quarter more than our next nearest neighbor! Michigan $3.26! Ohio $3.03! WTF!!!!??!?!?!? Is that any way to treat the people most likely to design a new gas guzzler? Or folk who like riding solo in cars? Where is the love?

Make me wanna holla! Throw up both my hands. And my gas can.

I need my bike dammit!!!!

I Gots Me Some Worn Out Shoes!

Why you ask? Because I have been dragging my feet something fierce on Post # 100! Gotta make it a good one you know. That and I ain't got the content together on the three possible directions that this one can take.

That and the milestone got me thinking about my blogging in the first place.

Am I gonna stop at #100? Hell naw! I was considering it and starting a new one. Do like Star Trek and have two going at once but run them a certain length and change gears. Sounds good. Works bad! A Dyssturbed Mined by any other name? I think not!

Do I break my previous ban on photographs here and start putting pics in my posts? I am not too sure on that one. Might mess with my dark and minimalist background. Force me to change the look! Hmmm...

If I do break the ban then wouldn't it make sense to combine the two blogs? Maybe. But do I really wanna give up "The Truth Is Lamer Than Fiction" as a blog title? Prolly not.

It also occurred to me that the titles of the two blogs are somewhat backwards. Do I switch the names and relaunch? To those who regularly stop by, it may have occurred to you to ask "why he got the titles to these blogs backwards?" I wondered that myself. But the Sub Titles explain the madness within. So I guess they can stay the way they are.

Oh dang! Phonus Callus Thoughtus Interruptus!

Today post #100 hits the fans! This I promise! Unless of course the DSL is acting like a bitch...

Miscellaney

I got The Melancholy y'all. I was watching Roots:TNG the other day. There was a line similar to that one. "Thas jus' the melancholy talkin'". That stuck with me. Especially since that has been the way I have been feeling lately.

I ain't even felt much like posting. Or reading for that matter. Not that the reading part matters much since a large portion of my blogger fam ain't been posting! One even went on hiatus or vacation or something. I won't name any names. Because of The Melancholy. Hell I am even having trouble finishing this post. So... I will finish by making mental sticky notes of the posts I should have been creating the last few days.

1. Y2K booty!
2. My stress test!
3. My history before blogging: Tha Bullshit Theories (also ties into item 1.)
4. The Career Fair.
5. The high gear job pursuit.
6. Post #100!!!
7. The Melancholy.
8. Things I just don't get.
9. Crack dealers and new addictions.
10. Jennifer Hudson's Oscar, she made me cry.

And many, many more! Whenever I can think of them.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

In Tha News...

Today in the news!

ME! I made it on TV y'all! Finally! Strangely enough it was the same station that had the helicopter over the crib a few weeks back. I was at the NAACP Career Fair and managed to get some screen time. Of course the only problem with my appearance was that they got a good shot of my back from what I am told. So if you happened to catch the Fox 2 news this morn and saw a bright dude in a snazzy interview suit, that was me. Just didn't manage to get my face out there. Starting to feel like Charlie. Now where did them Angels get off to? A Funny aside note: I met Charles Pugh (local anchor/reporter) and we lamented the closing of our Alma Mater. RIGHT after that someone else said Hi to him too. And he interviewed her! I am dressed like I am about to take the corporate world by storm, she like she was searching for the service entrance. I guess they get trained to find the most "interesting" folk for the camera. Dang! In that case I was camera ready for the helicopter...

ERIE, Pa. — A pizza deliveryman who robbed a bank and was killed when the bomb around his neck exploded wasn't a hostage — he was a conspirator in the plot, federal authorities said Wednesday in announcing the first indictments in the nearly four-year-old case.
Okay, I think this qualifies as a Darwin Award Winner here! If you are robbing the bank, how the hell do you let ANOTHER lazy-greedy bastard talk you into wearing a bomb? Especially if you don't have the button? What did he used to be thinking? I swear! The things a dumbass will do for money!

Chauncey Billups signed a $60 million, five-year contract Wednesday with the Detroit Pistons
Now THAT is what I call a salary negotiation. He was under contract for $6.8 million this year. He opted to test the free-agent market. Didn't get a LOT of interest. Ended up with roughly $12 million average for the next 4-5 years! I would have to say that Mr. Big Shot got a good return from throwing them dice! If I see him at MGM Grand I will buy that brotha a drink and pick whatever points he tries to make at the crap table!

SANTIAGO, Chile -- Chile's soccer federation suspended six players -- including captain Jorge Valdivia -- from the upcoming World Cup qualifiers for going on a drunken rampage at the Copa America in Venezuela.
Hmmm... Seems to me that folk should have been scared witless that night. I mean if you mix alcohol with dudes who can literally kick ya ass up betwixt ya shoulders...

LOS ANGELES -- Another "Simple Life" star is facing possible jail time.

Nicole Richie is deciding whether to accept or reject a plea deal in her driving-under-the-influence case.
Make the stupiding stop! Come on! Were the Richies not wealthy enough? Now she trying to get adopted by the Hiltons by being anotha Paris? Did she not learn anything from Paris and her jail spell? Brandy? Lohan? Nolte? Can you say drinking and chauffeuring? SMDH.

MEADVILLE, Pa. -- A wrecking ball wreaked havoc on a small college town in northwest Pennsylvania on Monday.

Wrecking Ball Goes Wild

The 1,500-pound, 3-foot-wide ball broke loose from a crane cable and rolled nearly a mile downhill.

It smashed more than a dozen vehicles and injured three people as it bounced from curb to curb.

The ball slammed into the back of a car stopped at an intersection. The force caused a chain reaction with two other cars at the traffic light.

The driver, an Allegheny College junior, said he thought a car had hit him when his back windshield exploded.

The ball came to rest in the trunk of a car and pushed it nearly 20 feet.

Workers had been using the wrecking ball to demolish part of a library at Allegheny College when the cable snapped.
Just try explaining that shit to your State Farm Agent!

MILF kills 14 Marines
I ain't touching that with a 10 foot pole. But they were Philippine Marines and MILF is a group of rebel guerrillas. But still...

An aide to former Michigan Gov. John Engler who was appointed by President George W. Bush to direct northern border relations was fired from the post today because, he says, he refused an administration order to ignore a violation of the U.S.-Canada border treaty.
Guess G. Dubya don't appreciate a job well done. Especially when dealing with National Security. Make ya wonder?

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Tha Blogroll

It recently occurred to me that I can be a little tardy noticing things, on occasion. I noticed a couple of omissions in my blogroll that I had to fix. And I realized that I may have left others out too. Sooooo.... If I have left comments on five or more posts you wrote and you don't see your name in My Usual Guest Appearances, let a brotha know. If you blog from the Detroit Area, meaning you were born here or are living here now, or before, then let me know who ya are. If you are family, I should know about ya spot! Hit me up! If I am on your list and you are not in mine, let me know I am slippin'.

Of course if you see a bright dude in a paisley silk short set with matching Ostrich shoes walking up on ya, know two things. 1) You is about ta git cut! 2) You done fugged up cause I checked ya blogroll and didn't find me there!

Lata!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Things To Amaze

As I was thinking about plinking (rhymed) in the last post, I began to think about other things that amaze folk. Here are a few of my favorite things to do that astound and amaze my friends!

Plinking:
I have a bb gun that I have had since I was eight. I can hit most targets that it can reach usually on the first shot. As you all can see I gotz me four eyes. So quite naturally folk think I can't even see the damn targets much less hit them! Once they get their mouths open in amazement, I usually show off by hitting a fence post from about 60 - 100 yards. So I am warning you all now. If you are feeling a little beside yaself and wanna act out, don't come on Tha Hill! Cause I can reach out and touch that ass!

Jeopardy:
Being the genius that I am I have amassed a decent sized bank if trivial knowledge. Reading, watching TV, listening to radio and such things get absorbed and somehow stored. So if you are watching Jeopardy and I am in the room and you are competitive, DO NOT yell out any answers unless you want me to play too. And of course if you don't mind losing. Maybe one day I will try my luck. But I will have to give up worrying about embarrassing myself on national TV before that can happen. Just my luck they will be categories I know nothing about.

The Dictionary Game:
This is my favorite. I used to spend hours browsing through the dictionary. For me looking up a word usually took about a half-hour because I would look up that word, read several others on the page, link to other words. Pretty much my way of surfing before the World Wide Web. So every once in a while I hand folk the dictionary and challenge them to find a word I cannot define. The rules being that a "definition" is valid if I can tell you what the word means more or less. Not the "exact" dictionary definition. To date I think my success rate is around 90%.

The Movie Game:
This is the one where I ask for the two top billed stars in the movie and I give you the title. I am about 70% successful with this one. It would probably be higher but there are a large amount of movies that are out there that I just don't care about. This game mostly applies to the movies that have been made since I have been alive. So if you can't remember the name of a movie and I ask you who starred in it, you got a good chance of getting an answer.

What things do you do that astound and amaze your friends?

Random Things

A thought that makes me smile. Ladies with ample backsides riding motorcycles in front of me. Thanks to MzCoko and my lovely wife for inspiring such a thought!

Random crazy thought. If I am riding a bike on the freeway after having a Jethro bowl of Life cereal, will the other drivers be horrified by the exhaust fumes?

Question #1. When did it become a good look to have a shirt too short and have your wrinkled, saggy, stretch marked baby belly hanging out? Yeah, that is right! You heard (read) me right! Girlfriend had that "one too many kids" belly where the skin don't tighten up anymore. And she wasn't no bigger than my index finga! Most UNSEXY!

Question #2. Why do some (really) big girls think that showing some skin is an excuse to show ALL tha damn skin? ::: Disclaimer Start - I ain't hatin' on the big girls. I have been known to closely associate with those larger than a size 12 (I think that is the cutoff point...). AND it ain't okay for anybody to be nekkid and out of doors unless there is sand and water involved. AND I ain't the smallest fella myself. - Disclaimer ends :::
That said I was horrified (once again) by a gratuitous showing of far too much! I previously mentioned a neighbor who has a tendency to uh... underdress (click here). Usually she does the shirts with the v-neck thing. But she got like some 60HH bra or something like that. To paint a better picture she usually has cleavage in FRONT of the titz. By that I mean you can see the titty meat between the nipples. Ya know. That kind of stuff that gorilla looking New York does now that she got the boob job. Eh-nee-way. This time she wore a shirt that didn't threaten to expose her woman parts to the world. BUT it wasn't big enough to cover up the back fat! Ah-mah-lawd! Not tha back fat!!! My eyes! Can't she find a shirt that covers ERETHANG? I found myself wishing she would pull that boy down and let the titty meat back out. I...am...traumatized!!!! Oh yeah, if you click the link, that ain't her. It was just for illustrative purposes.

Question #3. Am I being too much of a punk not to say something? I say that because I just got up to stretch and guess who was out side? Just drove up to the house. Wearing something that looks like a halter top on her! With Capri pants on! And one roll all the way around. Like that muhfugga is an accessory belt or something!
On tha real though. I should stop being such a hermit and go meet her and her folk. They are new to the block. And are probably nice (although young) folk. Besides the newest folk have one hot fuggin babe in tha house! Can't go down there and ignore the ones who were here before now can I? That would be rude of me! LMAO! I can go around trying to borrow a couple of packs of Sweet-N-Low!

Question #4. Ain't it funny how things seem to be but aren't? I say this because, of plinking. Those who are unacquainted:
plink (plÄ­ngk) Pronunciation Key
v. plinked, plink·ing, plinks
v. tr.
1. To cause to make a soft, sharp, metallic sound; clink.
2. To shoot at casually.
Just had to throw an official definition on there... When I shoot things, both happen.

I can shoot pretty well but folk assume I can't because my prescription says BAT. A more detailed story follows in the next post.

Question #5. Why, oh WHY the hell can't Black folk stay outta touch? I ain't saying White folk ain't guilty BUT these damn cell phones have gotten WAY the hell outta hand! I can't tell you how many times I done seen somebody driving like the NEVER had sense. Why they do it you ask? Because they on the damn phone! Gitoffthadayumphoneandfukkindriveyafukkinasshole!!!!! EVERYBODY is guilty of that one. The reason I am calling Black folk out is because I see muhfuggas WALKING on the damn phone! NOBODY walks in Detroit unless you are without whip! And I ain't even talking about the ones on the major streets. I am talking about the ones strolling through the hood! Walked outta the house and on the way to a friend's house three blocks away. Why you gotta be on the phone then? And the ones on the bus are the worst. Because usually the ones who ride the bus got a Nextel! Why the hell I wanna hear you gettin' your walkie talkie on (that is what they were when I was a kid) when you ain't talking about nothing? ::beep!:: "where you at?" ::chirp!:: "just left Boo Boo house. I am finta go and get me sumthin' ta eat" ::beep!:: "Fa real what you gon' eat?" ::chirp:: "Prolly stop at the Coney Island when I get off the bus" ::beep:: "So what Boo Boo ass was doin' when you left? She still trippin' on you?" ::chirp:: "Man you know how she is. When ain't she trippin'?" ::beep:: "true dat, true dat. I am getting another call. Lemme holla later!" ::chirp:: "aiight. Holla back at me when I get to the cut!" I still wanna know what Boo Boo be trippin' about!