Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Today's Real Post


Blogger is trippin' today! Why is it that I can manage to get porn pages to pop up quick and easy but I can't get to my peeps without multiple reloads and unnecessary delay? Not saying that internet porn ain't important. But I am more concerned with keeping up with my peeps than looking at some random naked hoes at this time.


Monday, April 28, 2008

25 to Why?

Why is that little fucker still alive?

Why am I getting the "side eye" when I look at Diva's blog?

Why is this post so damn hard to write?

Why am I turning into a cantankerous old man?

Why am I NOT turning into a dirty old man?

Why must I feel like that?

Why must I chase the cat?

Why did these assholes install The Matrix 2.0 and give me all these damn problems?

Why ask why?

Why not?

Why are you thinking me strange at this point?

Why can't we be friends?

Why does exit 187 let off in my neighborhood?

Why did the extremely efficient City of Detroit just put a NEW no parking sign up in front of my crib and remove the one sixty feet away?

Why do the assume that the folk who park in front of my house on the regular are merely nearsighted?

Why do I feel that just cost about $50 in tax money to do?

Why don't the media get up outta Kwame's ass for a minute and investigate that shit?

Why are the Pistons trying to make me hate basketball?

Why didn't I get to be 7 feet tall with a killer hook shot?

Why the hell didn't the Lions draft Mike Hart?

Why did he have to go to to the Colts who I am so not interested in watching?

Why did the rest of my questions suddenly fade away?

Why, why, WHY?????????

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

A Mouse In My House.

No this ain't no damn Dr. Seuss story so don't get to rhyming and shyt.

He ain't cute like Mickey, Feivel, Remy or Speedy Gonzalez.

He ain't one of them little white furred pink eyed albino muthafuckas that died so your RavishingRed lipstick won't make your lips swell like in the old "mammy" cartoons.

No. I am talking about a rat on a smaller scale.

He just cruised into my vision on my kitchen floor, in no particular hurry. Looking for a snack. Bad enough the sumbitch invited himself to live with out so much as a please or a thank you. But now he expect muhfuggin en tree's too? And while I am blogging?!?!?! Shidddd.... He just got tried, found guilty and given a death sentence. I tried to find something to hit his bitch ass with since he was bold enough to hang that long. Alas no such luck. But I will get him.

Because this little sumbitch's days are numbered!

He better run! Get the hell out! OR...
He will either meet Rodentkiller Mk. 1

Or my friend of 30 years named Mousekiller.

And he don't want the 30 year friendship broke out on him. Or the last thing he may see will be me and Mousekiller.

And it goes a little something like this...

The little fucker! And here I was all ready to talk about a blog harem...

Friday, April 18, 2008

Blog Day

I stayed home today and spent my time reading your stuff. And when I got to the last it encouraged a post of my own. You get a towfer today.

I enjoyed you all a lot. I hope I didn't forget to leave everybody at least one comment!

The Truth Shall Set Your Nutz Free

I was just over at Queenie's place and she got me to thinking. Thinking about one of the most prevalent complaints that black women have, in my experience. What? I knew you would ask. Lying ass black men of course! You know the kind who lie and make me look bad. The kind who get me the side eye when I stroll up on the scene. The kind who make me despised by a whole bunch of women who don't even know me?

Don't lie! You know you know him. Your brother is probably one of them...

Dudes! Quit damn lying!!!

I mean if you aren't gonna be faithful, don't marry her ass! Quit lying!

I mean if you need two or three cell phones and a pager (do they make those anymore?) you wrong! Quit damn lying!!!

I mean if you got a boo, but want her too! And her, and her... Quit damn lying!!!

It is my firm belief that 95% of the dumb shit a man will do in his lifetime will be to impress a woman. The other five is showing off for your buddies. Which means we are indoctrinated into the ways of finding female approval and hence female attentiveness. Unfortunately that means we also used to being less than honorable in how we do that. That theory alone is a whole 'nother post.

But we learned that lying is a good way to get wit them panties. Funnily enough we learned a lot of it from them. Not always a conscious decision on either part. But when "I want some booty" gets you a "Hell naw" and "I Love You" gets you some booty, who is really teaching who what here?

I say we stand up and stop lying. And stop letting them encourage us to lie!

If you want five women on a rotating basis, then do so! Tell the five women you are seeing that you want four other girlfriends! The ones that don't leave are obviously down with the plan. The ones that do will need replacing and shouldn't be missed! Potential added side benefits could lead to exhaustion from all the three and foursomes you may get involved in as a result. At least until The Bell Curve Theory kicks in... And it is a lot easier than lying to five women at the same time. Which is a stupid plan anyway.

Let them know that you want the night to end up with them naked and sweaty and on top of you! The ones that say no are not the one you take out that night. No use in getting all worked up over somebody who is gonna leave you all high and dry that night. That is a waste of good wine! Call her back on movie night! Sex night is for somebody else! No use ending up at the precinct having to explain while you STILL got blueballs!

And for petes sake if you are gonna sow your wild oats. Get them ALL outta the way before you EVER think of buying a ring! What is the purpose of providing the ILLUSION of comfort, security, love, caring and all the rest that goes with that ring if you aren't gonna do it? Why pay the maintenance costs of having a wife if your stone is still rolling? Wouldn't it be cheaper and more cost efficient to put those resources into finding your next conquest than giving the wife and the mistress both a half assed package of goods?

Let's be honest here dudes! We are all some horny dogs. The Horny Dog Theory says so.

So lemme see. The recap. Stop lyin'. And I owe you guys, The Horny Dog Theory, The Bell Curve Theory, The 95% Theory and what the hell, I will throw The Smart Woman Theory in too. Gotta make graphs for those though...

Thursday, April 17, 2008

My First Time...

My cousin brought me to The Club. I just happened to tag along one day. She gave me hints on what to expect. But boy did she have a gift for underestimation. It was a place of wonders and delights. Sex, drugs, booze, laughs it was all so intoxicating. I watched her for a while. I saw how much delight she experienced interacting with the other patrons and the celebrities. I wanted some too.

I wasn’t sure exactly what to do or what to say, so I sat there with this dumb look on my face for longer than normal...just staring at nothing in particular but thinking hard about what was about to go down. I mostly thought about my next move... Me and cuz had some different tastes though . I didn't feel comfortable doing those things that she was doing. So I wandered off to do my own thing in that den of delight.

That first time, I had a lot of internal nervous conversations with myself. Boy did I beat myself up about those nervous Mostly because…hellllllo…people do this all the time, so why was I acting like it was such a big deal ya know? That’s what I kept asking myself, but the truth is that I wanted it to be this magical, special and intimate affair. I didn’t want it to turn into this forgettable or regrettable ordeal. More importantly, I did not want to waste my time.

My first time was rather lonely...there was no magic to it...and no intimacy at all. It was just me and my two "girlfriends" at it all the time. A few times a day in fact. But that got old. Because I did it without even getting naked! So robotic were my movements. It was more important that I get the mission accomplished, so I could keep it moving and relax later. I could get naked once the stigma of being a first timer was removed...that's what I thought back then anyway. But the emptiness of it all drove me away for a time.

I decided that I would try to recapture the magic that brought me to The Club. Then SHE found me. I remembered her from before I stopped hanging at The Club. In her warm and easy way she assured me that things could be as I imagined them. She let me know that my newfound experiences would be as wonderful as I imagined them to be. If I would just let it all hang out.... often... She even showed me her new membership at The Club. I just knew that I was gonna have a WHOLE LOTTA fun with this gal at The Club! Had me doin' it like a newlywed!

This is of course about my first experience blogging folks! What was yours like? Was it even a big deal?

Coauthored by Opinionated Diva (again)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Miss You!

Been missing folk lately. But I have been distracted a bit in recent days. And spending time at the hospital. This lady's blood pressure is nuts! And my computer is acting like a beyotch again. So I will be off in the ether until...


Wednesday, April 09, 2008


The crazies are at it again! I am really getting tired of these slow news days. Why? Because the Detroit media never lets a day go by without SOME story on the mayor. For those who don't live in the Metro Detroit area and think I may be over reacting a bit, don't. The coverage is much the same around here as the media frenzy from September 11th.

YESTERDAY's news...

The county prosecutor wants to limit the mayor's travel because his last trip out of town wasn't related to his job. I watched his arraignment and the judge didn't give him any restrictions aside from staying in the U.S. and informing Pretrial Services beforehand, which he did... The story

A local attorney filed suit against the mayor and his former assistant to repay the money that the city paid to settle the whistleblower lawsuit. He claims that the suit is on behalf of the citizens of the city. He also claims that it has nothing to do with his campaign for judge this year... That story

Several citizens decided to have the mayor evicted from his office and the Mayoral Residence and went to serve eviction notices at both places... The video

Not just the aged but they young are also getting in on the act. One teen is getting his 15 minutes because of an editorial... Video and link to text here.

The City Council and their clownery At times I think they are even worse than the mayor... See

Oh yeah, and the attorney for the fired police officers in the case that started this whole thing says he did not commit extortion when he showed the text messages to the mayor and his attorney. Yet the settlement was banged out the same night. Rumor has it that the text messages increased the settlement offer by about 6 million... But he said

Is it any wonder that I am a little over tired of this whole thing? I just want to get a giant mallet and play one spirited game of Whack-A-Mole. Every time one of these crazies pops their head outta the ground for a minute or two of fame or infamy, BAM! Right back into the ground!!!!

But maybe it is just me...

Monday, April 07, 2008

Much Has...

Much has happened since I was last here. Okay since post 200. My previous post was one that happened while looking for something to add to my post about mom. That post never saw the light of day though. I may do so.

The short version is this.

In the last week I have encountered birth, sickness and death in the family.

We welcomed Anaya Princess Marie to the world. My daughter's best bud and favorite cousin had her first child. She is such a cutie. I may post later...

My mother was admitted to the hospital. It seems she had a "mini-stroke" in the waiting room to see her doctor. At least that is the current prognosis. Whatever it was it came and went within a half an hour. She is scheduled for a minor procedure tomorrow. Hopefully it will tell what the problem really is. Too many mysteries with that.

We said goodbye to Marshal D. My wife's paternal grandfather passed away on Saturday. He went out on a beautiful spring day, surrounded by family, having a laugh or two. He was 94 years old. A wonderful way to go home.

More later...

Friday, April 04, 2008

Gangsta Mom!

This woman is gangsta! She went all the hell the way to South Korea to jack her kid back! Don't fuck with sista and her kid! Dude lucky he didn't get canceled in the process!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Post 200!!!!

Today I have resolved to get with a list of the following:

Some of this

Some of this

Some of this

Some of this

Some of this

Some of this

Some of this

AND Some of this

I have to say, it be a good day!

Oh yeah!


April Fool's Muhfuggas!!!!!!!!