See, what I WAS gonna do...

Yep, what I was gonna do was drop my dulcet tones on you all in another audio post. Then I remember encountering resistance from several people who shall not have their identities outed. Today...

So...

You get to read instead of listen.


Every thing is cool.

That is all...


Okay, just kidding.

But things are cool.

School is still going on. The countdown is officially less than 30 days. Graduation looms. Hopefully that damn math proficiency that I was avoiding like the plague won't come back and bite me in the ass. Especially since I found out that you can only take that sumbitch ONCE a semester!!! What the fuck is that all about? Especially when I couldn't find the damn study materials on the website they sent me to! Do you realize how much math I have forgotten in the many years since I actually took a class? What a backward ass university!

Classes this semester have been a bit more challenging. Why? I am glad you asked...

• I moved at the beginning of the semester. It was distracting for the first three weeks.
• I resent three point five of the five classes I am taking this semester. I wasn't expecting to take them.
• Cruise control is on.
• Did I mention resentment?
• Is May here yet?
• I gotta get a job now?
• I can't regurgitate facts like I did two decades ago.
  

Okay, enough of that.

I am surprised by how much my early semester affected the midterms. That and I am tired of group projects where folk don't wanna do shit. Thank god the last one is on Monday! And that I don't have to go to Astronomy lab any more!!! Just gotta turn in work for that one. One more class session and a paper for Business Anthropology. Hmm... Two weeks of class and then the final Finals!!! Yeah! I gotta be honest though. I really don't care what these grades look like as long as they don't keep me from commencement. Not that I ain't gonna continue trying. But it took 24 years to get here, I already got one and a half middle fingers up!!! Ya feel me?!?!?

Dang! Now I gotta go all they way back to being a grown up.
...
... ...
...
Dang!

On the other hand, the job is always easier than the training for it. And the payments go in the opposite direction. Who invented that system anyway?

I will try to post more since the workload is letting up. I can justify spending time creating documents that don't have a due date and a rubric. But you know how that goes. And how I go...

OH!!!
By the way. You are all invited to my graduation!
Turns out that while tickets are limited, there is an internet simulcast! I will have to get the link out to you closer to the event!

Update: I passed the proficiency exam!!! So that little test won't hold me up for another 15 weeks!

A Heart Stolen

A year ago today, this wonderful little individual was born.

Who was to know she would turn out to be this bigger wonderful individual a year later!
Look at that smile!!!
Just a grinnin'!
Who could resist that face?


Really though! I could! This chile is da debil! Yeah, yeah, I know you are thinking "Not that angelic little face!" Well you can best believe that what I say is true!!!

I managed to get those pictures while she was smack in the middle of terrorizing my computer! Notice how in the first and third of the recent photos that her little arm is up and escaping the pictures? That is because she was repeatedly punching the power button on my monitor and thought she was being slick and such! In the middle picture I dived between her and my keyboard. That of course brought about that little devilish grin you see.

Y'all don't believe me? Check out the video...

I am still not sure which of us won that one...

Okay, on the real. She ain't da debil ALL the time. And because she ain't, she managed to steal the heart of this old blogger. Usually by being cute and undebilish like this.



Or like this...



Happy Birthday Aniyah Princess Marie!!!
AKA Gummy Bear AKA Gumbeezy AKA Taboody AKA Bad Booty AKA Tee Tee AKA Ham Hocks AKA Chunky Butt AKA Detroit's Next Top Model AKA... (Well y'all get the idea)

Frontin' At The Pondo

My son. Okay he ain't my genes so I won't be TOO embarrassed.

Let me tell you what this... this... person did.

Usually we go out to eat in public and find ourselves somewhat embarrassed. I mean this cat looks like he hasn't had food in ever. I mean messy face and hands. Ranch dressing on the cheeks, hands, sleeves, glasses... You get the drift. Bad enough to the point where my wife will say tight lipped "STOP IT! You act like you ain't never had food before! That is really pissing me off!" Yeah. Tight lipped. Like you say it when you about to fuck somebody up and don't want the whole world to know. I know y'all know it.

So we would tend to lighten the mood a bit by teasing him. "Boy, wait until you get a girlfriend! You probably gonna scare her off the first time y'all go to a restaurant!" And many more like it. He usually looked at us like he really could give a shit. Which of course didn't stop the barbarian behavior.

Jump forward in time. SOMEBODY has a girlfriend. The families agree to meet up. They are from Saginaw and are a couple hours drive away. So when a doctor appointment brings mom to the area, it sets up an opportunity for teen time spent together. And since the family is with her, an opportunity for everybody to meet. So we agree to meet them at a restaurant near their hotel. They pick Ponderosa. I guess we all liked the meatballs and the wing dings.

The day arrives and he is in a funny mood. He goes between elated and irritating... okay irritable. He especially works a nerve when he acts like he don't know the plan and gets more irritating when we don't leave when he wants to go. Completely forgetting that his GF and her fam were out shopping and moved the time back two hours.

As the time went by and he started getting even more irritating, we started to threaten to kill him. Or at least leave his ass at home. In retrospect we wished he had stayed that way because you know how teen age boys get that touchy feely silly love struck puppy thing going? Yeah, that is what we had to deal with from the time he hit the restaurant parking lot until he went to sleep.

So we finally get in and the families meet. He is of course excited. Understandably so. She ain't bad looking and is fairly well configured for a teenager. I guess there is something to be said for Internet Pimpin'! Basically everyone orders the buffet. We sit and jawjack for a few moments. Then me and The Wife get up and go to get our grub on. I guess the rest of them forgot it was a self serve thing... I come back to the table with my meat plate and my side plate (them damn salad plates were small!). Guess what the hell I see run up to the table? A salad!!! Who has it? Mr. Barbarian Man!!! I didn't think that it was unusual considering we do salads all the time. But this sumbitch was acting all funny! He was cutting the damn salad with a knife like it had a damn porterhouse in the middle of it!!! I just looked at him. His mother asked if he was hungry. He said, "Yeah, I'm straight!" Of course that was my que to ask him where his FOOD was. Then his sister and cousin started in on him. We saw he was frontin' his ass off. And we WERE gonna call him on it!!! It got so bad that even his lady love's mother called him out. "We came all the way down here to have dinner with you and all you are gonna eat is a salad?" At which point even he had to laugh. But he stayed in character. Because he still ate that damn salad with that damn knife and fork. Except when his girlfriend went to the powder room. Then he availed himself of a few wing dings. Of course he put the bones on somebody else's plate. When she got back, he was back to the knife, fork and salad.

At least until he got ratted out. Because cousin Dan said to The Wife "Hey cousin! You sure were hungry with all them chicken wings on your plate!" To which The Wife replied "Those aren't mine. D ate those!" At which point everybody busted out laughing since he got informed on by his own mother. But he started acting somewhat normal after that. Somewhat.

Nasty Muthafucka!!!

I meant to do this one sooner but well... I been procrastinating. Okay, I actually been studying (see Ladylee!).

I was at my Anthropology class. It had just ended and I was on my way home. My wife called me just as I entered the men's room. So I kinda drifted to the business section. I hung back since it was a two handed job and I didn't wanna crowd the two guys there. My wife tends to stay on the phone so the other guys finished up and left. I was all alone. So I drifted over to the urinals. I picked out the one that was going to service my needs.

Sidebar: Urinal etiquette
I have to take this little sidebar to explain the unspoken mantiquette about taking a piss in a public restroom. First a picture...


This is essentially the same setup as the restroom in question. Mantiquette says that if they are all empty, pick one on the edge. Because if someone comes in while you are in mid stream, you don't want him to have to do his thing next to you. In other words leave an empty one between if possible. Usually if the ones on the end are filled, either wait until one frees up, or if you are really pressed, use the middle one. That is how it usually goes.

Returning to the story. At this point I have selected the on on the far end next to the wall. I flushed it to make sure the water was as clean as possible before I did my thing. Don't want no backsplash from other people's wastewater. I don't have the longest arms in the world so I wasn't standing too far away. As I am finishing up my call, I notice this guy walk up into the joint. Now I just knew this dude saw me and had already decided to either use a toilet or the urinal to the right of the picture, as dictated by mantiquette. Imagine my horror when he walked past the first urinal he arrived at (on the right). He stopped to inspect the middle urinal. Now mind you I am within arms reach of the one on the left. This was a breach or mantiquette!

Well... The show didn't stop there. No, no, nonono! This nasty, troll looking, dirty ass, low born, unhometrained, ratty ass muthafucka took it to another level!!! Cause dude took a sidestep to the left!!!! I know y'all already had the picture formed of what things looked like BEFORE he rolled up. So you can imagine what it looked like NOW!!! Y'all remember the Chilisauce move The Time did in during Jungle Love in Purple Rain? @ 2:36 in the video below (I won't take the clip out of the video so you can enjoy the whole thing...)

Morris Day - New Music - More Music Videos

That's right this sumbitch Cha Cha slid his ass over in front of me! I was close enough to give that muthafucka a damn reacharound!!!

I was so shocked and outdone that I couldn't even hang up the damn phone! I just walked out of the spot and told my wife about his nasty ass! I waited until I got home after that.

I still can't believe that shit!!!

What Is It?

Okay so check this out. My wife is an occasional lottery player. In her case the "occasion" is when one of her family members irritates the shit out of her. Of course she oftentimes forgets to do so. So when the numbers come on those days, we hear "Dammit! I knew I should have played today! Look what came out!" What comes out is usually one of our birthdays or one of the kids' birth weights.

Today is no exception. For some reason the boy likes to lay around and be late for school. I say this because,

• The car is supposed to leave the house at 7:20 daily.
• I get up at 7:12 this morning (because weather and traffic is on the 2's)
• I see his ass in his damn jammies.
• I jump in my clothes, ret to go and see him still half dressed.
• I ask, "Dog been out? Cleaned up after? What your sister doing?" the usual...
• I get "no, no, she in the shower I think"
• The wife gets them up @ 6:30 so they get almost an hour to SS&S.
  
• Why everybody ain't clean, ready and maybe even fed (including the dog) by 7:15 I don't know.
• I get tired of waiting of them and, as usual, I go out to the car first. @ 7:35.
• They finally drag ass out to the car @ 7:40 which is the same exact time his ass is supposed to be in class.
• They both conveniently walk right out the door and don't bother to lock the sumbitch.
• So I ask why.
• For those of you who have kids, you already know what the answer was...
• For those who don't, they said "My key is in the house. I was in a hurry to get out here" Huh... Ironic isn't it? Hurry? AFTER we are VERY late?
• So they both get up and go back in to get their keys.
• HE comes back out and says "Mommy told me to stay home"
• I ask why?
• He shrugs
• My phone rings. The wife from inside.
• She says "he might as well stay home since he is so late. But he gonna clean his ass off today"
• I um... kindly... remind her that "neither one of us will be at home today and there is no reason at all for his ass to miss school since he was the one dragging ass this morning"
• She says "You know he is gonna get Saturday School for this" Saturday School being weekend detention for folk with multiple tardies. Usually his sister's fault...
• I say "Yep. But if he gets tired of doing it then he will get up and make sure his sister is moving her ass along so he can get there on time."
• She agrees and sends his evil late ass back out to the car.

I will stop the bullets now. They were probably irritating by now. Thanks Dr. Fitzgibbons! I am now bullet pointing like crazy! (My Business Presentations class)

Anyway, fast forward to later in the day after she got her hair done. Now she feeling pretty again and all. We stop at the store to grab a few items. She walks up to the lottery counter because she remembers something that she wanted to play. Guess what I hear. Yep, you guessed it... "Dammit! Look what came out! I just can't believe that!" I look at her with the Spock Brow at half mast. She goes on and says, "Who was irritating the shit out of me this morning?" I go, "Really?" She goes, "Yep, 702 straight!" I laugh and say to her "He irritated you and then dropped straight in the very next drawing? Too bad you don't play the midday!" She then shook her head and said "Momma keeps telling me to do midday. Every time y'all get on my nerves it falls in the midday."

We laugh about it and I let her get on to her playing while I busy myself with the sales paper, some well filled jeans and the lottery pamphlet. And whilst in the pamphlet, I discover the payouts that would have happened had she played the bets she just made on that midday.

Turns out that the Michigan Lottery pays $500 for a $1 straight bet on a three digit number. They play $166 on a $1 box bet.

I don't think y'all heard me.

She WOULD have won $666 this afternoon had she played!!!

All this long ass story just to say what I was originally gonna tell you all in this post:

THE LOTTERY IS THE DEBIL!!!!!


Update!!! 7:30 p.m. Guess the hell what?!?!? 207 came out in the damn evening!!! And she didn't play it!!! You know what she said right???

Special Guest Blogger Alert!!!!!

Special Guest Blogger Alert!!!

Please do not be alarmed, but Wifey has taken over Second-Sixty Eight's (a.k.a. A Dyssturbed Mined) domain just for today!!!

First let me say hello to all of the wonderful Blog Haremites and any other Blog friends.

But!

Today is the birthday of two very "special" people in my life. And if you are a Haremite or just a regular who stops by on occasion to read some of his stories, then you know our Second-Sixty Eight is something "special" right?

So I thought I would do a really "special" but cute tribute to both of them. I’m going to tell you one of my favorite stories about each of them.

Happy Birthday Honey Bun aka Sweet Lou!!!




Horoscope: Pisces (the fish) Feb.20- Mar. 20
Imaginative, creative, wise, kind and caring, easy-going, romantic, even-tempered, multi-talented, compassionate and *ultra-popular*.

My Favorite Story:

Now Second-Sixty Eight likes to fire his weapon (butt noises) that’s what I call it at night when he has had anything dairy. So this particular night after work, I didn’t feel like cooking dinner and my family decided that they wanted some sliders for dinner. I’m asking them are they sure, so I said okay because White Castles don’t mess with my stomach like it do them. So I order a 30 crave case w/cheese for the kids, three double cheeseburger w/orange drink for me and Second-Sixty Eight orders two double cheeseburger, fish w/cheese and chicken w/cheese. Anyway, that night I was slightly surprised cause no one complained about having bubbles in their stomachs . After a while everybody went to bed. Some hours went by with nobody getting up to go to the bathroom.

(Sidetrack) Now I have this thing where I really can’t stand for him to belch next to me but I’m okay with him firing his weapon. I know that’s dyssturbing on its own.(hahaha)

Now back to the story. So now his weapon is just going off all night long and I’m just laughing when it goes off. So now the next time his weapon went off and boy did it go off. The next thing I heard him sit up in bed and say "What the F@@@!!!!" and he just cussing, fussing and telling me how foul that sh@@ smelled and next time kick me in my a@@ and tell me to take my foul smelling butt to the bathroom. Now I’m just laughing and laughing and he looks at me and said its not funny. But I told him that it is funny to me because you were more offended by your butt going off than me. Then he gets back in bed, rolls over and looks at me and tells me that I have a DYSSTURBED MINED. But we all know the truth don’t we!!!

Happy Birthday Pooh Bear aka My Chocolate Child!!!


Horoscope: Pisces (the fish) Feb.20- Mar. 20
Creative , imaginative, multi-talented, trusting, kind and caring, easy-going, friendly, even-tempered, intuitive and helpful.

My Favorite Stories:

Tache’ has always been my "special" child. Many times someone would tell me that "your baby is climbing out her stroller" at four and five months. She has always done everything early like walking by 6 months, getting her back teeth first at 5 ½ month and potty trained by 7 months.

My favorite story about Tache’ would be the Barney story. So Tache’ and her brother loved everything Barney. We spent much money on Barney stuff like Barney stuffed animals, Barney bedding, Barney underwear, Barney cups, Barney theme birthday’s……. that we were thinking of starting a parents only club called the I Hate That Big Purple Song Stealing Dinosaur Club. But on this day Tache’ and her brother, especially Tache, kept singing that one song. Yes, you know that song if you have children or just have nieces or nephew back in the early 90’s. You know the song has soon has you heard it:

I love you
You love me
We're a happy family
With a great big hug
And kiss from me to you
Won’t you say you love me too.

Okay, let me not get that song stuck in my head. Anyway, like I said she kept singing the song all day and now it was time for Second-Sixty Eight to get in from work. And I always ask him "How was your day honey" and he would tell me how his day went. And before he could ask me how my day went, in comes Tache’ singing this song "I love you, You love me" and Second-Sixty Eight jumps in and says

With a knick-knack paddywhack,
give a dog a bone
This old man came rolling home.

And Tache’ stops and looks at Second-Sixty Eight like he had just committed a serious crime. So Second-Sixty Eight starts to explain that Barney had stole the lyrics from "This Old Man" nursery rhyme. Now Tache’ did not want to believe the story that Second-Sixty Eight was telling her was the truth. So then Tache’ breaks in and tells Second-Sixty Eight in the middle of his explanation she said "But Barney says to share" and walks away singing

I love you
You love me
With a knick-knack paddywhack
Give a dog a bone
Won’t you say you love me too.

All we could do was laugh so hard that tears were coming out of our eyes.


Make Today……About you. For you. Only you.


Happy Birthday Second-Sixty Eight & Tyweezy!!!

That Damn Bush Family!!!

Geronimo’s Heirs Sue Secret Yale Society Over His Skull See! Them damn Bush men have been at it for years!!!

I Would Like To Speak To Management Please!

Because this place is getting hella dusty!!!

Yep.

I know.

Half a month? Even I think it is ridiculous!!!

But because of the move and semester starting at the same time, I am STILL a little disorganized and slightly behind.

And before you say it, YES! I been studying!!! Just ain't caught up yet. And since I am getting organized as I fly into mid-terms, I may be a little absent still (or not... I never know...) But my last midterm is on my birthday. How the hell am I supposed to take my personal holiday off when she does that shit? BUT spring break for me starts pretty much close of business on the day after. SOOOOOOOOOO. I MIGHT be in Atlanta that week. We shall see if that comes together or not. If it does, then be prepared for A Dyssturbed ATL coming in Mid March!!!

Now, I better go and get dressed before this Valentines Day Steak don't happen! And after that... Study...

Lata!!!

Plans?

You know sometimes how you make plans to do things and it don't workout? Well I had some plans to surprise all of you.

See I was gonna kinda defect to the Wordpress way of life. But I couldn't make my page look as cool with them layouts of theirs. And they disabled much of the good stuff I like to add to my page. They suck for that.

Then I was gonna make the jump to Wordpress by self publishing. That way I would have been able to use the good features of Wordpress and have all of the cool features that Blogger has. But alas, the trial attempt made my head hurt slightly. And I don't really have the chips to purchase the web hosting and domain name. So I ain't defected yet.

But don't be surprised if you have to find me at Dyssturbed.net or something like that. I will of course keep you all posted on that...

Announcement!!!!

A Dyssturbed Mined is coming to you from a new location!!!!

I can now be reached at:

##### *************** St.
**** ****** MI, #####
(###) ###-####

Oh dang! That damn paranoid ass Usama done blocked stuff out. For those of you who have the old number, it may still be on, but I won't be there!

I don't mind telling y'all, I been getting my ass kicked by progress the last couple of weeks. But the furniture moving is over. Mostly... Just gotta get the internet up and I can start blogging from home again. Might even have time to do so now. Except Mondays. I got a 9:30 - 9:30 schedule with a five hour gap in the middle. Needless to say, Monday posts will be rare unless I am bored and not doing homework midday like now.

I be tired though. I guess I will feel fresh next week. That is when the real work is going to start.

Guess I will go and visit now. See y'all in the comments!

Happy Birthday Wifey!!!

Prince - Adore Live LA 02 -

Years ago today, a gift was delivered to this world for me. So here are a couple of her favorites on her day.

Happy Birthday Lele!!!!!

Just Some Stuff

It is amazing how the smallest thing brings you unmatched amounts of momentary joy. I say this because my new mouse didn't scroll in some of my apps. I just figured out that the program that loads the mouse properties was the culprit. So when I disabled the program, I found that I could use the scroll in Firefox, Thunderbird and Flock! Don't get me wrong, Chrome is a nice browser, but it ain't no Firefox. Oh joy!!! Lemme go and make it the default again!

The semester has started. I might just consider this fun. One class is at the extension center. Not as far from the new crib as the main campus. Nonetheless, I was wishing I HAD went and begged to get in that web class. That had to be the WORST damn traffic I been in outside of a snow storm in a long time. And it is like that on the reg! Definitely gonna have to take another way.

We actually have a new lease and keys and services connected or in process. Just gotta get stuff moved now.

Did y'all know that folk give shit away on Craigslist for free? I said Fo' FREE!!! My wife was out there looking for a treadmill and found the free section. There was a mofo out there who was giving away a 50" big screen TV. If I hadn't already agreed to get one from somebody else (along with a living room full of furniture and a couple of exercise machines for cheap) I might have called!

More later or something...

Wordless Wednesday

Yeah, I Know I Been Gone. But...

This is a quick update for all of y'all who have been missing me whilst life has been happening to me.

• I have registered for all of my classes at this point for the Winter 2009 semester.
1. Three of them are on the main campus near my old address.
2. Two of them are at the extension center near my new address.
3. I am trying to get them all on campus so I can avoid Wedenesday evening and Saturday morning classes.
4. This would give me a 9-9 on Monday and a 1-8 on Wednesday schedule., should I be successful.
5. If not then fuck it.  One evening and a Saturday won't kill me.  Especially if it means NOT taking Spring or Summer classes.
6. Keep ya fingers crossed.  May 5 is the anticipated completion date for this campaign.
• For those of you who haven't been paying close attention thus far, I HAVE A NEW ADDRESS!!!
  
1. My wife managed finagle me into a ranch style house.  Oh well, no upstairs, I guess I will live.
2. It isn't the perfect solution that we were looking for which would have allowed the kids to walk to and from school.
3. It isn't as cheap as we would have liked.
4. It is a place where they don't have to be moved to other schools.  Unless they want to do so.
5. It is a place where my family can recongregate.  Including the dog...
6. It is a place where I will be able to call it home.  Ain't done that in years.
7. It is a place where folk who are less than respectful of your stuff and space and feelings are not really welcome.  Even if they are family.
• Seems that mom is none the worse for wear being cared for by... not me.
  
1. She has been relocated temporarily to a location where there is heat and electricity and cable.
2. Although the current crew could be a little more attentive, she ain't being ignored.
3. We will likely have space for her should she get tired of her current caretakers.  Yeah!
• The wife is doing pretty good.
  
1. She has run the house search.  Which is why I didn't argue much about the house type.
2. She is definitely happy because we got approved for the lease.  She get's her family back whole and gets rid of the unnecessary mouth music from other parties.
3. Taking the layoff in stride right now.  Get a little unemployment.  Get some stuff together.  Take a breath.  Start the job search if the layoff lasts more than a month or two.  Or if a bigger paycheck pops up on the horizon.
4. She is walking unassisted.  No cane.  No boot.  No worries.  But a little bit of a limp.
5. She been stressing like crazy and today she is smiling and cheering and rooting for the Eagles to beat the Giants right at this moment.  Oh what a relief it is!!!
• Me?
1. Health is getting better.  Blood pressure is coming down.  Sugar is not bad.
2. My water pill has been cut down so I am not peeing on the hour anymore.
3. I took my both of my loans.  This allowed us to get the money for moving and such without having to depend on family.  You don't know how much relief I am feeling about having to pay back some money!  Especially since HER family always has to have a negative ass opinion when they give money.
4. I get to sleep at night in a bed with my wife again.  In a room alone!  Heh heh hehhhh!
5. I finally have the funds to finish getting this tooth fixed from the root canal.  It got infected again and I am on antibiotics again.  But I do want to eat on both sides of my mouth sometime soon again!
6. Most important I am feeling much more at peace than I have in a long time.  If I don't watch out, I may start feeling happy.

Oh yeah, I might even finish the rest of the dream story too.

A Dyssturbed Dream, Pt. 2

To recap:
A bicycle helmet, tighty whities and a dog.
It's all I got. I don't know why.
Okay and a raging boner because of the hooker.

Now you are up to speed.

So on we go.
I think the dog is a little amused at my "condition"
I guess it was that look that dogs give you where they look at stuff while leaning their heads to one side.
I bet he would have jokes if he could talk.
Glad his ass can't talk.
The next four blocks go by without incident.
If you could consider walking around in ya draws after three in the morning outdoors "without incident"
I figured it was after three in the morning because the hardcore hookers don't look that good.
So the strip clubs have to be closed and the dancer/hookers need a few minutes to get on station.
I was reflecting on how glad I was that the dog knew where we were going.
Right then I heard some guffawing off to the side.
You know the kind that comes out of SERIOUSLY immature males over 18.
I didn't remember what kinda night I was having, but I knew it wasn't good enough to deal with that shit.
So I kept walking.
Of course SOME folk can't leave well enough alone.
I tried to ignore them even longer until I noticed the dog look back and let out a low growl.
I don't know why these dumb muthafuckas were following us.
Maybe it was the malt liquor.
I know they didn't think they were gonna rob me.
That would have just been stupid.
What did they think they were gonna get?
The helmet or the underwear with somebody else's dick print in them?
I guess they figured the dog was a punk too because they ran up to do a three sided surround.
"Where you going?" said the first dumb ass.
"Home. Why?" I mean really?
"You were dressed so funny we had to come see what's up." why dumbass number to gotta say that?
"Ain't shit up. I am damn near naked at oh dark thirty and I am walking. Obviously my day ain't so good." I thought that was kinda obvious though.
"Hold up man. We wanna holla at ya!" Damn! dumbass 1 are you still here?
"No thanks" What? Are these dudes gay?
"The man said quit walking!" Whoa! Dumbass 3 speaketh!
He must be the king dumbass because he put his hand on me.
Wasn't a smart thing to do.
Cause I grabbed his wrist and twisted his hand toward the sky. And tried to punch his elbow through the moon.
His scream was real satisfying. I guess dislocations are real painful.
It stood him up real nice too. so I could do the same thing to his knee.
Now somebody was having a worse day than me.
You would think that seeing ya boy took out that easy would make you want to flee.
Not these mutts.
I guess dumbass 1 had some martial arts training and figured himself to be the second coming of Bruce Lee.
At least that is what it looked like from the stupid Bruce Lee scream and the little Bruce Lee dance he suddenly was doing.
If I wasn't so pissed, I probably would have laughed in his face.
He tried a quick punch kick combo.
Hmm... Karate. Earned one, maybe two belts. Wonder if he learned DEFENSE?
Six seconds later I had my answer.
He can't defend worth shit.
At least not judging from his broken nose and crushed windpipe.
Right then I hear another scream.
You know the kind that makes your blood run cold?
Turns out that the remaining dumbass found out that the dog was no punk indeed.
I see that there are now THREE people having a worse day than me.
Nothing like a pit bull gnawing on ya gonads to make a day go south.
Then the dog shakes him furiously.
Showoff.
"Hey dog! Let him go! I don't want you to catch anything! A dog with an STD CAN'T be a pretty thing!"
Right then I resolved to change my attitude about dad.
He used to call it martial arts training.
I called it creative asswhooping.
I guess we were both right.
I must call him and thank him.
Didn't know I had it in me.
After about another block I look at the dog and ask
"So Mr. Crotch Chewer. Are we close to home yet?"
You know I could have sworn that mutt just rolled his eyes at me!

Still not home yet. part 3 someday...

An Open Letter to 2008

Dear 2008,

From the folk in my household.

GOODBYE YOU SAD FUCKER!!!

Signed,



A group of folk who are tired of walking around with your foot up our asses!!!


p.s. 2009, be warned!

A Dyssturbed Dream, Pt. 1

A bicycle helmet, tighty whities and a dog.
It's all I got. I don't know why.
Nor do I know why I am laying under this marquee.
Or why I am literally laying in the gutter.
And it is a wet gutter.
Must have been one interesting night up until now.
I can't remember why though.
I get up and try to get my bearings.
I can't.
I try to figure out where I am.
I don't.
I guess where home is and start walking.
I hear the dog woof softly.
I stop and turn.
He takes a couple of steps in the OPPOSITE direction and stops.
I follow.
At least one of us knows where the hell we are going.

At the corner of the next block, I see a sight.
I see the most beautiful caramel thighs.
And is that a thong she is wearing?
I walk, and stare.
I stare and walk.
I know I must have been staring hard.
Because I didn't realize I had a "reaction" to those thighs.
AND I was forcibly snapped back to reality.
By a playful and feminine voice saying "Is all that for me?"
I am stopped dead in my tracks.
I finally manage to return from fantasy land and look up.
And notice her looking at the same approximate latitude that I was.
Then she looks up too.
Damn! Eye contact! Now I gotta say something back!
"Um... Hey!" is all my brain can manage.
"Can't say I have seen that particular outfit outdoors before." she quipped.
I look down and notice there is a white cone of fabric between my eyes and where my shoes should be.
"You pitch a nice tent! I will just keep wondering about the helmet."
Great! I run across the one hooker with a smart ass mouth!
"Well you keep wondering about the helmet. I am still trying to figure out which of us is wearing the most fabric" I say as I give her a good looking over.
She chuckles lightly and says "Touche'! But you still didn't answer my question."
"Question?" I ask.
"Yeah, I asked if all that was for me" she said while checking my cone.
I completely forgot about that question.
Me being me, I had to ask "Is it free?"
She gives me one of those appraising looks as if she is considering it.
"Not tonight" was her decision of course.
"Just as well, my money is in my wallet in my pants. Wherever the hell THEY are..."
Might not have been much of a comeback, but I didn't know where any of that shit was.
"Well, maybe next time when you have pants with a wallet in them with money in it"
No she didn't!
"Or I can catch you on stage. At the strip club or at the Improv"
Hey! I had to say something! How the hell did I manage to find Jokey Smurf Hooker anyway?
"Ha Ha Mr. Tent Man. And I'm supposed to be the funny one? You have a good night because meeting you in that outfit sure made mine!"
"Well you have a good night too. You almost made my night too! Almost..."
You know as I walked away, I could have sworn that the dog was looking at me funny and shaking his damn head at me!

Part 2 to come...maybe...

To Mah Boo

I have heard this song on the radio in the background the last couple of weeks. It seemed like a pretty cool song. I finally stopped to listen to it. I like this one. So much so I am dedicating this one to my Boobie! I might even buy some Usher now... This by no means says in any way that I am not still old school! I know you were thinking it Bootydo!

Without further ado. Usher singing Here I Stand.



p.s. To any of the Haremites and other lady visitors who are feeling underloved today, this is to you too.

The Mickey Frickin' Report.

Here is the situation so far:

• I been a little absent. You aren't allowed to take me to task for it either. Get over it.
• I have been thinking about all of you. Just ain't been able to visit much. Get over that too.
• Good news:
• The fall mission has been accomplished (to this point) with a high amount of success. I have one examination to go and I don't see that one being a problem since the questions for this one will probably be drawn from the previous three. Term GPA prediction 3.6 - 4.0.
• My family may soon be reintegrated into one single unit. Currently the five members are dispersed among two locations.
• The wife acquired herself some transportation.
• Crip Mommie's casts are a thing of the past. She is in physical therapy and almost done using her support boot.
• Bad news:
• My MIL decided not to renew her lease for her current apartment. She announced this to The Wife around Thanksgiving. The lease is up at the end of the year. So that means housing is needed rather fast. Hence the reason for the reintegration of the household.
• The Wife's recently acquired car is not as wonderful as it seemed. Needs work!
• Mom has been dependent on my sister for her day to day care since I went to take care of Wifey. She is not the happiest about that. But she understands that it is necessary for our futures.
• We got turned down for an apartment that we really, really, really, really, really wanted over an old damn bill. That was some bullshit! But maybe the alternate solutions may be better since they could include the dog too!
• Can you say Root Canal? I sure the hell can! Got tortured in that damn chair for a whole work shift! In at 9:00, out at 3:00! Thank god for Motrin, Tylenol (with codiene), and Keflex!!!
• Because of the uncertainty with the whole auto industry and that farce that is Congress, the wife has been given a termination date for her position. It's even colder in the D than I realized...
• Water pills. Need I say more?
• I just got fucked royally by my advisor! My plan of work is FINALLY FUCKING FINISHED!!!! Of course there seem to be three ADDITIONAL classes that I need to take. Why did I get fucked royally do you ask? Well...
• I asked for it in August.
• Had I known about the three other classes, I would have taken 12 credits instead of the 9 that I took. Especially since the nine that I took were the only ones I COULD take because the rest were offered Winter 2009 term.
• Would not have lost out on 25% of my financial aid last term.
• The news would not have been such a shock early on.
• Finishing this term would have put me half way done with what is left instead of one third the way done with the remainder.
• I absoultely did not intend on taking FUCKING SPRING/SUMMER CLASSES!!!! Never did before! Why the hell start now.
• Not sure if my gubment handout covers a third term.
• I need to be able to relocate sooner than later since the job market in Michigan is on life support.
• Did I mention ANOTHER FUCKING TERM?
• And the capper to ALL of that is this... Registration for the next term started about six weeks ago. Wanna guess what the status is on all these damn classes I need to take right about now?
• IF I manage to take all that I can THIS semester, it would mean day classes, evening classes AND classes at a different campus! Man I swear!!!
• I may get convicted of committing murder on my advisor.

Aside from all that, things are going. Some days are better than others. The semester is winding down and I will have to get into moving mode very quickly. Ain't promising presence. But I will have a little more time to devote to all of you. If I ain't writing, I will at least be reading.

In case of another absence. Happy Holidays early in case I don't get back until later. The situation is still fluid and dynamic so I will be back this way whenever.

And don't tell Usama you saw me!
- TSSE

(somehow I think I left something out...)

Words From The Desert Man

What da fuck?

Da hell is going on up in here?

Look all unused and abused.

Where everybody at?

And what is that smell?

Smell like old cheese farts or something. with... i dunno... onions?

Ah! White Castle boxes!!! Which one of these rotten assed sumbitches farted before locking the door up in here!

Mail all piled up. Judging by the noms de blog, everybody been by. Some of these notes ain't so nice...

Looka here, Diva (know she 'bout fit to be tied), Ms. B. (done went on vacation and come back and still nothing), I will be all day going through this.

I would apologize for the rest of these fools but there is just no apology big enough.

I don't know what is up with these characters, ever since The Dark One talked Brainz into finishing school, things have been on a slide. Biker Dude done rode off to "bike ridin' country", wherever the hell that is. Hoeman been rather happy spoonin' booty lately so he ain't gonna be worth jack shit, or john shit either.

I bet it was that damn Sixty-Eight that left these damn White Castle boxes and the pungent ass White Castle fart that they tend to generate. Wonder how he sealed that shit in though? And why the spiders didn't die? Look at all them damn cobwebs!

Well, fuck that! I ain't cleaning up this joint!!! And I ain't blogging in this shithole!!! Guess I am gonna have to go find these assholes and bitchslap one or three into this damn blogging chair so y'all won't feel left out and such. And to clean up around here. I hear there is some news too.

Lemme get to gettin'! I got some dudes to find!

Later!

-Usama Bin Louie