Okay so check this out. My wife is an occasional lottery player. In her case the "occasion" is when one of her family members irritates the shit out of her. Of course she oftentimes forgets to do so. So when the numbers come on those days, we hear "Dammit! I knew I should have played today! Look what came out!" What comes out is usually one of our birthdays or one of the kids' birth weights.
Today is no exception. For some reason the boy likes to lay around and be late for school. I say this because,
- The car is supposed to leave the house at 7:20 daily.
- I get up at 7:12 this morning (because weather and traffic is on the 2's)
- I see his ass in his damn jammies.
- I jump in my clothes, ret to go and see him still half dressed.
- I ask, "Dog been out? Cleaned up after? What your sister doing?" the usual...
- I get "no, no, she in the shower I think"
- The wife gets them up @ 6:30 so they get almost an hour to SS&S.
- Why everybody ain't clean, ready and maybe even fed (including the dog) by 7:15 I don't know.
- I get tired of waiting of them and, as usual, I go out to the car first. @ 7:35.
- They finally drag ass out to the car @ 7:40 which is the same exact time his ass is supposed to be in class.
- They both conveniently walk right out the door and don't bother to lock the sumbitch.
- So I ask why.
- For those of you who have kids, you already know what the answer was...
- For those who don't, they said "My key is in the house. I was in a hurry to get out here" Huh... Ironic isn't it? Hurry? AFTER we are VERY late?
- So they both get up and go back in to get their keys.
- HE comes back out and says "Mommy told me to stay home"
- I ask why?
- He shrugs
- My phone rings. The wife from inside.
- She says "he might as well stay home since he is so late. But he gonna clean his ass off today"
- I um... kindly... remind her that "neither one of us will be at home today and there is no reason at all for his ass to miss school since he was the one dragging ass this morning"
- She says "You know he is gonna get Saturday School for this" Saturday School being weekend detention for folk with multiple tardies. Usually his sister's fault...
- I say "Yep. But if he gets tired of doing it then he will get up and make sure his sister is moving her ass along so he can get there on time."
- She agrees and sends his evil late ass back out to the car.
Anyway, fast forward to later in the day after she got her hair done. Now she feeling pretty again and all. We stop at the store to grab a few items. She walks up to the lottery counter because she remembers something that she wanted to play. Guess what I hear. Yep, you guessed it... "Dammit! Look what came out! I just can't believe that!" I look at her with the Spock Brow at half mast. She goes on and says, "Who was irritating the shit out of me this morning?" I go, "Really?" She goes, "Yep, 702 straight!" I laugh and say to her "He irritated you and then dropped straight in the very next drawing? Too bad you don't play the midday!" She then shook her head and said "Momma keeps telling me to do midday. Every time y'all get on my nerves it falls in the midday."
We laugh about it and I let her get on to her playing while I busy myself with the sales paper, some well filled jeans and the lottery pamphlet. And whilst in the pamphlet, I discover the payouts that would have happened had she played the bets she just made on that midday.
Turns out that the Michigan Lottery pays $500 for a $1 straight bet on a three digit number. They play $166 on a $1 box bet.
I don't think y'all heard me.
She WOULD have won $666 this afternoon had she played!!!
All this long ass story just to say what I was originally gonna tell you all in this post:
THE LOTTERY IS THE DEBIL!!!!!
Update!!! 7:30 p.m. Guess the hell what?!?!? 207 came out in the damn evening!!! And she didn't play it!!! You know what she said right???
1 comment:
LOL
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