A Dyssturbed Dream, Pt. 2

To recap:
A bicycle helmet, tighty whities and a dog.
It's all I got. I don't know why.
Okay and a raging boner because of the hooker.

Now you are up to speed.

So on we go.
I think the dog is a little amused at my "condition"
I guess it was that look that dogs give you where they look at stuff while leaning their heads to one side.
I bet he would have jokes if he could talk.
Glad his ass can't talk.
The next four blocks go by without incident.
If you could consider walking around in ya draws after three in the morning outdoors "without incident"
I figured it was after three in the morning because the hardcore hookers don't look that good.
So the strip clubs have to be closed and the dancer/hookers need a few minutes to get on station.
I was reflecting on how glad I was that the dog knew where we were going.
Right then I heard some guffawing off to the side.
You know the kind that comes out of SERIOUSLY immature males over 18.
I didn't remember what kinda night I was having, but I knew it wasn't good enough to deal with that shit.
So I kept walking.
Of course SOME folk can't leave well enough alone.
I tried to ignore them even longer until I noticed the dog look back and let out a low growl.
I don't know why these dumb muthafuckas were following us.
Maybe it was the malt liquor.
I know they didn't think they were gonna rob me.
That would have just been stupid.
What did they think they were gonna get?
The helmet or the underwear with somebody else's dick print in them?
I guess they figured the dog was a punk too because they ran up to do a three sided surround.
"Where you going?" said the first dumb ass.
"Home. Why?" I mean really?
"You were dressed so funny we had to come see what's up." why dumbass number to gotta say that?
"Ain't shit up. I am damn near naked at oh dark thirty and I am walking. Obviously my day ain't so good." I thought that was kinda obvious though.
"Hold up man. We wanna holla at ya!" Damn! dumbass 1 are you still here?
"No thanks" What? Are these dudes gay?
"The man said quit walking!" Whoa! Dumbass 3 speaketh!
He must be the king dumbass because he put his hand on me.
Wasn't a smart thing to do.
Cause I grabbed his wrist and twisted his hand toward the sky. And tried to punch his elbow through the moon.
His scream was real satisfying. I guess dislocations are real painful.
It stood him up real nice too. so I could do the same thing to his knee.
Now somebody was having a worse day than me.
You would think that seeing ya boy took out that easy would make you want to flee.
Not these mutts.
I guess dumbass 1 had some martial arts training and figured himself to be the second coming of Bruce Lee.
At least that is what it looked like from the stupid Bruce Lee scream and the little Bruce Lee dance he suddenly was doing.
If I wasn't so pissed, I probably would have laughed in his face.
He tried a quick punch kick combo.
Hmm... Karate. Earned one, maybe two belts. Wonder if he learned DEFENSE?
Six seconds later I had my answer.
He can't defend worth shit.
At least not judging from his broken nose and crushed windpipe.
Right then I hear another scream.
You know the kind that makes your blood run cold?
Turns out that the remaining dumbass found out that the dog was no punk indeed.
I see that there are now THREE people having a worse day than me.
Nothing like a pit bull gnawing on ya gonads to make a day go south.
Then the dog shakes him furiously.
Showoff.
"Hey dog! Let him go! I don't want you to catch anything! A dog with an STD CAN'T be a pretty thing!"
Right then I resolved to change my attitude about dad.
He used to call it martial arts training.
I called it creative asswhooping.
I guess we were both right.
I must call him and thank him.
Didn't know I had it in me.
After about another block I look at the dog and ask
"So Mr. Crotch Chewer. Are we close to home yet?"
You know I could have sworn that mutt just rolled his eyes at me!

Still not home yet. part 3 someday...