Memorial Madness: The Incident

Okay. The last installment involved the background material for THIS story. A short recap involved the devilish work of Shitake. That's a sliiiicckkkk one... But, onward... If you haven't read Memorial Madness: The Background, STOP! CLICK! READ! COME BACK!
I don't want you all lost as to why things are happening.

The day of the memorial arrives. The Wife had scooped me up the day before to reduce the amount of last minute rushing. So we were in chill mode for most of the morning. While doing breakfast, I happened to spy the time. So I asked her "What time is the service?" She looked at me and then the clock and said "Yeah, I know. We got plenty of time. It starts at 1:30. Well the family hour starts at 1:00 and the service starts at 1:30. But I want to arrive fashionably late so I don't have to deal with the BS that I am sure will be going on! I just know something is gonna happen. I am trying to give THEM the benefit of the doubt. But I ain't breaking bread with them fools afterward. I just can't deal with that mess!" So I said "Fine with me. I arrive when my driver does and leave when she goes! I don't know most of them folk anyway."

So we had our dressing, leaving and arriving plan set. We chillaxxed a bit more and then got dressed. I told The Boy that I would die before letting him be seen wearing a damn clip on tie while I still breathed. So tie tying class started. And I fear he needs a bit more practice. But out the door we go. On the way we were discussing what we might be expecting and the various devilment that Shitake had been engaging in up until that moment.

We arrive at the Jehovah's Witness hall where Gramma and Aunt Sweetie were members. Timing was impeccable. We arrived at about 1:25. We walked toward the entrance and spied all of the teenagers of the clan gravitated to each other talking about nothing. When we see Cousin CW, whose hot young body had turned into a bit larger middle aged version, headed toward us (sigh). As she is passing around hugs and greetings, she says, "It ain't happy in there. Be warned! They done started up already!" "Already!?!?!?" (Me and The Wife in stereo) CW - "Yep. Brace yourselves..." So me and the wife hover for a minute to steel ourselves by chit chatting with CW and the teens. And In we go!

We walk in and The Wife scans around to find her mom or sister for seating. No luck since she didn't see her sister and her mom was already accompanied. There was an empty row behind her mom. But she decided against sitting there. Okay she said "Ain't no way I am sitting in the middle near the front." So we sit at the right side of the hall about mid way back. We finally see her sister in the same row as us in the center section. By this time the teens had all drifted in and found seats. The Boy (my son) sat next to Heracles by MIL. The Girl (my daughter) sat by Jackie-L on the opposite side from us. We noticed that Aunt Sweetie and her family were in the front row, center section. MIL was in the row behind her with The Law's daughters, Heracles and The Boy. The next row was empty. Scratch that. The Law walked in right then with his wife and sat there. We noticed that Shitake was over by Jackie-L holding Princess (Jackie-L's baby girl). Aunt C, looking remarkably like a thicker version of Shitake (but don't tell HER that) was also over on the far side.

So the service went fine as usual. The pastor, as always, took that opportunity to hold service up in there! And between my bouts of nodding out, I found him pretty amusing. Mostly because I always find it amusing when people use redundancies when they talk. You know like when my step-mom says sausage-meat (sounds like shashuh meat). His phrase was Bible-book. And he quoted many scriptures out of that Bible-book too! He even gave us the Jehovah's Witness version of Heaven. Which I thought not too bad. Maybe I will read one of those Watchtowers that get forced on me in the future... But I digress.

The first clue for me that things might go horribly wrong was when The Wife borrowed an obituary from the man sitting at the end of the row. She remarked on the generally shoddy quality of the work. We (Me, The Wife and Annie Oakley) had done them for the last three funerals so it got critiqued, heavily. The first GLARING omission was when the son-in-laws were mentioned, her father wasn't in the list. He had passed on years earlier and apparently was out of mind (uh huh...) What I didn't know at the time was that Cousin Queen V (The Law's daughter, CW's sister) was visibly upset at the OTHER GLARING OMISSION. That being that The Law's wife wasn't mentioned either. His VERY MUCH ALIVE AND IN ATTENDANCE WIFE!!! And the wife was having a bit of sport at the part about Gramma being an exemplary mother and taught her children morals and such. This ALMOST made the wife snort out loud while the pastor was still doing his thing. But she listened when me and Cousin Glowworm told her to behave in stereo. A prayer and a few final words later the service ended! I even had my post half written at that point, especially about the Bible-book...

THEN ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!!!!!

I started to look around for everybody who needed greetings from me. Then I notice The Law grab his wife from behind by the shoulders and force march her the hell up out of the hall. A man who I can't ever recall seeing before was hot on his heels saying stuff like "...dinner on my mothers memorial day" "Why she gotta be here?" "...Don't trust her!" as they went past my amazed eyes. Oh, this man, by the way, was Uncle Nutzo. Apparently he decided to wait exactly ONE second after the pastor finished to start his shit with big brother! I was starting to think how fucked up that shit was. Until he tried to take a swing at The Law! Right in the damn doorway!

:: Now this is the part where everything got confusing. Please bear with me if it gets confusing. ::

So Nutzo tries to start a fight with The Law because he had enough sense to leave instead of having some mess going on during the service. Bedlam! A couple of people grabbed Nutzo. He attempted to fight his way out. Was very close to getting the life stomped out of him by an off duty cop. THEN! MIL, who has numerous medical problems, decides to go get her little brother to try to get him to calm down. He bumps into her! Nearly knocking her over. So Heracles sees this, hulks the fuck out, off comes the shirt (I still don't remember what he was wearing aside from his uncle beater). He stands in front of her and dares Nutzo to touch her again! At the same time The Wife was counting her peeps to see where we were. She sees the bump. She yells to The Boy "Get your grandma! NOW!!!!" So my lazy ass son shocks the shit out of us by LEAPING over the chair and gets behind Heracles and in front of MIL. Also heard in a very proper and well enunciated bit of English was "Don't let Annie Oakley get to her truck!!!" Yeah, a white dude, Big M. You may or may not remember him from bike class... By this time I am starting to think of the most efficient way of murdering off Nutzo because this shit was going too damn far.
:: Hey, my wife and kids were up in there! Sue my ass! BTW I had settled on a hand over mouth and one over nose and a big bear hug. My feet never moved though! You'd be proud! ::

AT THE SAME TIME on the OTHER side of the hall. Apparently Shitake, still carrying Princess, decides to get all up in the shit! So she is heading toward the shit right? She basically runs up on MIL. She sees her and the next thing EVERYBODY sees is MIL's cane get raised HIGH up in the air! No. She wasn't just gonna hit her ass. She was about to bring the smite down up in that piece! Then Annie Oakley shakes the hell up outta her shoes! Meanwhile The Girl was walking up behind Shitake to rescue Princess because it seems she had taken a blow or two in the conflict and Shitake's grip was slippin'. Now somebody later mentioned that Shitake took a swing at The Girl. Fortunately The Girl didn't notice that. Her evil ass WOULD have retaliated. And you know how mothers are with their babies right? And you all have been here long enough to know that The Wife is AKA Miss Whoopabitchorthree. Had either of my kids been hit that damn joint might be a smoking pile of rubble at this point with a community of Jehovah's Witnesses wondering what they had done to deserve having their hall treated so...

:: Before I go on I will have to do a quick tactical analysis. ::
MIL had probably the largest contingent of supporters. She had three grand children, Two daughters, one son-in-law, one son-in-law to be (so I just found out...), three in-laws and one niece from the seemingly forgotten husband's family (tha gangster ones...), about five or eight friends (I lost count), Jackie-L (who is staying between her and Aunt Sweetie's house after the argument), probably The Law's daughters Queen V and CW, their sons, and possibly Aunt Sweetie's hubby and grand kids.
:: Tactical Analysis over... ::

Now after a minute or two of struggle and strife, they manage to get Nutzo, Shitake and Aunt C outside. Remember Aunt C was under the influence of Shitake. Things seemingly break up. Or so I thought. I linger around inside before going outside. I find The Wife and Annie Oakley attempting to restrain MIL from heading to what appears to be ANOTHER fight! They were alternately trying to calm her down and cuss her out because she was still dead set and determined to get her smite on! AND Joan Cleaver, a very right and respected lady (imagine Maya Angelou mixed with June Cleaver) decides to go and "... have a word with this Shitake". Her son had to grab her and hold her in place. Can you see it two ladies, one in her 50's and another in her 70's hobbling down to get the way to smite a person or two? Yeah...

Now by this time, Annie Oakley HAD gotten to her truck. So she was armed. And pissed! And barefoot. She shook outta the shoes when the shit jumped off inside. So she was doing the bulk of the cussing while The Wife did most of the calming. Until she had to act like the mother. She later realized that her and her sister were gonna be in trouble for cussing at their mom when MIL finally calmed down and remembered.

Yes, I did say there was a fight going on. Apparently Shitake and Queen V aired their venom and it turned into fisticuffs. Sisters got involved. It turned into a Tag team match. Shitake and Aunt C on one side and Queen V and CW on the other. Now the teens were all in agreement until they realized that their mothers were going at it. Then they started beefing. So now Aunt C's son was about ready to scrap with Queen V's son. While Shitake's son and CW's son were about to get into it.

ALL that broke up when the Ecorse cops rolled up into the parking lot! And they rolled up fast. I guess they mean mugged folk hard enough for cooler heads to prevail. They circled the parking lot once. They stopped to talk to the guy off duty who was at the service. I guess they were convinced that every thing else was cool and rolled out without getting out of the squad car.

This is where I will end my tale. I think everything took less time to happen than it did for you to read this. And I know I am leaving out many details. But I think you have spent enough time on these folks!

Memorial Madness: The Background

As you all know, funerals tend to make for the best of stories! They are even more story worthy when you got a bit of dysfunction in the family.

This weekend was no exception! My wife refers to her mother's side of the family as "a bunch of educated fools".

The Cast:
Gramma: The Departed.
The Law: Oldest child and one most likely to get the other siblings to behave.
Aunt Sweetie: Second child, one of the nicest folk you wanna meet.
MIL: Fourth child. Mother of my queen.
Aunt C: Reportedly the meekest of the clan.
Nutzo: Baby boy of the clan.
Shitake: from Shit, meaning shit and Ake meaning one who starts. Okay I didn't wanna say shit starter the whole damn post! The baby of the clan...
Annie Oakley: The Wife's sister
Herkales: Annie Oakley's son
And... Aw hell. I will introduce any others as the story goes...

Anyhow. This little story starts when Shitake goes to The Law's house and complains that Gramma can't stay with him and his wife and HER father. So The Law's wife packs Gramma's bag and sends her on her way with Shitake. Of course Shitake was never one to take care of Gramma. As a result Gramma ends up in an apartment in a senior center alone. This was back in June.

Gramma has been known to be a bit hard to live with. Was somewhat paranoid and had a bit of dementia. So she frequently had episodes where she thought folk were pumping poisonous gas into her place. As I said, a bit hard to live with. So Uncle The Law was likely doing his best to make her as safe and comfortable as possible having folk around to see about her and being friendly faces. So Shitake didn't make a difficult situation any better.

About a week and a half ago, Gramma was found in her apartment having passed on a day or two prior. This led to Shitake blaming The Law for killing their mother by kicking her out of his house. It is also believed that Shitake gaffled up the estate by doing the old sneak and sign. Much like she did when their father passed (she got a new car out of that). AND she moved herself back in with her ex-hubby. This prompted an argument between her and her daughter Jackie-L (who was living there already), cause they can't stand each other. Jackie-L moved out and took the baby with her.

Now Shitake is a sly one. She had been talking in the ears of Aunt C. and Nutzo. They got things twisted in their heads. So they were kinda pissed about some things. Things that went even beyond their usual dysfunctionalism. Aunt Sweetie's husband The Electrician told me that they had given Shitake money to pay for obituaries. She thought the money was an old debt from someone who owed Gramma. Then she complained that she didn't know how much printing costs (full color). Then she claimed that she gave the obits to Nutzo who didn't answer or return folks calls. So they had trouble getting the obit to the pastor before the service for familiarity sake. And since Nutzo never brought them, they had to improvise. This led to black and white obits printed on thin paper (2 sided). AND Shitake also was the one who compiled the info. She left out the deceased father of The Wife AND the very much alive wife of The Law. AND The Law's wife or her family were responsible for making the food for the meal after the service.

Okay, I gotta jet. But look for the conclusion in Memorial Madness: The Incident.
I will pre date that post so that when I do it, it will show up under this one so you don't get the story out of order! I will post it tomorrow.

Of course if I remember anything else I will of course edit this post too!

Good'n To Come!

I got a real mutha fa ya yeah!!!! As you know, funerals make for the best stories at times! For good or for bad! Well, I got one for ya ass!

Be sure to tune back in later. I am gonna try to finish it before y'all get off of work!

Flashback Friday: Forgotten Video

Yeah, I know Diva, but you ain't using it no more!

I was moved to do this post because a certain blogger from Cleveland always reminds me of this video. I think I shall drop a quote from this song in all of my comments at her spot from now on...

#%#$%@%$#%#$!!!!!

I would really like to know who the fuck stole the damn power cable to the damn street light. It is dark den a muhfugga out this bitch!

I probably will find out tomorrow what the deal is...

Fuckin' boosters!

I swear.

Extremely late term abortions should NOT be illegal.

Extremely late meaning after a few birthdays have happened.

World Premiere

It has been mentioned on a couple of occasions that there are things that I have written that would go good on a certain blog. I couldn't help but to agree.

Me being the glory hound I am I had to jump at the opportunity when an invite came my way.

So I shall be making my World Blogging Premiere on The Pussy Chats come midnight!

My first contribution will be one that I did about two and a half months ago. Lovebabz thought it would go good over there, so I will introduce the madness to some others who aren't yet aware...

No News Day

Bin Laden Found!!!

CAIRO, July 30 (Reukers) - The search for reputed terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden has ended today. It appears that five women from the United States and England have hunted down and found the fugitive who has eluded the powers that be for years.

The five women got involved when one of their friends called them to vent. New wife Nikki Bin Laden had some suspicions that her husband was having an extra-marital affair. So she called several of her friends to talk and vent her frustrations. What happened next was a scene right out of a movie. Several of her friends volunteered to help find out what was going on. So Nikki paid for airline tickets for them all to meet her. After a few days of investigating, the sneaking husband was found in Cairo, Egypt. He was found in the company of Nefer Larouche, a french model and actress.

Apparently the ladies had him under surveillance outside the Cairo Hiltonian. Several tips led them to this particular place. And their stakeout was born. They managed to sneak into the hotel and gathered at the door to his room.

A former special forces drill sergeant was witness to what happened next. "I saw a bunch or women gathered around a door. They looked REAL serious. They breached that door like one of my old training units! I wish I had them in Iraq! That was A-1 asskicking right there!"

Jazzy, 36, Jersey City, New Jersey said, "Yeah son! He thought he was slick! But we hid in the bushes until he came back. Caught him all hugged up. So I sent the pics to my homegirl so she could come and bust him! I got the pictures on my Crackberry! Wanna see?"

Lee, 38, Atlanta, Georgia had this to say, "We bust that sucka in his grill with some bricks, that's what happened!! Knocked one of his teeth out!"

Jaila B, 35, Atlanta, Georgia added, "It's really no surprise. I told my girl that she had to perfect her tongue lashin' skills but she wouldn't hear of it. Now look at this madness."

Carlene, 24, London, England stated, "I was gonna just make up a bunch of stuff to embarrass him in front of that chick. But when I saw him all nekkid with her I said "You have exactly two seconds to explain before I give you a vasectomy""

Ms B, 35, Brooklyn, New York quipped, "My BFF is so open off this good for nothing dude that its just ri-damn-diculous!! And you know what else? He corny as hell! He was laying up in there just playing with Nefer's titties! I mean, how ain't that corny as shit? He probably thought it was clever or something! He NEEDED to be busted!"

"What the hell kinda name is Nefer anyway? I am with my homegirl. That shit was corny!", stated Jaila B.

An animated Lee added, "Yeah I said it! I'm saying it loud and proud on eyewitness news! I got my girl's back all day! Ride or die, ya heard me!? He better watch his back, because we gonna shank that fool and finish him off next time! She told him about fooling around wit Nefer! You gonna pay, dawg!"

Another witness, LL Cool L, had these thoughts, "Man! Them women were serious! I almost got ran down! But I saw that look before and knew to move out of the way!" He had this to say regarding the capture, "Who knew it would go down like this? But then again, they got Al Capone on tax evasion..."

A third witness, R. Jizzy, stated "Man, I am glad I was here with my boo! I would hate to get caught up like that! I ain't never seen a man that tall cry like that!"

It seems that the $25 million reward is just icing...

But when questioned about the potential windfall, the ladies had this to say.

"Why you gotta be all up in my financials?", said Carly.

"Well, me and my girl Stella figured we would go to NOSEYVILLE and "conversate" with a overly curious person or two...", said Jaila B.

"You tryin' to be down? You wanna ride my jock? Huh? Why you gotta try to ride me like a rodeo show?" Said Jazzy.

"If you see me ridin' fly. Lookin' like a rich bitch, don't hate!!!", said Ms. B.

"Nefer you better be glad you ran! Cuz we got something for dat ass! And we know where you live! You best grow some eyes in the back of your head, ya chickenhead!! Um. And I thought I would take a little time off from the job. This backlog of blanket orders is getting outta hand!"

Breaking News!

Bdogg the second made his world premiere on August 2 at 11:00 p.m in Detroit, Michigan. He weighed in at a healthy 6 pounds even. And lays a full 18 inches long!

Baby, glowing mother and proud papa are doing well!

This little event has pushed me into a new title bracket. Mom too. We both now have the Great designation attached to our previous titles.

Congrats Nephew!

Flashback Friday: High School Skinny

This little Flashback Friday is about me. Back when. Back in the day. Back...

Now this first shot is of me being all "High School Skinny". Yeah, I know. I wasn't exactly skinny. But hey, haven't we all gained an ounce or three?

Now don't get into the 20 million questions about my steelo. Remember it was 1985. The decade that immediately followed the 1970's! Wow! that Adidas shirt was rather young! But it was descriptive because well... A.D.I.D.A.S. And it was my favorite shirt because of that... And yeah that was indeed a web belt. And I didn't shake the big ass glasses until much later! And I have absolutely NO idea why my right hand was perched where it was... Where is my damn time machine!?!?!

This next shot is of me and a few admirers. This was my high school graduation party.

And this was the same day as the picture above. So don't think that this was my favorite outfit or anything... I believe that we were looking at a gift or card that was brought by those to my immediate left in the picture (with heads...)
Bonus! The beauty to the immediate right is also known as Six! But don't tell nobody!!!!

I am sure you all recognize this as the REQUIRED pose if your parents were paying for the pictures! And mine were!

Yep. Me being all studious and such. I absolutely did not want to take this picture. Well I didn't mind taking the picture. I just didn't wanna have it take up valuable portraits in my package! I got outvoted 1 to 1. Hell, mothers have big votes! And she enlisted auntie and grandma and dad kinda help.
Just as well. What the hell do teenagers know about the world anyway?

I call this one "The World Is Mine". This is the one that took up the BIG picture in the package. And is sitting on mom's mantle as we speak!

This here was my favorite of all the pictures in the proof book. See. Look at him. All cheezin'. Thinking about scholarships and careers and such. Wondering why everyone wasn't looking and feeling as wonderful as he was! Ah the days...



This little number is entitled Swave and Deboner!

To quote Riley Freeman:
"That's right people. I know. Amazin' ain't it? So Young. So Young!"
Or to paraphrase Rick James:
He was only seventeen! Seventeen! But he was sexy!!!

You know looking at this I often wonder why the Ladies didn't Love Cool Lou?
But then I remembered the first pic on this post...

I was gonna end this post with another photo. One that shows me holding it down for my beloved Pilots in athletic competition! Tell you about me getting my Varsity Letter! But alas, I could not find it...
So I was gonna come up with a substitute.

• I was gonna post one from a group shortly after I started college. But sorry, you don't get the bad haircut picture!
• Maybe one from the beginning of the 90's. But I would have to talk smack about the nephews in the pic with me... Alas not!
• Or another from that time. When me and The Wife were good friends and former co-conspirators. And the Girl Child would have been it too. VERY early in her life... But no.
• I thought about posting the picture that my wife hates most in the world. But no use in ruining this post for her after all the goodness from above. (I better go shave now...)
• Or I could have went with one of the ULTRA RARE photos of me on a dance floor (I am way too cool for that, until she pouts), but nope!
• I even thought about posting a picture of my parents that was taken the day after my arrival on the planet. Show you all where this goodness comes from... But that would be sneaky. And dad still fights better than I do. Even with his bad back!

So I end this one picture short. But I cannot keep it in the drafts one day longer. So I press on.

By the way. I got my Varsity Letter doing the Backstroke! Y'all marinate on that...

Thursday Thirteen: 90's Oldschool

This edition of Thursday Thirteen is a little musical "Oldschool". This list is to show some of you younglings that there was some not so horrible stuff created after the 80's ended. So here are 13 cuts from the 1990s that didn't suck!
Happy Birthday again Thoughts Of A Mature Southern Gal! Dreamy, get ya boogie on!
The originators can be found HERE

A New Encounter With An Old Blogger

We interrupt your regularly scheduled post for this special announcement:

Jameil! YOU ARE A DAMN FOOL! Yeah, I said it! Yep! Lemme tell you why...
Every once in a while, I seek to expand my reading. This particular time I found this blog somewhat interesting. Interesting because of two posts. One was about her date, which I found through a link from one of my other favorite haunts. Then I run across this picture post which drew me in initially. Then I found myself not only agreeing wholeheartedly, but mimicking the pictures because my agreement is that deep! And if an onion is linked to salmonella, I may have to take out an FDA inspector or three. I mean you can't have good salsa without tomatoes, jalapeños and onions! But I digress! That is all run of the mill madness, to me...

No! She not only took it extra, she took it ultra! Cause she pulled THIS shit on me! Speechless doesn't begin to describe! I almost jacked it! But no way that was gonna end up in THIS HERE manly space! That was so outrageous I can't help but to blame you for it somehow!

Jameil, I salute you. Because you are OBVIOUSLY more touched than me.

p.s. The regularly scheduled blog post is on hiatus until I get it finished. When that is, of course, I know not... So tune in again kiddies! Same bat time! Same bat channel!!!

Fuck You Debil!!!

It is said that The Devil is a contestant in a long drawn out war for souls.

His weapon, among others, is to seduce and divert through free will.

He is a formidable opponent to be sure.

I think that he spends more effort trying to corrupt those who are less likely to join him in his kingdom. Because those who are more prone to join or have already given in need less of a nudge.

Lately things have been a bit more challenging in general. The old saying goes "Money is the root of all evil". Well, folk are having some trouble getting to those roots nowadays. So the potential for the money chase is causing many more opportunities for strife and chaos. Even the most devout are noticing their faith being challenged.

A recent exchange with another blogger discussed some of our challenges. The words "no matter how bad you think you got it, there is always someone struggling harder than you" were uttered. And also words of thankfulness that things aren't worse for either of us.

So, I feel honored that Mr. Devil thinks that my soul is worth so much that he spends this much time trying. But ultimately he will fail. I stand determined. These trials will not break me. I still stand! The harder you try to get me, the more I know I am doing right!

A Whole Week Behind.

What do you know...
I am short at least seven posts for the month. A whole week behind. Not just the writing. But behind on the reading too. I know why and I don't know why. Hell I have even put a few blogs on a 14 day trial reading list. And I am still behind. And I might feel like reading... I might not. But at this rate, I will never get caught up.

Hell, it took me more than 24 hours to finish this post...

Guess I better get on the good finger and get to clicking and reading.

See y'all in the comment sections!

You Know...

Comment | Copy This

Things I Learned In The Last 48

Things learned in the last 48 hours:

1. My fears that I could possibly be one of those tacky, sad and sorry ass men who treat women like cum dumpsters is pretty much unfounded. Based on the general consensus from the answers on my last post, I am on the right track. Now to educate these other fools...
   
2. Saving is absoultely a priority! Even if Blogger saves every damn time you stop typing or one second, you still can lose things. Dammit!!!!
3. Insomnia is not a good thing to have land on ya! I am usually rolling in the bed deep into the morning hours. Racing the sun to my bed is not unusual for me. But today for some strange reason I lost that race. By a wide margin. I think it was near nine before the bed and sleep took me away. And I was up before noon coffee. This crash is gonna catch me but good!
4. No matter what, some muhfuggas are just gonna try you. Even if you have already established that there is no way that they are ever gonna win as long as you are breathing and healthy. Numerous times...
5. Dreamy has it in for me. She did them song lyrics knowing I wasn't gonna leave them alone! And if I hadn't already been there to try my hand at it, she would be coming to threaten me to do so! You know what I am saying to be true! I am glad there is love there! And here is something from the 80's you and Southern Girl can get up and boogie to!
   
6. The other Haremite that likes to threaten me also has demanded things of me. I know not to disobey the Oldgirl. Especially when grits are involved. So things will get positively Smurfy up in here! Y'all know what that means... Yep! I am gonna pick on you all! Hope y'all like blue...
7. There truly is a God in heaven. If not there truly is an unseen force that guides all things good. If not karma does indeed somehow work, however strangely. I say this because, the nephew who I recently wrote about had a job offer turn into job! That is right folk! He can get his own damn gas money because he is gonna get his own damn cheddar! Off to Minnesota to meet his work crew, then off to Cali and after that other parts unknown! He won't be in town for his birthday. Nor will he be in town for his son's VERY first birthday. Sucks yeah. But better to miss his arrival than his continued care and welfare. Hey... You said two hours dude? Why you still in town?
8. I picked the right group of ladies for The Harem. I can always count on the goodness from them.
   
9. And I may have to add another Homie or two.
10. And I need a good drink. Or seven. Aside from The Ultimate Margarita from Champps, I am taking suggestions on the other six. As long as they do not require cognac and a mixer...
    

My Eyes, They Be Staring!

While up in Opinionated Diva's comment section I was moved to write the following comment:

Okay. I done read one too many ogling is bad comments up in here! I was born, black, in America, in the hood and with a dick! Can someone who has objections to my eyeball actions PLEASE tell me what the proper way to check out the womanliness of the fairer sex WITHOUT being offensive!?!?!?
I know the hanging out of the car thing is tacky and stupid, but...

I just came up with today's blog post... Thanks!

Now I know that some of us dudes are blatantly obvious in how we look. But in our defense, some of you have blatantly obvious feminine charms, if you get my meaning. A simple glance and a mental pound to you just ain't enough. Something like this but mentally is for average configuration...



Some of you deserve the mental Black Peoples Secret Handshake. And you know how long that shit takes!



So we stare...

Cause you got clothes on and we still notice you got...
This...


Or This...


Or These...
I ain't claiming to be right. I am just claiming that I am a black man, born in the inner city in the USA, who has a dick, who is not gay, AND has a fairly normal libido! It is expected that I look. By who you ask? Well... By any other man who likes women. By every woman who even remotely wants to feel attractive to the opposite sex. By dad. By mom. By ME! Oh yeah and I got a son to raise and need to set a proper example! By... I could go on...

So I set a challenge down to you ladies! What would you consider a PROPER way of seeing what you got to offer that is both satisfying to you as well as me? I ain't trying to be disrespectful. Nor am I letting you be by wishing that I was something I am not! (since I am someone who wants to look at your booty!) What is the compromise between me ogling you while hanging outta the window catcalling while my tongue hangs outta my mouth slob style AND treating you as a sexless being who deserves only enough of a glance to determine if we are gonna bump into each other in passing.

Keep in mind of course that the average encounter between you and me will likely be a one time thing and probably will last less than 10 seconds! So any answer that even mentions that fact that you might have a brain is outta bounds and only applies if I wanna actually talk to you. And that is a completely different question. And a completely different post.

So ladies? What is really appropriate?

Fellas, feel free to jump in as you will...

Oh, and if any of you run across someone who might have some perspective on this, send them over too. I would love to hear from them too!

Randomosity

I find it funny that at times the captcha that I have to type on some sites is longer than the comment that I leave. Why isn't there a captcha generator that senses the comment length?

I swear, either I need to teach this dog how to use baby wipes or I am gonna have to Purell his damn tongue every time he comes near me. The frequency of his front end and back ends being in close proximity is somewhat disturbing...


I sometimes wonder if I am far more horrible a person than I imagine. It seems that the respect levels coming and going are a lot of times completely out of whack. Of course on closer examination, I wonder even about that. But then again, It is mostly dealing with extended family that I base that on...

Aside from a couple of exceptions (the outside world, not you guys) y'all are my best buds (non-family). Even though I never swilled beer with any of ya, broke bread, cooked together, or just generally hung and did something or even nothing. Y'all still aces in my book. Although I did try to do the bread breaking or beer swilling down in ATL last year. I am gonna have to make sure I accomplish some of that stuff sometime soon. And don't be surprised if I find myself wanting to come and crash ya pad! I ain't been to where most of you live so it would be a cool little vacation for me, or staycation to you!

As such, places I haven't been that you all take for granted:
Haremites! Be ready! (rallying call!)
NuYawk - Diva, Ms B., Cap, Have them corners dusted off.
Ar-Kansas - The Wife's maybe cousin definitely need to be ready in the other Kansas!
Shah-lut - Minnie, be ready. I may be scouting for new digs in Nawf Cackylacky when there!
London Calling - I still ain't figgered how I am gonna fit into the Dangler's car, but hey, as long as ya G's know I am coming. And I don't mind friendly little girls Bored, but I ain't doing the Barbie doll thing!
Lou-ZEE-anna! - Dreamy, tell that damn snake he better be up outta my spot! Otherwise I will bring Mousekiller and he will get a new name carved on the other side of the buttstock, Snakekiller!
Co-neck-ta-cut - Don't know what I would do there, but you know you better have some addiction for me too! Dangerous name for a state though...
Day-Go - Even though them some ghetto ass neighbors, I might Still Stayahontas.
Hotlanta!!! - Lemme see... J, Nikki, Oldgirl, Deep, That Bitch!, My Spelman Sister, Other family, I might get a whole month outta my second home city!

May even have to hang with the Homies too.
Eh-Lay - I can sleep in the Cheap Seats while I hatch my plan to assassinate the next writer that strikes and keeps 24 off TV again. I will settle that bitch!

Chi-town! - Great Lakes neighbor! I can get my radical all raw and uncut before you all. Unless he on the road being the Brown Driver!

Hmmm... May even have to go see Mr. Rah-some! and extend my Atlanta trip, as long as I don't get the allergy room... And to put surveillance on him sweeping up all the blog honies.

Hope I didn't leave anybody off. I would hate to think limited myself a location because I am forgetful...

Today's Bonus Coverage

Okay, so I was looking at the news archives to find this story my mom caught on the news last night. Apparently two dudes were pulling armed robberies with a BB gun and got caught! Mom said that it looked like one was from the hood! My nephews thought he looked familiar too.

I found the story. And I happened to look up at the banner ad on top of the page. It had an attractive Asian lady with her butt up in the air and a pic of THIS device.

SMDH.

Stupid Is...

I swear these people are sapping my desire to interact with humanity.

I now have a new definition for the thing that I hate most.
My original:
Stupid: being dumb, retarded, idiotic or generally not having synapses fire ON PURPOSE!

The new one:
Stupid: young + dumb

An older one:
Stupid: being dumb as hell for no good damn reason!

I say this because:
I am the keeper of the treasury for mom. I became this person because she has trusted others to do things for her since she became disabled. Those others were not very respectful of her funds. So I was entrusted to guard the funds. So now they have to con her out of them to get at her stuff.

So, both nephews have something in the cooker today. Late last night she asks me to get some dough for gas so the older nephew can run errands for her. I tell her that I will gas him up the next day instead or robbing the ATM at midnight.

The younger nephew yells up my stairs and awakens me for the second time this morn. The first being when my sister rescheduled a visit by a caseworker from tomorrow morn at 10 to today at 9. Of course she didn't mention that to anyone. So the woman spent unnecessary time standing at the door in the hot sun knocking. And neither I nor mom were awake at the time. Hence the need for the "older" definition above.

As I said, the second time was because my younger nephew was trying to awaken me out of a sound sleep where I awoke feeling somewhat less than stellar. So it took me a few. Still recovering in fact. I finally make it down the steps. I make coffee. Somehow the older nephew walks right past me and goes to yell up the stairs. Getting no response, he walks back to the kitchen. He notices me sitting with mom in my usual coffee drinking place. He says "Oh, you already down here" and walks off. So a few minutes later I go check the status of the brew. I notice him sitting in the chair with his usual evil ass face on. I go in the room to mess with him in my usual fruitless pursuit of being nice to folk with problems. I make an off handed joke about how the screen saver he is staring at is "gripping". No response. So the convo went like this after that...
"What is wrong?" (dumb ass me, for giving a damn and asking...)
"I'm late" (his evil ass)
"Late? For what? And why are you sitting in that chair?"
"Well, I am gonna be late. I might as well say I am late already."
"Why?"
"I need to go to the gas station so I can go take Swole (the baby momma) to the doctor"
"Ah" (understanding dawns as he is pissed because he been waiting on me)
"If you are in a hurry why the hell didn't you say anything?"
:: crickets ::
"Well don't you think you should be getting up outta that chair and getting on your way?" said whilst waving the $20 spot I had in his face.
He takes it and still looks evil.
"You ain't that serious about not being late still sitting in that damn chair! And how the hell am I supposed to know you got plans if you don't say shit to me? This could have been done if I had known what was up"
Especially since I was about to get his ass up so I could be back in time for coffee time. But his way fucks up the program and the cheddar gets distributed wrong...
"And Granny needs XYZ, could you cop that while you are out and about?"
"Is this ($20) for that and the gas? I gotta go way over to Greenfield and then to Highland Park!"
"Nehmind, I will get it later myself!"

So folk, if I don't have anything nice to say about these folks, don't wonder why. This ain't the first time I had this conversation with him. Or the one about the unwanted sharing of the entertainment with both of them. Or any conversation that I didn't regret having with my sister.

I may make the news yet!

I Love You!!!

Said as only my favorite two dudes can!

7 Deadly Sins

"You ain't no saint, we all are sinners. But you put your good foot down and make your soul a winner"
- Jill Scott

At least that is what I am counting on after taking the below quiz...
I got this one from the wonderful and talented Ms. Behaving--> (what the hell is the arrow for?) One of my First Ring Haremites! And I have seen it in a couple of other places. So here I go again...

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	High
Sloth:	High
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Anger
1. Who did you last get angry with?
The folk I live with...
2. What is your weapon of choice?
Nothing in particular...
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?
The real question is would they start the shit?
4. How about of the same sex?
See # 3
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?
IDK. Probably my nephew because I got in his face about being rude and sharing his damn entertainment with me for the Googolth time.
6. What is your pet peeve?
Stupidity!!!! For example, see #5!
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?
Depends on what it is about. But since living with these fools, my skin has become a bit thicker from the constant assaults on my mentals.

Sloth
1. What is one thing you’re supposed to do daily that you haven’t done in a long time?
Exercise (like everybody else)
2. What is the latest you’ve ever woken up?
Isn't the answer to this question dependent on when you went to sleep? Since I bed with the rising sun often, afternoon wakeups are not unusual.
3. Who have you been meaning to contact, but haven’t?
Too many people to name...
4. What is the last lame excuse you made?
Shit, if I used it, it wasn't lame! Probably "XYZ is a dumbass and I just didn't wanna waste my time talking for nothing!"
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones…)?
LMAO! Several. And a number have watched me all the way through too! Hell I was even dreaming about how to make a killing in real estate by buying foreclosed homes!
6. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?
Funny you should ask that TODAY. Three. I usually don't use one but I didn't want coffee time to be tardy because I went to bed at 8 a.m. Coffee time is noon.

Gluttony
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?
Wha? Are you serious? Me? Yuppie? GTFOH! The only time I have been IN a Starbucks was to find a coffee mug to drink my Folgers outta at home! And I found THAT at the Coffee Beanery! But to say on task... I buy flavored coffee on occasion. Gevalia? Slurpee?
2. Meat eaters are…:
Me! Beef, Pork, Chicken, Fish, Poonany! You know, meat!
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you’ve had in one sitting/outing/event?
You know I couldn't really say. But I recently did have a beer so big that I could do curls and isolate muscle groups with it! Even after the glass was empty! That was one good Killians!
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?
Wah? :: looking around :: Who makes these questions? Diet? Da hell?
5. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods or spicy foods?
All of the above and not in moderation! THIS IS ABOUT GLUTTONY Y'ALL! Of course I do them in moderation since I have to avoid sugar and salt and soon they will take my hot away too! Mark my words!

Lust
1. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?
Is this a trick question? I was born black, in America and with a dick! I am EXPECTED to do that! And of course the manhoe genes make it a compulsion!
2. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice?
Imma throw this back at the ladies. Ladies! What is your favorite WOMANLY body part on YOUR body? Cause if I am looking at ya, it probably is my favorite too. Unless you are strange and do not love the gloriousness that you have in favor or something less beautiful.
(disclaimer # 1: Strange, meaning that if you got a B-cup and a 42 inch ass, don't think for a minute I am gonna agree with you if tits is your answer.)
(disclaimer # 2: Womanly, meaning parts that look completely different on you than they would on the average person of MY sex. i.e. the things that identify you NOT as a man specifically or a human being generally)
3. Have you ever been made a proposition by a prostitute?
Some down right aggressive ones too. Actually it used to be a sport seeing what would be the best sales pitch as I drove by. (Damn casinos and new ball parks! Fucked up everything!)
4. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy?
Nope
5. Is love at first sight really lust?
Not always. I have met folk and become enamored before I saw them. But it usually is...

Greed
1. How many credit cards do you own?
zero point zero
2. What’s your guilty pleasure store?
Linens And Things. What? I am a houseware junkie! I can't be blamed for that, I like to cook because I like to eat! Gotta have the right stuff! Quit looking at me like that!
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?
ONLY a mill? Well building the dream house is out... Sooo... Kill debt. Trust funds or outright payoffs to move outta my house (one of the two is 18 already!). Find my way to several linked yet unrelated vacations away... Maybe even share!
4. Would you rather be rich or famous?
Rich and shameless or broke and famous? What do you think? Fame will NOT build the dream house, acquire that 300 foot yacht, stock an 8 car garage with exotic sports cars, erase 99% of my financial worries and most important NOT maintain my right to privacy! SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!!
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?
Hell yeah! I did it for minimum wage! Who asks these questions again?
6. Have you ever stolen anything?
Yeah.
7. How many mp3s are on your hard drive?
About 2500 or so. An entire CD collection gets you up in the numbers!

Pride
1. What is one thing you have done that you’re most proud of?
Fatherhood.
2. What’s one thing you’ve done that your parents are most proud of?
I chose to seek education and make something of my life.
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life?
Where do I start?
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?
If my happiness or mood is tied up in the outcome, I usually choose not to play. No use in taking the chance on feeling worse UNLESS the stakes are REALLY, REALLY worth it! But in general, no. It doesn't annoy me.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?
Was that you at the Trivia Challenge at Dave and Busters? Oops, sorry! But you see we are trying to get enough tickets to buy a...
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?
Who me? You mean did i hack my Diablo II characters weapons to make things easier? Did I use the invisibility code to get through the stealth mission in Rainbow Six? Did I get the Simoleon hack for SimCity 4? The mood hack for The Sims? Who me? Not THIS week! Um... Not today! Okay, not in the last 8 hours. But I am just testing out a theory in Diablo II!
7. What did you do today that you’re proud of?
Woke up! Oh and mom got her coffee too!

Envy
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for yourself?
They can keep their folks, but there are several nice cribs... Motorcycles... Dad's BMW...
2. Who would you want to go on Trading Spaces with?
Um. Not?
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?
See if he had married a big booty sista, I would really want to be Tiger Woods! But since he didn't... Jay-Z, if there weren't mirrors. But since there are... My alternate universe counterpart who is POTUS! But since that means THIS world... Hugh Heffner? But since I would want a few more years... Shit! I don't know! Can I just take a serious money upgrade and be myself? Okay! Playing by the rules... Maybe William Clay Ford, Jr. That Ford family money is loooonnnngggg indeed!
4. Have you ever been cheated on?
Yep. That is all I am gonna say on that!
5. Have you ever cheated?
Yep. But the wife already knows about it.

Kidz Izz Funnee!

Okay, this one is good.

The kids decided to have a three way Geekfest. So Saturday was a day out for me. Because The Wife is HORRIBLE at driving to unfamiliar places and is stubborn to the point of not learning places just because she don't wanna go there, ever. Like on the East Side. So of course since she was driving, she comes to grab her favorite GPS device. Me! And off we go. Had a little lunch while waiting on the third child in the outing to meet up, my big little cousin The Geekmaster. He rode the bus to the spot. And we located him right around the time we finished eating. Turns out he arrived early and stared the Geekfest without the other two. He was already reading and belatedly noticed a text that was asking his whereabouts.

The Boy, The Girl and The Geekmaster went to Barnes and Noble and hung out in the Anime section until they got booted out at closing time. Then they strolled over to the library for the same until that closed. Then they came to the crib and gathered around the computer and watched various episodes of different animated series. The Geekfest went on until about an hour or two after midnight.

During the drive across town they talked about all geeky things anime, hentai and manga and whatever else Japanese and cartoony. Then the discussion turned to The Boondocks. We were all fans and had a rolling quote fest. When suddenly, I spied with a disbelieving eye, THIS place...

go ahead and click the link, I will wait...

Okay, so the conversation went like this...
TSSE: Oh hail naw!!!
The Wife: What?
TSSE: The Male Box?
The Wife: Where
TSSE: Ova There --->

The adults start giggling uncontrollably at the sheer blatancy of it all.

The Wife: I wonder if Charles Pugh is in there...
The Girl: OH! starts laffin'

At this point the two boys are completely bewildered.

The Boy and The Geekmaster: WHAT?
TSSE: The M-A-L-E Box?
The Wife: You know with the male symbol on the sign?
The Girl: Uh hello! Charles Pugh?
Now the car falls into quiet giggles from three of us. You can positively hear and smell the synapses burning, three seconds pass, when suddenly:
The Boy and The Geekmaster: OOOOOOOhhhhhh!!!! Uhhhggghhhh!!!!
The Boy: That's a gay bar?
TSSE: The M-A-L-E Box? Where would you put your money on that bet?

Now the whole car is DYING LAFFING!
TSSE: Dang! Y'all slow!
The Girl: Could you see their faces if they just strolled up in there as dumb as they are now? (sisters are so mean!)
The Wife: (between guffaws) Y'all stop it, I can't drive like this!
The Boy: Uh, No thanks!
The Geekmaster: I was like, did they just say? Charles Pugh... Is that a?

Needless to say, their thickness provided us with many more minutes of fun at their expense. Especially from The Girl!

For those not in the know read about Charles Pugh. Yeah he graduated from the same ghetto ass high school as I did! I am proud of him! Even if he put somebody else's interview on TV that night that my back made the evening news!

Quick Peek In

Hey all. I bet you noticed that I have been a little sparse after posting slightly more than once a day for the previous month. Well. I messed up and started having a life.

YEAH, YEAH! Before you guys say it, I will say it myself! I SUCK! Well hey! It happens. And I will be the first to admit my sins. But I will still call you guys out here and there.

I also made it to the library earlier. It actually feels good to check out books without hearing "You have and outstanding late fee!" But I digress... Because what I actually did was grab a few geek manuals. Geek manuals being things that you read on your own that relate to your chosen profession. Especially if the job ain't paying for it. In my case geek manuals are TRULY just that because the large portion of geeks are in the computer field. So I shall be applying my attention to hacking (I got my mind on information security now), web design (something completely new for me), learning Google hacks (gotta make those searches more efficient) and most importantly a book on XML! So if you see things changing around here on a fairly frequent basis, just know that I am trying to perfect my new art. So if you see things that range from fly to hideous and much in between. Don't worry. I will eventually stop experimenting and settle on something at some point...

I been behind since the holiday. So if I ain't been by in a day or few, worry not. I will be by to see you and comment till my fingers fall off (if necessary).

Confessions Of An 80's White Boy: Again

Some things witnessed escaping my mouth during one recent session spent in cyberspace...

"Well, how can I forget you, girl, When there is always something there to
remind me?"
"Every little thing the reflex does leaves you answered with a question mark!"
"And i ran, i ran so far away. I just ran, i ran all night and day. I couldn't get away"
"Swaying room as the music starts. Strangers making the most of the dark. Two by two their bodies become one"
"She used to look good to me, but now I find her... Simply irresistible! "
" Holding back the years, Thinking of the fear I've had for so long. When somebody hears,
Listen to the fear that's gone."
"We're fussing and fighting, delighting with tears and we cry until dawn. (oh oh)
hold me now!"
"When you see the price they paid, i'm sure you'll come and join the masquerade"
"Love shack! Baby love shack!"
"What set you free I need you here by me! Because! In the midnight hour she cried- "more, more, more". With a rebel yell she cried- "more, more, more""

I gotta leave them internet radio stations alone. Or leave Real Player off when blogging!

A Dyssturbed Mental Image?

Imagine me in a room with some of these.

A few of these...

These two trophies.
And these two trophies.


And the two trophies holding all those trophies (sans clothing naturally). The net of course is imaginary...

If you don't see that the way I do then...

Leave their clothes on and congratulate them for bring home the goods from England! AGAIN!!!!

Monday Moanin'

Yeah. I was in lurkerville psrt of this weekend! I will get my comments back up to full speed in a bit. Why? Well I am glad you asked... Please listen...

Comment | Copy This

Twofer...

Comment | Copy This

Comment | Copy This

7 Song Tag!

Okay. I got tagged by Dreamy. And since the rules of this tag do not really fit my mood, I will change it up slightly. I am gonna put my play list on random, click next, and give you guys the first seven songs that I would stop and listen to without looking for something else. Which technically would be the 7 hottest songs RIGHT NOW!

The actual rules for those interested in such things are:
"List seven songs that you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now, shaping your spring summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to."



Now that's what I am talking about! Nahmean?


One smooth muthafucka right there! If he liked girls and I was a girl... But he don't and I ain't!!!!


Strawberries, Chocolate, Candles, Hen... Remy Martin. That is a night!!!!!


I must remember not to have this playing anywhere near a freeway. Or a funeral. I don't need no more speeding tickets!


Mmm, Mmmm. MMMMMMMmmmmmmm......


Yep! I love me some white girl! But this one is no Becky!


Man I love this album!!!


Had to get on extra long live on in from the one and only Prince!

Yeah! I can count! I know it is eight! Call it a bonus! And The Wife just hates odd numbers and loves Prince!


Since the wife hates odd numbers and Ladylee asked TWICE about some rap. I will put more bonus songs out there! Who am I to leave the ladies wanting?


Yeah. Even my rap is old school!!!


I was gonna do Bring The Noise by Public Enemy and Anthrax, but I don't actually have that on my player, yet. So this classic by Jay-Z is here instead!

Okay. Can't tag Freaky Jizzahoe, On Break OD, Sassy Ass Oldgirl, Queenie 51 or Gone Vacationing J. They got it last time.
Can't tag Dreamy The Cream Cop cause she started this one. Wit her tag happy butt!
Ms. Ain't Behaving is off the hook cause Dreamy got her too! Again!
Now the rest of you...
Volunteer now before you find yourself not on the immunity list next time! (I ain't pointing my fingers at nobody from D.C.)

The Dog And Chip Show

A silly moment with the dog. I caught him at the end of a frustrating and fruitless attempt to get a potato chip that HE LET bounce out of range. Note the snort of frustration about four seconds in...

Seems he caught me filming it and composed himself. Either that or he was begging me to come and help him and the chip find each other!

What's In A Name: The New Twist

I was recently asked about the genesis of my screen name by Lovebabz. I directed her to my prior post in answer. She seemed a bit unsatisfied with the real boring explanation. So I challenged her to come up with a feasible reasoning behind the name. And what the hey, just for fun, I am challenging you too!

So what would you come up with for the story behind The Second Sixty-Eight?

All stories are welcome and the best explanation wins! What I am not certain, but you still win!

The Times, They Have Changed

Comments made in the year 1955!

That's only 53 years ago!

'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00.'

'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2,000.00 will only buy a used one.'

'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous.

'Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?'

'If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.'

'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.'

'Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls.'

'I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.'

'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas .'

'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President.'

'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.'

'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.'

'It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.'

'Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more, those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat.'

'I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.'

'Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress.'

'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.'

'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital it's too rich for my blood.'

'If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it.'