While up in Opinionated Diva's comment section I was moved to write the following comment:
Okay. I done read one too many ogling is bad comments up in here! I was born, black, in America, in the hood and with a dick! Can someone who has objections to my eyeball actions PLEASE tell me what the proper way to check out the womanliness of the fairer sex WITHOUT being offensive!?!?!?
I know the hanging out of the car thing is tacky and stupid, but...
I just came up with today's blog post... Thanks!
Now I know that some of us dudes are blatantly obvious in how we look. But in our defense, some of you have blatantly obvious feminine charms, if you get my meaning. A simple glance and a mental pound to you just ain't enough. Something like this but mentally is for average configuration...
Some of you deserve the mental Black Peoples Secret Handshake. And you know how long that shit takes!
So we stare...
Cause you got clothes on and we still notice you got...
This...
Or This...
Or These...
I ain't claiming to be right. I am just claiming that I am a black man, born in the inner city in the USA, who has a dick, who is not gay, AND has a fairly normal libido! It is expected that I look. By who you ask? Well... By any other man who likes women. By every woman who even remotely wants to feel attractive to the opposite sex. By dad. By mom. By ME! Oh yeah and I got a son to raise and need to set a proper example! By... I could go on...So I set a challenge down to you ladies! What would you consider a PROPER way of seeing what you got to offer that is both satisfying to you as well as me? I ain't trying to be disrespectful. Nor am I letting you be by wishing that I was something I am not! (since I am someone who wants to look at your booty!) What is the compromise between me ogling you while hanging outta the window catcalling while my tongue hangs outta my mouth slob style AND treating you as a sexless being who deserves only enough of a glance to determine if we are gonna bump into each other in passing.
Keep in mind of course that the average encounter between you and me will likely be a one time thing and probably will last less than 10 seconds! So any answer that even mentions that fact that you might have a brain is outta bounds and only applies if I wanna actually talk to you. And that is a completely different question. And a completely different post.
So ladies? What is really appropriate?
Fellas, feel free to jump in as you will...
Oh, and if any of you run across someone who might have some perspective on this, send them over too. I would love to hear from them too!
35 comments:
Just because you have a penis and a healthy libido does not mean you have to be rude and break your damn neck to look at a piece of ass or some other part of the female anatomy. That really is a lame excuse...and I hope you know just how disrespectful it comes across to a lot of women.
That's all I'm going to say.
Really? That all you got to say? Oh come on!
Participate, for real!
You the one I expected to give me something real and you cheat me? I am hurt to the core.
And exactly WHERE did I mention that it was okay to break ya neck in pursuit of a look? Whether .01232 seconds or 5.3234 minutes?
Ah, nehmind. You don't wanna play...
You didn't say that specifically...but your comment implies that men can't help themselves because...well they're men and they have penises, so it's to be expected.
I just think men and women rarely agree on this topic, so I'm agreeing to disagree.
I still luv you!!
Can't help ourselves? THAT is a whole different topic too!
My comment just speaks about what is. At least what I have observed from the male of the species. And I do mean many, many, many, many observations. And the numerous comments by the women on your post tell a very different story about that kind of thing in general.
As far as agreeing or disagreeing, that ain't really the point. That is like asking what came first, the chicken or the egg.
What my intent is to see what YOU feel is appropriate for you. How far does a look go before you find it offensive to you? There ain't no right or wrong answer because it is yours. And by that same token, there ain't no opposing point of view since it ain't a debate!
And I know ya still luv me because I got you to say more on it! Yeah! That is right! I got you! Ha Ha!!!!
:: Dancing around and singing ::
You love me... You love me...
Now quit being (somewhat) outraged cause you know you wanna laugh!
I gave this a lil thought. And i tried to put myself in a man's situation. If I had xray vision and could see dingalings all damn day??? SHIIITTTT!!!! I'd be a disrepsectful ass too. Not that the average dick would excite me, but if i saw some ole swoley swole black mandingo dick on a dude that had the look that I like (big and meaty and sexy) then I'd probably holla DAMN! or try to look more too.
I'm not saying its right...only that I understand it.
I got wide hips, a decent booty and big boobies...I've learned to deal with it.
And if I wear my man killer jeans...I expect it. If my girls are on display I can't be mad if somebody looks or ooggles them either.
::shrugs:: but im from another planet anyway!
ohhhhh Lord what in the hell did i just walk into in the comment section!!!
politely removing myself from this here boxing match,lol
j/j men can look 68, just dont be all ignorant with it!! like making cat calls, stopping traffic and shyss, a plum damn fool over some titts and azz. its not even that serious!!!
you know how some of these men can be jeezzzzz, just nasty with it!!!
have a little tact about yourself if all Im saying to these men!!!
and black men got it bad for some reason, they dont know how to act sometimes, its disgusting!!!
This is my thing: It is disrespectful. Period. I mean, the way dudes act now? Dreamy said it best. Goodness. And it's gotten worse over the years. But as women, we have had to learn to deal with it. We as women are at least discreet with it. You never know we eyeballing you, lol.
So, let's just say... I read Diva's post, and understand where she's coming from. It's a sign of disrespect, and for some reason now... it's considered NORMAL. WOW.
Let's call it what it is: Mental Rape. That don't sound so nice, do it? Well, newsflash: that's what it FEELS like.
Diva was crossing a damn street. Was oogled out of control by a man, I bet you, who is well developed in such behavior. Stares down every woman that he sees.
So, if Diva was walking down a dark alley late at night by herself, no one around, and the same dude drove by... hmmm, wonder if he would leap out the car and ACT on that oogling? So THAT's when we would have a problem with it, right? If he jumps out that car and attacks her? It's alright though, because he liked what he saw, right? He gets a pass, right?
And it all started with some hard eyeballing. Hmmm...
My mailman stares so hard at my chest that he can't even talk. So I'm suppose to be flattered by that? Shoot, I feel like my name is Nettie and he's Mister. It is unnerving and VERY SCARY since this dude knows where I live. Matter of fact, because of your post, I'll be calling the post office this week and complaining.
I respect a man who has some control over all that. Give me a little eye contact instead of staring at "the girls".
With that said, men and women are just different. Men are VERY visual beings. Us women, we are VERY emotional beings. So naturally, as a woman, I just don't get it, will probably never understand, or find it acceptable. Commenter "I am J" said it best above - maybe we just have to put ourselves in a man's shoes, then maybe we can THINK like ya'll think.
This is my thing in a nutshell: A real woman is more than just a piece of meat.
I think we've just learned to quietly deal with it all.
I say all this because I have a couple of relatives, male and female, with sexual addiction problems, and I am more concerned with the "root" of that thing and where it started: with some innocent eyeballing. Hmm...
Eyeballing leads to fantasizing which may lead to all kinds of craziness. Reinforce this with todays music and media. Reinforce it a bit more with the strip club scene and internet porn. Humph. No wonder we consider it all normal.
No one thinks about that, do they?
Okay, that's all I'll say because I can go on, and on, and on, and on, but I won't.
Don't ban me, bruh, lol.
Incidently, I'm in the middle of writing a story concerning this... would love for you to take a look at that!
Wow @ these comments...
Yeah, I'm a look. That's what I do. I just try not to be mad obvious with it. LOL
i usually encourage the cat to look as long as he wanna. hell, i might even comment like "damn...u see the ass on that girl? almost as sweet as mine, huh?"
i prefer the team approach to it. he knows i ain't mad with him looking, just be respectful with it, i.e. no oggling or falling out or making noises or making her/me uncomfortable with his behavior. recognize the beauty of her tits/ass, then keep it moving cuz he's going home with the best set of tits/ass he's gonna get. LOL
High 5 Nikki!
There's a difference between glancing and staring. Staring is disrespectful.
It's a bit hot in here huh? 68-what HAVE you started?? LOL!! J/K.
I agree with the ladies-looking is fine...staring, oggling, acting all kinds of ignorant is so NOT cool!
So long as it's a quick glance, I honestly don't see anything wrong with it.
I DO however agree with the majority in that there's a thin line between THAT and all out staring/breaking ya neck to see some T&A.
Whoo lawd!!! Looks like I done got some shyt started that I hadn't intended! But that is cool. I can take it. I like when y'all get all opinionated anyway.
@ J - So you are saying that you expect a certain amount of attention and that level of attention tends to slide dependent on your "advertising"?
@ Dreamy - So you are telling me that looking is okay as long as they keep their feet still, their mouths shut and their gestures to themselves?
@ Ladylee - No you didn't just come and blog in my comment section! Just kidding. You know I love when you do that. Especially when I do it to you on occasion. I will be back to you though... (blogger be actin' funny...
@ Rashan - Yep. I am with you on that. But then again we were raised better than most who are roaming the streets these days. Makes me sad for the women these days. Until I look at the younger ones...
@ Nikki - LMAO @ you commenting... Of course you know ain't no way in hell I am gonna answer that question for you if you ask that and we together right? Might as well ask if I think you are fat too! So you are kinda where Dreamy is, eyeballs are fine without the other overt signs that you are looking?
@ Southern Girl - But what do you consider staring? For instance. Say I am sitting in a restaurant near a window. I am eating alone (sad I know). I see you walking by. I find you most attractive. I watch you walk by until I cannot see you anymore. At no time did I do anything to indicate to you that I never took my eyes off of you. Would that be considered staring or disrespectful? Especially if you didn't see me doing it?
@ Tom_Gurl - Yes indeed! I do know how to start some shit on occasion!
So if you got The Danglers going in full glory and a dude just happens to notice and suddenly finds the contents of the store window he as passing EXTREMELY interesting. At an angle which would allow him to appreciate your goodness for a while longer, it is cool as long as he isn't acting like he is loitering to look?
@ Ms. B. - You slipped in while I was in the middle of the last answer!
But the question is, where is that line? How much looking makes you uncomfortable?
@ Ladylee - Okay back. Good thing too. I lost the comment at the beginning and had to start over. Could you imagine how mad I would be if I had done all the above and didn't get to post it?
It was comments like this on Diva's site that made me ask this question: "This is my thing: It is disrespectful. Period."
Which made me wonder if some women felt that merely looking at them was disrespectful.
I also read Diva's post (obviously) and that shit was WAY outta line. I also have read many others about the nuts she deals with so I understand where she is coming from for real! And don't blame her one bit!
I don't know where you are going with the dark alley scenario cause a pass ain't what he would get? And I am very nearly offended that you would even think to ask such a question HERE! But since I got y'all minds churning on the subject I won't get emotional. (won't even make you cook anything special...)
Now putting yourselves in our shoes to get understanding is not necessary. I read your blogs and y'all lust too. And it is all good. And I don't understand fools like Diva's killer bee so you shouldn't have to either.
"This is my thing in a nutshell: A real woman is more than just a piece of meat."
My thinking is that all women are more than pieces of meat, some just do not chose to act that way. Hence the "real" describing women being there.
Eyeballing itself is not harmful. It is when people choose to act fucked up as a result then there is a problem.
Ban you? Did you just say ban you? I might JUST because you said that!!! But for everything else you may deserve promotion!
@ Ladylee - I am now confused after all of that...
Either one of two things just happened:
1) So you're saying that even looking at you is crossing the line?
2) You didn't actually answer my question!
Could you please clarify?
And I am happy to have helped with the mail man. God forbid that the gay white dudes next door actually NEED to use them damn cameras!
Damn, you got it going on like that that he stuttering and speechless? You a bad Mutha :: shut yo mouth ::
I don't come over here nearly as much as I should (but I'll start)...
To answer this question, these are the things a man could do to get kicked squarely in the nuts with the quickness:
1)Touch me. Don't EVER put your f'ing hands on me and I don't know you. All that hand grabbing in the club come here baby for a second...HELL to the no!
2)The out of control cat calling. That is annoying and immature and disgusting.
3)The elevator eyes aka looking me straight up and down. My boss does this to me and everytime I want to smack the shit out of him. This is EXTREMELY disrespectful!
Now, I can appreciate a compliment. Let's say me and a man are passing each other in the street. If I'm wearing a brand new extra tight pair of jeans and my tents (don't ask) are looking extra luscious and my hair is bouncy and shiny and I'm smelling good with a 3.5" heel on...shit, I might get mad if dude ignores me. LOL Is that vain?
Anyway, if he were to look at me IN MY EYES and maybe whisper a "Damn, girl" and keep it pushing, that's fine. If he did some light ogling and said something RESPECTFUL like "You're looking beautiful today" and keep it pushing, that's great. Basically...just act like you have some home training and a momma! Would you want Joe Blow eyeballing your momma or sister or daughter??? Treat women how you'd want a man to treat the women in your life, period.
And another thing! LOL!
If you are parked in a car and I'm walking past and you call me over, you better believe that I will ignore your ass and keep walking. If you really want to talk to me that bad, get your lazy ass out the car and come correct. Hoes walk up to cars. Ladies do not.
That's what my Daddy told me. And that man speaks the truth!
@ Monie - Not the nut shot!!! Dang!
I feel ya on ya list. That shyt annoys me when I see it! They make me look bad!
So you are of the mind that if they keep it low key and respectful then it is cool and if you are marketing then complimentary commentary is welcomed?
See now Monie, since you kinda new, I will let that don't ask thing slide a little bit. But "The Tents" begs questions. Here, pics or good descriptions are necessary for such good names... I am sure that info is available at your site. I will just go mine your posts and hope for photos and descriptions!
@ Monie (again) - In the car? That is just no style. The only thing that I am gonna do from a car is to get your attention long enough to slow your feet so I can get out and catch up. Hell I will walk with ya. Unless it is too far, then I will offer a ride. (hey I do got my limits!) I mean were I single and looking that is...
And ya daddy does indeed speak the truth!
Hi. 1st time here. To comment on your post, if you like what you see, compliment a lady and be sincere about it and have some personality with your approach. If you stare and say something crass, I'm going to get an attitude and call you an asshole and before you know it, you'll be calling me a bitch. I have to also agree with Monie. A lady NEVA goes over to a man that's beckoned her from across the room or the street or whatever. If you like what you see so much, you come to me. Also, practice your stare in the mirror so that you'll have the stare of a man that appreciates what he sees vs. the stare of a pervert which is totally gross...
Hey newbie!!! I like ya style! I don't see the point in things escalating to bitch. Much less asshole.
So you are saying that if I feel the need to look past a glance, I should let you know and be nice about it. And if I feel the need to continue looking I should strike up a conversation that allows me to remain in your world? Respectfully of course...
LOL! Yes, that is my opinion. I fully appreciate a man with style and class who knows how to approach someone and not make her feel like a piece of meat. Apparently, this shit is hard to do, though. = (
The tents...LOL My little ones are not tents...it's just a long story so really...don't get excited. LOL!
Uh huh. Strike up a conversation so you can respectfully, and on MY terms, remain in my world. Respect my body and view it as the treasure that it is. I really, really hate it when a guy sees you on the streets and he's like "Psst! Yo girl, what yo name is?" Huh?? WTF?? Give me a break. You expect me to respond to that?? And to top it off, you are looking at me like I'm a piece of meat. Boooo! Imma keep walking, but believe me, Imma keep it real if you pop off something krazy out of your mouth. Hence, the asshole convo...
yeah that exactly what I am saying,lol
you know i love you and if you want to pay me all the compliments in the world then you can!!!
*smooches*
@ Monie - I will reserve the excitement until after the explanation then. Of course calling your little ones tents (or not) brings up all kinda imagery.
Today, I think it is really hard to do for the average dude under 40 to relate to the right way to approach a lady. Look at the influences that have been so prevalent for the last 20 years or so. The TV is the classroom. We all know what has been learned.
@ Dione - I am all for starting up a dialog if the desire is to remain in your space. For me, then I require you to be more than some pleasant physical attributes. The world is filled with more things than sex. So we gotta have something to do worthwhile when NOT having sex. Ya know, talk, joke, share hobbies, book club... Something...
@ Dreamy - Then I shall always be me and remain nice and respectful. Catch more flies with honey than with vinegar (or however the hell that saying goes...) (Not that I would ever consider any of you a fly (You are fly maybe but not A fly...))
ohhhh be quiet and stop explaining yourself i knew what you meant!!!
your perfect in my book, and your such a sweetie pie!!!
LMAO! Lemme quit playin'
Whoa folk!! We went from trying to catch someone's attention respectfully on the street straight to the dating scene... I'm just trying to point out that it's not nice to stare in a freaky kind of way...:-)
Damn that white chick had ass..LMAO
Ummm...thanks for Mary J's seven days...I needed that little song in my life, it has nothing to do with my current status but love love love that song!!!.
Umm I dont care if you stare...stare all you want, I live by the "you can look but dont touch" rule..def!
Yeah, I said the same thing about her! I just ain't figured out how to use the other picture with her in it...
You musta been listening to The Soundtrack when I wasn't looking...
"She said 'Look boy! But don't you touch! That ain't much!'"
I'm MAAAADDDD Late on this - but oh well. Hey, Long as I'm the one causin' whip-lash I don't care! LOLOLOL!!!
well i aint got no itg or bitties or big ol ass so I dont know how to answer this question
I hear ya Cap!
:: Throwin' the hard Spock Eyebrow @ Eb ::
Mmmmm hmmmm... I done seen pictures Eb. You know you be getting stared at all the time!
Post a Comment