Conjoined Dreams

What if when you dream, the person you dream about has that same dream with you? I mean think about how cool that could be. You having that really erotic dream with that special person. You dream about how nice it could be. They realize that you were dreaming about how it could be? You could share a special moment without sharing TOO much... I mean I could see how that one would suck for say... Halle Berry, since she would have such dreams about every other damn horny fucker in America. But you must admit that has some very good potential in it!

Or say for instance your boss pissed you off at work. Well in your dreams that sumbitch can be pissed on! No health problems. No pink slip! No worries! And the message is good and delivered!

Baby momma? Dream HER ass the drama and let your subconscious tell how you really feel! Beat down, strangulation, unlimited bitch slappings, take the kids! Shiiiddd! It can happen! In dream world. And no domestic assault charges either!

And if you got nerve enough to be a dead beat ass muthafucka, get some too! You can see what she really mad about son! And get the foot in the ass to prove it. And probably some jail time to boot!

And y'all triflin' den a muhfugga together! Aw snap! It can be on and crackin'! The Battle of the Ages! The brawl for it all! The prize? Little LaQuanda!

You can dream about being rich! Make it rain on ya friends! And they dream about diving on the nasty ass club floor to get it!

World peace? Don't just do it! Dream it!

Low gas prices? Well... keep dreaming...

But y'all know where I am coming from!!!

Wouldn't that shit be cool?

A Public Service Announcement!!!

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The Blog Harem: Redux

As promised, I said I would readdress the Blog Harem. There were others who deserved a little more time. Well that time has been spent! So I am adding those truly worthy to the club! Yep! Just like the Stanley Cup! The Blog Harem grows and adds fame. Just engrave another ring, sit it on the bottom behold the new bigger trophy!

The Second Ring Sexies:
Minerva Exertion - It seems she likes to mess with me. Especially tempting fate and the Skrait Razor. But more important, I like when she says Bullshuckey! Here's to ya! A bag of Purple M&M's!

CapCity - Any chick who loves pussy this much (her own) is definitely part of the In Crowd with me! And she gets real excited when she meets other bloggers. That HAS to be good right?

The Addict - You gotta throw one in there who knows something about sports. And collecting her checks from the cable sports leader puts her firmly in that special seat. And somebody else gotta be able to talk sports with The Wife... Now I just gotta figure who she been seeing that keeps her from blogging...

BorednTalkative - Ahh an accent good enough to fantasize over. But more important, anybody who can come by and blog jack me endears herself to me to no end...

Thoughts of a Southern Gal - Or should I say Thoughts of a Country Gal. Because I don't care how many people move to Little Rock, it will still be country! And she also is the special guest ringer. Her Arkansas heritage might appeal to The Wife's second generation Arkansas heritage. Hence helping to ease everybody else in without too much trouble!

Still Pocahontaz - Most likely to provide a Hot Ghetto Mess moment while maintaining her boughieness. (What? I mean that in a good way!) This star never struggles to shine! Even with them ghetto ass neighbors...

Tom_Gurl - She talks funny and I like it. I guess because she got True Brit!
(Not funny? Hell YOU aint' funny all the time either!!!)
Of course she is my teacher too. I am learning a new language. I think it is called JamEnglish...

Dreamy - She is all bubbly and cute. Okay she is gonna be a cop and I need an insider because of my slughurler obsession. But that cute thing is good too!

And a Special Old School Tribute goes to:
Ruthie Ann - She a hot mess! You met her yet? Of course this in no way means I am applying for the recently vacated Sugar Son position...

And I feel the need to add a disclaimer here. If for some reason I don't show up here for a few days after this. The Wife may have killed me. Not my fault for liking the ladies. But she might do it anyway. So if I go MIA then you know to get looking! I mean, you all wouldn't want to end up in a lesser harem would ya?

Jack Shyt!!!

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The Blog Homies

These are the dudes who I likely will always be down for:

• A good beer swillin' time!
• A night of Wenchin' N' Whorin' (theoretically)
• Rantin' N' Ravin' in general
• Just hanging out in the venues appropriate to each...

Tha Real World:
Profit J - Yin to my Yang. Frick to my Frack. Hanging buddy supreme. The best friend I could imagine and one of my most fave cousins. You saw him in a pic to the right a few days ago...

MotorHo - My brotha from anotha motha like the dude above. The one who shares my two wheeled addictions and my tightest from damn near the start.

Old Sarge - Separated early in life, we caught back up in no time. Right until Uncle Sam claimed him for world travel. We shall get caught up again. Just with less hair. Also seen in that same pic.

Tha Blog World:
Freaky Deaky - My Detroit blogging counterpart. Accomplice to the madness. The only guy who can do a Fuck It rant that impresses me to no end. Especially since they are better than mine! A dude who would probably appreciate the list of things above, if he can get over that somewhat antisocial streak...

The Brown Blogger - This dude at times is so much like me I think I wrote the post instead of him. Never afraid to hold our feet to the fire to get us going. He leaves things better for having questioned them. His evolution and self honesty makes me hopeful and proud.

Terry (up in The Cheap Seats) - A noble thinking warrior wrapped up in a scotch drinking, stogie puffing package. A dude with a thoughtful but honest perspective on things that at times leaves me speechless. Now if them rss feeds can get fixed...

To all of the above dudes I salute you with a good tankard, a fat stogie and a comely wench! Whether they be real, imagined or potential. Here's to all of you!

More Randomness...

I meant to post this last week. But other things got in the way. But, here you are...

Oh My Fucking God!!!! Are you really kidding me? A pregnancy pact? Got this from Fresh...

Joe Dumars wasn't playing when he said that nobody is safe on this team after losing to Boston. See

Okay. Now this one makes my stomach hurt. This bullshit here. Damn. I know you gotta try to win an election, but this just plays right into the hands of the racists. SMDH @ the world we live in...

Some days you gotta do what ya gotta do. Even if you are faking the funk.

Some people just way over react to shit in the dumbest ways...

And some people do dumb shit for no GOOD reason...

Now this shit is getting plain ass dumb!!!

More Favorite Posts

More good stuff I have found in my travels.

This is high comedy at it's best! Cause yall-so-nosey-part-1, courtesy of Ruthie Ann and Mrs. Mabel.

Ladylee the slave massa on Memorial Day Weekend Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Ms. Behaving calling folk out for Anti Blogger sentiments. She crazy ya know...

Freaky Deaky and Fuck It Friday. An example...

I find The Pussy Chats a nice place to be (for obvious reasons) since the title don't lie. For example... Disclaimer: Only read this at home. The adult content warning ain't no joke...

And here is TDJ yet again with another treasure. I wish she would post more than once a quarter though...

This one wins for best post title.

Paddus Maximus

Sometimes I think there are too damn many feminine products.

Why you ask?

A dramatization:

The Wife
TSSE

:: Cell phone ringing ::

Hello?
Hi honey! Where are you?
Walking through SuperMart.
Really? Good!
Why? What's up?
I am starting to cramp up.
Uh oh...
Yeah.
Glad I worked you out last night! Probably started it again huh?
You silly man!
You need me to grab something?
Yeah.
Drugs?
No. I got them.
What you need?
I think I am outta pads.
Okay...
Could you pick up some?
Sure.
Thank you!
What kind you use?
Whatever you bring.
*crickets* (in case y'all are wondering, I stole some of them crickets from Ladylee...)
Whatever...?
Yeah.
You do realize that "Whatever" is one of those magic words that ensure you don't get what you want right?
I really don't care...
Stop! Lemme go over there now and you can help me out with this...
:: strolls over to the femmes only stuff ::
DANG!
What?
I just found the Wall O' Pads!
You silly...
Maybe, but do you have an IDEA of what you might want?
Just some pads.
There are like a fintillion things up here. You just want me to grab anything? Damn this is a big ass wall...
Man...
Okay, we got Always, Carefree, Kotex, Playtex, Stayfree and Tampax and the store brand...
They can keep them damn tampons. I don't mess with those. Not what I like going up there...
Okay!
And what are Carefree?
Panty liners.
Uh. NO!
Okay. That narrows things down a bit...
Good.
So you want: Ultra-thin, Regular, Maxi, Super Maxi, Ultra Maxi Overnight, Wings, No Wings? What you want?
Ultra thin.
Wings or no wings? Damn these mufuggas can fly now?
Whatever, wings. No they can't fly silly!
Okay. Now which brand?
You choose. I don't care.
Okay. But you know I am cheap as hell. The lowest bidder wins with me. Like the Army.
Imma hit you...
Okay! Okay! I got ya! One pack or two?
One is fine if you bring them today. If you are gonna keep standing there then I will probably need two by the time I finally see you!
He he he... One other thing...
What is it man?
Chocolate? Potato chips?
Hell yeah. BOTH!
See ya in 10!

Happy Anniversary Sweets!

There y'all go. The happy couple ending the first dozen years and starting number 13! I call this:
The Stare and The Glare!

12 Years Ago Today

My favorite song and my favorite picture...



Heard just before this "I now present to you Mr. and Mrs..."

A Conversation With A Bill Collector

The Key:
Thoughts and reactions...
The Bill Collector
The Second Sixty-Eight


"Hello, is this Second?"
Damn, awful familiar ain'tcha?
"Uh... Yeah."
"My name is Marvin. I am from the Get Money collection agency"
"O-kay..."
"I am calling to day to discuss your bill with Schlums Department stores."
"Mmm Hmm..."
"And let me just say that this call may be monitored for quality control purposes."
"Fine"
"And we are a debt collection agency and any information will be used for purposes of collecting a debt"
"Right"
"So, Second, you have an outstanding balance of a trillion simoleons with Schlums"
Damn, whatever happened to Mr. Sixty-Eight?
"Right"
"How are you gonna pay this today"
"Uh huh..." <~~~ sounding very amused...
"I'm sorry, did I say something funny?"
"Well. Kinda."
"What did I say?"
"The part where you assumed I have a trillion simoleons and am just waiting for you to ask nicely before I remit payment."
"Ah. I did not intend to amuse. I am simply trying to resolve a matter for my client. Which is a win-win for everyone because they get their money and you will not have negative items put on your credit report."
Really? Like the ones put on there the last six months in a row?
"I understand that. But it was still funny nonetheless. But really, if I HAD a trillion simoleons just laying around, do you think WE would be having this conversation?"
"Hey, I am just doing my job."
"That is cool. At least you got a job. Some of us don't"
"Um..."
"And I understand it is your job to call people and try to get the books balanced..."
"Good. So then you will send..."
"Hey! I was not done speaking!"
"Sorry, but I get folk wanting to explain all the time!"
"And you are still interrupting."
"Sorry, go on..."
"Thank you! As I was saying, I understand it is your job to balance the books. HOWEVER, I am in no position to help you resolve this matter."
"So are you saying that you WON'T pay it?"
"No. I am saying that I CAN'T pay it."
"Why are you reluctant to satisfy this debt?"
"Um... Maybe you are misunderstanding me. Reluctant and unable are two completely different concepts."
"So why are you unable to pay today?"
"Because I am not employed. And have no source of income."
"Why don't you have a job? Are you looking for one?"
"Yes and no."
"Which is it? Yes or no?"
"Nehmind..."
"So how do you eat? You are on a phone. How do you manage all that?"
"The kindness of others, and we will leave it at that."
"Well can you get it from them?"
"Nope"
"I can't imagine having someone else taking care of me."
"Not so hard when you actually try."
"I don't get it."
"Sigh... I am taking care of my disabled mother. Since she needs pretty much around the clock care, I can't just up and leave for hours and hours at a time. Hence no job. Hence no income. Therefore SHE takes care of the food and such."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"Hey, it happens."
"Well do you think you can get it from her?"
** crickets **
"No."
"Why not?"
"It ain't her debt. She is doing more than enough already. We poor. And her fixed income shortens the priority list up quite a bit."
"So you won't ask her."
"I won't even consider asking. Besides if it ain't about survival or taking care of her needs, it ain't getting spent."
"Well can you borrow it from somebody else?"
"No"
"Why not?"
Is he really serious?
"Listen man, I don't have the money or the means to pay you. Why would I go and ask someone for the money knowing I don't have the means to give it back! Isn't that kinda the reason why we are having this conversation?"
"Maybe they want to help."
"That wanting to help thing pretty much stops at food and shelter. Times are hard, folk ain't got the money to pay somebody else's bills. Whose bills are you paying?"
"Hey, I work for a living. I can't pay nobody else's bills. That is what jobs are for. But this ain't about me."
"So you see my point then."
"Well, do you have some land you can sell then?"
"Land?"
"Yes. Some property you can sell to generate funds to pay this debt."
** more crickets **
"Damn! Lemme break it down for ya dude! I AM BROKE! I live in tha hood. I got no money. No way of getting money. I have no asset that... I have no COMBINATION of assets that could pay this bill! NOR would I sell everything I had to pay something that will not affect my continuing survival on this planet. I am so far down the list of needs that all this conversation serves it to entertain me! If I sell ANYTHING it will be for keeping myself off of the street and from starving. And before you ask, NO! I ain't gonna go stand on no damn corner while she is sleeping either!!!"
"Look man! I gotta job to do..."
"Yeah. You said that. A piece of friendly advice. Don't do your job here until like next year. Maybe then things will have changed for the better and I might be in a position to work something out..."
"Well. I will call you next month."
"That's fine. But don't be offended if you get the answering machine. I get mail from you guys all the time. So I couldn't forget this if I wanted to!"
"Thank you Mr. Sixty-Eight. Hope things work out for you."
"You have a nice day then..."
Tha fucka! Mr. Sixty-Eight at the end? Tha damn nerve. It ain't like I owe THEM! They bought it from the people that Schlums sold it to...

Flashback Friday: Tha Jackin'

Okay. I gotta take it back here. Since the title isn't being used (at it's original location) and I have been known to do a jack at a moment's notice... And I promised to do this one. So Freaky, here it is!

Harken back to yonder lazy, hazy days. To a time when life was simpler. When "Tha 'hood" was actually called "The neighborhood". When cars were big as hell. Before cable. When having a color TV was a big thing. When they made Floor Models. When the record player was a big ass piece of furniture that could double as a bed in a pinch... Okay, you get the idea. A long damn time ago! I was of the approximate vintage as this picture.

Okay. Look again. This is also the scene of the crime.

I was chilling out on the porch one summer's eve. I think it was around twilight and mom was chillaxin' up in the living room. I was sitting on the glider playing with my ubiquitous companion Hot Wheels^®. In other words it was a wonderful day for me. Then outta the blue this dude pops his ass up on the porch. I mean rolled his ass up the stairs, opened up the screen door and invited himself in! Tha nerve! Then to make matters worse this sumbitch grabs me up and bounces!

Now this particular dude was from down the street and "off his meds". Wait. Wait. Wait!!!! This is an old school story. Lemme back up and do it right. Dude was from the other block and that muthafucka was crazier than shit!!! Now about this time mom is doing a "What The Fuck!?!?!" After having done a "Who The Hell Is This Walking Up On My Porch". So y'all know she got that ass in gear and was calling down the Wrath of God and any neighbor in audio and visual range to full jack alert!

Meanwhile. I am grabbed up like a sack of damn potatoes and not appreciating this improv tour of the street (which I already knew well enough thank you!). So you know what went down! I wailed! This will be the only time in my life that I will pridefully admit that I screamed like a little bitch!!! And I did!!! So much to the point that the dude was got a little pissed. So he then mashed my mug in the wet grass while telling me "Shut up or I am gonna throw you on the freeway!" First off, I was a bit indignant about the face full of grass AND being wet up. Secondly, I knew where the damn freeway was from the crib and it wasn't far enough away for me to think he was bluffing. Third I had no desire to meet:
This
This
OR this on the freeway at high speed.

So what happened? I kicked my scream game up of course!!! Hell I ain't never been no damn fool! Needless to say this didn't go on much longer. Big A, my neighbor, was nearby and heard mom. So he ran the crazy sonofabitch down. I got rescued. I understand the crazy dude got the ass whoopin' of his life and a little time to contemplate his navel in peace. Fortunately for him, mom and dad were already splitsville. Dad would have sicked the python on him. The Colt Python!!! Ya heard!?!?!

Well that was my little encounter with almost becoming a statistic. But since he failed at getting me. You do! You can thank or curse him for that as you see fit!


It's Double Flashback Friday!!!
So you get a two in one today!

This one here is bonus footage from the album where the top picture is an occupant...
This is a picture of me and my dawgs. Really early on. I shall identify them by their code names. To the left is The Fifth Sixty-Eight. In the middle The Second Sixty-Eight. On the right The Fourth Sixty-Eight. As you can see, I had big plans for us even then! The world didn't know it wasn't ready!!!
The moms have been blurred to protect the shy and shame the nosy...

Damn. This means I can't jack Fuck It Friday for at least another week... Ah well...

The New Girlfriend Isn't As Pretty As She Seems.

What I mean by that is that the old girlfriend is still the hot, vivacious and interesting girl that drew me in long ago.

Before any of you get to thinking about The Wife, lemme clarify.

The new girlfriend is Wordpress. And for some reason she decided to test me early in the relationship by telling me what I can and cannot post. I noticed a few things didn't translate when imported. Some could be worked around. But Wordpress has an annoying tendency to scrub the HTML submitted to post and remove tags that could be "harmful". So, specifically, I can't audio blog. Therefore I am not happy with her. We shall see how things go...

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

Sorry y'all. That is the only picture you are gonna get. The other one got most definitely vetoed...

Random Verbal B.S.

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In The Kingdom Of Could Be Me...

Sigh...

Random Weekend Shit

Why did my dumb ass nephew (the one about to be a baby daddy) try to dry his damn socks in the microwave and burnt them shits up?

Why do the young think that playing some old school makes them look cool in our old eyes?

Why do they think that the old school that they play even remotely sounds good when played through fifty eleven 12" subs at high volume?

Why are these children finding more excuses to get inappropriately naked?

Why did my wife's goofy ass cousin have an entire debate in her head, condemned me AND my wife for being judgmental and put all kinds of words in my mouth for asking ONE question?
The question was "Why are all these young gals suddenly thinking it is okay to wear their bellies out in prom dresses these days?"

And why was she being a hypocrite by saying "You and your wife always trying to judge folk. They were cute and enjoying themselves at their prom. I can see if they were walking down the street with their bellies hanging out! That is wrong!" Funny that she can make such a distinction...

AND why did she insist vehemently that we both said things that never came outta our mouths?

And why did she feel the need to argue with us when we told her we didn't say such things? I'm sayin', how you gonna call me a liar if you ain't listening to what the fuck I said?

And why at that moment did she remind me of one of those coverall wearing, gun rack totin' John Deere hat having folk who claim that they are "good southerners"? I love her dearly, especially since she is my wife's bff cousin. But sometimes she tends to get off the reality train and gets left standing in the station... Then again. I could really be an old fashioned judgmental ass who needs to lighten up and get with the times... (fuck that! I was raised better...)

Why was the funniest happening of the weekend when The Hulk kicked that shit talking sumbitch into a damn tree? If you ain't seen it, go. This was a good one!

Why have I been staring at this post for the list 10 minutes while I am on the phone with my horndog dad?

Why not just pub...

Gas Humor

Post 250!!!!

As you all know, every 50 posts or so... I gotta do something a little different. Even for me different. I was gonna post my favorite picture in the whole wide world. But I need permission to post that one. We will see what she says...

So this one is an opinion poll of sorts. Or three. I got questions in three categories for ya.

Blog layout, posts and avatars.


1. Blog Layout - I been considering a defection of sorts. But I feel that I can't quite achieve a look that I really like. At least not for free... So I may change up after I get my own domain and all that crap... But punch the links and let me know what you think...
The Tester
The (possible) New Version.

2. Posts - Your opinion here does count! (for something...) So I am curious to see what you think would be good material for me. Now keep in mind, I am an artist! And I am sensitive about my shit... And this is a test for you. I will tell you why later. Yeah, homework! Who knew!

3. Avatars - I have been trying to find a new image of me to attach to my profile and comments. I may even change the next one to a Gravatar and it shall follow me everywhere (I think...) Iam leaning heavily in one direction but I would like some input. Although the list can still change at any time...

The contestants!!!

Tha Glare! - This is of course the current one. Mysterious and looking on the verge of a rant!

Commando 1 - When the guys in the white suits were the good guys!
Commando 2 - The above with a little less zoom!
TSSE and the Likka Basket - Winner for the second year in a row by the way! That be the arm of my lovely chocolate hunnie that I am leaned on!
Cheezin' pt. 1 - Same party as above. The only problem is that these are not the hands of my lovely chocolate hunnie, nice as they are...

Cheezin' Pt. 2 - Me getting my Cheshire Cat on! Had to cut little cuzin' C off though...

Cheezin' pt. 3 - Grinning at the reunion action in the ATL last year. Why is it that all of the good pictures of me have me hugged up with somebody? This time with lil' cuzin' CavMan. Hope THIS damn deployment to Iraq is just as uneventful as the last two (three? I lose count...)

The Biker In Me - You may remember this look from last year. One of the shots that I considered for Post 100!

The bonus:

Me Being Old School - Literally... Cause that school ain't even there anymore. Me at 8! And if I hear any giggles I WILL have to come and cut ya!
And for those of you who are curious. This IS what the smartest lil' muthafukka in the whole damn school looks like! (So that is what I looked like before I went blind as hell...)

Well. That does it for the first 250 posts! Lemme know what y'all think. I do have a favorite. And one The Wife already put on reject. Okay, TWO she put on reject...

Just Cold Busted!

I decided to get in on the monthly group topic that Ladynay and Freaky Deaky are posting on regularly. This month's topic is embarrassing moments. So, here is one of mine...

Way back when. There was pay TV before cable. Antenna and special RF switch and you were in business. My dad had ON-TV. ON-TV was one of many "scrambled UHF" services in many major markets around the country in the era before multi-channel cable television became widely available.

That day there was a family gathering. Several of his brothers and sisters and their kids came by. Partying, fun, eats, baseball game. All that good stuff.

It got late and folk left and the stragglers were still hanging around. Some hang tough in the fam. I forget where the women folk were but they weren't in sight. Dad, his brother and Cud'n J, decided to make a store run. This particular time my cousin Nut (for lack of a better term) decided to see what was on. So he set the switch and turned the thing on. Well lo and behold! Ass and titties!!! He managed to find the x-rated shit. We were about 16 and 14 at the time. So after getting a little excited, I started to get nervous. He was all in the little horndog. So I mentioned that he should turn the damn thing back off before somebody came in and saw what he was watching. "Wait a minute!" was all the response I got. So after about another minute or two or trying to persuade him to correct his sinful ways, I decided to take action.
"I am gonna turn it off. We gonna get in trouble!" said I.
I meant ME since I was the "host" and the oldest. So I head to the TV. He jumps up in front of me to block the way.
"Okay! I will turn it off in a minute!", the damn liar...
"Hurry up! They are gonna be back in a second! How far you think the store is?" I quipped.
"Alright man!", the damm liar...
So I head toward to kitchen to look out the window to see when they drive up.
And run right smack into Cud'n J! With dad and Nut's dad in tow.
Never before or since did I sincerely wish I could faint like I was wishing at that moment. They cruised into the room and stopped to watch the show. I dragged slowly behind them and ended back in the room. I was so fixing to dime Nut's skinny ass out. I wasn't going down by myself dammit!!!
Then Cud'n J says "Damn! He didn't stay in there long did he?"
The whole room busted out laughing. Then several off color jokes were bandied about by the grown folk (you had to see dad and his brothers in their heyday).
Then dad says "Turn that off before my wife walks up in here! Y'all betta not do that again!"
I almost fainted (again) from the relief. And thanked my lucky stars that his wife DIDN'T walk in! I really would have needed to do some damn good explaining!!!

R. Kelly Got Acquitted

See the dramatization below...

News Fuckery!

Obama's baby mama? What the fuck? I...
Nehmind...
Read for yourselves...
This Bullshit!

Random Song Tag

I been tagged!!!!!
I was tagged by Ms. Behaving
She was tagged by DreamCop08
She was tagged by 12Kyle...

MEME Rules:
1. Put Your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!!After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!


IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
"Illusion, Coma, Pimp & Circumstance" - Prince
Compared to all of that, I will let you make up your mind.


WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"You Belong To Me" - Anita Baker
Well you do. All of you!!!!

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"One Love" - Regina Belle
Yes she is!!!!

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
"U Can't Resist" - Missy Elliot (Featuring Juvenile & B.G.)
You can't! You know you can't!!!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
"Going Under" - Evanescence
Ugh... tell me about it!

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"Peace On Earth" - Rachelle Ferrell
And good will toward good sex!

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"My Immortal" - Evanescence
And I would like to think superheroic too...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
"No Regrets" - Case
Not like I had a choice in the matter, but why be difficult?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"Big Pimpin'" - Jay-Z
'Nuff said!

WHAT IS 2+2?
"Sussudio" - Phil Collins
Well it is! Look it up!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"Everybody Plays The Fool" - The Main Ingredient
Not that I hold such things against folk.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"You Are My Starship" - Norman Connors (Featuring Michael Henderson)
But I bet you all know that already huh?

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"It's Real" - Missy Elliott
Real what, I ain't saying...

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"Sweet Sticky Thing" - Ohio Players
Yep. Just like on the album cover...

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Incognito" - Spyro Gyra
Yep. Alone time and freaky sneaky!

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"Land Of Confusion" - Genesis
The nerve of them! And I am the balanced one! Ah well! What does that say about the rest?

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Creep" - TLC
Well that actually wasn't what it was. And at the moment I can't remember what it was. Oh yeah, applause because I was dancing! And there was a song too...

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"So Fresh, So Clean" - Outkast
Because I damn well better be! Even if I am cremated...

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Better Be Good To Me" - Tina Turner
And by "GOOD" you know what I am talking about.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"Something In The Water Does Not Compute" - Prince
At least that is the answer you will get when your nosy butt comes asking. Nosey ass!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"We Ready" - Da Brat
Sorry, that is too much material. Especially if I add all of you in it!

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
"Reunion" - Maxwell
I don't know why? But I ain't naming it that!.

You know I thought it would be a lot stranger since I used the player with the WHOLE song collection on it. But no classical showed up so it don't sound too weird.

Now for the tags...

Since Blog Harem membership has it's privileges, and occasional requirements...
Opinionated Diva - Y'all know you would be surprised as hell if she didn't get tagged. And as soon as she stops melting, she will get right on it...
I Am J - She am gonna do it too! I just know she will. Her list is probably from her phone...
Queen Of My Castle - One more reason not to Fade To Black...
Ladylee - And I might even get a blanket and some biscuits with it...

And since Ms. Behaving tagged me, a special guest replacement...
Freaky Deaky - King of Meme's and one who is most likely to have the music player going right now...

Of course I am honor bound not to tag these folk again until I have honored others with the chance to participate too. Unless there are tag backs... Then it is on!

Some Random Stuff

I think I will have to blog inebriated every once in a while. Just to see how the madness that is me gets affected when the brain cells are happy and dying.

I think one of my favorite fantasies is to get busy with a woman of foreign birth just so I can hear say my name at that moment with her accent. Very sexy that!

You know I just remembered that Tom Jones was the shit when I was a little dude. I don't know why... Yeah I do. I may have to reintegrate him into my musical universe...

I think about 95% of my life has been spent in close proximity to a freeway. There were only two times I wasn't in close proximity. They include two weeks spent on the Narragansett Bay in Rhode Island. And when we lived on the east side with my aunt. Okay... now that I think about it less than five percent. Three of the places I lived were far enough away that I couldn't see one from the property. But even then they were always within a mile. Otherwise I am very used to hearing the sounds of cars going past in the summer. The closest was about two houses away. Currently about seven houses. Others, I could see it from the end of the sidewalk, from my side door, and the third building away where I could have seen down on the freeway from my bedroom window but there were other buildings in the way...

Why as I was just riding by in a car did an 8 year old little girl on a bike just flip me the bird? What the fuck is the world coming to? I hope she didn't think that muthafucka wasn't coming back though...

Me as President. Can ya see it? The President walking around with a harem that carries laptops and crackberrys with hidden pistols hidden in garters? Of course y'all would be the most famous bloggers in the world since CNN would be lurking ya sites! You know I would be called The Ghetto Prez because the first dog would be a Pit Bull!

Murderous

You know I told myself a while back to back off on the really personal shit. For various reasons. But today I am mad as hell and am literally about ready to MurderDeathKill some anonymous muthafucka right now!!!

Apparently some "person" (I'll be nice) called Adult Protective Services and made a complaint that Mom is being abused, taken advantage of, not fed, not cared for, and living in generally filthy conditions. And somehow the dog became an issue too! That really burns my ass near to the point of tears!!! Now my regular readers already know the situation about Mom's TEAM of folk and their various contributions. But DAMN!!! That was a plain affront to my entire existence. Especially since that shit was a bunch of damn lies!

My damn name ain't Hazel but I would hardly call the joint filthy. Her needs are taken care of whenever she needs or asks. I gotta fight with her to get food in her half the damn time. She don't eat enough for my tastes, but it ain't my stomach... Abuse? Bitches please!

The dog came up in this statement: "the grandson and his dog moved in and is taking advantage of her" Where this comment came from is way beyond me. But it sure as hell isn't true. The dog is mine. The dog has been here since before she moved back in. I ain't a grandson. One grandson spends his time with his baby-momma (to be, too late for Father's Day though...), the other is a minor and is the one who cleans the most and helps out with her the most. She knows what is going on with her money, her meds and the general state of things around her. And I make sure she is aware of things, even when she ain't that interested... So that doesn't even have a grain of truth in it.

I could rant on for days but...
I talked to the APS worker earlier. She had an occasion to speak with Mom's nurse and physical therapist. They seem to have debunked the claims that were made to start this whole thing. The APS worker doesn't feel there is a need to come out for a visit. But I could still kill the bitch that gave her a reason to want to. My Mom don't do nothing to nobody. Why try to get her dragged out of her home and thrown into a nursing facility? How does stressing and depressing someone with hypertension issues helpful?

Anyway.
Sorry y'all had to go through this, but I blog to vent. So you asked for it! And I have yet one more reason to want that Sig P250. I may even have a naming party when I get it!

I am done ranting now. Please scroll down to the more lighthearted fare I served up for ya earlier!

DAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

I have always maintained that black folk need to stay outta contact for at least a few minutes a day. Life was good before portable communications devices too! Well you all ignored me when I said that! Maybe this will convince you!!!



Thanks J for the inspiration.

LMAO Of The Day!!!

for Bad Language and Country Town Bashing...

GOOOOO WIIIINNNNGGGGSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

Lord Stanley is again a resident of his favorite city in the United States. The best hockey team in U.S. history are again the kings of the sport. I am so thrilled!!! I might even get to touch it again!!! My second favorite team just erased 99.5% of the disappointment I feel for my favorite team. Four championships in 11 years ain't nothing to sneeze at.

Lemme see. That makes the tally for championships in my lifetime by local teams (city and state):

• Hockey: 14 - Red Wings 4 (NHL), Vipers 1 (IHL), Wolverines 2 (NCAA), Spartans 2 (NCAA), Huskies 1 (Michigan Tech, NCAA), Lakers 3 (Lake Superior State, NCAA), Wildcats 1 (Northern Michigan, NCAA)
• Basketball: 8 - Pistons 3 (NBA), Shock 2 (WNBA), Spartans 2 (NCAA), Wolverines 1 (NCAA)
• Baseball: 3 - Tigers 2 (MLB), Wolverines 1 (NCAA, Softball)
• Football: 11 - Panthers 1 (USFL), Danger (Demolition) 1 (NWFA), Demolition 3 (NWFA) 1 (IWFL), Wolverines 1 (NCAA), Drive 4 (AFL)
• Fencing: 11 - Tartars Women 3 (Wayne State, NCAA), Tartars Men 7 (Wayne State, NCAA), Titans 1 (NCAA)

I think there have been several others winning in other leagues and sports that have come and gone... And I especially mention the fencing because of my school! You can get ya ass expertly skewered fucking around on my campus... Oh yeah and the Tartars have since been renamed the Warriors because nobody knew what the heck the Tartars were...

For a teeny little post it sure took a long time. Too much research... Signing off...

Hilarity In Tha Hood

Even at 2 in the a.m. they are acting crazy.

I just took my dog out for a little outside time. Okay I let him out and followed slowly. Hell I just didn't feel like fighting with his ass.

Anyway he runs down the street and while doing his thing this muthafukka in a big ass truck stops in the middle of the street and yells something out the window I couldn't hear. Then I hear a shrill female voice from the same truck say "Naw muthafucka, that ain't yours! That's his dog! Drive the fuck on got dammit!"

Only in the hood does someone try to dog jack a pit bull at 2 dark thrity.

Y'all Suck!

How the hell do I manage to have 10, count them TEN, posts in draft? I thought you guys were supposed to be inspiring me. Now I got a bunch to finish! Dang!!! How y'all mess up like that?

Although three of them I have been lallygagging about creating since I may have to copyright such goodness before submitting them to print. One is a dream that I have the story but not the rhyme down. Yes the story was narrated in the dream and it rhymes.

The other six you started and I have yet to finish! THANKS BLOGFAM!!! Making me work like a damn hebrew slave like Ladylee did to Kramer's mom...

But the Wings will win tonight!!!! That is my story, and I am sticking too it. Or I will have to start hating on Pittsburgh teams too.

It may take a while for me to clear out these drafts again though. Mom is back at the hospital making all those years of learning scratch their collective heads. Nothing bad happened. Her crazy blood pressure went wacky enough for me to take her to the ER and freeze my ass off for almost half a day. And when I say it is chilly, if the temperature drops three degrees you will see your breath...

A Nigga Moment

Webster defines the Nigga Moment as a moment when ignorance overwhelms the mind of an otherwise logical negro man. Causing him to act in an illogical, self destructive manner. i.e. like a nigga.

- Huey Freeman

Yes friends. You heard me right. Last night I had the misfortune of witnessing a Nigga Moment. What happened you ask? Well, I'll tell you.

Apparently there was a beef. Not cow but some BULL! Okay Bullshit! Somebody please tell me why some 20 year old dude (who we shall call Big Doof) just comes outta the blue and start talking shit to the young folk gathered (not bothering nobody) on my street? I mean they were grouped up being teens and not causing anybody any trouble. But dude comes over to the block and while they are in the middle of their rap/song and says "y'all some bitches!" Now that is just rude most places. In the hood it definitely is a reason to catch a beatdown. Apparently some random worthless chick is the genesis of the whole thing. Apparently he had a gripe with Young Fella (my nephew's cousin) in particular.

:: Begin flashback ::
The shit started earlier with Big Doof calling on Young Fella's phone while Cock Deebo (the nephew) was on it. And he started talking cash shit. None too smart since were we not in the hood Cock Deebo would be the one in the overalls looking all skrong and resisting Becky Ann's amorous advances. You know all corn fed and lifting hay bales and shit. N-E-Waay, Doof is popping shit on the phone. They put his ass on the iggy train and keep it moving.
:: fade to black, end flashback ::

So after dude calls like 7 dudes some bitches they look at him crazy. Then he asks the random worthless chick whose phone number that was that he called earlier. She points out Young Fella. Big Doof now has a target for the stupidity he came over for. Of course this is a no win sitchiation for him. he just walked on to somebody else's block and challenged a 17 year old to a fight over a girl who obviously feels that playing the field is not only a privilege but a right. Y'all know what happened next right?

Yep. About a minute later he is down taking a count. Did I mention that Young Fella is a little skinny dude and he was all swole? Yeah. It didn't look good. But he got tired of getting that ass whoopin' and the fight broke up.

I didn't have time for that shit because it happened between the Red Wings last two goals of the night. I had a Stanley Cup to watch being hoisted. But after the disappointing end to regulation, I went to get the story. I shook my damn head and went back to Hockeytown. Wouldn't you know it, before overtime had even started this shit had started up again. Apparently Doofball came back with his uncle who said "He came back for a rematch". What the fuck? And we wonder why the kids are stupid as hell? So after a couple of minutes of folk unsuccessfully diffusing the situation, round two started. A couple of missed swings by both and the grappled up and started slamming each other on Doof's car. By this time I started thinking of ways to "intervene". So I walked to the back of the crib. And I pondered the .22. Looked at the empty clip. Looked at the charging phone. Thought better of both since them .22s have a way of getting me into trouble and I ain't got no love for the Popo because of it. So I said "fuck it!" Went back up front to see the fight all ended and the cops creeping up onto the scene. So much for me having a Nigga Moment too.

And to top all this off I had to watch (basically) two hockey games just to watch the beloved cup NOT be presented on home ice!!!

Winning, Losing And Guilt By Association.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!
Lord Stanley shall make his triumphant return to the D! Tonight!!!! (Said Bernie Mac style...)

They have a chance of wrapping it up tonight at The Joe! If they do it will be totally off the chain up in these parts! I might even be tempted to pump the tires on my bike and ride downtownward. I am sure I can find some (or many) random white folk who got beer and are only in too much of a party mood to share. Then again, I never rode drunk so that may be a less than ideal plan.

The Celtics and Lakers are in the NBA Finals. Can I be anymore underwhelmed? I am still trying to get over the heartbreaking disappointment of my cheering being over for this season while the season is still in progress. AND to have two traditional enemies still standing is too much to take!!! I mean I ain't got nobody to root for! The Hornets were to be my backup in case the Pistons didn't do their jobs. So much for backup plans.

I told Diva that I might consider rooting for the Celtics with her. But who the hell am I fooling? I gotta keep it real. I could never root for the Lakers, Celtics or Bulls. Why? They are the enemy of course! They are the hated of hardwood. They are so hated that I can't even root for teams from L.A., Boston or Chicago because they play in the same damn cities!!!! So what you won't see is me rooting for Dodgers, Clippers, Sparks, Kings, Galaxy, Breakers, Red Sox, Patriots, Revolution, Militia, Cubs, White Sox, Bears, Sky, Fire or Force. And any others that I may have forgotten on this list.

For that matter, Denver and Dallas made the list for the Avalanche and the Stars. And Cleveland for baseball. So the list also includes: Rockies, Nuggets, Broncos, Rapids, Mavericks, Cowboys, Burn, Diamonds. OOPS forgot the Browns, Cavaliers, Gladiators, and the City Stars.

Okay, Fuck the Spurs too and by association: Silver Stars. The only reason the WNBA teams make the list is because of their cities. Notice none of them made the enemies list themselves, I loves the ladies you know...

Now I know you guys are saying, What about the football enemies list? Well... As you know, the Lions bite ass and everybody would make the list. But the Cowboys do deserve special mention, just because. And the Demolition (women's full contact football, IWFL) is one of the most dominating teams in sports today so I can only feel sorry for most of their opponents...

And again...
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!
Lemme get my hat right now...