The Truth Shall Set Your Nutz Free

I was just over at Queenie's place and she got me to thinking. Thinking about one of the most prevalent complaints that black women have, in my experience. What? I knew you would ask. Lying ass black men of course! You know the kind who lie and make me look bad. The kind who get me the side eye when I stroll up on the scene. The kind who make me despised by a whole bunch of women who don't even know me?

Don't lie! You know you know him. Your brother is probably one of them...

Dudes! Quit damn lying!!!

I mean if you aren't gonna be faithful, don't marry her ass! Quit lying!

I mean if you need two or three cell phones and a pager (do they make those anymore?) you wrong! Quit damn lying!!!

I mean if you got a boo, but want her too! And her, and her... Quit damn lying!!!

It is my firm belief that 95% of the dumb shit a man will do in his lifetime will be to impress a woman. The other five is showing off for your buddies. Which means we are indoctrinated into the ways of finding female approval and hence female attentiveness. Unfortunately that means we also used to being less than honorable in how we do that. That theory alone is a whole 'nother post.

But we learned that lying is a good way to get wit them panties. Funnily enough we learned a lot of it from them. Not always a conscious decision on either part. But when "I want some booty" gets you a "Hell naw" and "I Love You" gets you some booty, who is really teaching who what here?

I say we stand up and stop lying. And stop letting them encourage us to lie!

If you want five women on a rotating basis, then do so! Tell the five women you are seeing that you want four other girlfriends! The ones that don't leave are obviously down with the plan. The ones that do will need replacing and shouldn't be missed! Potential added side benefits could lead to exhaustion from all the three and foursomes you may get involved in as a result. At least until The Bell Curve Theory kicks in... And it is a lot easier than lying to five women at the same time. Which is a stupid plan anyway.

Let them know that you want the night to end up with them naked and sweaty and on top of you! The ones that say no are not the one you take out that night. No use in getting all worked up over somebody who is gonna leave you all high and dry that night. That is a waste of good wine! Call her back on movie night! Sex night is for somebody else! No use ending up at the precinct having to explain while you STILL got blueballs!

And for petes sake if you are gonna sow your wild oats. Get them ALL outta the way before you EVER think of buying a ring! What is the purpose of providing the ILLUSION of comfort, security, love, caring and all the rest that goes with that ring if you aren't gonna do it? Why pay the maintenance costs of having a wife if your stone is still rolling? Wouldn't it be cheaper and more cost efficient to put those resources into finding your next conquest than giving the wife and the mistress both a half assed package of goods?

Let's be honest here dudes! We are all some horny dogs. The Horny Dog Theory says so.


So lemme see. The recap. Stop lyin'. And I owe you guys, The Horny Dog Theory, The Bell Curve Theory, The 95% Theory and what the hell, I will throw The Smart Woman Theory in too. Gotta make graphs for those though...