No this ain't no damn Dr. Seuss story so don't get to rhyming and shyt.
He ain't cute like Mickey, Feivel, Remy or Speedy Gonzalez.
He ain't one of them little white furred pink eyed albino muthafuckas that died so your RavishingRed lipstick won't make your lips swell like in the old "mammy" cartoons.
No. I am talking about a rat on a smaller scale.
He just cruised into my vision on my kitchen floor, in no particular hurry. Looking for a snack. Bad enough the sumbitch invited himself to live with out so much as a please or a thank you. But now he expect muhfuggin en tree's too? And while I am blogging?!?!?! Shidddd.... He just got tried, found guilty and given a death sentence. I tried to find something to hit his bitch ass with since he was bold enough to hang that long. Alas no such luck. But I will get him.
Because this little sumbitch's days are numbered!
He better run! Get the hell out! OR...
He will either meet Rodentkiller Mk. 1
Or my friend of 30 years named Mousekiller.
And he don't want the 30 year friendship broke out on him. Or the last thing he may see will be me and Mousekiller.
And it goes a little something like this...
The little fucker! And here I was all ready to talk about a blog harem...
Happy Birthday #54 to ME!
2 months ago
19 comments:
lol
dont go tearing up ur place tryna kill the lil fella
LMAO at u shootin at a mouse in swat gear. I need you to do better lol.
LOL! They say when the cat is away the mouse will play!!!!!!!!! Glad you didn't say you jumped up on the table when you saw the mouse...now that would have really been funny...Good luck catching your new roommate!
Naw, naw, naw...you can't use weapons! Not in the conventional sense. You have to develop snares, and Punji pits. Maybe sneak up behind the little rodent and slip a garrote around his little neck. Strangle that communist bastard before he and his friends begin to take over the world. That's what they do you know. They have a philosophy of dominating the world. They want it all and they want it now. We have to deploy! Stop them in there tracks! We can not allow such and oppressive government to rule! This takes action. Action that only a few in our society have been called to do. Its game time fellas! It's time to strap it on and get some! Fuck the commie bastards, they're going down! Drop your cocks and grab your socks girls, we're going to war! Can I get an OOH-RAH!
Oh...*crickets*...wait. It was a mouse we were talking about right? - Sorry...my bad.
@ Terry - OOH-RAH!
Oh... got caught up there! You definitely win the "Take My Breath Away" award today because I was dying laughing midway through the third sentence. Probably because I wouldn't mind going all commando on his ass. All that training I got playing Ghost Recon may come in handy...
@ Mz. Kitty - I hear you kittens are good at catching the little crumb jackers. You don't wanna handle this one for me?
Ain't no way I am jumping on the table. Don't got that kinda vertical. I am old and fat. AND I am more likely to have a staring contest with the little asshole. Or step on him (usually by mistake, and without shoes...)
@ I Am LeJend - You know if you had seen his ass he would have met Stella with the quickness. And that ain't S.W.A.T. gear. It is jungle camo. Good soldiering gear.
@ A Tall Glass Of Dejanade - I won't tear the joint up. But he sure got it coming... Still contemplating that Punji pit though...
You truly are DYSSTUBED!!!
I could not imagine standing sill long enough to shoot a mouse. I would be too busy screaming and jumping on to table tops!
I'M DONE! LMBAO!!
lol...naw, I'll pass...I'll be the one of the table!
LMAO!!!!
Just be careful not to hurt yourself in the process...
Trust me when I say them mofo's are a lot smarter than you think and fast too!!!
UGH....I hate a damn rat, of any kind...I got the shakes and shrills and shudders now..Thanks!!
This had me cracking the hell up. I say you put on some sneakers or boots and do a two-step a few dozen times on Jerry. That'll teach him. Of course once you stun him you could always torture his ass and see if he tells you about his little sleeper rat cell. If he doesn't talk kill him. If he does talk then kill him anyway. He's a rat and he forfeited his right to life when he wandered up in your crib.
LMBAO @ U AND all the comments! LOLOL! I know it's been awhile since i've stopped thru and this was a "welcome-back" type of treat! ha haaaaaa!
@ Jazzy Diva - And I can picture exactly that. Probably looks like The Wife when I ask her to assist me. Handing shit to me like I got the damn tail.
@ Minnie - I KNOW!!! That is exactly what I said when I saw his ass!
@ Kitty who is so not the mouser - You Diva and The Wife are making my table kinda wobbly...
@ Pocahunnie - You just remember that when yo post pictures of those "interestingly" dressed "guys"!
@ Freaky as he wanna be - Strangely I can't ever get one under foot with shoes on. He does at least deserve the rack though... Or bet a few shih-tzu's to draw and quarter his ass.
@ Captown races - Welcome back!!!! You know I can't stay in the pocket ALL the time!
oooh, we have a character on our hands! 1st time here and I'm trippin out!!
just get some glue traps and let him starve to death! no guns or snap traps!!! waaaaaaah!
Lol...you's a fool fo sho! While your post had me holding my sides, I do feel where you're coming from. A mouse in the house is not playa...and where there is one, others can follow.
Thanks for the laugh...it was needed!
@ Stacie the Cutie Booty - You have no idea. The madness goes deep, deep, deep undercover...
But them glue traps is definitely not on the list. They be all squeaking and whining and shyt. By the time they stop, they smell awful. I just end up shooting them anyway... You would think they would take my warnings of painful death seriously...
@ The Addictive Personality - You know how I roll.
HA! Ain't that something else when you see something out the corner of your eye moving across the floor like that.
At least you didn't do like me and jump up on the couch and start screaming like a woman. LOL!!
I remember having a mouse some 10 years ago. Went to Krogers and bought ALL the DCON. The cashier was like, dayum, ya'll better open some windows if you're putting all THAT much poison! LOL!!
Get that mouse, man!
Don't hurt yourself trying to get that little ole baby mouse! Save the ammo for his parents! *lol*
He might have gotten the clue the first time. He been incognegro since my nephew sighted him. But I may have to enlist the two of you just in case.
Ladylee can help make some killer mouse concoction or just mesmerize him with a long story an keep him still just long enough to...
And TDJ, you and them bricks. Nuff said!
Wait a minute?!?!?!?!? Did you say DCON? I thought you were a chemical specialist? hmmmm....
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