Monday, November 03, 2008

Another Turning Point

I think i may be hitting another one of those places where the dissatisfaction generates motion.

Right now I am getting near the end of my "vacation". Tomorrow is my wife's second follow-up visit to the surgeon. She may be cleared back to work any day now. Which means I won't need to be here any longer.

The thing is that I am starting to not really feel ANY desire to return to where I was. Things are just not really working out for me. I kinda get that molasses feeling. That barrel crab feeling. That stuck in shit feeling. But I am tired of being poor. Tired of being co-dependent on someone who is dependent on me. But we can't do anything but tread water and hold on to each other. I can't do that anymore.

And on the other side of the coin, The Wife is suddenly faced with the prospect of finding a place to live. Her mom is not renewing her lease. She is moving with the other daughter. She let this be known a couple of weeks ago. During disability check time.

I see that as a way out to a certain extent. I just need to find me a source of my own income. And let go the fact that I need to be there for my mother to prosper. I still ain't sure how it will work out on that. But I guess I will never know if I don't go.

But I must live. So I gotta decide for me.

I shall find me some work. And some space to call my own.

I will cross my fingers.

And hope for a nice position out of town where I can ride a motorcycle more months than not. Okay, at least a good nine months is not the whole year.

Ya hear that world? Year round bike riding!

Anyway. I gotta finish dinner.

Wish me luck. And coherent thoughts if I lost any of you.

7 comments:

Jazzy said...

That's a really hard decision you have to make, but I'm sure you'll think it through and come up with a decision you can live with...one that keeps ya sane!

Glad to hear the wife is doing so well though!

On another note, I can't find you on FB...no more complaints about my blurry pic. See it...love it...add me dammit! lol

smooches!

JNez said...

i've just started reading your blog so i'm largely without context as to your current situation. still, i can relate to what you've written here and the feelings that it speaks to. i'm gonna check your archive for a bit more clarity. sending you strength & wisdom to help you sort everything out...

dejanae said...

good luck man

Anonymous said...

I'm glad the wife is getting better.

You have some hard decisions to make but I know you will do what is best for you. Hopefully everyone else will agree with your decision as well.

Anonymous said...

So I gotta decide for me

You are on the right track with that statement. I'm sure whatever decision you make will be the right one...for you and your family.

Glad the wife is doing better.

Miss Snarky Pants said...

Definitely gotta do you bruh...
Here's wish you all the best with your decision making! :-)

The Second Sixty-Eight said...

@ Diva - Yeah. Well you know The Year of the Selfish is coming to an end. The year of hope dawns. I think I may use that as a blog title...

But I have come to the realization that what is best is what is best for me. But of course that is from a certain point of view. But all of the should haves and could haves I need to try. I already know how the things I am doing are working out.

I will make sure I go on and add you Ms. J@#$%@#$ $@#%@#$@ to my page. I may even add a layout and some other stuff that makes it worth reading and looking at...

@ Jnez - I think I may have put labels on the relevant posts. But the biggest ones are entitled Binary Choices...

@ Dejanade - Why thank you!

@ Bored - Yep. She is doing well.

I shall do my best to make things as best I can.

Of course you probably know that I don't really need folk to be in agreement. I had THREE plans if you remember...

@ Southern - That I am trying to do.

@ Ms. B. - Thank ya sweets!