On Meeting Ratatouille

Some random encounters stick to you long after the moment has passed. This is a somewhat fictionalized account of one that happened during my time off.

The scene, the Detroit Promenade. For those uninitiated, it is a river walkway/park area primarily located in Downtown Detroit. This particular night The Wife and I selected a bench right behind Cobo Center near Joe Louis Arena. We had picked up a sack of White Castle Cheeseburgers on the way down to spend a little "alone" time.

As usual for the Promenade at night, there were the occasional passers-by, walking, cuddling, skating, pedaling, and peddling their way past. We spent about an hour sharing food, and warmth and stories and affection. Then things went a little strange. And it goes a little something like this. Hit it!

We saw some movement over to the right.
The Wife: "What was that?"
Me: "Huh?" Turning to look. "Oh shit!"
TW: "Is that what I think that is?"
Me: "It is if you think it is a big ass rat!"
TW: "Oh hell naw!"
Me: "Bold little fucker isn’t it?"
TW: "I think he went under that bush."
Me: "As long as he stays the hell under there then we got no problem!"
Turning back to the river
Me: "Like I said, if I had a boat that damn big, I could have a huge crib below and still have a club and a restaurant on the upper deck." Referring to the cargo ship heading upriver.
TW: "You really need a boat that big?"
Me: "Hey, I like my space. Besides…What the hell?"
Rattatouille: "Something sure smells good around here."
Me: "What the…"
Rat: "Is them White Castles?"
Me: "Yeah. Uh… Do you realize that your kind brings disease and my kind kills yours with extreme prejudice to avoid high health care costs and painful rabies shots?"
Rat: "Okay, okay. I’m leaving."
Me: "Did you see that?"
TW: "I guess he ain’t that afraid."
Me: "Apparently not. Bold AND brave."
TW: "I hope he stays under that bush. I don’t like… There he is again!"
Rat: "Yo! This is a nice car. What kind is it?"
Me: " It’s a… Why? You got license?"
Rat: "Nah. But it smells like White Castles! Thought there might be some in there! Besides you get more stuff from being nice to people."
Me: "Can’t argue that. But no. There aren’t anymore in there."
Rat: "Does it go to White Castle?"
Me: "Uh… Yeah. But we already been. And no return trips!"
Rat: "Hey! I’m just sayin…"
Me: "Do you mind? We trying to be alone in public here! And don’t be trying to steal the car either!"
Rat: "ALRIGHT! I’m leaving!"
Me: "What the…? Some muhfuggas got a lotta nerve!"
TW: "A little determined something…"
Me: "Yeah. All these other people and he comes to harass us."
TW: "Nobody is gonna believe this."
Me: "Hell, I don’t believe it. You look cold. You betta slide over here and get in on this heat I am generating."

Insert five minutes of cuddling and chatting. HERE!
And then…

Me: "AW HELL NAW!"
TW: "WHAT!!!"
Me: "I know dis muthafucka DID NOT walk up on us like that!"
TW: "WHAT?!?"
Me: "That son of a bitch was on the bench right next to us!"
TW: "What?
Me: "His ass can run like a muhfugga too!"
Rat: "Dude! I didn’t mean no harm. I just figured if I eased on over I could act like I was with the group and get in on them Castles. You know one for you, one for her, one for me."
Me: "Group? Since when did TWO constitute a group?"
Rat: "Aw, das cold man! Why you gotta be like that? "
Me: "Maybe you forgot that extreme prejudice part?"
Rat: "I remember, but I don’t care. Them burgers be callin’ me man. That shit just be callin' me man, it be callin' me, man... I just got to go to it!"
TW: "Did he just quote New Jack City?"
Me: "Uh… yyyeeaaahhhh. Okay, time to go!"
Rat: "You leaving?"
Me: "You got it! Listen, Pookie…Ratatouille…whatever your name is. We out this muhfugga. You can have ya spot back."
Rat: "I just wanted one."
Me: "Well you can have whatever you can find in the bag…"
Rat: "Cool, I will just take that…"
Me: "…AFTER we have gone!"
Rat: "Okay! Sorry."
Me: "Let’s go babe!"
TW: "Okay, THAT was different!"
Me: "Yeah, lock the doors!"

Heard yelled out from the garbage can as we left…

Rat: "HEY! These boxes are empty! There ain’t nothing but smell and three pickles left!!! This orange drink is the bomb though! Come back soon!"

Shaking our damn heads as we left.
Me: "You know I am bringing Mousekiller next time we come out here!"
TW: "I don’t think your bb gun is gonna be enough for that one."
Me: "I think you may be right…"