A Dyssturbed Dream, Pt. 1

A bicycle helmet, tighty whities and a dog.
It's all I got. I don't know why.
Nor do I know why I am laying under this marquee.
Or why I am literally laying in the gutter.
And it is a wet gutter.
Must have been one interesting night up until now.
I can't remember why though.
I get up and try to get my bearings.
I can't.
I try to figure out where I am.
I don't.
I guess where home is and start walking.
I hear the dog woof softly.
I stop and turn.
He takes a couple of steps in the OPPOSITE direction and stops.
I follow.
At least one of us knows where the hell we are going.

At the corner of the next block, I see a sight.
I see the most beautiful caramel thighs.
And is that a thong she is wearing?
I walk, and stare.
I stare and walk.
I know I must have been staring hard.
Because I didn't realize I had a "reaction" to those thighs.
AND I was forcibly snapped back to reality.
By a playful and feminine voice saying "Is all that for me?"
I am stopped dead in my tracks.
I finally manage to return from fantasy land and look up.
And notice her looking at the same approximate latitude that I was.
Then she looks up too.
Damn! Eye contact! Now I gotta say something back!
"Um... Hey!" is all my brain can manage.
"Can't say I have seen that particular outfit outdoors before." she quipped.
I look down and notice there is a white cone of fabric between my eyes and where my shoes should be.
"You pitch a nice tent! I will just keep wondering about the helmet."
Great! I run across the one hooker with a smart ass mouth!
"Well you keep wondering about the helmet. I am still trying to figure out which of us is wearing the most fabric" I say as I give her a good looking over.
She chuckles lightly and says "Touche'! But you still didn't answer my question."
"Question?" I ask.
"Yeah, I asked if all that was for me" she said while checking my cone.
I completely forgot about that question.
Me being me, I had to ask "Is it free?"
She gives me one of those appraising looks as if she is considering it.
"Not tonight" was her decision of course.
"Just as well, my money is in my wallet in my pants. Wherever the hell THEY are..."
Might not have been much of a comeback, but I didn't know where any of that shit was.
"Well, maybe next time when you have pants with a wallet in them with money in it"
No she didn't!
"Or I can catch you on stage. At the strip club or at the Improv"
Hey! I had to say something! How the hell did I manage to find Jokey Smurf Hooker anyway?
"Ha Ha Mr. Tent Man. And I'm supposed to be the funny one? You have a good night because meeting you in that outfit sure made mine!"
"Well you have a good night too. You almost made my night too! Almost..."
You know as I walked away, I could have sworn that the dog was looking at me funny and shaking his damn head at me!

Part 2 to come...maybe...