Captain's Log: Stardate 55177.4

7:19 a.m.
I have been awake one hour and nineteen minutes.
And I am pissed.
Why?
Lemme see...

• Awakened @ 6:00 a.m. by multiple alarms
  
• Attempted to page teenagers on lower level
• Lower level phone dead
• Swore aloud since I made a point of mentioning that said phone should get charged the day before
• Got out of my comfy bed
• Walked down stairs
• Searched for first body to awaken
• Found previously mentioned body awake in bathroom
• Asked myself WTF am I doing up then?
• Left instructions to first body to make sure the other two bodies get the hell up
• Banged on door to interrupt the slumber of bodies two and three.
• Escaped lower level, but only after noticing(ONE MORE TIME!) that them trifling muthafuckas need to get their cleaning game on.
• Returned to upper level to contemplate life and other such things while attending to blog comments and e-mail.
• Got fed up that dog had been whining for several minutes with no action being taken.
• Asked body number one WHY dog has been whining for several minutes WITH NO ACTION BEING TAKEN?!?!? wait... Imma give you the long version...


• "Um... Sir?"
• "Yeah?"
• "Whatchu doin'?"
• "Huh?"
• "What are you doing?"
• "Waitin' for my clothes to dry"
• "Waiting... While you are supposed to be getting dressed?"
• "Yeah"
• "Wouldn't it have been more intelligent to dry them YESTERDAY?"
• "..."
• "Hello?"
• "Yeah, it would have"
• "So why are you waiting NOW?"
• "Actually I am trying to get the wrinkles out"
• "Uh, huh..." Actually this was me resisting the urge to go into a long discourse about the merits of using an iron... But not to get distracted from my mission...
• "So you are doing nothing then"
• "Um... yeah"
• "Really?"
• "That and listening to the dog whine"
• "Listening to the dog whine..."
• "Yeah"
• "And you think this is a good thing to be doing right at this moment?"
• "He be whining for no reason!!!"
• "Really?"
• "Yeah, you know..."
• "When has he been out last?"
• "I don't know"
• "You don't know?"
• "Yeah"
• "You don't know, yet you feel justified in saying that he is whining for no reason?"
• "Um..."
• "For that matter, are his bowls full?"
• "He just got done eating and stuff!"
• I sigh heavily and a moment later I hear a "chink" and then a large white blur thunders up the stairs at me. I open the door to his "bathroom".
• "Um... Are y'all using the car today?"
• "The car?"
• "Yeah"
• "Why?"
• "I wanted y'all to drop me off and pick me up from school?"
• "Really? What's wrong with the bike?"
• "Nothing, my legs hurt"
• "Your legs...?" Translation: from laying around on your ass?
• "Hmm... We'll see..." Translation: You still laying on ya ass 15 minutes before you are supposed to leave, I am gonna do the dishes Y'ALL didn't do last night (while you are at school), I cooked last night, the garbage ain't out (today is garbage day), you been ignoring the dog, AND I gotta constantly pretty much get off in ya grill to get shit done. Yet YOU want ME to chauffer ya ass around? HMPH! (The only reason I even considered it was because there was a bit of chill in the air this morning...)
• "While you are standing around, why don't you make sure the other two are up!"
• "OK" He schleps over to the door and taps lightly
• "Do you think you could actually knock on the door?" He knocks harder. Then again like he actually means it.
• From inside the door comes "YEAH?!?"
• To which I replied "GET YA DAMN ASSES THE HELL UP OUTTA BED. THE FUCK YOU WAITING FOR?" it is 6:45 by now...
  
• I also notice that the lock is missing from the garage.
• Go outside and see that the bag that didn't make it out to the curb last week is still sitting busted in the garage.
• Garbage IN the house is still in the house
• Dishes ain't done yet they ate for the last two days because I cooked!
• Went to see about my sick wife and here he comes with the car shit again!
• This of course set her off since the car is messed up and costs money that needs to be put in the rent. The sheer selfishness of the request had her in tears.
• AND she went downstairs (very rare) looking for something and was disgusted with the condition of the basement.

Needless to say, there will be me and hell to pay. Been kicking back too long not making waves. Since I ain't been contributing to the finances as I would like to be, I let her steer the ship since she got the wind up in the sails. But it is time for me to take command again. This ship needs her captain. Not saying that Spock is not an effective captain. But he ain't no Kirk. Wifey got the Bitch gene just fine. But command requires the Asshole gene. I got that. That is what command requires. As wifey, and the neighbor lady with the out of control kids, can attest, the Bitch gene is not enough.

p.s. For those Star Trek purists who would dispute my use of the Stardate in the title, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME! If you however are curious as to where it came from... HERE!