Best Of The Best - Part Deux.

Here is another list of favored posts that I have run across. These were particularly thought provoking, inspiring or plain flat out funny. I will have to mine my mind for some others. I am sure there are others that I have forgotten. But I will find them... Until then, have a good time with these! This time I am providing links to the particular goodies.

The Brutha Code and Tha gootchie. - and other madness! Feel it!
Diva's damn game - If you can't find it you are either dead or blind! Play it!
AlwaysFunkyFresh's bad Boston date. - You gotta read it to believe it! Go on it!
Nikki Indigo and Cars - An idle mind truly went too far! (not that I don't do it myself...) Drive it!
Nikki Indigo and her sperm. - Only she could come up with this! Screw it!
MzCoko ...And We Are Beautiful. - And so is she for posting this! Love it!
AlwaysFunkyFresh's Friday Follicles. - Yep. Fresh is at it again! Springer it!
TDJ's Bricks - What a building! (please come back) - Stack it!
Deepnthought and her thanks to bloggers. - So touching. Touch it!
The Assimilated Negro's dick letter - This fresh of his own greatest hits list. Stroke it!

Life And My Nutz

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in...
- Michael Corleone

I so agree. I was out. YOU brought me back. The four guiltiest I am shining the spotlight on. Because I want the world to know who is responsible for you reading what follows! Opinionated Diva and J are the first up on the catwalk. These two ladies have launched a campaign to make me feel guilty for leaving, yet missed for being gone. I am touched. Deepnthought for thanking folk for blogging. She didn't mention my blog by name. For that I am thankful because the pressure to perform would have been overwhelming. Yet I was moved. And Nikki Indigo for two reasons. The first is because we kept missing each other here and there. But what she is most guilty of is getting me thinking about MY NUTZ with her post about the sperm. Both posts will of course make my next "greatest hits" post. So now you all know who to thank, or blame for today's madness.

Without further ado, I shall introduce you to the newest in a series of thoughts provoked I call The Bullshit Theories.
The others shall follow in the days to come... Just as I promised two months ago...

The Destiny Scorned Theory

Sometimes a man is forced to take matters into his own hands. I am no different. There are times when I have to take the thing that matters most into either hand and "massage" my "ego".
Yeah, you heard me right. Jacking. Wanking. Buffing the Banana. Jackin' the Beanstalk. Spank the Frank. Charming the snake. Tickling the pickle. Choke the chicken. Yank the plank. Clean the pipes. Pet the one eyed snake. Stroke the salami. Tossing off. Eh... I think you get the idea.

Of course that got me to thinking about the negative effects of such self gratification. And believe me, it IS gratifying!!! What does that say about me? ASIDE from horny (you smart asses!) What I am getting around to is: Am I a criminal for Jackin' Beats?

Sure. There are plenty of people who will argue for days about the fate of your genetic material AFTER it is matched with someone else's. In fact some are so crazy that they have attempted to abort adults who have considered aborting a fetus. But who speaks up for the truly little guys? Have you ever? I mean 50% of each and every one of us started out just that way. Determined to succeed and destined to be a person. So we ain't here to talk about abortions. Unless you REALLY want to discuss the issue. But the we will only discuss YOURS (i.e. YOU for trying to start some shit).

Back to me and my potentially criminal act. What kind of crime is it? What is it called? Is jacking Genocide? That could fit the bill since it is killing off a large number who have similar characteristics. Suicide? I mean I am getting rid of well... me! But then I am still here afterward, okay, no. Biocide? I guess it could be that. But just calling the little fellas "living material" seems a touch TOO impersonal. Feticide, Infanticide and Homicide fall by the wayside because of the timing. Prolicide? Hmm... a stretch. Also due to timing. Spermicide? Eh....Sorta. Maybe when it relates to a substance for the purpose. But I never INTEND for them to die. Vivicide? Hmm... A little broad on that one. The murder/annihilation of any and all forms of life is a fairly broad stroke to paint.
Hmmm.... I guess I will have to coin a new phrase for this one. Sooooo.... The New Words Of The Week: Special Edition has the following definition. This one I just made up, so don't go looking on Urban Dictionary or anything. I will call the act - Suigenocide - The killing off of your own future generations. Tada!!!!!!

This of course begs the question. Are frigid women accomplices in suigenocide? I mean it ain't considered suigenocide if at least one has even a snowball's chance of accomplishing it's mission. To all the women over time who have left my nutz on extra full, you are partially to blame! If you weren't bullshitting when it was time for the get down, they wouldn't have had to live and die and empty and meaningless existence! No chance at destiny for them, because of you!

Which of course begs another question. Rubbers are they a mechanism for teasing sperm? I mean let's be honest here. Rubbers are no different than GWB. He sends massive amounts of forces on a mission that they have been heavily trained for. With NO expectation that the mission will get accomplished. In fact the sending and target nations both know the mission will likely not be accomplished because of the success barrier. But everyone goes through all of the motions. Troops are deployed. Invasion. Conflict. No closure. The only ones who don't know that the whole thing was about something different than what was said are the ones doing the actual fighting.

Which begs another question. (feeling like Kieth Sweat with all of the begging going on in here!) Is the pill a destiny thief? This thing is much like The First Gulf War. Where the troops are deployed on the mission. But they run around hither and fro looking for something to shoot. They of course die of boredom since there ain't nobody home. All that destiny and nowhere to go.

And yet another question! Spermicide. Murder? I should say so. This stuff is there with the specific purpose of killing off the little fellas. The sucky part is that they get invited to the party and THEN get assassinated. What a way to go. You get your eyes on the prize, just before the bullet hits you...

So! Am I bad for killing off 50 millions potential doctors, writers, lawyers, male escorts and others for pleasure? I will leave you to chew on that one. Especially since you all are as guilty as me with assisting billions to an untimely departure!

Almost...

Damn. I was about to drop a serious one on y'all. But it appears that my ass is tired. Bed here I come! Later y'all!

Gaming Rant

Halo 3 is out.

Project Gotham Racing 4 next week.

No Xbox 360.

Damn! DAMN!! DAAAAAMMMMMNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!

On Time Out

Hmm... I stopped by earlier and noticed it was a little dusty in here. A little underutilized. A little old. A little neglected. My last set of posts are now more than 10 days old. My last rebutting of a comment was nearly as old. My New Words of the Week are two weeks in arrears. Soon to be three. And...

Aw hell. I don't even have the words to explain it at this time. I guess that is the problem. My words are failing me for now.

So I will be taking a break. Don't know how long. But I do know when. Now. I will come back to it when the universe realigns itself or some other extraordinary event happens.

"The Truth..." will likely be updated more than this site. In fact you may not even notice the difference over there. But this one is on stop for an undetermined time after this post.

If ya need me, my e-mail address is in my profile. Hit me up if ya feel. I do check that fairly often. And check your own comment areas. I will still haunt the joints as the mood strikes me. Especially Opinionated Diva's. Her and them damn bubbles...

But for now... Later!

A Little Quiz: The Answers!

I got 1, 2, 4, 5 & 7 correct.
Opinionated Diva got 2, 4 & 7 correct! Partial credit is given for # 9 (5 of 6).

And don't go asking how I know #5 like YOU ain't had a drink here and there! I just know okay!

Answers To Quiz:

1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends...
Boxing

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward .
Niagara Falls (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons...
Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside...
Strawberry.

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle?
It grew inside the bottle. (The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.)

6. Three English words beginning with dw
Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar...
Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh...
Lettuce.

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with "s".
Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.