A Profile Ain't Just A Side View

Oh yeah. Funny incident of the month. Me, my son and a cousin were riding bikes to the store to grab some groceries. On the way back we got profiled. It was kinda slick how the cops did it too. I mean these two ain't the best riding partners since I frequently had to look for them to see where they were. And as usual with the black male of 17 years vintage, they had great difficulty with taking things seriously. Now I am riding at a slow but steady pace. These two fools are every damn where but with me. On the sidewalk, then across the street to the other sidewalk, bumping each other, half a block back, a whole block back. Generally acting asses. I mentioned that particular thing to them when we got to the store.

On the way back, the started the same bullshit again. I pretended not to notice that they were doing it and had decided to quit wasting time waiting for them since they were obviously in play mode. I had seen the cop in his patrol car but pretty much ignored the fact that he was there. Except when I made my own rapid crossover from the wrong side of the street to the right one. I promptly forgot about him when I ran through the hole in the street. I was distracted by the musical tones coming out of my spokes, never heard that before.

I turn the corner and get my stroke on so I could get home and eat. Next thing I know a squad car rides up next to me slowly. My first thought was to be annoyed, I am sure it showed on my face. I wondered what the hell I did wrong. Then he said "Excuse me, are those guys on the bikes bothering you?" I think my face also betrayed the shock I felt. My response, "Bothering me?" I looked back to make sure who he was talking about. "No, they are not bothering me. They are SUPPOSED to be riding up here WITH ME!" I guess he was a little satisfied with that since he said "Okay, I was just checking." Not to be rude, I said, "Thank you officer! You have a good one!"

At this point I am DYING inside with laughter! They caught up after he pulled off. "What did he want?" Trying my best to (unsuccessfully) contain my bemusement I told them, "Um... he just wanted to know if you two were harassing me..." The looks on their faces were priceless! I almost fell off my bike laughing. "Now do you think the two of you could keep up before we all get arrested up out in here for riding while tanned?" So we hit the next two turns and hit the home stretch. I look around and see two bikes riding away from me. One in the park to the left, the other into the park to the right. You'd think they would have learned. So I turn my had toward home and focus on timing the traffic light so I don't have to stop. I notice that the cop who rode up to me was just turning that corner up ahead. Then I hear ANOTHER cop car! This one toggles the siren switch. You know the way they do to make that noise to get your attention. My head quickly turns with a REALLY annoyed look on my face. He keeps going by. I get to the light and lil' cuz catches up. He is mumbling something hateful and violent about cops. I tell him to cool his jets, it ain't worth the blood pressure spike. He then tells me that the second cop with the siren had slowed down to give him the "I'm watching you" signal. This kinda pissed me off a touch and made me laugh a little. My reply to him was, "Shit, don't worry yourself over it, neither of those cops was Black OR Jewish, they are the ones who look out of place around here! Now do you think you could keep up now?"

Got home and relayed the story to the ladies and we had a pretty good laugh about it. Especially after I thought about it and mentioned that the way they were riding, they did look like they were out there fucking with people. I couldn't resist adding a moral to that story...