Blog Jacking: Nikki - The Memorial Edition

I have been known to jack a post or two in my time. Usually to reedit one done by someone else to "improve" the experience. All done in fun of course. Particularly to honor the blogger in question. This time is no exception. At least the reason for doing it is the same. However this time I will jack the entire post and put it out there without "enhancements". This post is one of many that were hilarious, though provoking, wildly entertaining and the creations of a very talented (and slightly burnt out) mind.

This particular post was one of my favorites. I linked it in one of my old "Best Of" posts. After this I couldn't get enough of that kooky, wise, gifted, (insert 10 - 12 other adjectives here) blogger known as Nikki Indigo. From then my obsession our relationship grew and she would be in my world forever more!
And... (in her words) "it started off harmless enough, really."

I dedicate this bit of blogger love to you Nikki, on the day or your memorial.

Friday, April 27, 2007

crotchless panties

*sigh*

it's time...

i've put the dirty deed off long enough.

i was ready to squeeze one more week out of them, but it's become painfully obvious i can no longer wait.

it started this morning when i reached down to scratch my pubic area. it was itching as the pubic area is wont to do and i quickly sought to end the discomfort, so i reached under my miniskirt with the intent on scratching hard to compensate for the cotton covering the area.

imagine my surprise when instead of scratching through cotton my fingers came into immediate contact with short, coarse hair. for a minute there i wasn't even paying attention. it wasn't until i attempted to pull my hand from beneath my skirt and snagged one of my unmanicured fingernails in the hair on my crotch that i realized there was no cotton there. incredulous, i lifted my skirt and looked down to make sure i had on underwear (uh, sometimes mornings can be hectic...)

i had on underwear alright, or what was left of a pair of undies i'm sure i'd owned since college. the cotton dangled despondently like cheap lace from the edges of a gaping hole that framed my vagina like a cunt cameo. SHIT. when i'd grabbed them from the shelf this morning they looked wearable...a bit gray and threadbare but wearable. now, as i sit here at my desk i realize just how tattered they really are. the elastic is drooping like drunken lips around my waist, slovenly hugging my hips like an inebriated lover groping for me in the dark. there are other smaller holes everywhere along with a faded bruise 'the crimson bitch' left from one of her visits sometime during clinton's first administration.

not a good look.

time to toss these panties in the trash.

but i need help, because i just can't seem to part with THESE panties. it's like if i throw them away somewhere an angel loses her wings or a bag of puppies is tossed into a lake. on the days i know i'm wearing them, i pray i'm not in an accident or collapse in public so i won't have to show my rag-covered ass to the masses. i've put them to the side numerous times, mentally making note to toss these bad boys out.

so why can't i get RID of them?!?

maybe i've got some kind of attachment issues. maybe this is my version of the security blanket. maybe i wanna fool myself into believing my ass is still the same size it was when i was in college (while completely overlooking the fact that the material is so stretched out i could wrap my couch in it).

or maybe, deep down inside, i'm using them as a weapon against bad dick. i mean, the power of these panties to shrivel a dick is a sigh to behold. it's like watching a person crumble to the ground after being shot in the chest.

either way, something's got to give. any suggestions?

Birthday Day!

Today is the birthday of two very special ladies. Now I was gonna do a really cool and cute tribute to them and all that. But I won't. Why? I did mention that they were "special" right?

I was gonna post pictures and all and talk nicely about them. Put my admiration all out in public and be all gushing over them and such. It would have been a spectacular performance too! One good enough to make a wife jealous!!!

BUT!

I ain't gonna do that. Because one be playin' too much with Photoshop, yes we understand you got talent... And the other IS JUST FREAKING MISSING!!! AHEM...

So to the other, I will just say Happy Birthday Haremite Queen Of My Castle!!!

To the one...

Reasons Why I Might Not Come To Your Blog… By Opinionated Diva and The Second Sixty-Eight!!!


1. Comment Moderation…HATE IT!!! I know for some it’s a necessary evil, but I still hate it. When I leave a comment I like to see it right away. I also like to see what others have to say, so I’m not repeating exactly what someone has JUST said.
Well you are a lot nicer than me! I will straight up not even come by anymore if I gotta wonder if you got it or not. Usually I find that NOBODY is interesting enough for me to put up with that, blog stalkers or not...
And that word verification stuff is some bullshit too! Especially when the damn thing is longer than my comment!!!



2. Infrequent Posting…After a couple of days of nothing and not seeing you around the blog way, I just start thinking you’re on blog hiatus, so I don’t come by.
What? I KNOW you ain't trying to put a brotha on blast!!! All I know is you best have them butt cheeks around these parts on the regular. I mean harass me and e-mail stalk me. Call me and cuss me out. But you are obligated by the Harem code to come by here!!! Dammit!!!
Er... this ain't NECESSARILY about me? Oh... Well... wait... ... ... Hey!


3. Automatic Music players…*sigh* I REALLY hate these. They also slow your page down. I usually end up hitting the little “x” in the upper right corner, when I come to these pages. Which brings me to the next item…
You know you love it when I do that! But only if the post requires background music! Now everybody else...


4. Busy Pages…Too many pictures…too many surveys…too much every damn thing. These pages take FOREVER to load. I don’t care if I’m on the laptop at home or on the pc at work or on the crackberry…it’s still a slow download. Me and patience broke up years ago…not able!
Whoo lawd! You ain't said but a word! Wait... Mine ain't busy is it? Cause if it is then you need to upgrade...


5. Constant Secks Sex Talk…I enjoy talking about secks sex about as much as any other hot blooded female, however I need more than that. I don’t wanna read about how you got that good good or how big “junior” is or how much stamina you have either – some things should be left unsaid. In the past this wasn’t a big deal, but these days, I don’t comment on these posts.
Well, I ain't female. So I don't mind nearly as much... Okay, so what about constant sexual innuendo? Oh, and the strikethroughs are because we use grown folk words ova here!


6. No Reciprocity…blogging is a sharing caring community…you visit me and I visit you. I know I am guilty of not visiting everyone that visits me regularly though, so let me know if I’m neglecting you…it is purely by accident.
Yeah. I am trying to make sure that I at least put the page in my favorites if I don't read it that day. And I hate it when I don't get return blogrolled! Okay, I don't hate it. But I used to. But I decided that it was for me to keep up with MY favorites... Just because the other person is a busta...


7. Soliciting…Coming to my blog to advertise your blog, is how you get me to NOT come to your blog. I excuse this from my regs and other T13’rs, but new folks? It’s not necessary. I see a new name and I automatically want to see who you are. Chill.
You know I was gonna ask why you excuse it from the regs. But then I realized that sometimes we have such good stuff that we gotta tell you about it. Like I am gonna do as soon as I post this! But we are so in agreement!


8. Bad Grammar…I’m the queen of broken sentences and I deliberately use bad grammar (regularly)…because hell sometimes it’s just funny to type it that way, but I mix it up. There is a difference between what I do and people who have no business writing a post. These are usually the people who leave the most confusing comments too. *inside joke here* hee hee
Really? So who indeed is the joke really on? I too have encountered a few spots and comments that left me doing that confused monkey head scratch thing...


9. Ya Bore Me! Sorry. I know some people really write for their own enjoyment and this might include writing post after post about their boring life. Just because you have a boring life does not mean you can’t write it with humor and make it interesting. Hell…my life is boring. There’s nothing going on…but you gotta be able to poke fun at yourself and the boring stuff that happens to you to connect with your readers or at least to engage me.
Um... Okay... SOMEBODY is feeling a little mean or something... You know, remember "Keep in mind that I'm an artist. And I am sensitive about my shit" No? Okay... I am witcha sis! I just had to poke fun at ya mean ass!


10. Post Sagas…sometimes I’ll read a really long post and I’m engrossed because it’s just that funny or bizarre, etc. MOST OF THE TIME I AINT ABLE!!! Get to the point! Editing is your friend! So what THIS post is a long one!
LMAO @ "Editing is your friend!" I have grown accustomed to the really long post thanks to Ladylee and Freaky Deaky! You know I bet they can kill a cell phone battery! What? I only pick with those I really like!


11. I don’t like you and/or I can’t relate to you…it’s nothing personal (most of the time).
I need add nothing to this...

12. I don’t do motivational…OK…that’s not entirely true. I stole that line from Rashan - LOL. I lump all the excessively motivational, spiritual and infomercial-style posts in the same pile…and I avoid that pile!
Um... Yep! Except for Miss Kitty. She understands reciprocity (#6, huh?) and you always gotta have at least ONE friend around to keep you from being dragged through the gates of hell without notice. God knows the rest of you ain't able! And she ain't excessively either...


13. Creepy poetry…I don’t dislike poetry as a whole, but all that constant crap about unrequited love and nonsensical crapola that could mean THIS but might mean THAT, but since you’re trying to be so clever and poetic, you’re never really clear about what it is you mean…well all that confusing mumbo jumbo is annoying. Pass
Um... yyyeeeaaaahhhh... I tend to avoid poetry as much as possible. I am good thanks! Prose is my tool and I shalt use it! I may not know art, but I know what I like! Alright, I won't be elitist. SOME poetry is okay.


Now with all that said…there are certain bloggers that I would follow regardless…these are the people I harass to post…the ones who I email harass…text harass…or harass on any level really. Harassing is how I show you my love! lol
Yeah I know. And you been doing it to me from the start. BUT you don't have to harass me today! Cause YOUR post is up!

Happy Birthday Haremite Opinionated Diva!!!!!
Edit: And congrats to you and your family on the arrival of your spanking brand new nephew, only a day late...

My Eyes, They Be Staring!

While up in Opinionated Diva's comment section I was moved to write the following comment:

Okay. I done read one too many ogling is bad comments up in here! I was born, black, in America, in the hood and with a dick! Can someone who has objections to my eyeball actions PLEASE tell me what the proper way to check out the womanliness of the fairer sex WITHOUT being offensive!?!?!?
I know the hanging out of the car thing is tacky and stupid, but...

I just came up with today's blog post... Thanks!

Now I know that some of us dudes are blatantly obvious in how we look. But in our defense, some of you have blatantly obvious feminine charms, if you get my meaning. A simple glance and a mental pound to you just ain't enough. Something like this but mentally is for average configuration...



Some of you deserve the mental Black Peoples Secret Handshake. And you know how long that shit takes!



So we stare...

Cause you got clothes on and we still notice you got...
This...


Or This...


Or These...
I ain't claiming to be right. I am just claiming that I am a black man, born in the inner city in the USA, who has a dick, who is not gay, AND has a fairly normal libido! It is expected that I look. By who you ask? Well... By any other man who likes women. By every woman who even remotely wants to feel attractive to the opposite sex. By dad. By mom. By ME! Oh yeah and I got a son to raise and need to set a proper example! By... I could go on...

So I set a challenge down to you ladies! What would you consider a PROPER way of seeing what you got to offer that is both satisfying to you as well as me? I ain't trying to be disrespectful. Nor am I letting you be by wishing that I was something I am not! (since I am someone who wants to look at your booty!) What is the compromise between me ogling you while hanging outta the window catcalling while my tongue hangs outta my mouth slob style AND treating you as a sexless being who deserves only enough of a glance to determine if we are gonna bump into each other in passing.

Keep in mind of course that the average encounter between you and me will likely be a one time thing and probably will last less than 10 seconds! So any answer that even mentions that fact that you might have a brain is outta bounds and only applies if I wanna actually talk to you. And that is a completely different question. And a completely different post.

So ladies? What is really appropriate?

Fellas, feel free to jump in as you will...

Oh, and if any of you run across someone who might have some perspective on this, send them over too. I would love to hear from them too!

Flashback Friday: Tha Jackin'

Okay. I gotta take it back here. Since the title isn't being used (at it's original location) and I have been known to do a jack at a moment's notice... And I promised to do this one. So Freaky, here it is!

Harken back to yonder lazy, hazy days. To a time when life was simpler. When "Tha 'hood" was actually called "The neighborhood". When cars were big as hell. Before cable. When having a color TV was a big thing. When they made Floor Models. When the record player was a big ass piece of furniture that could double as a bed in a pinch... Okay, you get the idea. A long damn time ago! I was of the approximate vintage as this picture.

Okay. Look again. This is also the scene of the crime.

I was chilling out on the porch one summer's eve. I think it was around twilight and mom was chillaxin' up in the living room. I was sitting on the glider playing with my ubiquitous companion Hot Wheels^®. In other words it was a wonderful day for me. Then outta the blue this dude pops his ass up on the porch. I mean rolled his ass up the stairs, opened up the screen door and invited himself in! Tha nerve! Then to make matters worse this sumbitch grabs me up and bounces!

Now this particular dude was from down the street and "off his meds". Wait. Wait. Wait!!!! This is an old school story. Lemme back up and do it right. Dude was from the other block and that muthafucka was crazier than shit!!! Now about this time mom is doing a "What The Fuck!?!?!" After having done a "Who The Hell Is This Walking Up On My Porch". So y'all know she got that ass in gear and was calling down the Wrath of God and any neighbor in audio and visual range to full jack alert!

Meanwhile. I am grabbed up like a sack of damn potatoes and not appreciating this improv tour of the street (which I already knew well enough thank you!). So you know what went down! I wailed! This will be the only time in my life that I will pridefully admit that I screamed like a little bitch!!! And I did!!! So much to the point that the dude was got a little pissed. So he then mashed my mug in the wet grass while telling me "Shut up or I am gonna throw you on the freeway!" First off, I was a bit indignant about the face full of grass AND being wet up. Secondly, I knew where the damn freeway was from the crib and it wasn't far enough away for me to think he was bluffing. Third I had no desire to meet:
This
This
OR this on the freeway at high speed.

So what happened? I kicked my scream game up of course!!! Hell I ain't never been no damn fool! Needless to say this didn't go on much longer. Big A, my neighbor, was nearby and heard mom. So he ran the crazy sonofabitch down. I got rescued. I understand the crazy dude got the ass whoopin' of his life and a little time to contemplate his navel in peace. Fortunately for him, mom and dad were already splitsville. Dad would have sicked the python on him. The Colt Python!!! Ya heard!?!?!

Well that was my little encounter with almost becoming a statistic. But since he failed at getting me. You do! You can thank or curse him for that as you see fit!


It's Double Flashback Friday!!!
So you get a two in one today!

This one here is bonus footage from the album where the top picture is an occupant...
This is a picture of me and my dawgs. Really early on. I shall identify them by their code names. To the left is The Fifth Sixty-Eight. In the middle The Second Sixty-Eight. On the right The Fourth Sixty-Eight. As you can see, I had big plans for us even then! The world didn't know it wasn't ready!!!
The moms have been blurred to protect the shy and shame the nosy...

Damn. This means I can't jack Fuck It Friday for at least another week... Ah well...

Random: By The Addict and The Second Sixty-Eight

I had the urge to blog, but nothing in particular to write about. How's that for an oxymoron?
That ain't unordinary in blogworld. You just have enough awareness to mention that you do it...

I think this is one of those times where I'm just going to write about random things I think about and wonder if anyone else does too. Here goes...
You must not have read all of my friends to the right. Some of them are quite good at it too!

Why do people not use their turn signals correctly? They just drive, slow down, turn and expect us to know that's what they are going to do. That really irks me to no end.
In Michigan we get a different spin on it. See the asshole in question starts out directly behind you, changes lanes and speeds past you. Then changes lanes back in front of you. Just to make a left turn. Known as the Michiganander Left. Not to be confused with the Michigan U.

Why do white people feel the need to hook up the only two black people they know?
Because they don't want you two black folk bringing your obvious sexual supremacy in front of the white meat they have their eyes on...

I watched a young lady buy a $319 pair of jeans the other day. Would you?
Only if there is an LCD TV in the ass. And then I would put them on a hanger and hook them up to cable. Cause wearing them would be much like putting four TV monitors and a DVD player in a 1985 Caprice Classic. YES that dumb shit is common here in the City/Country.

Don't you hate it when you see someone, and you know they see you but try to act like they don't?
Only if I was trying to talk to them at the time. But usually if they are doing it then I am trying even harder to not see them.

Does anyone besides me miss Inspector Gadget? Martin? New York Undercover?
Funny that you mentioned Inspector Gadget. I am listening to The Show as I type this. Weird!!!! Still get the other two in reruns. Martin got stupid near the end. In fact NYU did too after they killed off half the cops...

Did anyone (besides me) eat Bonkers when they were a kid?? Man, I used to love those things!
I had to go to Google to remember what you are referring to. But I had them once or twice... Sigh... candy...

Are you going green? It's all the rage right now.
Nah. Usually I start to go blonde around this time of year...

It cost me $47 to fill up my Toyota Corolla last week. That's a problem.
The last time I drove my car I got pissed that it cost $25 to do the same thing...I gotta get out more. But then again, I can't afford it.

Why is it that people often won't do in return what you are willing to do for them without question?
No idea

Did Jay & B really get married?
Still SMDH myself... Mariah and Nick too.

How come our audio is often not linked up with our video? (In other words, why do we say one thing and do another?)
Too many kung fu movies as kids trained us to be synced badly.

Do you ever wonder if people speaking another language are really talking about you?
Often. But if they are fuck them! Talking is all they better think of doing!

Charlie Murphy once said on an episode of Dave Chapelle, "even when slapping was fashionable..." Was slapping ever fashionable?
I imagaine it happened at sometime in Dave Chapelle world...

Do you love like it's never going to hurt...even when it does?
Who doesn't?

The Real Me vs. The Blog Me: By Opinionated Diva and The Second Sixty-Eight

"There's no telling when I'm down for a jack move!!!!"

As you can plainly see...

So I am gonna spin this one for you.

I curse a lot more on the blog than I do in person. (Nah! the other way around for me... "cussin' since the age of talk" as mom says...) Sometimes when I’m writing, I just feel like shit, fuck, bitch, etc truly does emphasize my mood on paper, in person you have the added advantage of seeing my facial expressions, erratic hand movements, so it’s not nearly as necessary I guess you get the full effect. Unless I’m usually totally relaxed with you, then it’s no holds barred and I’m unapologetically cursing like a mf gd sailor just because *shrugging* I’m so very experienced at it. such an effing lady who likes to curse.

I think I channel my inner sha-nay-nay sailor on the blog, but your first impression of me in person is probably going to be that you think I’m slightly boughie and somewhat stuck up. I can appear standoffish at times. I guess people who aren't constantly running off at the mouth intimidate people for some reason... My sister says it’s It could be my body language…the way I hold my head to the side, arch an eyebrow…that thing I do with my eyes…like I’m judging. Whatever. I never want to make anyone feel like I think they’re beneath me, but sometimes my eyes witness some fuckery, and I can’t help looking at someone like they must be out of their got damn mind. See…there’s the cursing again. I’m just not great at hiding what I’m thinking…is what I’m trying to say.

Patience is not one of my virtues when dealing with stupidity, but I think I have more patience in real life than I convey on the blog, which is understandable since a lot of my posts are rants about something that really annoyed the hell out of me. I should probably write more about the normal stuff in my life, but normal is boring. I know there are plenty of people who enjoy writing about boring things (gag)…that is not something I want to do.

I can’t think of any other ways that I might be different (but I did throw this post together in under ten minutes(Yeah, it took me about that long to revise it too...))…so I think that’s it.

Wait...one more. I think I'm much more revealing on the blog than I am in person. Okay... I know I am.

How are you different (if at all)?

Random Countdown Meme: By Freaky Deaky and The Second Sixty-Eight

I’ve been looking for a meme to do for awhile and I finally found one that didn’t seem like a popularity whore high school girl or closet case emo boy wrote. I got this from Freaky Deaky's blog and jacked it wholesale. He stumbled on this from Southern Gal’s blog who stumbled upon it on another blog.

TEN random things about me:

*I’m a misanthrope. One who hates or mistrusts humankind. Hmm... Okay, i find myself doing that sometimes too...
*I don’t like getting my hands dirty. And especially not greasy.
*I can build computers.
*I’m better at solving hardware problems with your computer than I am with software issues. I'm 50/50 with that...
*I’m sipping on pink lemonade as I answer this meme. See that would be good if it has some of that citrus vodka in it too!
*When I was younger some “experts” thought I might be autistic, partially deaf, or something else. Really? All I managed was to get kidnapped...
*I’m a homebody and prefer being indoors.
*Between the ages of 2-5 years old I rarely spoke to anyone unless I absolutely had to. In fact I still do at times...
*People are often surprised at how soft spoken I am.
*I’m a nonconformist sometimes.

NINE ways to win my heart:

*Compliment me (regularly) without me having to compliment you first.
*Do nice things for me out of the blue.
*Seduce me (physically and mentally).
*Make me laugh.
*Be a good kisser.
*Wear cute panties.
*Dress slutty for me.
*Random acts of affection.
*Understand me.

Can't argue with that list. Onward...

EIGHT things I want to do before I die:

*Become a father. Of ones that look like me.
*Learn how to be a cracker and hacker.
*Fuck a woman of every nationality. This was on my list BEFORE becoming a husband.
*Write a novel. Yeah! The Tales of Force Commander...
*Write a screenplay. Or direct/produce the movie version of the above novel.
*Visit all 50 states and the other continents. Hopefully by motorcycle.
*Fly a plane. Since I won't be realizing that dream of being a naval aviator, I will settle for a P-51 Mustang. From Roush or course...
*Win the lotto. And I mean REALLY big!

SEVEN ways to annoy me:

*Not giving me your undivided attention.
*Making me constantly repeat myself.
*Inflicting your entertainment on me!
*Smothering me/not giving me space when I need it.
*Borrowing stuff without permission and without returning it. I think it is called stealing...
*Not returning stuff in the condition I gave it to you when you borrowed it.
*Being a pussy ass lurker, scary bitch ass lurker, dick sucking punk ass pillow biting lurker (oh wait they’re all lurkers so there really is no difference) lurking on my blog. I was prepared to change this one but it was so well said...

SIX things I believe in:

*Everybody has a price.
*Respect is something that everyone deserves but many don't know how to give it to get it.
*Actions and words are equally important. But only if your word actually means something...
*Ass, cash, or gas nobody rides for free.
*Any woman who hides behind outdated, traditional gender roles isn’t worth my time or energy.
*A good relationship is like a mirror, you get out of it what you put into it.

FIVE things I’m afraid of:

*Losing my favorite people any time soon.
*Having nothing to live for.
*The decline of my health.
*Not making a difference.
*Not being able to control the darkness and anger inside of me. Oh... I see you read the Slughurler posts...

FOUR of my favorite things:

*Holding The Wife
*Going to the movies.
*Kinky sex.
*My Computer

THREE things I do everyday:

*Blog, read or write
*Eat
*Shit

TWO things I want to do right now:

*Paint someone’s insides. I think she knows who she is!
*Get out of the house. And on a spanky brand new YZF-R6. Or in my spanky brand old Mustang.

ONE person I want to see right now:

Granny.

You should know by now that I think you’re all funny acting so I’m not tagging anybody. I dont' think y'all funny acting. But those I would tag are already showing signs of permanent hand prints. And this shyt was hard enough WITH the help. I wouldn't make anyone feel obligated. If you do this on your own though...

Another Dyssturbed Mental Image...

Lemme ask you a question.

If you rolled up on the hot tub and found it occupied by

This guy




And this chick



And this chick


(see I told you there were big boobed asian chicks!)

And these chicks




With these items nearby









Would you find that Dyssturbing?

Since You Asked...

Lemme see.

Mom is outta the hospital and back home. Getting all spoiled and such. GOOD coffee on a regular basis. HOME cooked meals. Finally got that rib she been wanting. And home made macaroni and cheese. I can tuck that recipe into my belt now. And her blood pressure is trying to run normal. Half a million pills, but trying at normal. She does need to learn to trust in her assistance because for some reason she wants to put the good arm right where it will cause the most problems. But okay nonetheless.

The dog is currently desperately trying to get the potato chip I just threw at him. Look at him go! I would attach video but I can't get it off of my phone at the present. I think he is finally realizing that a clean floor = full bowls. And that outside is better than inside. And that if he HASN'T already used the bathroom he gets to go OUT. Of course he did have a bad couple of days. I swear it seemed like he ate a whole pack of tube socks or something. Three days straight he managed to have me standing around while he passed yet another sock. And then he spent the next day alternately puking and crapping all over the floor. I do wonder if he managed to have gained enough sense to not eat clothing, unless the burglar is still in them of course...

Not much is new in the hood. The nosey old chick is still stalking the kids and calling the po-po on everybody she can. You would think she learned after having that brick invite itself into her living room through the plate glass window and then accusing my son of the crime and having my wife (paralegal) threaten to sue her insurance company and her ass out of her property. We were of course three cities away when that shyt happened. Folk still stripping houses like crazy. Somehow the one that was nothing but shell managed to catch on fire. Who... I mean how I don't know. Oh yeah and the po-po rolled up in front of the crib yesterday. They jumped out and was all up in the driveway. Turns out they were narcos. Somehow my nosey nephew found out they were looking for a crackhead who had been stealing people's pipes. I assume he was boosting from houses that were occupied since they were chasing his ass.

And I am horny often and I suspect the blood pressure medication is working a little TOO well in... uh... places...

Something Old And Something New

Okay. I been cheatin'. I admit it.

Before any of you get your panties in a bunch and find your way to the tiny village of uproar, don't!

I haven't been cheating on The Wife. I been cheating with her!

Now that I done stunned ya into silence. Close ya mouth too.

Because I been cheating on YOU! A couple of audio posts have been directed in her direction (for you to enjoy also). Which means technically I haven't been giving you what you need. And I know you need me as often as you can get me. I know, I know. So wonderful, so wonderful! I won't get off into all the whys of my latest posts, or lack thereof, but I will say that I have been reading and commenting more often than I do my own thing.

But I have been uninspired. And because of that I don't post much. And even when I do post it ain't much...

So I am gonna change that. I am gonna let YOU inspire me. Since I read more than I write now, I will use that reading as a basis for writing my own stuff for the second half of May anyway. So I will be jacking posts!!! Just wanted you to know. So when you come here this month, you MAY find that you coauthored a post here like OD has done on a couple of occasions. Or you may get the feeling that could have written this post yourself, you may have (sorta). Of course any posts that get jacked will have my own special dyssturbedness interjected into the mix. So get out there and write me some good seed material folks!!!!!