Honoring The Fallen

As of late, I find myself somewhat obsessed with death. Not in some unnatural way mind you. I guess a better description is that death has taken great interest in hanging around me. So of course I have taken great interest in return. Naturally.

As usual with the specter... no spectre (I like that spelling better...). As usual when the spectre of death hangs around, it brings many things with it. Usually those things are not positive. For me it has brought on a bit of surliness, less ready smiles, I am more withdrawn, a little more extreme. Some days I just plain old require solitude.

You see death has taken a toll on me recently. As I write this, I still can't fully measure what I have lost. Mostly because I can't see things from an objective perspective. At this point I don't want to understand. I don't want things to make sense. I just want death to go away for a good long time. I know people don't come back, so I don't really want that. But I do want that spectre to realize that it is not being very fair to me. Far be it from me to wish such a thing on someone else. But when dealing with such, that is sometimes how things go. “If not you, then who?” seems to be the question. My answer is “NOT DAMN ME! Come back when you have evened things out EVERYWHERE!” I know how that looks. But then again, pain doesn't give a damn how things look.

I guess I should take a minute and give a bit of backstory. I find that context tends to help paint the picture.

Two days before Thanksgiving, the phone rings. I think nothing of it since I was the farthest from the phone at the time. Then I hear “Nooooo!”. I have only heard that once before in my life. Fear fills my insides like there was previously a vacuum there. Just as it did the first time. The questions “What?” “Who?”, “Where?”, “When?” and “How?” all explode in my mind at the same time. Then I hear “Don't tell me that!”. Now every possible alarm bell is going off. At this point I know the relationship between the caller and the callee. I also know it is VERY bad news. The list suddenly narrows itself down to a 4 year old girl and a 65 year old woman. I am desperate for information at this point and am on the verge of knocking my wife over and ripping the phone out of her hand. Instead I try to concentrate on calming myself before my heart thundered itself right out of my chest. And then “Please don't make me tell this man that!”. The odds on the 4 year old suddenly dropped to near nil. My wife finally composed herself enough to realize that I was waiting on confirmation that my mother had passed. All of those questions I had were either answered buy that or became unimportant because “Why?” was the only one I cared about at that moment. Over the next several hours I spent time with a lot of sad and shocked family members. You see, my mother had some health issues, but she wasn't ill. She was watching TV as she always did and folk were coming and going. My nephew went to the store to get them some snacks and was coming back to massage her legs as she asked. My sister returned home less than 10 minutes after he left and she was gone. And my life changed. Those next few hours was the first time I have ever felt alone in the company of people. She was laid to rest with a wonderful memorial service. Her ashes will be spread at her favorite park either on her next birthday or around the 4^th of July during our annual family picnic.

Fast forward to the end of January. I am at work during a lull in the action. I log onto Facebook to see what is happening. I get an instant message from a great aunt that I barely see online. She tells me to call her. The fact that she contacted me that way told me it was something of great import, so I called her immediately. She infomed me that my Uncle Frankie had passed the night before. A sad event to be sure but not unexpected. He was 81 and had some heart problems for a while. Of course it was too soon for me. I mustered up the strength to make one more call and grabbed my cell phone. I went to a little used spot in the building where cell reception was better and privacy was higher. I called my wife to give her the bad news with a ton of tears in my eyes. He was one of her favorites in my family. She didn't take it well either.

Fast forward to the end of March. I am working from home early one Monday. I get a call from my cousin, who was like my brother while growing up. I hadn't heard from him in a while because as many of you know, I am part hermit. And other such grown folk stuff too. So we chit chat for a minute or three. Then he says to me, “I was calling to ask if you could be a pall bearer”. My immediate reply was “Who, what, when, what?!?!?”. His reply was “Oh, you didn't know! Dad passed on Saturday.” I didn't know because I was still a little down and had not been to the family page on Facebook or the family website on Ancestry.com. My sister also neglected to pass the word on. I told him that “I could do no less for him and that it would be my great honor to do so.” This really messed up my day and no work would get done. You see this man was like my other father. I was the salt in his salt and pepper twins. He was also one of my mother's favorite cousins. Needless to say, I was pretty messed up. My wife was rather fond of him and his wife. Again, not news she took well. The depression I had been running from for the last few months found me, and it held on tight.

Rewind to mid March. I read a FB post about a cousin from my father's side. He was in hospice for cancer. I called his brother to find out what was going on. We talked for a few minutes. I got caught up on cuz' situation. By this time I was running that losing race with depression. I wasn't able to bring myself to call Auntie though. Fast forward to Mid April. I run across another FB post about the cousin I talked to on the phone. It seems he had a stroke and was in the hospital with little to no memory of anyone. AND another cousin was in ICU because an asthma attack nearly took him out. A couple of days later the stroke patient has recovered some memory and function. The asthma patient improves enough to leave ICU. A few days after that my sister remembers to call. The cousin in hospice passed early that morning, his brother was still in the hospital recovering from the stroke AND their mother was admitted to the hospital due to stress and other complications.

Today is the day before my cousin's home going service. For me, this will be the fourth time in five months. Let me restate that. Four funerals in five months with two near misses. Obviously I am not doing that cool. To the point that I let slip my own self discipline and desire to be better. Some days I win, some days I lose. But I shall still strive until I no longer have the ability. I will get back on my meds and stay on schedule. I will get back on my bike and ride like I am young again. I will try that damned Insanity workout again! I gotta say though, that shit was hard!!! I must be a glutton for punishment because I liked it. My old, fat body didn't necessarily agree with the abuse and I had to wave off before I snapped something. But I will be back. And I will give myself a better diet and a better attitude.

I promised myself I would not write depressing stuff here again. But I needed to let this out. And I had to something to honor Loraine, Charlie, Donald and Layman. I don't think I can get better without having done so.

I ain't promising that I am back. But I am removing that dumb promise to myself. When I fell of writing here, I fell off having that therapy. I thought it was because things felt better. But I do this to make things better. Every time...

And Then There Was One

Life has ways of being interesting.  A lesser known fact about me is that I have had nine grandparents.  How do you ask?  Well... My father's parents, one and two.  My mother's parents, three and four.  This is the usual configuration for most people.  However life happens and sometimes there are additions.  In my case it happened several times. 

My mom's parents divorced. 

Her mom remarried, five.  After a (not very long) while, he passed.  One gone, I was just a babe.  I wish I had known him, I am told he was a really good man.

My parents divorced a couple years later.

Not long after, dad's mom passed.  Two gone.  I can barely remember her myself.  But she lives on in the memories and stories of her children.  A very kind and intelligent woman and mother of 13.  Three years is not nearly enough time, especially when there were so many others to share her with.

Not long afterward my mother's father remarried, six.

Not long after that my father's father remarried, seven.

My father remarried.  Though that bond came her parents, eight and nine.

It is around this time when I am really aware and can remember people and events.  So the relationships began to develop past familial to personal.  Mom's mother was Grandma!  Straight, no chaser, grand parent of all grand parents.  For me she was the most constant.  The greatest presence of all the grands.  She also happened to be my family's Madea... But I digress...  My mother's father, he was number two.  So much I can say about him.  Too much going through my mind to even write it.  That was my man though.  My father's father was a ghost to me.  An occasional visit here and there.  It was hard to be a part of his life since he relocated to California before I really got to know him.  Which of course meant that I didn't really know his wife either.  My mom's step mom. She was grandma too, but without the capital "G".  She was a pretty nice lady from what I can remember.  But there was something I couldn't put my finger on that put up a barrier.  I guess the families never really quite meshed.  Her children never quite felt like uncles and aunts.  Her grandchildren never quite felt like cousins.  I guess they really weren't because after her death, I didn't see much of them.  After his, they became pretty much legends...  My step mom's parents are the last two.  I will be the first to admit that this was a strange relationship.  I never had a problem connecting with either of them.  But it was not really a grandparent grandchild relationship.  More like beloved great uncle and aunt.  There was a certain distance between me and my sister and my step mom's family as a whole.  Just never really engaged with the clan.  No nights spent over folks houses.  No cousins ever came by.  Now that I think back, it was almost always a case of me going where they were.  I guess to a kid, one way don't cut it.  In fact it probably explains the distance between my brothers.  Meetings usually on their turf, not mine.  Hmmm...  Different post that.  But back to it.  Pappa and Big Ma were their identities within the family.  Poppa to me was a stereotypical good humored southern farm boy.  Always happy to see you.  Honest, hard working, Salt of the earth kind of guy.  A great big old teddy bear.  Big Ma on the other hand quite a bit soft spoken.  Seemingly as small as he was big.  Always willing to take up the conversation or relate a story.

This is the grandparental landscape as it was when I was five.  It remained that way for several years.  Then my mom's step mom passed.  This was the first grandparent I really engaged with who moved on, three down.

Things stayed stable though my teens.  Mostly...  Grandma was the next to go.  This was the one I really connected with.  I got a lot from her.  I remember one incident that sealed the deal.  She had a fireplace in her house.  There were pictures of all of her all over the place.  I remember mentioning to her (with my lip poked out) that she didn't have a picture of me up there.  She gave me that "are you effing kidding me?" look.  Then she said something that pretty much meant the same thing.  Then she steered me to the photo albums.  Told me to look though them.  Needless to say after a few moments I felt like a complete jackass.  And never more loved...  Best believe that a couple of years later upon my high school graduation, hers was the first picture I delivered. Four down.

About a year later Grandpa was also gone.  I think he was heartbroken mostly.  He took Grandma's passing, and the circumstances, really hard.  First time I remember seeing him cry.  I will always remember the lesson he taught me about respect and paying attention to what folk say.  Seems he sent me to the store.  Gave me a list of stuff to buy him and I could have the change.  I came back with a half assed order for him and the bounty of the gods for myself.  I think he was a little pissed.  I remember the laughter more.  And that had more of an effect on me.  I will never forget that.  Mostly because he never let me.  Five down.

A couple of years later, my father's father and his wife returned from California.  His health had starting heading south.  As had her memory.  They needed to be cared for, so they came home.  I got to spend a little time talking with him as an adult,  Digging through the stories and history that he had available in his head.  But there was not enough time.  At least I never thought so.  Six down.

His wife was the one where the connection was weakest.  As I said, they were in Cali most of my life.  When the came back she was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's.  By the time of his funeral, her memory was mostly gone.  Pretty much everybody was a stranger to her.  I remember the last couple of conversations we had.  She looked at me with a sad and apologetic look and said "I'm sorry, I don't remember you."  I was slightly taken aback.  Remember, Dad is one of 13.  13 who were fruitful.  So there were a lot to remember.  Even in the best of circumstances, that statement was not unexpected.  So I tried to explain who I was.  We both felt better for the understanding achieved.  The next time I saw her, the conversation started the same as before.  This time I simply replied, "That's okay, I remember you".  Not long after that she joined her husband.  Seven down.

Poppa was the next to leave.  He was a good man, who lived a good life and raised a family.  Can't really remember that man ever having anything bad to say about anybody.  We were always happy to see each other.  My biggest regret is that we didn't have more of each other in our lives.  Eight down.

This leads me to the somewhat deceiving title of this post.  See Poppa passed years ago.  So there has only been one for over a decade.  Big Ma is 93.  Good health and a bit of spunk to boot.  She and my father celebrated their birthdays together and the family showed up.  I still smile when I picture that scene,  She was sitting in the chair by the window.  Somebody asked what she wanted from the store.  She replied that she wanted something to drink.  After folk asking about various soft drinks and juices and getting "no" as a response, somebody (I forget who), said "The hell with all that Big Ma want her a DRINK!"  The very satisfied grin she wore after that pretty much told that tale.  She got her a little cognac for her birthday drink.  Job well done!  I also remember looking at her a couple of times during the event.  She wore a beaming and satisfied smile while the late winter sun beamed down on her through the picture window.  An beautiful day, a good drink and surrounded by family in celebration.  That included my absentee ass...  I have to say her last birthday was a good one.

Today she inspires the writing of this post.  Because of recent events, one may soon be zero.  A couple of weeks ago, she fell and broke her hip.  The doctors said she needed emergency surgery or she wouldn't walk again.  The surgery was successful I guess.  However there were some complications that ended up in her falling into a coma.  I was by dad's house this weekend.  She is there, sleeping.  I stole a quiet moment to hold her hand.  Not believing that after 93 years that her time may have arrived.  Though her end may be soon, her legacy is strong.  And like the others, she shall live on.  In me...

POST 400!!!!

Yep.

400!

Something special.

Mmmm Hmmmm....

Wrote a song about it!
Like to hear it?
Here it go!




Sun-shine



Blue Skies

It's a wonderful daaaayyyyyy!!!!



Post Four Hunned is here now!



On the twelfth of Maaaayyyyyyyy!!!!! (of 2010!)

Hey! I could have been worse! I could have lazy blogged and you would have had to LISTEN to this instead...

Now that that madness is out of the way... Back to the regularly scheduled madness and rantings! Which shall include renewing the blog list, thinking about another (or no) background, and getting back on schedule (at least ONCE a week)! Peace!!!

A Song For Nikki...

I told myself that after the post below, I would raise the flag back to the top of the pole again. Public expressions of mourning shouldn't last forever. And I need to take that private anyway. Already I lied to myself and am posting one more than I told myself I would. (this one)

Tomorrow it is back to the usual blogging and facebook stuff. New post, new status update, different tone and focus. Of course I will still be available should someone need me to get something off their chest. And there is a little bit of smurfy that needs resmurfing.

In short I will go on. But a little closer to a few because of a shared loss. And I shall add one more to my list of remembrances. And I am thankful for them all. I will probably speak on all that in more detail after now.

But there real reason for this post is a song dedication. It may be corny or cliche'. And if for one moment you think that matters, then obviously you have forgotten where you are, the title of this blog AND/OR the dude who authors it! I have been singing this song in part or whole all damn day (which started @ 3:30 this morn nap not withstanding). Since I didn't want to insult your souls by recording that caterwauling, I will let the professionals do their jobs.

Blog Jacking: Nikki - The Memorial Edition

I have been known to jack a post or two in my time. Usually to reedit one done by someone else to "improve" the experience. All done in fun of course. Particularly to honor the blogger in question. This time is no exception. At least the reason for doing it is the same. However this time I will jack the entire post and put it out there without "enhancements". This post is one of many that were hilarious, though provoking, wildly entertaining and the creations of a very talented (and slightly burnt out) mind.

This particular post was one of my favorites. I linked it in one of my old "Best Of" posts. After this I couldn't get enough of that kooky, wise, gifted, (insert 10 - 12 other adjectives here) blogger known as Nikki Indigo. From then my obsession our relationship grew and she would be in my world forever more!
And... (in her words) "it started off harmless enough, really."

I dedicate this bit of blogger love to you Nikki, on the day or your memorial.

Friday, April 27, 2007

crotchless panties

*sigh*

it's time...

i've put the dirty deed off long enough.

i was ready to squeeze one more week out of them, but it's become painfully obvious i can no longer wait.

it started this morning when i reached down to scratch my pubic area. it was itching as the pubic area is wont to do and i quickly sought to end the discomfort, so i reached under my miniskirt with the intent on scratching hard to compensate for the cotton covering the area.

imagine my surprise when instead of scratching through cotton my fingers came into immediate contact with short, coarse hair. for a minute there i wasn't even paying attention. it wasn't until i attempted to pull my hand from beneath my skirt and snagged one of my unmanicured fingernails in the hair on my crotch that i realized there was no cotton there. incredulous, i lifted my skirt and looked down to make sure i had on underwear (uh, sometimes mornings can be hectic...)

i had on underwear alright, or what was left of a pair of undies i'm sure i'd owned since college. the cotton dangled despondently like cheap lace from the edges of a gaping hole that framed my vagina like a cunt cameo. SHIT. when i'd grabbed them from the shelf this morning they looked wearable...a bit gray and threadbare but wearable. now, as i sit here at my desk i realize just how tattered they really are. the elastic is drooping like drunken lips around my waist, slovenly hugging my hips like an inebriated lover groping for me in the dark. there are other smaller holes everywhere along with a faded bruise 'the crimson bitch' left from one of her visits sometime during clinton's first administration.

not a good look.

time to toss these panties in the trash.

but i need help, because i just can't seem to part with THESE panties. it's like if i throw them away somewhere an angel loses her wings or a bag of puppies is tossed into a lake. on the days i know i'm wearing them, i pray i'm not in an accident or collapse in public so i won't have to show my rag-covered ass to the masses. i've put them to the side numerous times, mentally making note to toss these bad boys out.

so why can't i get RID of them?!?

maybe i've got some kind of attachment issues. maybe this is my version of the security blanket. maybe i wanna fool myself into believing my ass is still the same size it was when i was in college (while completely overlooking the fact that the material is so stretched out i could wrap my couch in it).

or maybe, deep down inside, i'm using them as a weapon against bad dick. i mean, the power of these panties to shrivel a dick is a sigh to behold. it's like watching a person crumble to the ground after being shot in the chest.

either way, something's got to give. any suggestions?

BDRII

Happy Birthday nephew who resembles me a great deal!

I am actually a week late with this post. I feel some shame. But I was hoping for a newer picture. Ah well, parents! What are ya gonna do? I guess I will post it on the actual date though.

Us chillaxin' in the olden days! I think his nickname for me at the time was Mr. Sandman!

Yep. It's a Mini Me! In my hat! Of course at this stage the hat went half way down his back!

But he was reppin' the D!!!!

Already trying to follow in his dad's footsteps. All up under the wheel with no L!

I would have posted a video of some kind but he never manages to stay in one place long enough. And I gotta clear out my phone memory a bit to take some.

Happy Birthday Brandon Deon Royal II!!!
AKA Tippy Toes AKA Poona AKA Me All Over Again AKA Mini Me AKA LB AKA Bran Bran AKA...

The Big Day!

Yep! That's right, the big day is here! Graduation time! The direct prelude to "get reacquainted with your blog" day.

Been a long hard road getting here. And a somewhat challenging one lately. Which reminds me, I got a couple of stories to tell... But, I digress (already...)

I would expound further, however the days tribulations have enervated me to the point of somnolence. <~~ see, it's working already... I know I also said I would give you guys a link so that you could share in the wonderfulness. In case you didn't have jack shit else interesting to occupy your time that is... But it seems that there is no link to the broadcast at this point. But the link to where it will be (at some point) is right here. I will make sure to post it when the actual video is up.

Anyway, this pie is about done. So I am gonna take it out of the oven and put me in the bed.

Oh yeah, for those who are interested and lucky enough to get a live feed, the festivities kick off at 10:00 a.m. e.d.t. (too damn early in the morning if ya ask me...)

Later!
Louis Sanford
AKA
The New Graduate!

A Heart Stolen

A year ago today, this wonderful little individual was born.

Who was to know she would turn out to be this bigger wonderful individual a year later!
Look at that smile!!!
Just a grinnin'!
Who could resist that face?


Really though! I could! This chile is da debil! Yeah, yeah, I know you are thinking "Not that angelic little face!" Well you can best believe that what I say is true!!!

I managed to get those pictures while she was smack in the middle of terrorizing my computer! Notice how in the first and third of the recent photos that her little arm is up and escaping the pictures? That is because she was repeatedly punching the power button on my monitor and thought she was being slick and such! In the middle picture I dived between her and my keyboard. That of course brought about that little devilish grin you see.

Y'all don't believe me? Check out the video...

I am still not sure which of us won that one...

Okay, on the real. She ain't da debil ALL the time. And because she ain't, she managed to steal the heart of this old blogger. Usually by being cute and undebilish like this.



Or like this...



Happy Birthday Aniyah Princess Marie!!!
AKA Gummy Bear AKA Gumbeezy AKA Taboody AKA Bad Booty AKA Tee Tee AKA Ham Hocks AKA Chunky Butt AKA Detroit's Next Top Model AKA... (Well y'all get the idea)

Happy Birthday Wifey!!!

Prince - Adore Live LA 02 -

Years ago today, a gift was delivered to this world for me. So here are a couple of her favorites on her day.

Happy Birthday Lele!!!!!

To Mah Boo

I have heard this song on the radio in the background the last couple of weeks. It seemed like a pretty cool song. I finally stopped to listen to it. I like this one. So much so I am dedicating this one to my Boobie! I might even buy some Usher now... This by no means says in any way that I am not still old school! I know you were thinking it Bootydo!

Without further ado. Usher singing Here I Stand.



p.s. To any of the Haremites and other lady visitors who are feeling underloved today, this is to you too.

YES!!!!!

Yes!!! Another win. Once again my vote has netted the desired result. Another win. I am sure folk will blog into infinity about this election and it's historic nature. So I won't bore you.

I ain't saying it was a win for women. Sarah Palin provided that.

I ain't saying it was a win for black folk (or biracial folk or cannibalasians (or whatever Tiger Woods calls himself.)). Barack Obama did that.

This one is a win FOR ME!!!

Why you ask? Damn good question!

Because I have never prospered under a Republican administration. My own personal economy usually goes into a severe recession if not a depression. Remember I have only seen ONE Democratic administration as an adult. And boy did I prosper! And things just happen to be looking up even before the results of the election were announced. Y'ALL FEEL ME?

So I win! I hope to continuing that win for at least the next four years!

Peace!!!

On the black hand side...

Birthday Day!

Today is the birthday of two very special ladies. Now I was gonna do a really cool and cute tribute to them and all that. But I won't. Why? I did mention that they were "special" right?

I was gonna post pictures and all and talk nicely about them. Put my admiration all out in public and be all gushing over them and such. It would have been a spectacular performance too! One good enough to make a wife jealous!!!

BUT!

I ain't gonna do that. Because one be playin' too much with Photoshop, yes we understand you got talent... And the other IS JUST FREAKING MISSING!!! AHEM...

So to the other, I will just say Happy Birthday Haremite Queen Of My Castle!!!

To the one...

Reasons Why I Might Not Come To Your Blog… By Opinionated Diva and The Second Sixty-Eight!!!


1. Comment Moderation…HATE IT!!! I know for some it’s a necessary evil, but I still hate it. When I leave a comment I like to see it right away. I also like to see what others have to say, so I’m not repeating exactly what someone has JUST said.
Well you are a lot nicer than me! I will straight up not even come by anymore if I gotta wonder if you got it or not. Usually I find that NOBODY is interesting enough for me to put up with that, blog stalkers or not...
And that word verification stuff is some bullshit too! Especially when the damn thing is longer than my comment!!!



2. Infrequent Posting…After a couple of days of nothing and not seeing you around the blog way, I just start thinking you’re on blog hiatus, so I don’t come by.
What? I KNOW you ain't trying to put a brotha on blast!!! All I know is you best have them butt cheeks around these parts on the regular. I mean harass me and e-mail stalk me. Call me and cuss me out. But you are obligated by the Harem code to come by here!!! Dammit!!!
Er... this ain't NECESSARILY about me? Oh... Well... wait... ... ... Hey!


3. Automatic Music players…*sigh* I REALLY hate these. They also slow your page down. I usually end up hitting the little “x” in the upper right corner, when I come to these pages. Which brings me to the next item…
You know you love it when I do that! But only if the post requires background music! Now everybody else...


4. Busy Pages…Too many pictures…too many surveys…too much every damn thing. These pages take FOREVER to load. I don’t care if I’m on the laptop at home or on the pc at work or on the crackberry…it’s still a slow download. Me and patience broke up years ago…not able!
Whoo lawd! You ain't said but a word! Wait... Mine ain't busy is it? Cause if it is then you need to upgrade...


5. Constant Secks Sex Talk…I enjoy talking about secks sex about as much as any other hot blooded female, however I need more than that. I don’t wanna read about how you got that good good or how big “junior” is or how much stamina you have either – some things should be left unsaid. In the past this wasn’t a big deal, but these days, I don’t comment on these posts.
Well, I ain't female. So I don't mind nearly as much... Okay, so what about constant sexual innuendo? Oh, and the strikethroughs are because we use grown folk words ova here!


6. No Reciprocity…blogging is a sharing caring community…you visit me and I visit you. I know I am guilty of not visiting everyone that visits me regularly though, so let me know if I’m neglecting you…it is purely by accident.
Yeah. I am trying to make sure that I at least put the page in my favorites if I don't read it that day. And I hate it when I don't get return blogrolled! Okay, I don't hate it. But I used to. But I decided that it was for me to keep up with MY favorites... Just because the other person is a busta...


7. Soliciting…Coming to my blog to advertise your blog, is how you get me to NOT come to your blog. I excuse this from my regs and other T13’rs, but new folks? It’s not necessary. I see a new name and I automatically want to see who you are. Chill.
You know I was gonna ask why you excuse it from the regs. But then I realized that sometimes we have such good stuff that we gotta tell you about it. Like I am gonna do as soon as I post this! But we are so in agreement!


8. Bad Grammar…I’m the queen of broken sentences and I deliberately use bad grammar (regularly)…because hell sometimes it’s just funny to type it that way, but I mix it up. There is a difference between what I do and people who have no business writing a post. These are usually the people who leave the most confusing comments too. *inside joke here* hee hee
Really? So who indeed is the joke really on? I too have encountered a few spots and comments that left me doing that confused monkey head scratch thing...


9. Ya Bore Me! Sorry. I know some people really write for their own enjoyment and this might include writing post after post about their boring life. Just because you have a boring life does not mean you can’t write it with humor and make it interesting. Hell…my life is boring. There’s nothing going on…but you gotta be able to poke fun at yourself and the boring stuff that happens to you to connect with your readers or at least to engage me.
Um... Okay... SOMEBODY is feeling a little mean or something... You know, remember "Keep in mind that I'm an artist. And I am sensitive about my shit" No? Okay... I am witcha sis! I just had to poke fun at ya mean ass!


10. Post Sagas…sometimes I’ll read a really long post and I’m engrossed because it’s just that funny or bizarre, etc. MOST OF THE TIME I AINT ABLE!!! Get to the point! Editing is your friend! So what THIS post is a long one!
LMAO @ "Editing is your friend!" I have grown accustomed to the really long post thanks to Ladylee and Freaky Deaky! You know I bet they can kill a cell phone battery! What? I only pick with those I really like!


11. I don’t like you and/or I can’t relate to you…it’s nothing personal (most of the time).
I need add nothing to this...

12. I don’t do motivational…OK…that’s not entirely true. I stole that line from Rashan - LOL. I lump all the excessively motivational, spiritual and infomercial-style posts in the same pile…and I avoid that pile!
Um... Yep! Except for Miss Kitty. She understands reciprocity (#6, huh?) and you always gotta have at least ONE friend around to keep you from being dragged through the gates of hell without notice. God knows the rest of you ain't able! And she ain't excessively either...


13. Creepy poetry…I don’t dislike poetry as a whole, but all that constant crap about unrequited love and nonsensical crapola that could mean THIS but might mean THAT, but since you’re trying to be so clever and poetic, you’re never really clear about what it is you mean…well all that confusing mumbo jumbo is annoying. Pass
Um... yyyeeeaaaahhhh... I tend to avoid poetry as much as possible. I am good thanks! Prose is my tool and I shalt use it! I may not know art, but I know what I like! Alright, I won't be elitist. SOME poetry is okay.


Now with all that said…there are certain bloggers that I would follow regardless…these are the people I harass to post…the ones who I email harass…text harass…or harass on any level really. Harassing is how I show you my love! lol
Yeah I know. And you been doing it to me from the start. BUT you don't have to harass me today! Cause YOUR post is up!

Happy Birthday Haremite Opinionated Diva!!!!!
Edit: And congrats to you and your family on the arrival of your spanking brand new nephew, only a day late...

Post 300!!!!!

I have decided to officially introduce you all to the crazed cast of characters that make up A Dyssturbed Mined. It is said that we are all many people. Well here are a bunch of the ones that you all meet every day.

The Second Sixty-Eight

"Just one quote? Shoot I got far too much material to do just one!"

Characteristics:

• Good Natured
• High Spirited
• Megalomaniac
• Cocky (somewhat)
  
• Silly
• Outrageous
  

Profile: King contributor to A Dyssturbed Mined. Most likely to post for a reaction. Most likely to say something to create a reaction. Most likely to succeed! Most likely to...

Brainz Mc Smarty

"What's wrong? I can probably help with that!"

Characteristics:

• Genius
• Hopeful
• Selfless
  
• Big picture thinker
• Problem solver
• Tech support
• Computer geek
  

Profile: The brains of the outfit. Most likely to play with the layout, features or read the manual. Doesn't post much but makes every thing look real good!

Mr. Suave Hoeman

"How are ya panties?"

Characteristics:

• Charming
• Romantic
• Hyper sexualized
• Horny
  
• Somewhat vain
  

Profile: Most often the fella posting or commenting at The Pussy Chats. Or dealing with Haremites in general. Also the one most likely to get us in trouble with The Wife.

That Biker Dude

"A Box? How the hell you gonna try and put me in a box? There are only two kinds of boxes I like! Ones that contain gifts to me and ones I leave gifts in!"

Characteristics

• Freedom loving
• Rebellious
• Sarcastic
• Somewhat scornful (check the almost hidden sneer)
• Smart ass

Profile: The one most likely to talk shit to ya if shit talking is what you are into! And the one most likely to fuck with you if you aren't! Just because...

The Dark One

"You see what I am looking at. I see what I am looking at. Don't pretend you don't know what is on my mind already if you are tempted to ask!"

Characteristics

• Goal oriented
• Unapologetic
• Impatient
• Cynical
• Elitist
• A touch arrogant
  
• Doesn't suffer fools well

Profile: Known to rear his head when pissed off is the mood. But then again, you started it!

Usama Bin Louie

"Pull up ya damn pants ya nasty little gay fucker!!!!"

Characteristics:

• Mean
• Conservative
• Judgmental
  
• Mean
• Evil
• Anti-social
• Military freak
• Gun junkie
• The Protector
  
• Just don't give a fuck!!!!!

Profile: This is the guy who pops out when The Dark One is too nice a guy for the situation. Will bust a cap off in that ass. May even care if there is collateral damage. Most likely to hatch a terrorist plot against clueless Hip Hop generationers who think that WEARING clothes is not too stylish. Will hit a woman (if she threw the first blow...). Doesn't start things, but more than willing to bring the finishing move! Has only been seen when life or limb have been at stake or The Wife needs a firm presence to snap her back to reality.

He is so mean in fact that he wouldn't even let me post a picture! Tha Bastid!

Um... Usama here. That Sixty-Eight is a damn liar! I gave his punk ass a damn picture! I was even smiling real purty in it too! That fucka just didn't wanna admit that the scanner is fucked up and that Mr. Smarty Pants ass Brainz ain't figured out what the problem is yet! I may have to bitch slap Brainz until the scanner is working. Then I will post you my purty picture mydamnself!
And I don't know why Brainz didn't use a black background to match the blog on the placeholder. I wonder about him sometimes...
Usama OUT!

Uh yeah. Nice seeing ya Mr. Louie!
Fa real though. If y'all happen to meet him, and he is smiling... Y'all betta run! Cause I guarantee you the rest of us already did!!!

The Blog Harem: Redux

As promised, I said I would readdress the Blog Harem. There were others who deserved a little more time. Well that time has been spent! So I am adding those truly worthy to the club! Yep! Just like the Stanley Cup! The Blog Harem grows and adds fame. Just engrave another ring, sit it on the bottom behold the new bigger trophy!

The Second Ring Sexies:
Minerva Exertion - It seems she likes to mess with me. Especially tempting fate and the Skrait Razor. But more important, I like when she says Bullshuckey! Here's to ya! A bag of Purple M&M's!

CapCity - Any chick who loves pussy this much (her own) is definitely part of the In Crowd with me! And she gets real excited when she meets other bloggers. That HAS to be good right?

The Addict - You gotta throw one in there who knows something about sports. And collecting her checks from the cable sports leader puts her firmly in that special seat. And somebody else gotta be able to talk sports with The Wife... Now I just gotta figure who she been seeing that keeps her from blogging...

BorednTalkative - Ahh an accent good enough to fantasize over. But more important, anybody who can come by and blog jack me endears herself to me to no end...

Thoughts of a Southern Gal - Or should I say Thoughts of a Country Gal. Because I don't care how many people move to Little Rock, it will still be country! And she also is the special guest ringer. Her Arkansas heritage might appeal to The Wife's second generation Arkansas heritage. Hence helping to ease everybody else in without too much trouble!

Still Pocahontaz - Most likely to provide a Hot Ghetto Mess moment while maintaining her boughieness. (What? I mean that in a good way!) This star never struggles to shine! Even with them ghetto ass neighbors...

Tom_Gurl - She talks funny and I like it. I guess because she got True Brit!
(Not funny? Hell YOU aint' funny all the time either!!!)
Of course she is my teacher too. I am learning a new language. I think it is called JamEnglish...

Dreamy - She is all bubbly and cute. Okay she is gonna be a cop and I need an insider because of my slughurler obsession. But that cute thing is good too!

And a Special Old School Tribute goes to:
Ruthie Ann - She a hot mess! You met her yet? Of course this in no way means I am applying for the recently vacated Sugar Son position...

And I feel the need to add a disclaimer here. If for some reason I don't show up here for a few days after this. The Wife may have killed me. Not my fault for liking the ladies. But she might do it anyway. So if I go MIA then you know to get looking! I mean, you all wouldn't want to end up in a lesser harem would ya?

The Blog Homies

These are the dudes who I likely will always be down for:

• A good beer swillin' time!
• A night of Wenchin' N' Whorin' (theoretically)
• Rantin' N' Ravin' in general
• Just hanging out in the venues appropriate to each...

Tha Real World:
Profit J - Yin to my Yang. Frick to my Frack. Hanging buddy supreme. The best friend I could imagine and one of my most fave cousins. You saw him in a pic to the right a few days ago...

MotorHo - My brotha from anotha motha like the dude above. The one who shares my two wheeled addictions and my tightest from damn near the start.

Old Sarge - Separated early in life, we caught back up in no time. Right until Uncle Sam claimed him for world travel. We shall get caught up again. Just with less hair. Also seen in that same pic.

Tha Blog World:
Freaky Deaky - My Detroit blogging counterpart. Accomplice to the madness. The only guy who can do a Fuck It rant that impresses me to no end. Especially since they are better than mine! A dude who would probably appreciate the list of things above, if he can get over that somewhat antisocial streak...

The Brown Blogger - This dude at times is so much like me I think I wrote the post instead of him. Never afraid to hold our feet to the fire to get us going. He leaves things better for having questioned them. His evolution and self honesty makes me hopeful and proud.

Terry (up in The Cheap Seats) - A noble thinking warrior wrapped up in a scotch drinking, stogie puffing package. A dude with a thoughtful but honest perspective on things that at times leaves me speechless. Now if them rss feeds can get fixed...

To all of the above dudes I salute you with a good tankard, a fat stogie and a comely wench! Whether they be real, imagined or potential. Here's to all of you!

Happy Anniversary Sweets!

There y'all go. The happy couple ending the first dozen years and starting number 13! I call this:
The Stare and The Glare!

12 Years Ago Today

My favorite song and my favorite picture...



Heard just before this "I now present to you Mr. and Mrs..."

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

Sorry y'all. That is the only picture you are gonna get. The other one got most definitely vetoed...

GOOOOO WIIIINNNNGGGGSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

Lord Stanley is again a resident of his favorite city in the United States. The best hockey team in U.S. history are again the kings of the sport. I am so thrilled!!! I might even get to touch it again!!! My second favorite team just erased 99.5% of the disappointment I feel for my favorite team. Four championships in 11 years ain't nothing to sneeze at.

Lemme see. That makes the tally for championships in my lifetime by local teams (city and state):

• Hockey: 14 - Red Wings 4 (NHL), Vipers 1 (IHL), Wolverines 2 (NCAA), Spartans 2 (NCAA), Huskies 1 (Michigan Tech, NCAA), Lakers 3 (Lake Superior State, NCAA), Wildcats 1 (Northern Michigan, NCAA)
• Basketball: 8 - Pistons 3 (NBA), Shock 2 (WNBA), Spartans 2 (NCAA), Wolverines 1 (NCAA)
• Baseball: 3 - Tigers 2 (MLB), Wolverines 1 (NCAA, Softball)
• Football: 11 - Panthers 1 (USFL), Danger (Demolition) 1 (NWFA), Demolition 3 (NWFA) 1 (IWFL), Wolverines 1 (NCAA), Drive 4 (AFL)
• Fencing: 11 - Tartars Women 3 (Wayne State, NCAA), Tartars Men 7 (Wayne State, NCAA), Titans 1 (NCAA)

I think there have been several others winning in other leagues and sports that have come and gone... And I especially mention the fencing because of my school! You can get ya ass expertly skewered fucking around on my campus... Oh yeah and the Tartars have since been renamed the Warriors because nobody knew what the heck the Tartars were...

For a teeny little post it sure took a long time. Too much research... Signing off...

The Blog Harem

I mentioned before the idea of me having a blog harem. And what real guy wouldn't want a bevy of smart, charming and wonderful beauties around him? Can't speak for anybody else but I know I do! Hell if Flavor Flav's tragic ass can do it why not me? Then again, I have seen what been in his house. I gotta step the game up a bit. Can't have no trash up in the harem you know!

Those who made this list have either spent much time with me and I can't leave alone, have shown me much luv, or have made my Best of the Best posts (and still blog on occasion).

So here is the list of my best girls:

The Most Special One...
She Who Shall Not Be Named - Because for some reason she don't want one! But she has many other names. Lurkus Maxima. MissWhoopABitch. Xena, The Warrior Wife. But most of you know of her by The Wife. Even though she don't blog and don't comment (here) she still makes the list...

My Everyday Hotties...
Opinionated Diva - I just luh her to pieces!!!! I mean she is just so Diva! I couldn't leave her off anyway because she is like the blog wife anyway. You know, nagging, side eyeing, coming by all the time, having my back and such...

I Am J - No nonsense, especially when dealing with teenageness. That gun thing I find alluring too. Nothing like ya girl being able to protect ya back! Besides having a spare clip around in a pinch is cool too...

Queen Of My Castle - Did you see that T-shirt? Do you hear the things she says to me? See look: "...I want my mounds in your hands, your mouth on my peaks..." Where is my fan? I'm just sayin'...

Ms. Behaving - Just too much. Such a sense of humor. And keeps me on my toes. And my Skrait Razor on sharp. And I can call her granny...

Ladylee - Did I happen to mention how attractive a brainy chick with an idea of what a kitchen is for and handy with her hands is? Heck vacuuming in pearls may make her an even better package! Now if I can just get past her looking like a cartoon character all the time...


Those whose real lives are intruding on their blog lives...
Nikki Indigo - Her name should be MakeYouHorny. I think I am having a moment right now... Don't act like you ain't been by there! Somehow she can take a dude's virginity just from blogging!

Deepnthought - Heart of gold, bat of oak and a butt just big enough to get stuck in a window. Even if she does insist that it was because of the clothes stuffed down her sweats.

There are some others I have my eye on but we ain't had that "date" time yet. So I of course will revisit after I have had an adequate amount of time with each of them. Although there is one or two who would have made this cut but I ain't been feeling the luv. So I am going visiting. See y'all in the comment sections!