My Folks!

Warning:: This is a long ass post!

We arrived in Atlanta a day early for some plans that didn’t happen. So to relieve the boredom we decided to explore a bit. The first instance was the night we arrived in town. The Wife and I brought three teenagers along for the ride. The kids and their cousin. We got to town late in the morning. We checked in, ordered pizza, ate around noon and crashed. I was the first awake at about 5:00 in the evening. We sat around, watched TV and asked them what they wanted to do. Being teenagers, they of course had no opinion. Several recommendations later, nothing. Later on we encouraged one of the girls to go and explore. The other one of course went with her. The boy on the other hand was experiencing heaven (cable tv) and was not about to unvelcro his butt from the bed. Until I spelled it out for him. "BOY! YOUR SISTER AND FEMALE COUSIN ARE LEAVING THE HOTEL WITHOUT YOU! GET YA DAMN SHOES ON AND TAG ALONG!!!!" Of course my next statement to him would have involved what was going to happen in that room in the next 10 minutes whether he was there or not. Fortunately he ain’t THAT dense!

After a spirited christening of another city we decided to take a stroll ourselves. We took a walk around the 2 blocks that contained the MARTA station. Bending the second corner we found the first Atlanta Starbucks. And more shocking to The Wife, we encountered her first bug. We both happened to look down and saw a big ass bug walking across the sidewalk. She let out a little yelp and asked what the hell that was. I sweetly and diplomatically told her "That is what they call a Palmetto Bug down these parts" I wasn’t gonna tell her that was a cockroach until we were far enough away. I wasn’t carrying her ass back to the hotel! Next intersection we see a couple of clubs, and another Starbucks. Bend the corner to head back toward the hotel. I bet you can guess what was on the next corner! I started to wonder how they stayed in business until I noticed the number of expensive German and Japanese sedans roaming the area. By the time I got back to the hotel, I noticed that somehow I managed to walk uphill almost the whole way…

The next day we got the same "I don’t know" answer when I asked them where they wanted to go. So I decided to show them where I went to school there, a million years ago. This had to be the event of the trip. I had been telling my wife I went to school in the middle of the projects and it was right outside of downtown. Those were only slight exaggerations. After the told me to go anywhere I accessed my old memories and headed for West End. New and vigorous downtown gave way to old and scary. They missed the really good part of the adventure because I missed my turns. When I finally emerged it was at West End Mall. I can’t even describe their reactions. Needless to say I was laughing at them for the next hour or so. Pointed out the colleges of the AUC one by one. As I drove by pointing out all of the changes since I had been down there. Then through the hood. They surprised me by wanting to stop at a store. So I did.

It was almost surreal. Hoodies came out of the woodwork. One dude started wiping of the hubcaps to the car, "out of the goodness of his heart". Another walked up asking for 15 cents! Got out of the car with little cuz, because she wanted to stop. I walked in and saw plexiglass as far as the eye would want to see! And old wood paneling! And that is it! I then heard "I’m straight" and I turned around to see her narrow ass getting back in the car. She just left me standing there y’all! We beat a hasty retreat out of there after that! It would have been hastier but I didn’t wanna run over hubcap man who was still working on the wheels! We laughed about that for the rest of the day. I wonder if any of them will leave it up to me to decide again?

The Varsity

Warning:: This is a long ass post!

This little story starts near the end of the meet and greet. My family is known to gather together and hang. And I do mean hang. This particular night was the first full night of the event. And the rooms in which the dinner was held were closed around nine or ten. So a group of us "tweeners" decided to keep the party going. Since the meet and greet only had finger food, folk mentioned the need to deal with their hunger. So the idea that we should go as a group came up. And some wanted to explore for food on foot. I felt this was trouble but kept quiet. I don’t get to hang with them that often so a little (bucket of) sweat was a small price to pay to hang with my favorite cousins. The idea that won was a little stroll to The Varsity. The Varsity is a famous Atlanta drive-in restaurant which serves hot dogs and hamburgers and such. The first problem was that the Atlanta resident in the group lived on the other side of the city. The second problem was that those wanting to walk had just arrived within the prior six hours and hence didn’t know the lay of the land. The third problem involved someone mentioning that it was only three blocks away. I knew better since the wife and I had gotten a day early and had to hunt for food the night before. So we didn’t pay attention to how far it actually was since we turned a few times and were distracted by the driving of the residents. But we knew it was more that three blocks. We just hadn’t realized how far…

In truth the three block walk would turn into a 17 block odyssey. So Me and The Wife, The Prophet, Big P, The Chocit and Banilla Revolutionaries, The Ol’ War Vet, Six, The Fire Man, DJ Beav, and The Ghost Writer headed on out. Now to call the terrain in Atlanta rolling is being charitable. I would have sworn that I needed mountain climbing gear along with my towel. By four blocks we ran across the Checkers which was the nearest food to the hotel. And at that time NO one noticed that we couldn’t see The Varsity even though we were at the top of a hill. I felt like I was dying but it was down hill for quite a ways. Someone asked how much farther by then. Some security guard told us three or four more blocks. Of course we found a grocery store that far down. So a couple of folk decided to hit the ATM while the rest of us stood guard. Shortly after that we ran across a panhandler who wanted a quarter. When he got not joy he said this: "I can’t get a quarter from all of y’all?" Now you would think he would stop right then? Noooo… "A whole bunch of y’all and I can’t even get 25 cents?" Irritating but still ignorable. Then "Just one quarter, and I can’t get it from all of y’all?" At this point I noticed a several folk cut their eyeballs back in his direction. I started counting the number of fists in the party. I wondered aloud if there were enough so that nobody had to use the same hand twice when we counted to 25 on his head. Eventually he got the point.

A few more blocks found us passing a Cheetah’s. At this time Big P attempted to persuade us to stop there instead. To which The Banilla Revolutionary replied "We doing all this walking to get something to eat! And what we gonna eat, you won’t find up in there! Besides I am strictly dickly!" I wasn’t about to argue with her… And then the conversation degenerated into a debate on prosthetic body parts and hair. More to the point if the bubble butted lady in front of Cheetah’s had ass implants.

The next block found us walking toward three wanna-be-gangstas. Gold chains, hip-hop gear, the whole nine. Now the beggar incident was still fresh and they wanted to act like they didn’t see ALL 11 OF US! Again I started counting fists and started doing division… After they passed us they turned the hell around! And they started walking in our direction! I think at that point some of the others were counting fists too! I was just hoping they were lost. For their sakes… They found their way before they caught back up.

The next two blocks found us near where we were going. The Wife had peeped this dude who rode past us twice. He then parked his car like two blocks uphill and got out. He then proceeded to switch his ass downhill for three blocks to a club. There were two open doors in his general direction. Me and The Wife took bets on which was the club he was headed to. She won the bet when the shim who was waiting on him sashayed outta the one she picked. Although the place smelled like an old basement when we went by.

FINALLY! The Varsity! I have to say that I was underwhelmed. There was a grip of folk behind the counter so it had to be a pretty hot spot. Especially on the weekend right? Crowded? Yes. Good? No. Everything seemed puny. Maybe that is why we are so fat in Michigan, too large portions… But the Chicken Finger combo (Onion rings, coke) was almost seven bucks! But it looked more like a chicken toe combo! And the hot dog that we thought was a chili dog actually had hamburger meat on it. And it was far too small for $1.70.

We left there and started to decide if we were gonna walk or ride back to the hotel. The riders won that vote! But the ones who wanted a drink won first! So we crossed the street and shared a couple of big ass beers and saw some fashion mistakes that kept us entertained. Ran into a waitress from Detroit who had managed the club where Six tended bar back in the day. Saw a street dude who was also from Detroit. You know those dudes who are really smart but look messed up as hell? Then we saw a dude who looked like he escaped from an Ivy League pub or something. You know the kind who have the sweater hanging over their backs with the sleeves tied around the neck? Did I mention that it was about 90 degrees at the time? And he didn’t match? And there was one chick who was wearing this crocheted dress that wasn’t the right size? Looked like someone had knitted a cozy for a pickle barrel. And we saw that same damn outfit at the African Art Festival the next day!

After the beer we stalked this cab driver who pulled up to the gas station across the street. We piled in and I nearly choked when he put the $12 on the meter before we even started. I guess we had six or so folk over the minimum. Then we all felt stupid as hell when he turned the corner toward the hotel because there was a damn friggin MARTA station sitting right on the corner! We could have saved all of that walking, the cab ride AND got the obligatory MARTA Train rides in at the same time! Drinking and walking don’t mix.

Porch Monkeying And Such...

Warning:: This is a long ass post!

This little story starts near the end of the reunion dinner. My family is known to gather together and hang. And I do mean hang. This particular night was the last full night of the event. And the rooms in which the dinner was held were closed around nine or ten. So a group of us "tweeners" decided to keep the party going. One cousin, The Prophet, had a bottle of wine he had been saving for a special occasion. Another cousin, Big P, had this gigantic bottle of Parrot Bay. So we all decided to transfer to the hotel courtyard for a little drinking and a lot of story telling. So we gathered the crew, the Chocit and Banilla revolutionaries, The Ol’ War Vet, Babyface, Twin Lady and Six. Yeah, yeah, I know we sound like the Justice League or something, but the names had to be changed to protect…something…

Anyhow, it was a little rainy outdoors at the time. And there was a porch that led to the courtyard. So there we went. The nine of us, respectfully, congregated at the far side of the entrance and had us some more drinks. And some stories. A lot of stories. A bag of Crown Royal and a bag of ice came out with Cousin Slim. A couple of aunts and uncles joined. And I had another drink.

By this time the talk of the Detroit-Atlanta People Mover kicked into high gear. So we decided to stroll across the street and jump on the MARTA around midnight. I have to say that it is interesting to see a bunch of half drunken 30 and 40 somethings on the move all wearing the same t-shirt. Then there was a great debate as to how to use the fare dispensers. The proper buttons were pushed and the associated monies paid. Off to the trains!

The cousin in Atlanta mentioned that the trains stopped running around 1:00. So we didn’t have a lot of time. We waited for about five minutes for the train. We hopped on and rode the five stations to Five Points Station. There we jumped off for the ride back. While in the station I noticed that we had quite a bit of time left and asked if they wanted to explore the station or take another train in a different direction. Then somebody noticed that the escalator was broken. So I went to find another one. Nobody followed. So I went back to the group and got on the next train back to where we came from. This train car however smelled like it had just pulled out from the Atlanta Zoo. So thankfully it was a short ride back to where we started.

Out of the station and into the bar across the street. That was an interesting place since it was the first bar that didn’t really have a set closing time. I have to say that was the cheapest bar run I have ever made. We all drank a shot with this guy who was fancying the t-shirts. All those shots he bought and still didn’t get the shirt… Was tasty though. Wish I could remember what it was called. But the $1 Rolling Rock made my day! Although we didn’t get him a shirt we did try to explain family relations and what they mean. I have to admit it is some hard to lock on subject matter when you have been drinking and you don’t have visual aids. I wonder if he remembers any of those explanations…

Out of the bar area and into their smoking area to join the smokers in the crowd. I guess we were having too much fun because one dude just came right up and joined us. I suppose the folk of less color were less colorful personalitywise also. Now I don’t know how they do where you come from, but where I come from party crashers are likely to get that ass spanked. And not in a fun way… But we were feeling rather peaceful so we let him entertain us. And he did. By trying to hit on Big P on the sly. Didn’t go over well but it wasn’t like we didn’t suspect such a thing to happen in Atlanta! After that we all crashed out and prepared for the long treks back across the You-Ess-Of-Ay!