tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-343822162024-03-13T20:02:24.348-04:00A Dyssturbed MinedThis is a collection of random rants. I got sh*t on my mind and it needs flushing on occasion. So I am lighting the candle and unfolding my newspaper. Don't bother knocking, I'll be out when I am done...The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.comBlogger427125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-34307071870517842812018-04-24T12:22:00.001-04:002018-04-24T12:22:25.689-04:0052 at Fifty: Week 7Well this week started off busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. Felt like the bad old days when the weekend schedule was overloaded on the regular. This weekend (if the weekend started on Wednesday) was one of those. 12 cakes, five dozen cupcakes, two dozen cookies and a wedding tasting (another 4 dozen cupcakes) and I still think I am forgetting something. No wonder I am feeling a little shell shocked. Starting to develop jet lag from all the different sleep times I have during the week. Nevertheless, missions accomplished. Although the wedding tasting was starting to be a challenge. See we usually have a little lead time to prepare. Get the work area moved out and the living room set up for guests and display. This time because there were multiple cakes on the table and sleep was in short supply by then, the timetable was severely shortened. Like 15 minutes short. Needless to say there was much that got moved, removed, hidden away or otherwise made "invisible".<br />
<br />
The wedding tasting went well. One of the attendees was my work buddy. Another was also a previous customer. Since they both were in the wedding party, they steered the Bride-to-be our way. The big irony is that neither of the ladies who ordered from us previously had the opportunity to taste the cakes they bought. So I pointed out to them that they finally had an opportunity to sample not only what they ordered, but some other tasty combinations. A fantastic time was had by all because they were completely out of order. Especially during the show an tell portion of the presentation where Meduim Willy and Little Willy showed up on the screen. I, for a second, thought a male dancer walked into the room. I told my work buddy that her crew was completely out of order, and that she could bring them by any time. They totally made up for the previous wedding tasting. That Groomzilla stole ALL the joy from the room. And didn't like anything. He decided to take over the cake selection himself. Huzzah!!! Just goes to show, not everyone likes what you do but there are others who will love it. No use in mourning the loss of one you can't please, when there are others who are more than pleased with what you are doing for them. They likely would have hung around a bit longer for more fun. They traveled nearly a hundred miles to get to us. Then someone mentioned shoe shopping. Hey, if you travel that far, you might as well get it all in if you can. So they took their act on the road! To the shoe store!<br />
<br />
Then there was another odd tasting the next day. So my wife is looking at the dog's eye. He seemed to have a bubble or some sort on his eye. So I had to sucker him to sit still for inspection by rubbing him on his big head. Small bubble confirmed, 24 hour observation period started. Now I am allergic to pet dander. Not anything really serious mind you. But I have to take care not to touch the dog and touch my face without a good hand washing happening in between. So off to the sink I go. Now this particular canine is very spoiled and thinks that when ANBODY eats, he is supposed to also. Not saying that is unusual. But this one gets fed by my wife ALL the time. Somehow that has translated to this strange "OH MY GOD THAT IS LIFE ITSELF!!!" reaction that he has with my right hand. So I hear "You gotta be kidding me! Honey come look at this!!" So I stutter jogged to the living room to see. I was met there by a dog. One who was incredibly fascinated with, you guessed it, the contents of my right hand. To the point he was retarding my forward progress from being in the way. I exasperatedly exclaim "Seriously?!?!? It is a bar of SOAP!!!" Before the echo of the P even thought of fading away, my hand was empty.<br />
<br />
Yes you guessed it, slow motion moment...<br />
This fool had knocked a half bar of Ivory out of my hand. It bounced once. My wife yelled "NO! NO KING!" His big ass head dipped to the ground. Not to sniff. Because his big greedy ass mouth was open. I realized he was far closer to that soap and I would not even dream of winning that race. However, I WAS in between that soap and his stomach. So I went for the throat! Kinda of a weird thing to choke the shit out of your dog (you know you have wanted to do the same on occasion) to save his life. Logic dictates that lack of air and an impeded ability to swallow would make one pause when attempting to gobble down a snack. This fool however knows no logic and would not be deterred! This sumbitch was chewing his ass off. I was choking the shit out of him and my wife was smacking him on the nose. No effect. I let go because me doubling down at that point would only cause damage. So he won. That must have been the best tasting bar of soap EVER. Fortunately a quick internet search revealed that there was nothing toxic or really harmful in a bar of soap. But there are consequences. First he had a rough afternoon while digesting half a bar of Ivory soap. Second, he will have to be reeducated on the perils of food stalking me, especially when I have something in my hand. Third, he may never get a snack from me again (angry talk, we will be doing Dorito's catch next week). Fourth, and probably the most harsh, he has been rechristened Sir Bubbly Butt!!! and Bubblebutt. And if he starts farting bubbles, guaranteed you will see him competing for thousands of dollars in that video!<br />
As I sit here typing this, I am smelling the backup hotel soap on my hands right now. Not happy about that...<br />
<short pause=""></short><br />
Back! Had to open a NEW bar of Ivory and then go taunt him with it before going to wash my hands once more.<br />
<br />
Also I finally added some pictures to the Facebook page. My customers from March of 2017 are happy now. They can see their pictures now. I guess I don't have to wonder why we are over a year behind on picture posting. There was no time. And I posted the last updates from February 2017 back in November. I gotta do better. And that webpage... That is a whole different project. Maybe I will work on that after I get the Facebook page caught up to this year. Which will be after the business card redesign for the now empty boxes...The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-4700849804124864742018-04-15T12:01:00.000-04:002018-04-15T12:01:48.111-04:0052 at Fifty: Week 6So this week is starting off to be a snoozer. Work, eat, sleep, work, sleep. So much for Saturday. Maybe the weather had something to do with my rundown feeling all day. Maybe it didn't. I just didn't have that get up and go. Didn't have the desire to do. And felt like I had been moving furniture the day before. <br />
<br />
I guess that is a symptom of being stuck between two worlds. On the one hand, punch the clock for the man and deal with escalating and unnecessary demands. On the other, trying to spin up to go at it as the officer of a company with my name on it. I mentioned three different schedules in my last post. These are really throwing me off. They contribute to the tiredness I feel more often than not. They contribute to the additions to the do-list more than the subtractions. Stuff like all those cake photos taken but not posted. The cleaning needed to make room for my bike and mag trainer setup. The business card redesign. I guess since I AM sitting here, I can get some progress happening on two of those projects... <br />
<br />
Especially since there is no good reason for me to drive out into THIS DAMN ICE STORM!!! Come on already Ma Nature!!! It is the middle of April!!! The fun of playing "Sometimes It Snows In April" had worn off over a week ago with the two days of white precipitation. But nearly 70 degrees on Thursday and ICE today? Well, get it out of your system! I don't want any sad weather when cruise time comes around!<br />
<br />
Lemme be more productive. See y'all later!<br />
<br />The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-19789590138667015362018-04-13T12:00:00.000-04:002018-04-15T10:25:10.234-04:0052 at Fifty: Week 5<style type="text/css">p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120%; }</style>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">So
I met my newest Great-nephew today. I swear it was like holding my
father on my lap. Actually he is a combination of my father and his
big sister. But mostly Dad is the experience you get when looking at
him. And strangely enough it was a happy and sad experience at the
same time. Nothing is wrong with nephew. Let's get that out of the
way. But I was happy because there is a new one. A whole new little
person to spoil and interact with. <br />
And it means I kinda get to
see what my dad, and to an extent me, looks like growing up. The
sadness came when I was drawing parallels between the two. The same
haircut, the same facial expressions, the same gestures. I guess it
was the gestures that got me. Him doing baby things at baby speeds.
Dad now also does some of those same gestures at baby speed. That
last realization was a little bittersweet.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Nothing
like dealing with aging and your parent's mortality to zoom your mind
in on the problems you yourself are experiencing and that you really
don't have that long before that is your own experience. In fact, I
had spent a couple of hours with him a few days prior. He was about
to climb the walls. He has been in rehab lately. I haven't really
been available to him because of schedule changes and transportation
issues. I feel bad because he really could use the company. But
adulting happens to those of us who chose to grow up. The biggest
problem is that the person who runs the switchboard leaves at 8 p.m. My own process usually runs into the nine or ten o'clock hours on the regular. So I am not usually settled down enough to talk. This tends to cause conflict with my conflicts. I am going to make an effort to be available a little earlier in the day. The schedule is somewhat hectic now that I am running on three different schedules during the week. But time is one thing that is not on my side here.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I need to do better. For the past and the future. </span>
</div>
The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-38372846247754619892018-04-06T09:18:00.002-04:002018-04-06T09:18:26.163-04:0052 at Fifty: Week 4I have been finding myself not really liking the position I am in at 50. Lately, especially in the last week, I have been thinking about how and why that is. I was supposed to chronicle all that over this last week. That is one of my problems. I was supposed to get busy on getting busy on this project among others. So instead of posting on Saturday and updating through the week, I am posting on Friday. Technically still in the correct week. But it is sliding a bit. I gotta stop that. First you get two posts on Saturday, one of them for the previous week. Next you get one a week late with a promise to get the current week done before the week is up. Then you get a week or two late with no promise. Then once a month, for one month. Then...crickets.<br />
<br />
Circling back to what I STARTED to say...<br />
<br />
I ran across this video of Will Smith earlier in the week. It spoke to me because of the things that have been on my mind. He was basically saying that there should be nothing stopping you from achieving your dreams. And that the biggest hurdle to the achievement of those goals is your own mindset. I have heard the old "Change your mind, change your circumstances" thing. I guess the way he said it dug deep. I started thinking of those dreams. Looking at my circumstances. I see what he means.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
<style type="text/css">p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120%; }</style>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">The
biggest issue is that I am a human stop sign at times. I am
very much experience the adventure. Yet at the same time I am
VERY much risk adverse. I'm sure you can see the problem here.
When it isn't very risky I'm all for the adventure! Try it out, see
what happens. Enjoy the experience, learn a thing or two. But if
there is something to lose, the cost/benefit calculator comes out
with the quickness. I'm just as likely to come up with reasons why
not as I am for reasons why.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I
had more but that leeched out of my head with the start of work time.
</span>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">But
the short version is that I need to get out of my own way. </span>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">More
on that later...</span></div>
The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-63477939914056751162018-03-28T13:29:00.004-04:002018-03-28T13:29:54.563-04:0052 at Fifty: Week 3Yeah. I know I said Saturday was my posting schedule. But here we are again on a Wednesday. Oops...<br />
<br />
So I got the old girl back on the road again. The transmission is still slipping a little. There are a couple of things that can be tried for that. Not a deal breaker. The new battery has her starting up like a champ! I am not concerned about being stranded due to power issues now. Now... for the other stuff... Well, different story. The tires were replaced in the last 18 months. They don't match but they are all meaty and full of air. I will make sure to install a set of matching NEW treads after I get the mechanicals straight and before I start working on the visuals in earnest. Up next is suspension. My suspension components are OEM. Not bragging because the car was manufactured in 1994. So you can probably imagine what the ride is like if you have ever had a jalopy of your own. BUT the bobblehead ride HAS TO GO! As you probably know, cars work better when the tires stay in contact with the ground. I am not confident that is happening with at least 1 (okay all) of the wheels at this point. <br />
<br />
Once the slipping and bouncy suspension are fixed, I can be confident it will travel the distances I need it to go.<br />
<br />
Still not happy that I need to go through all these changes to travel 75 miles to do the exact same thing I can accomplish from my bed. But at least now I don't need to bum a ride to get groceries and such. Oh yeah, I guess I left out the part where the tag was expired. And the other vehicle needing repairs had it blocked in. But now free! Free I say!!!<br />
<br />
Speaking of irritations with things that we need to do to eat. So I found myself thinking STRONGLY of investing in the future of OURS instead of the future of THEIRS. I kinda have a love/hate relationship with OURS partly because of THEIRS. But on Monday it was strongly in my mind that OURS was the correct path. Seems I was being slightly prophetic since THEY have decided to change out performance goals in such a way that pretty much eliminates the idea of paid vacation. So now we basically have to make up the hours we take for our time off. This also happened later on Monday. Really? So now I pretty much have to work a full 52 weeks PLUS enough weeks to cover my vacation time? I am so done.<br />
<br />
More later!The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-59486790852864170682018-03-22T10:06:00.000-04:002018-03-22T10:06:35.273-04:0052 at Fifty: Week 2So I started this week off NOT drinking all I intended on drinking for St. Paddy's day. Which was also supposed to be my spill over Saturday for missed drinking for last week. Oh well. More for later I guess.<br />
<br />
Sunday was a nice day. I decided to overcome laziness and Winter and blah and "I'll wait until the temperature is stable" and fuck it. I did manage to do just that. Which is saying something because that is a pretty strong cast of characters. Especially fuck it... In spite of them I logged the first official mile of 2018. That's right y'all. Cycling season has started!<br />
<br />
And in another first, I got chased by a dog! What the hell? What is this saying about my 2018 season when there is a dog in the first mile? Hell it wasn't even the first mile! I hadn't even made it off the block! Not that it was a major dog incident. It was some Chihuahua mix. Needless to say, I wasn't feeling much in the way of mortal peril. The thing barely made it up to the foot on the down stroke. So if I kept the foot on the upstroke side she was just practicing. So I had a little fun with it. I said "You're not gonna catch me. You're not gonna catch me. You're not gonna catch me!". And I accelerated slightly to keep it's little legs working hard. I think the cat that had been cornered and was being terrorized was happy I breezed by, because I seemed to be more tempting than the cat.<br />
<br />
Just as I was about to turn the corner and leave the little thing in the dust, I hear a voice. "Please don't run, she is only going to chase you!". My immediate thoughts were as follows:<br />
<ul>
<li>Chase, yes. Catch, no way in hell!!!</li>
<li>Lady you don't have to worry about that. Kinda hard to catch what you can't see.</li>
<li>Even at 50 AND having not been on since October, my sprint will still quickly destroy any hopes it will have of it being a good chase.</li>
<li>Not really my problem... Meep Meep!</li>
</ul>
Then I heard "It is only going to make it harder for me to catch her. Can you come this way and help me sir?" I think it was the sir that slowed me up. Because I looked back at her to see the cane she was walking on. And I remembered how much fun catching my idiot dog when he was running loose. So I checked the traffic to make sure somebody wasn't gonna run me down, and executed a u-turn. Sure enough the little terror turned with me. I rode slowly back toward the lady so she could convince the fur ball to give up the shenanigans. It almost worked too. You could see the dog was considering running back up on the porch. Even paused a little. I know I only imagined hearing it, but the dog definitely said "fuck that" to that plan. Off in another direction for more terror. I guess having people chase you is more fun to dogs than chasing cats and bicycles. After that the lady basically said "Fuck it, you will be out here until my husband gets home. He can chase you!"<br />
<br />
I was rolling inside! Hey I did my part. I got the little cuss to the porch steps. Sealing the deal was someone else's job.<br />
<br />
The rest of the ride went without incident. I remembered how wonderful it was to ride my old Cannondale. So wonderful in fact that it had me believing untruths about my conditioning. Then I remembered that strength gives out as endurance wanes. I can only feel for all these people who I will be dragging around the area over the next few months. <br />
<br />
Shifting gears... (heh, heh)<br />
I generally do not enjoy being compelled to drive 75 miles to do something I can do from my bed. Especially not multiple times a week. But such is my life. There were a couple of small benefits to having done so. One day lunch was provided. This was along with meeting the leadership on my current project. The other was an encounter that is making me smile right now... The set up: Me heading slowly towards the stairway so that I can generate some awake. I am overtaken by a lovely woman in an above the knee skirt, right at the choke point. Since I didn't want to hold her up, I deferred access. I seemed to have lucked up into access to more than just some calves. Those thighs were wonderful and flawless and thick. I had not previously realized just how long those legs were. Seemed like they went right up to heaven for more than one reason... (it was a long starway also...) I only hope I managed to maintain enough composure to not be seen noticing.The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-43820328997082665662018-03-10T00:00:00.000-05:002018-03-10T01:01:37.405-05:0052 at Fifty: Week 1<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Happy Birthday to me!!!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: large;">I am now Fif-ty</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: large;">The AARP card is coming</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: large;">And I'm drinking Remy!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">March 10:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">This taste of the Remy goes out to three very special people:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Mom, I wish you could have made it with me this far.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Dad, this is to you too. I will have to visit more because without you and mom there is no me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">My Wife, in the trenches everyday, we share the struggle. We shall share a drink too when you are awake.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">You other important people will have to wait until the next glass is filled.</span>The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-69443835896034108842018-03-08T09:08:00.001-05:002018-03-08T09:08:17.733-05:0052 at Fifty: The PrologueSo I have decided to try something new. I believe in the olden days it was called blogging. Okay, so not new. I will call it renew...<br />
<br />
What my intent here is to do a weekly log of how things are going on my 50th anniversary of being me. My format is to do a single post each week (hence the 52) on my journey at this milestone. I'm starting off in the week before my birthday. So Saturday to Saturday is the new post cycle. Everything that happens after Saturday will be posted as an update to the current post.<br />
<br />
Hopefully I can keep this party rolling and complete this task while actually keeping to a regular schedule. We will see. That is one of the things I am working on.<br />
<br />
So...<br />
<br />
Saturday, March 10, 2018. Ya boy hits The Big Five-Oh. A fact that has a little humor attached for a few reasons. One of them is that I have been calling my high school classmates old. Hell they have been turning 50 for the better part of two years now. I was mildly justified. But it was done in fun and out of love. Now some may strike back!<br />
<br />
The journey up to Saturday has been an interesting one to be sure. Ups. Downs. Triumphs. Tribulations. Ah, y'all know how it goes. So you know there is a bunch that could be said. I intend on catching folk up bit. I know it has been kinda quiet around here for the bulk of the decade. Or should I say A decade... So those updates will come during the upcoming weeks.<br />
<br />
Honestly, I didn't know what to expect this close to pulling into that station. Well, maybe I had some expectations. I just don't know what they were. Or I don't know how to express those thoughts and feelings. What I do know is that I feel that I was not expecting to be where I am now. Where am I? I am at the point where you say to yourself Oh Shit, You Haven't Done XYZ!!!!<br />
<br />
Yep. Pulling into the station at OHSHITYOUHAVENTDONEVILLE<br />
<br />
There seems to be quite a bit of X, Y and Z to go around here. I find that disturbing. And not in a Dyssturbing way either. So I am trying to wrap my mind around doing some of those things. And these will be things discussed in coming posts. A sample of said to do list goes a little something like this:<br />
<ul>
<li>Stabilize finances</li>
<li>Get a car under my butt on a consistent basis</li>
<li>Ride my bike more days of the week than last year</li>
<li>Actually put a bike on this resistance trainer that I bought for "winter cycling/conditioning"</li>
<li>Be a better leader</li>
<li>Get these health conditions under control for real</li>
<li>Stop feeling years older than I actually am</li>
<li>Learn welding </li>
<li>Learn powder coating</li>
<li>Build your own bike frame because that is why you learned the two above</li>
<li>Build a new bike this year whether I accomplish the three above or not</li>
<li>Communicate with loved ones on a more regular basis</li>
<li>Eat better</li>
<li>Consume WAY more water than I have been because I think I am drying out</li>
<li>The bike is a good start, but do more</li>
<li>Less staycation, more vacation</li>
<li>Be more fearless</li>
<li>Grow the business</li>
<li>Post them damn pictures</li>
</ul>
<div>
I could go on but I was just dropping a sample. I also am not trying to do it all at once. See ya Saturday for Week 1</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-43141750043162618862018-03-08T08:14:00.001-05:002018-03-08T08:14:12.118-05:00Damn! I Missed A Year!!!No post for 2017? At all? I done really fell off. <br />
<br />
Pouring one out for the missing post from 2017. The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-34956259607904989692016-08-15T11:35:00.001-04:002016-08-15T12:04:29.059-04:00One for this year...Hey y'all!<br />
<br />
I recently meandered in this direction. I noticed that it has been a while for me and really most of those I followed in the glory days of blogging (for me).<br />
<br />
I read the last handful of posts. There were notifications of loss and promises of more blogging (maybe). Well, I ain't here for that stuff. But I will give you a quick update for those not already up to speed.<br />
<br />
There are no major losses for me to report. The only thing I have really lost that I hold dear would be my weekends. But that can be a positive thing sometimes. Business has been pretty damn good for the "side hustle". So good that if there is a RARE off weekend, I find I have no idea how to spend the time. Probably because there is so much that I go into overload and laze out. But that rest has been needed. So my laziness in this case is a good thing.<br />
<br />
20 years have passed since my wedding day. As a gift I am taking my wife on a cruise. She is ecstatic and has been counting down the days. So ecstatic that she is willing to overlook her mistrust of airline travel. So it has been her motivation to keep pushing them goods out the door the last couple of months. And it will be my first REAL vacation in several years. I can't wait either!<br />
<br />
I have also rediscovered my one of my favorite hobbies. Last year I found my way to Slow Roll and I have been spending regular time on my bike ever since. Not to the same degree as the golden years, but I no longer have to ride alone. Group rides are the best. So good in fact that they have motivated me into being out of doors during the summer. I haven't done THAT in a while! And I noticed some differences between my chest and forehead skin the other day. I thought it was due to me cleaning out the gutters and attempted to wash it off. Somehow the soap didn't do the job. I think I am trying to look negro or something now. My wife seems to be enjoying the light chocolate haze that has settled on me so it's all good!<br />
<br />
Not only has the bug to ride bitten me hard, but I am motivated to build some new skills because of it. You see I have been digging the new bike culture in Detroit. People are even making bike clubs in large quantities. And most of the club members are riding custom cruisers around town. Some are pretty damn sweet. More important the riding posture looks way more comfortable than the "curled up like a shrimp" look that was the way to go when I rode FAST. And my hands are no longer young and have developed a touch of achyness. So the old riding style is not that comfortable for my elder more corpulent body. This brings me to the desire to have a different steed for the type of riding I do now. Thsi in turn brings about a few problems as follows"<br />
<ul>
<li>The first problem is that most of those fly rides are single speed with coaster brakes. I need my gears, and I like big boy brakes on my bike. </li>
<li>I also want something that is a little different from the norm looks wise. Not that easy to find. </li>
<li>Thirdly, most of the frames with the right ergonomics are too long. They are more stretch/limo cruisers. I am thinking more "power cruiser"</li>
<li>4th, most of those are also too narrow between the rear dropouts for me to "reconfigure" them to my intended use.</li>
<li>AND most of those designs are not quite how I want them. Some are close but none are cigar.</li>
<li>OH ANNNNDDDD... almost all of them use Hi-Ten steel. Even the fairly expensive ones (at least expensive for my cheap ass). I can't do Hi-Ten. I gave up cheap bikes YEARS ago! I can't go back.</li>
</ul>
I am guessing you can see what is coming, right?<br />
I have two paths to glory. Either find a custom builder to make it to my specifications, or learn the skills to do it myself. I am guessing you weren't just skimming to get this far. So you already know that I am cheap as hell. So you probably figured out which option I am not planning on taking.<br />
...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
I'll wait for those of you who are a little slow...<br />
<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
<br />
.. Okay done waiting.<br />
<br />
Yep, you guessed it. I have decided that side hustle number two will involve some metal work, welding and powder coating. Hopefully the investment in these skills will save me money over paying someone else. And I have like four designs I would like to see in my garage, so it may be cost effective in the end. And with the proliferation of bicycles in the area, there may be some decent cheddar in it. We will see how that goes. Or IF it goes. Main hustle and side hustle number one are some greedy mofoz.<br />
<br />
So... Things seem to be steaming along pretty good right now. I am doing okay. Things could be better, things are not worse. I will take that any day.<br />
<br />
I won't make any promises about when the next update will happen here. Seems I am not too good at keeping them, sooooo....<br />
<br />
Oh, and GO Team USA!!! Some great stories in these Olympic Games this time around, huh?<br />
<br />
Yours truly,<br />
<br />
The Second Sixty-EightThe Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-20625102271846957572015-06-09T10:35:00.002-04:002015-06-09T10:35:49.709-04:00Two YearsWow. Two years. That is how long it has been since I published a post in this space. Okay, and change...<br />
<br />
I realize why now that I look back at the last post. Even now reading it brings tears. It is no wonder that I stayed away. My therapy (this space) often is a harsh reminder of the things that motivated me to tell these stories. I even feel a little bad about some of the things that have been put down in this space. But hindsight is 20/20. Looking back you can afford to have regrets. Now you only have memories of the pain, not the actual experience. Then however, that was when it was happening and fresh. The words begged for release so that the accompanying insanity could escape as well. <br />
<br />
This space was then. A lot of what generated these 400 odd posts is either gone, severely lessened, or no longer worthy of the posts. Well, mostly...<br />
<br />
See something happened recently. Something small and seemingly harmless. What had happened is that I bought my first smartphone y'all! YEAH! I KNOW IT IS 2015! SHADDUP! I am a late bloomer. And I was waiting for them to get the kinks out... Really the reason was that my wife lost the phone connected to the number on our business cards. And she kept forgetting to check the voice mail for messages. So I transferred the number to a brand spanky new phone. Which comes with a bill. Which I can now afford because of more budget room. Which prompted me to buy a second phone. Which means I needed apps! Which led me to loading a bunch of popular social networking apps. I resisted the Facebook app for two weeks. Then fell into the trap. Now I am connected. For better or worse. I also connected to my Twitter and Skype accounts that have been largely unused for the last 5 or 6 years... They are still mostly unused too. Oh and Instagram as some of you already know from the follow requests... I guess I need to use the camera to make that useful. Eh, we'll see. <br />
<br />
What also happened is this. I feel the need to express again. Not saying how long it will last. Or how it will manifest itself this time around. Maybe back to the roots I go. And I likely will relaunch my Wordpress space for the project. I had previously used that space to mirror this space. Might start fresh. I guess I will keep y'all posted on this if I launch it. If there is anybody who even reads this...The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-1269884925607835192013-04-25T16:50:00.000-04:002013-04-25T16:50:05.572-04:00Honoring The Fallen
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As of late, I find myself somewhat
obsessed with death. Not in some unnatural way mind you. I guess a
better description is that death has taken great interest in hanging
around me. So of course I have taken great interest in return.
Naturally.</div>
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As usual with the specter... no spectre
(I like that spelling better...). As usual when the spectre of death
hangs around, it brings many things with it. Usually those things
are not positive. For me it has brought on a bit of surliness, less
ready smiles, I am more withdrawn, a little more extreme. Some days
I just plain old require solitude.
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You see death has taken a toll on me
recently. As I write this, I still can't fully measure what I have
lost. Mostly because I can't see things from an objective
perspective. At this point I don't want to understand. I don't want
things to make sense. I just want death to go away for a good long
time. I know people don't come back, so I don't really want that.
But I do want that spectre to realize that it is not being very fair
to me. Far be it from me to wish such a thing on someone else. But
when dealing with such, that is sometimes how things go. “If not
you, then who?” seems to be the question. My answer is “NOT DAMN
ME! Come back when you have evened things out EVERYWHERE!” I know
how that looks. But then again, pain doesn't give a damn how things
look.</div>
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I guess I should take a minute and give
a bit of backstory. I find that context tends to help paint the
picture.</div>
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Two days before Thanksgiving, the phone
rings. I think nothing of it since I was the farthest from the phone
at the time. Then I hear “Nooooo!”. I have only heard that once
before in my life. Fear fills my insides like there was previously a
vacuum there. Just as it did the first time. The questions “What?”
“Who?”, “Where?”, “When?” and “How?” all explode in
my mind at the same time. Then I hear “Don't tell me that!”.
Now every possible alarm bell is going off. At this point I know the
relationship between the caller and the callee. I also know it is
VERY bad news. The list suddenly narrows itself down to a 4 year old
girl and a 65 year old woman. I am desperate for information at this
point and am on the verge of knocking my wife over and ripping the
phone out of her hand. Instead I try to concentrate on calming
myself before my heart thundered itself right out of my chest. And
then “Please don't make me tell this man that!”. The odds on the
4 year old suddenly dropped to near nil. My wife finally composed
herself enough to realize that I was waiting on confirmation that my
mother had passed. All of those questions I had were either answered
buy that or became unimportant because “Why?” was the only one I
cared about at that moment. Over the next several hours I spent time
with a lot of sad and shocked family members. You see, my mother had
some health issues, but she wasn't ill. She was watching TV as she
always did and folk were coming and going. My nephew went to the
store to get them some snacks and was coming back to massage her legs
as she asked. My sister returned home less than 10 minutes after he
left and she was gone. And my life changed. Those next few hours
was the first time I have ever felt alone in the company of people.
She was laid to rest with a wonderful memorial service. Her ashes
will be spread at her favorite park either on her next birthday or
around the 4<sup>th</sup> of July during our annual family picnic.</div>
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Fast forward to the end of January. I
am at work during a lull in the action. I log onto Facebook to see
what is happening. I get an instant message from a great aunt that I
barely see online. She tells me to call her. The fact that she
contacted me that way told me it was something of great import, so I
called her immediately. She infomed me that my Uncle Frankie had
passed the night before. A sad event to be sure but not unexpected.
He was 81 and had some heart problems for a while. Of course it was
too soon for me. I mustered up the strength to make one more call
and grabbed my cell phone. I went to a little used spot in the
building where cell reception was better and privacy was higher. I
called my wife to give her the bad news with a ton of tears in my
eyes. He was one of her favorites in my family. She didn't take it
well either.</div>
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Fast forward to the end of March. I am
working from home early one Monday. I get a call from my cousin, who
was like my brother while growing up. I hadn't heard from him in a
while because as many of you know, I am part hermit. And other such
grown folk stuff too. So we chit chat for a minute or three. Then
he says to me, “I was calling to ask if you could be a pall
bearer”. My immediate reply was “Who, what, when, what?!?!?”.
His reply was “Oh, you didn't know! Dad passed on Saturday.” I
didn't know because I was still a little down and had not been to the
family page on Facebook or the family website on Ancestry.com. My
sister also neglected to pass the word on. I told him that “I
could do no less for him and that it would be my great honor to do
so.” This really messed up my day and no work would get done. You
see this man was like my other father. I was the salt in his salt
and pepper twins. He was also one of my mother's favorite cousins.
Needless to say, I was pretty messed up. My wife was rather fond of
him and his wife. Again, not news she took well. The depression I
had been running from for the last few months found me, and it held
on tight.</div>
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Rewind to mid March. I read a FB post
about a cousin from my father's side. He was in hospice for cancer.
I called his brother to find out what was going on. We talked for a
few minutes. I got caught up on cuz' situation. By this time I was
running that losing race with depression. I wasn't able to bring
myself to call Auntie though. Fast forward to Mid April. I run
across another FB post about the cousin I talked to on the phone. It
seems he had a stroke and was in the hospital with little to no
memory of anyone. AND another cousin was in ICU because an asthma
attack nearly took him out. A couple of days later the stroke
patient has recovered some memory and function. The asthma patient
improves enough to leave ICU. A few days after that my sister
remembers to call. The cousin in hospice passed early that morning,
his brother was still in the hospital recovering from the stroke AND
their mother was admitted to the hospital due to stress and other
complications.</div>
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</div>
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Today is the day before my cousin's
home going service. For me, this will be the fourth time in five
months. Let me restate that. Four funerals in five months with two
near misses. Obviously I am not doing that cool. To the point that
I let slip my own self discipline and desire to be better. Some days
I win, some days I lose. But I shall still strive until I no longer
have the ability. I will get back on my meds and stay on schedule.
I will get back on my bike and ride like I am young again. I will
try that damned Insanity workout again! I gotta say though, that
shit was hard!!! I must be a glutton for punishment because I liked
it. My old, fat body didn't necessarily agree with the abuse and I
had to wave off before I snapped something. But I will be back. And
I will give myself a better diet and a better attitude.
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<br />
</div>
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I promised myself I would not write
depressing stuff here again. But I needed to let this out. And I
had to something to honor Loraine, Charlie, Donald and Layman. I
don't think I can get better without having done so.</div>
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<br />
</div>
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I ain't promising that I am back. But
I am removing that dumb promise to myself. When I fell of writing
here, I fell off having that therapy. I thought it was because
things felt better. But I do this to make things better. Every
time...</div>
The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-76361956088309776132012-01-02T02:19:00.000-05:002012-01-02T02:19:37.638-05:00A New Year And A Day.Happy New Year folks!!!<br />
<br />
Not much else to add at this point. I am just here inflating my totals for this year.<br />
<br />
And to wish you the above.<br />
<br />
And just because.<br />
<br />
I would tell you that I have stuff to share but just haven't yet decided how much. But you probably heard that before. So I will just share stuff without the foreshadowing...<br />
<br />
Anyway, love you all. See you in the later!The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-4518321035096297092011-10-30T03:46:00.001-04:002011-10-30T03:47:34.995-04:00And Now... NoneR.I.P. Big Ma.<br />
<br />
<br />
I got the news about an hour ago...The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-979328180507029652011-10-27T15:00:00.000-04:002011-10-27T15:00:13.143-04:00And Then There Was OneLife has ways of being interesting. A lesser known fact about me is that I have had nine grandparents. How do you ask? Well... My father's parents, one and two. My mother's parents, three and four. This is the usual configuration for most people. However life happens and sometimes there are additions. In my case it happened several times. <br />
<br />
My mom's parents divorced. <br />
<br />
Her mom remarried, five. After a (not very long) while, he passed. One gone, I was just a babe. I wish I had known him, I am told he was a really good man.<br />
<br />
My parents divorced a couple years later.<br />
<br />
Not long after, dad's mom passed. Two gone. I can barely remember her myself. But she lives on in the memories and stories of her children. A very kind and intelligent woman and mother of 13. Three years is not nearly enough time, especially when there were so many others to share her with.<br />
<br />
Not long afterward my mother's father remarried, six.<br />
<br />
Not long after that my father's father remarried, seven.<br />
<br />
My father remarried. Though that bond came her parents, eight and nine.<br />
<br />
It is around this time when I am really aware and can remember people and events. So the relationships began to develop past familial to personal. Mom's mother was Grandma! Straight, no chaser, grand parent of all grand parents. For me she was the most constant. The greatest presence of all the grands. She also happened to be my family's Madea... But I digress... My mother's father, he was number two. So much I can say about him. Too much going through my mind to even write it. That was my man though. My father's father was a ghost to me. An occasional visit here and there. It was hard to be a part of his life since he relocated to California before I really got to know him. Which of course meant that I didn't really know his wife either. My mom's step mom. She was grandma too, but without the capital "G". She was a pretty nice lady from what I can remember. But there was something I couldn't put my finger on that put up a barrier. I guess the families never really quite meshed. Her children never quite felt like uncles and aunts. Her grandchildren never quite felt like cousins. I guess they really weren't because after her death, I didn't see much of them. After his, they became pretty much legends... My step mom's parents are the last two. I will be the first to admit that this was a strange relationship. I never had a problem connecting with either of them. But it was not really a grandparent grandchild relationship. More like beloved great uncle and aunt. There was a certain distance between me and my sister and my step mom's family as a whole. Just never really engaged with the clan. No nights spent over folks houses. No cousins ever came by. Now that I think back, it was almost always a case of me going where they were. I guess to a kid, one way don't cut it. In fact it probably explains the distance between my brothers. Meetings usually on their turf, not mine. Hmmm... Different post that. But back to it. Pappa and Big Ma were their identities within the family. Poppa to me was a stereotypical good humored southern farm boy. Always happy to see you. Honest, hard working, Salt of the earth kind of guy. A great big old teddy bear. Big Ma on the other hand quite a bit soft spoken. Seemingly as small as he was big. Always willing to take up the conversation or relate a story.<br />
<br />
This is the grandparental landscape as it was when I was five. It remained that way for several years. Then my mom's step mom passed. This was the first grandparent I really engaged with who moved on, three down.<br />
<br />
Things stayed stable though my teens. Mostly... Grandma was the next to go. This was the one I really connected with. I got a lot from her. I remember one incident that sealed the deal. She had a fireplace in her house. There were pictures of all of her all over the place. I remember mentioning to her (with my lip poked out) that she didn't have a picture of me up there. She gave me that "are you effing kidding me?" look. Then she said something that pretty much meant the same thing. Then she steered me to the photo albums. Told me to look though them. Needless to say after a few moments I felt like a complete jackass. And never more loved... Best believe that a couple of years later upon my high school graduation, hers was the first picture I delivered. Four down.<br />
<br />
About a year later Grandpa was also gone. I think he was heartbroken mostly. He took Grandma's passing, and the circumstances, really hard. First time I remember seeing him cry. I will always remember the lesson he taught me about respect and paying attention to what folk say. Seems he sent me to the store. Gave me a list of stuff to buy him and I could have the change. I came back with a half assed order for him and the bounty of the gods for myself. I think he was a little pissed. I remember the laughter more. And that had more of an effect on me. I will never forget that. Mostly because he never let me. Five down.<br />
<br />
A couple of years later, my father's father and his wife returned from California. His health had starting heading south. As had her memory. They needed to be cared for, so they came home. I got to spend a little time talking with him as an adult, Digging through the stories and history that he had available in his head. But there was not enough time. At least I never thought so. Six down.<br />
<br />
His wife was the one where the connection was weakest. As I said, they were in Cali most of my life. When the came back she was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. By the time of his funeral, her memory was mostly gone. Pretty much everybody was a stranger to her. I remember the last couple of conversations we had. She looked at me with a sad and apologetic look and said "I'm sorry, I don't remember you." I was slightly taken aback. Remember, Dad is one of 13. 13 who were fruitful. So there were a lot to remember. Even in the best of circumstances, that statement was not unexpected. So I tried to explain who I was. We both felt better for the understanding achieved. The next time I saw her, the conversation started the same as before. This time I simply replied, "That's okay, I remember you". Not long after that she joined her husband. Seven down.<br />
<br />
Poppa was the next to leave. He was a good man, who lived a good life and raised a family. Can't really remember that man ever having anything bad to say about anybody. We were always happy to see each other. My biggest regret is that we didn't have more of each other in our lives. Eight down.<br />
<br />
This leads me to the somewhat deceiving title of this post. See Poppa passed years ago. So there has only been one for over a decade. Big Ma is 93. Good health and a bit of spunk to boot. She and my father celebrated their birthdays together and the family showed up. I still smile when I picture that scene, She was sitting in the chair by the window. Somebody asked what she wanted from the store. She replied that she wanted something to drink. After folk asking about various soft drinks and juices and getting "no" as a response, somebody (I forget who), said "The hell with all that Big Ma want her a DRINK!" The very satisfied grin she wore after that pretty much told that tale. She got her a little cognac for her birthday drink. Job well done! I also remember looking at her a couple of times during the event. She wore a beaming and satisfied smile while the late winter sun beamed down on her through the picture window. An beautiful day, a good drink and surrounded by family in celebration. That included my absentee ass... I have to say her last birthday was a good one.<br />
<br />
Today she inspires the writing of this post. Because of recent events, one may soon be zero. A couple of weeks ago, she fell and broke her hip. The doctors said she needed emergency surgery or she wouldn't walk again. The surgery was successful I guess. However there were some complications that ended up in her falling into a coma. I was by dad's house this weekend. She is there, sleeping. I stole a quiet moment to hold her hand. Not believing that after 93 years that her time may have arrived. Though her end may be soon, her legacy is strong. And like the others, she shall live on. In me...The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-49456759138799152442011-09-17T01:49:00.000-04:002011-09-17T01:49:06.380-04:00I Work The Black Page...Here And ThereFor some reason, I am getting the urge to start or even write this whole post in song lyrics. In the last two minutes I have fought down the urge (mostly, see title) to quote lines from Sting and Stevie Wonder as openings to this post. But while they might speak to some thoughts in my mind, they don't speak the words needed for THIS post.<br />
<br />
<br />
See, I am here because of two things, fear and reemergence.<br />
<br />
Fear has kept me from leaping into the future. I feel myself being TOO cautious. I fully understand why. I just don't want to end up back where I was before. But overcompensating is bad in this case. Slow feet take more time to cover the same ground. I find myself in a funny place because of it. The mind knows. But the mind believes different.<br />
<br />
To illustrate that point, I got a story for you.<br />
<br />
Way back yon three quarter score ago there was a young man. Freshly enhappied and newly wed. Young dude and his new bride arriveth in the magical kingdom of Toronto. And being young (and dumb(ish)) he loudly proclaimed that he would take her to the highest venue in the land. And when they would arrive at the high, he would drag her across the magical floor that looked upon everything below it. So up, up, up, up they went until reaching the highest plateau. Around the dark circle they strode, until they beheld a most wonderful sight. Why it was the brightness of the sun blazing up through what appeared to be an enormous hole in the floor. They walked to the very edge of what seemed to be oblivion. They gazed down upon the kingdom. They felt like a king and queen even as they gazed down upon men who fancied themselves Royals. Many men named Jay in suits of Blue attempted to defeat these men of such lofty goals. To which the new bride uttered "That's so cool". And off she went. She floated across the bright abyss as if an angel with new wings. Her journey began with her new husband's hand in hers. It ended with that hand empty. The husband had attempted to fly with her. But his foot never actually crossed the threshold between the solid ground and the lighted abyss. It seems that his mind KNEW that there was a magical force field called plexiglass there (damn you Rio!). His mind would NOT believe that the next step on solid ground called for a 1,100 foot drop before his foot would reach that ground. Needless to say, attempts to get him to venture out were (mostly) in vain.<br />
<br />
I tell you this story to say that I find myself again not able to put that foot where I know it should go. When I think about it, I wonder why I am hesitant to walk into the future. When I don't think about it, not walking seems normal. That said, I think it is going to take some more work for me to reestablish my freedom. I have shed some of the shackles. This one is the most challenging. Challenging because my mind is quite the formidable opponent.<br />
<br />
From The Black Page,<br />
<br />
TSSEThe Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-13601735953717598782011-08-11T02:21:00.000-04:002011-08-11T02:21:50.577-04:00Randomness ReturnedSometimes I just can't turn off. Oftentimes it feels like I am on a ride, completely out of control. Sometimes like that stunt that killed Indian Larry. Just surfing the seat of a moving motorcycle. Nobody steering. Not sure if or when it will lose balance and fall the hell over. Yet sometimes thrilling.<br />
<br />
Then there are times like now when I am completely bored with everything. Not that anything is wrong. Just...ugh! I am finding that the things that have been occupying my time are not that occupying anymore. I am starting to think of the opportunity costs of the time spent. Like time not spent here. <br />
<br />
I sometimes wonder if letting myself get away from here changed something. I mean at this point I am down from one post a month to one this year. Okay two this year. The decision to not BWM here anymore also kept me from wanting to share anything. I guess that could change. Also reading the stuff I wrote gave a third person perspective that I seem to be missing. <br />
<br />
And I realize that, even as I write this, that I have way more to say than I can express. My organizational skill with the words is a little dusty and a bit overwhelmed. I am spending more time thinking than writing.<br />
<br />
Maybe I will try to rediscover the dude that put the other 400 odd posts out here. Take my laptop out on the porch and let the scene inspire me to see things as only I can. Or I can just talk about people...<br />
<br />
Can't wait to read this to see what I think about it. After I tell myself "That is so random..."<br />
<br />
Anyhow, I am up much too late! Guess I better Hulu myself to sleep like I was going to before I started typing...The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-43382587897803649552011-05-10T23:11:00.000-04:002011-05-10T23:11:26.519-04:00Randomosity.What up?<br />
<br />
It's been a long time<br />
I guess I left you,<br />
Without a damn thing to read through...<br />
<br />
Eh... I knew I shouldn't have done that. Guess I am getting on the train outta Cliche'ville. <br />
<br />
Feeling a little random. So a little random you shall have.<br />
<br />
I just sat and watched a movie based in Lansing, Michigan of all places... while in Lansing, Michigan! <br />
<br />
You know The Lakers gos swept!!! And I can't get the vision of The Blog Wife in her Flakers shirt. All pink and stretched from east to west... Sigh...<br />
<br />
I sometimes wonder what my previous life was like. Must have been a real asshole because I haven't done enough in this life for the karma that is kicking my ass in this lifetime.<br />
<br />
I stopped watching TV for a while. Got addicted to Hulu, Miami Vice especially. When I came back, I found that it doesn't keep my attention like it once did. I blame the waste of good airtime on American Idol, Dancing anything, stuff that survives or gets fired, etc. <br />
<br />
Wanna hear some crazy shit? I just semi watched/was watched by a preview/making of feature of a movie on one channel that was actually playing on another channel. WTH?<br />
<br />
BTW. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is a very strange yet somewhat cool movie...<br />
<br />
You know, I have been doing some reading. This place is not my happy place. Therapeutic yes. Happy no. But I guess I always knew that...<br />
<br />
My entertainment lately has been flipping between MSNBC and Fox News. Left wing nuts on one channel and Right wing nuts on the other. But now I understand how they are gonna fuck us all in the end. They are in it together. I mean really? Who do you feel is really representing YOUR views and values in Washington D.C.?<br />
<br />
The America I thought I was growing up in is really dead. Mostly because there is no respect left it seems. The rule of the day is to be rude to others and screw over the poor, the elderly and the disabled and children. And of course folk these days think that they are entitled to mind everyone else's business while loudly maintaining their right to their own privacy. <br />
<br />
I think I realize the other reason why I don't spend much time here anymore. I am too damn easily distracted...<br />
<br />
With that I will bid you goodnight for the next six months, or until tomorrow, or whenever...<br />
<br />
GOOOOOOOOOOO WIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGSSSSSSS!!!!!!The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16484994957248204069noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-58923511815634946712010-12-30T10:39:00.003-05:002010-12-30T10:43:39.822-05:00A Dyssturbed New York Adventure: PrologueHeads up New York! I'm on my way next week!!!<br /><br />Not sure exactly what that means outside of my reason for going. <br /><br />But I shall find out as it happens!<br /><br />For now, that is all!The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15747351716042662320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-24041806617789244982010-11-05T08:40:00.002-04:002010-11-05T08:41:51.761-04:00Lights and tunnels<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">In life we often find ourselves in a dark place.<span style=""> </span>We get there for a variety of reasons.<span style=""> </span>What we end up with is usually a gigantic stress sammich!<span style=""> </span>And just as often we don’t realize that the dark place is a tunnel.<span style=""> </span>We trudge and trudge through life.<span style=""> </span>We go here and there.<span style=""> </span>One day we look up and find that we don’t exactly know where we are going.<span style=""> </span>This is not to say that we don’t know where we want to go.<span style=""> </span>It’s just that we can get a little lost.<span style=""> </span>We find ourselves detached from the sun that provides energy for growth and warmth.<span style=""> </span>So we stagnate.<span style=""> </span>We grow cold.<span style=""> </span>Not knowing what else to do, we keep trudging on.<span style=""> </span>After a while we will realize that there are only two ways to go in the darkness.<span style=""> </span>We could go back.<span style=""> </span>But going back often means choosing stagnation.<span style=""> </span>It also means quitting.<span style=""> </span>Some do.<span style=""> </span>Then there are those of us who are stubborn and refuse to quit.<span style=""> </span>We realize that we are indeed in a tunnel and choose to go forward.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Of course the problem with tunnels is that they tend to be dark and by definition, enclosed.<span style=""> </span>We discover we are in them when in the process of trudging through life, we run into the walls.<span style=""> </span>Eventually we get our bearings and keep it moving.<span style=""> </span>We walk with the purpose of leaving the tunnel.<span style=""> </span>The end goal is to return ourselves to the sun which has nurtured us and given us the energy to grow.<span style=""> </span>So we trudge in the darkness.<span style=""> </span>Forward or backward we move in the hope of seeing some change in the darkness.<span style=""> </span>We look for that change as a sign that our journey through the tunnel is nearly over.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">For those who go back, the light means sameness.<span style=""> </span>Sameness as in the same old shit, every day.<span style=""> </span>This is also known as stuck in a rut.<span style=""> </span>Folk get stuck for a variety of reasons. Some choose to take the “default package”.<span style=""> </span>That is taking whatever you can get for the absolute minimum of inputs.<span style=""> </span>Often this is what those who complain about welfare recipients are talking about.<span style=""> </span>Some get stuck because they try, but can’t get any traction.<span style=""> </span>Often this appears to be someone moon walking in place.<span style=""> </span>And there are others who by no means want the “default package”, but are bound by outside forces and can’t make the desired progress because it would be counterproductive.<span style=""> </span>It’s kinda like being in the deep end of a half full pool while rescuing a person who can’t swim.<span style=""> </span>You could save yourself but the other person would definitely drown.<span style=""> </span>I could go on with many more examples but they are outside the scope of this post.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">What is in the scope of this post are two main points.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">First is that most people don’t care about the circumstances of YOUR plight as long as they have a convenient container of blame to drop you into.<span style=""> </span>Usually it is the assumption that folk are trying to get all of the handouts they can possibly hope for (the “default package”). <span style=""> </span>Often it is quite the opposite.<span style=""> </span>Most people would choose to not be dependent on handouts if they could avoid it.<span style=""> </span>The silly part of it all is that most of us need to make decisions that set up our future at the time when we are the least capable of making such long range decisions.<span style=""> </span>To my experience there are VERY FEW 18 year olds who are ready to be a) financially independent, b) career tracked, c) parents, d) responsible.<span style=""> </span>There may be some who may be one (or two) of the above but generally speaking most are not.<span style=""> </span>So a lot of bad decisions are made at the time when a lot of our best decisions NEED to be made.<span style=""> </span>And these decisions tend to follow us for QUITE a while.<span style=""> </span>And because of this, ruts happen.<span style=""> </span>Other things in life happen that also side track those who did plan ahead.<span style=""> </span>So ruts happen.<span style=""> </span>And they are hard to get out of because usually the things that you need and don’t have are the things that got you there in the first place.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">The second point says simply: The light at the end of the tunnel is not always a train.<span style=""> </span>Sometimes you just find that sunlight that you were looking to regain the whole time.<span style=""> </span>My entire household was recently walking a tunnel in group mode.<span style=""> </span>The kids were trying to ride the path of the “default package”.<span style=""> </span>They turned it around and got back in school, one even has employment.<span style=""> </span>They decided to move forward after realizing that walking back would only get them the nothing that they had before.<span style=""> </span>I eagerly await their emergence from the tunnel.<span style=""> </span>The Wife is no longer moonwalking.<span style=""> </span>She has found the kind of traction that having a husband with a G.O.O.D. (Get Out Of Debt) job (with benefits) brings.<span style=""> </span>Now she is able to plan more and worry less because she is no longer fighting a losing financial battle.<span style=""> </span>For my own part, I was able to pass my mother on to other rescuers and was able to worry about getting myself out of the pool.<span style=""> </span>This in turn turned me into a rescue with my wife keeping me from drowning.<span style=""> </span>Fortunately for us both, our new employers gave us life preservers and are filling the pool so we can climb out on our own.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">I may or may not include audio or video for this post.<span style=""> </span>In case I don’t, I am sure that a smart bunch such as you can find access to my new theme song.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Golden by Jill Scott.</span></p>The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15747351716042662320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-56894639400997774732010-09-02T16:33:00.006-04:002010-09-02T18:23:48.996-04:00Relative Value<span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 102);font-size:85%;" >This post contains bitching, whining and moaning. If you ain't up for it, I would understand an early exit by you.</span><br /><br />These days I am in the unenviable position of... well... being unenviable. For a number of reasons. <br /><br />Seems the world likes to stamp "Can't do no right" on my forehead on a daily basis. I may just be paranoid but it seems to come from everywhere. I say this because, try as I might, I just can't seem to make anything I devote my efforts to work out. <br /><br />Job searching has been relatively fruitful yet extremely frustrating. I say RELATIVELY because I have gotten more contacts in the last 30 days than I have in the same number of months. Yet is is frustrating. You know the kind of thing where you get thrown a bone and hit upside the head with an even bigger bone? So far, I have been submitted for three different opportunities and gotten the "Your skill set looks nice, but we think that those skills are a bit rusty. The client isn't gonna want to pay what you are looking for." Fine. I understand the way things go. And I can understand how that might be important for skills in a more dynamic setting. But really, the stuff I do hasn't changed much in a couple of decades. In fact the great majority of folk in my industry think that this stuff is old, outdated and needs to go the way of the dinosaur. In fact, a large portion of the practitioners in the skills I have are nearing retirement age.<br />(oh dang. Another rejection letter just this minute... Niiiccceeee!!!!)<br />Where was I? Um... Ah! Yes. So since my skills are probably rustier than a Model T sitting in an old barn, I am told that I want too much. What I want is not even what the market price is. Or for that matter, not even what I made before. But still, that is up to $10,000 more than they want to offer. And that is without a benefits package. I of course am willing to do this because 1) it is a lot more than I am getting now. 2) it will bring my skills current. 3) it will end my extended staycation and give me something to do with my days that won't inspire me to pull my damn thinning ass hair out! (I hope). 4) a momentary sacrifice to be more attractive in the future is only smart business. What do I get told AFTER I give the go ahead to get me in? I get "I don't want to get your hopes up. But that gap is gonna make it hard." WOW!!! So now because there has been virtually NO opportunity for me to stay current (it ain't like I got a mainframe in the basement, them things COST!) I am not even worthy of an offer that a brand spanking new college graduate would get (with benefits)??? I am really tempted to get into more debt, get some sexier and newer skills and leave this mainframe shit alone. If I gotta start at square one, might as well do it with something with a better future. Let them deal with their coming resource shortage without me. BTW, even Wal-Mart don't want me. For anything... SMH...<br /><br />Of course that translates to other things as well. My overworked wife keeps complaining about being "tired of being the only one to come up with ways to fix stuff" To be fair to her position, I SHOULD be helping out more (AKA paycheck). Now this be a double edged sword to be sure. I could continue to concentrate on trying to fix the problems (leveraging my rusty skills, where I have experience). Or I could stop that (apparent) pipe dream and concentrate on "helping" out (minimum wage job, likely food service or something like that (which I have yet to convince anyone that I am the right candidate)). Path A hasn't worked yet, but is likely to get things squared away a bit sooner. Path B also hasn't worked yet, and is unlikely to make much of a difference but MAY be easier to accomplish. Path C requires more debt and investment to acquire new skills to make A and B unnecessary. Of course it means money goes out and not in. Path D quite frankly is a lot more lonely and in the end only benefits me, yet may be counterproductive and even self-destructive.<br /><br />Oh and the major problem I am having with that whole "tired of being the only one to come up with ways to fix stuff"complaint is that I am the only one to hear it. Never mind that there are THREE other adult residents in this house who are lacking jobs and completed educations living up in here. And usually there are long term visitors that can come and hang and suck up very limited resources and she is cool with all that! Yet I am the only one who seems to be even attempting to improve the situation. <br /><br />Unfortunately the one thing I don't have is money. Seems to be the only thing that matters. Never mind that I am trying to add another bread winner to the fold. Forget the fact that I try to do the house husband thing since it is one of the major things I can do to help until I can get money. Put aside the idea that I am trying to limit the effects of erosion to relationships and resources. Discount the fact that I worry about her more than I do myself. Ignore the words that say that her family helps us more than mine does (more on that in another post). AND it isn't even worth mentioning that I am in probably the worst possible position I can see myself in without my health going further down hill, being incarcerated and/or actually being homeless. The big thing seems to be I don't got no check. Oh, and I seem to give bad advice since no one wants to listen even though I tell folk in great detail, what is coming if they continue to do what they are doing...<br /><br />Needless to say, I am not feeling a lot of love for being a person or having feelings. I sometimes wonder what things would be like if I had a fat paycheck and didn't do shit else but but provide for things that money can purchase. Yeah, I got that rent. Your Navigator payment is in on time. I will bling ya. All the purses and shoes you can handle. Y'all want video games and unlimited groceries and all the toilet paper you can wipe them unlimited groceries off with? Heat lights, water, cable, gear? I got ya! BUT you gotta rub your own damn feet, hold yourself when you need comforting, get your relationship advice from the internet, teach your own damn self how to cook or pretty much anything else you need to know. Look for the check, just don't look for me. I'll be at work, or "working late." Would that make the world better?<br /><br />At times I think I am being overly cynical with that. Other times I am afraid to even think about what that answer might be. It saddens me greatly to think about my value being about what I can buy for people rather than what I can do for them.<br /><br />I strive for some balance. I would like to do both. I would like to do it all. But right now I can't, so I do what I can. Somehow that just ain't enough. Sometimes I wonder if this is all worth it. <br /><br />Mostly because (again) It saddens me greatly to think about my value being about what I can buy for people rather than what I can do for them.<br /><br />(Now I remember why I started this little space. To talk to folk who are not the people I bitch about. Mostly to get some understanding. Or virtual bitch slapping when warranted. Either way I get outside perspective. There is still a lot unsaid so this might be kinda random. As usual, comment if you feel)The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15747351716042662320noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-54463407597068729122010-08-24T20:38:00.002-04:002010-08-24T21:53:01.788-04:00Elation, Pain and Suffering.Yesterday I literally could have killed somebody. Likely somebody at Ford. Or somebody in a Ford.<br /><br />The backstory?<br /><br />Well, I finally got a good contact for a little cheddar again. I mean a REALLY good contact. You know the kind where the recruiter starts sounding REALLY excited because they are about to make a mint off of your ass? Anyway, I had this really good conversation with this recruiter who had a really good feeling that she could get me in this position. I even played the gracious candidate where I threw her a good in-the-range rate and THEN compromised MORE to make prospects look even sweeter. She got as happy as I did. And I got pretty happy as hard as I tried not to. Probably because SHE sounded like she was gonna make bank too!<br /><br />Lemme pause for a moment to hip y'all to the contract game, if ya don't already know.<br />Contract houses get job openings from their clients. Their job is to do the marketing and vett the personnel. They of course don't do this for free. In IT, it is not unusual for the contract house to make as much as, if not more than the actual talent. So if you ask for say $30 per hour, the contract house will probably ask the client for $60 per hour. You work at the client, you work for the contract house. The client does not have to pay benefits or worry about extra employees when the work is done. The contractor gets a higher rate in exchange for the lack of benefits or job security. The contract house basically double dips. They get paid for marketing and providing talent AND get a cut for getting the contractor the work. Everybody's happy!!!<br /><br />Okay, fast forward to Monday. I make the obligatory and necessary follow-up contact. Me being full of hope was hoping to hear "Still thinking about it". NO!!! No such luck. I get "For some reason they put the position on HOLD!!!" WTF? ON HOLD?!?!?!?!?!?!? Now all of a sudden either there is no work or they aren't sure? On Friday the client was being picky. For those who don't understand why I am outraged, I will explain further.<br /><br />Excitement on the part of the recruiter means that recruiter sees themselves getting another bonus. Which means that the candidate is a near slam dunk for the job. Expectations were high (I know I shouldn't have...) The putting a job "on hold" is the HR version of the pocket veto. Kinda like taking the job off of the market without actually taking it off the market. <br /><br />What that all means is...<br /><br />Essentially I just got it with no vaselineThe Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15747351716042662320noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-5125738435530468982010-08-04T12:16:00.006-04:002010-08-04T13:51:53.447-04:00The Verge of an Epiphany. Or a Dawning Realization...Sometimes in life you come to the realization that you had things right all along. but for some reason you decided to change up, probably to get along with folk better. But I am realizing I had it right way back when I was a kid. But to be more social, I started talking to people. I thought it to be the right thing. But at times it doesn't feel right. Likely because I waste life doing so. I have lately been finding myself less willing to engage in conversations because I tire of the ill use of my time on this planet.<br />This is <a href="http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S-E7cV5jo0">A Boondocks Example</a> of how things go at times.<br /><br />Another example is a recent conversation with my son.<br />Him: I guess I am not appealing to women.<br />Me: Um. Do you mind being a little more specific so that we BOTH know what we are talking about?<br />Him: She (his girlfriend) said that she didn't think I would look right buff and now she changed her mind.<br />Me: Why?<br />Him: I saw a comment she made on Facebook about one of her friends. He was all buff and she said "Lookin' good!!!" So now she thnks I would look okay buffed up.<br />Me: ... (I can imagine you know what I am thinking...)<br />Him: I guess I don't understand women.<br />Me: No man really does.<br />Him: But why?<br />Me: Okay. Pay close attention. I am gonna tell you, and it's important.<br />Him: Okay.<br />Me: They are all crazy!<br />Him: But why?<br />Me: Why is it important for you to know why they are crazy?<br />Him: I guess so I can figure them out.<br />Me: Trust me, you won't. All you need to do is accept that they are crazy and then you will be able to adjust to things properly.<br />Him: That doesn't help much.<br />Me: It will, you just have to spend a little time working it out in your mind.<br />Him: Ah forget it. I don't really care what she does any more. mumble, mumble, mumble (as he is walking off)<br />Me: Hold up! That's it? You just walk off in the middle of the convo?<br />Him: I thought we were done?<br />Me: Really? How did you get that idea? Did we agree that everything was said? Or one of us said that we were done?<br />Him: No. But I said I don't care any more so I thought we were done.<br />Me: You saying that was expressing a thought. It wasn't us ending the conversation.<br />Him: I thought it did...<br />Me: I take it YOU are done.<br />Him: Yeah, I don't wanna talk about it.<br />Me: Fine! I mean it is rude as hell to walk the hell off when somebody is talking to you. Especially when YOU started it. Ask some damn body else the next time you need advice!<br /><br />Needless to say that I learned more from this conversation than he did. <br /><br />Yet another example:<br />My wife's sister finally got hitched. We thought it never would happen so I only really started believing it after BOTH said "I Do". Now if you even halfway get along with your sister, this would be one of the happiest days in your life. Especially if you were IN the wedding. At least that is my perspective on it. And this is whether or not the sister is being a bridezilla. Yet on this very happy day, my wife is in tears. The next day when I asked her why I was walking around pissed off without being aware of the ACTUAL reason, she replies "nothing". Hmm... two lies in one. Obviously "nothing" is not the problem. And a lie of omission at the same time. So now I get really pissed at her. She was willing to drop some not so veiled references to what was on her mind at the reception and on the ride home. Yet when asked about it, I get "nothing". I get that answer often when I ask her what is bothering her. I am on the verge of not asking any more since it is a waste of my life.<br /><br />What I can gather is that some foul shit was said to her during her time with the bridal party especially in the previous week (the wedding was on Saturday). Knowing them, a lot of it was about me. This to me is mind boggling since:<br /><ol><li>I treat her family better than they treat me.</li><li>I treat her family better than she treats mine.</li><li>The stuff that they supposedly don't like me for are bad things that happen to my life and not actually bad things that I am doing to her. <br /></li></ol>So. I guess I better start listening to the eight year old in me and keep my damn mouth shut, stay to myself and give back only what I get from folks. I am not predicting that it will make things better. For that matter, I don't believe that it will make things worse.<br /><br />BUT it will keep me from wasting time talking to folk who don't want to hear what I have to say. No matter how bad it may go for them...The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15747351716042662320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-70462398675026647862010-07-17T17:35:00.003-04:002010-07-17T17:53:07.701-04:00Summer MadnessI love the summer. Yesterday I realized that the days are only gonna get shorter until the first day of Winter. That depressed me slightly because it means... well the hell with what it means. I don't wanna depress myself anymore. But I am sure you all can figure it out yourself.<br /><br />But I do love the summer. Sure, it gets hot as hell. But I don't have to move snow. Or freeze. And it is generally easier to stay cool than it is to stay warm. <br /><br />More importantly I can ride my bike in the summer. Just me and my machine. It's performance is fixed, mine varies. Which is to say that I am what determines how well we work as a unit. I like that. Glory, mediocrity, disappointment, they are all up to me. Which way the adventure lies. How far it goes. How long it takes. Me, Me, ME! For a lot longer than I sometimes care to admit, it is my happy place. Adventure and solitude in one package. Some days it is the only freedom I have left. I could go on for a while, but I won't.<br /><br />Why? Because if you are familiar with the bicycle concept you know the truth in the next statement. I shall free my mind and my ass will follow. Quite literally and somewhat figuratively.<br /><br />More plainly, I am telling you that I am getting my ass the hell up out of this chair and putting it on my saddle. Right now I could use some freedom. I spend all kinds of time in this chair that winter traps me into. No use in staying locked up on purpose when there is a better choice.<br /><br />Catch ya on the flip...The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15747351716042662320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34382216.post-80441259483773085942010-07-13T03:00:00.003-04:002010-07-13T03:44:09.460-04:00It Occurs To Me......that Grouchy Smurf had the right idea.<br /><br />...that I am not always the nicest person.<br /><br />...that I am just fine with the above a lot of days.<br /><br />...that because of the above, the one two above exists.<br /><br />...that I am losing my voice, and that is why I don't exercise it here much any more.<br /><br />...that my desire for change is getting so strong that it is somehow interfering with that change.<br /><br />...that depression is a very powerful force.<br /><br />...that people generally just don't give a shit until they have to deal with something on some level.<br /><br />...that we need two or three more good political parties, because the Democrats AND the Republicans need to be the minority part at the same time. Maybe then they will help each other pull their heads out of their asses.<br /><br />...that during the summer that I am rediscovering the joys of cycling, a legend is likely summing up his career by becoming a sidekick to his sidekick, all because of a crash. Lance, this beer is for you! And here's hoping that Levi can make up those two minutes and small change before Bastille Day!<br /><br />...that no one really cares what goes on here anymore.<br /><br />...that the above is likely true because I don't seem to care.<br /><br />...that the above is NOT true because time, access and guilt keep me away.<br /><br />...that one can indeed type quite accurately and complete a thought while reading the insides of your eyelids.<br /><br />...that the guilt is creeping back. Guess I better get back to what I am supposed to be doing.<br /><br />...that it ain't gonna happen tonight because I keep nodding off and trying to fall the hell out of this chair!<br /><br />...that there was a bunch of other stuff that I was gonna say but the bed is drowning out my voice with it's call.<br /><br />...that I still got love for ya, and I am sending it out to you now!<br /><br />Good night and have an interesting series of tomrorrows...The Second Sixty-Eighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15747351716042662320noreply@blogger.com7