Blog Jacking: Nikki - The Memorial Edition

I have been known to jack a post or two in my time. Usually to reedit one done by someone else to "improve" the experience. All done in fun of course. Particularly to honor the blogger in question. This time is no exception. At least the reason for doing it is the same. However this time I will jack the entire post and put it out there without "enhancements". This post is one of many that were hilarious, though provoking, wildly entertaining and the creations of a very talented (and slightly burnt out) mind.

This particular post was one of my favorites. I linked it in one of my old "Best Of" posts. After this I couldn't get enough of that kooky, wise, gifted, (insert 10 - 12 other adjectives here) blogger known as Nikki Indigo. From then my obsession our relationship grew and she would be in my world forever more!
And... (in her words) "it started off harmless enough, really."

I dedicate this bit of blogger love to you Nikki, on the day or your memorial.

Friday, April 27, 2007

crotchless panties

*sigh*

it's time...

i've put the dirty deed off long enough.

i was ready to squeeze one more week out of them, but it's become painfully obvious i can no longer wait.

it started this morning when i reached down to scratch my pubic area. it was itching as the pubic area is wont to do and i quickly sought to end the discomfort, so i reached under my miniskirt with the intent on scratching hard to compensate for the cotton covering the area.

imagine my surprise when instead of scratching through cotton my fingers came into immediate contact with short, coarse hair. for a minute there i wasn't even paying attention. it wasn't until i attempted to pull my hand from beneath my skirt and snagged one of my unmanicured fingernails in the hair on my crotch that i realized there was no cotton there. incredulous, i lifted my skirt and looked down to make sure i had on underwear (uh, sometimes mornings can be hectic...)

i had on underwear alright, or what was left of a pair of undies i'm sure i'd owned since college. the cotton dangled despondently like cheap lace from the edges of a gaping hole that framed my vagina like a cunt cameo. SHIT. when i'd grabbed them from the shelf this morning they looked wearable...a bit gray and threadbare but wearable. now, as i sit here at my desk i realize just how tattered they really are. the elastic is drooping like drunken lips around my waist, slovenly hugging my hips like an inebriated lover groping for me in the dark. there are other smaller holes everywhere along with a faded bruise 'the crimson bitch' left from one of her visits sometime during clinton's first administration.

not a good look.

time to toss these panties in the trash.

but i need help, because i just can't seem to part with THESE panties. it's like if i throw them away somewhere an angel loses her wings or a bag of puppies is tossed into a lake. on the days i know i'm wearing them, i pray i'm not in an accident or collapse in public so i won't have to show my rag-covered ass to the masses. i've put them to the side numerous times, mentally making note to toss these bad boys out.

so why can't i get RID of them?!?

maybe i've got some kind of attachment issues. maybe this is my version of the security blanket. maybe i wanna fool myself into believing my ass is still the same size it was when i was in college (while completely overlooking the fact that the material is so stretched out i could wrap my couch in it).

or maybe, deep down inside, i'm using them as a weapon against bad dick. i mean, the power of these panties to shrivel a dick is a sigh to behold. it's like watching a person crumble to the ground after being shot in the chest.

either way, something's got to give. any suggestions?

R.I.P. Nikki Indigo

My buddy Nikki AKA Nikki Indigo author of Indigo Trail of My Thoughts passed away yesterday of complications from a rare autoimmune disease called Dermatomyositis (with lung complications). She will be missed.
(You will have to excuse the self-taken-bathroom-photo-style that is now standard on the internet. But it is one of the few she sent me... And she seemed to always be wearing a slightly devilish grin like in this photo, so I had to share!)

We recently had conversations about the state of our health; The strange and rare condition that resulted in her hospitalization and 60 pound weight loss; The state of blogging and why we both needed to get back on the grind; Employment, unemployment and self-employment; and the wonderful people we have met online and in person through blogging. Among other things...

And she made me promise her two things near the end of that last conversation. The first is the story below this one. She revealed to me that she enjoyed my story telling very much, and that I should tell that story. High praise indeed from one so gifted with the art of the story. I was flattered to no end of course. I returned the favor to her by revealing that she was one of my favorite people that I had yet to meet. And that I HAD to meet her (and a few others) in person or I would be greatly disappointed. She seemed very flattered by that. It is amazing how somebody can make you feel like a million bucks by letting you know they think you are cool! She had that way though. So I dedicate "Bennie Kick" to my friend Nikki!

The other thing I promised was cookies. We got to talking about LadyLee's cookies and how neither one of us got many. Me because I am way up here in the D and her because her family killed them and she had to get her jack on to get the three that she ate. "Like crack" I believe was her description of them. I told her I get that same response up here. That led to the family business conversation. So I promised her I would send some down since she said that "homemade cookies do wonders toward making a recovery". That I do not doubt. Strangely enough I thought about that yesterday afternoon. I was wondering when she would call me to make arrangements for the shipping and such.

I am saddened because I never got the chance to send those cookies. And that she likely didn't have a chance to read the story. And for the fact that we won't be able to have that meet and greet on this world.

Nikki, you will be missed.

Until I can figure out shipping to where you are, here are some cookies.







Okay, I was gonna surprise you with a little cake too! So here's some of that also!

Facebook Stalker

Okay. Not REALLY stalker. But I make a game of it doing the friends list. My own little six degrees of separation thing. I have found some interesting coincidences. Some puzzling. Since most of my family, that I know of, is on my page now. I have been trying to figure out the people who keep popping up in my suggestion list. Some I can, some I can't. Most of them I can at least categorize them because of their guilt by association. The biggest mysteries are the bloggers. My mind is usually not in detective mode when I am on FB. So I have some trouble trying to figure out who these people are who are common friends with my favorite bloggers. I find it a fun game though. Of course if you find yourself reading this and am not on my FB friends, throw me a bone and send the request already.

If you want to that is...

No pressure...

Tagged!: 7 Random Facts And Other Madness

1. Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.

2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.

3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.

4. Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Well thanks Aretha! I blame you for this!

1. I have separate drinking vessels for every type of beverage I consume! - Yeah. That's right! I got a coffee mug, a tea mug, a cold beverage mug, a giant water jug and bottles and even drinking glasses for the spirits and wine. Okay, we will just get this outta the way early, I am anal! BUT most of my drinkware is plastic and insulated. You all know how plastic holds smells. I can't stand drinking a cola and smelling coffee in it! Or coffee and Plantation Mint smells whilst sipping on a nice lager! Hmm... Come to think about it am I the strange one?
2. I can't stand grease on my hands. - Never liked it. Never will. The thing with the grease is because it be all sticky and slippery at the same time. Hence the reason you will never smell Afro Sheen up in my do. Can't stand this so much that I will immediately stop whatever process I am in and go wash my hands.
3. I hate persistent smells on my hands. - This one is simply because I sleep with my hands near my face. Usually on one or both. And my nose is very sensitive most of the year (when it ain't clogged from the crazy weather changes in Michigan). So having things that are not pleasant smelling on my hands will keep me from sleeping! Okay it bothers me if I am awake too!
4. I am a pack rat who can find things in the clutter. - My own personal spaces I tend to keep things that may be useful in the future. Other folks garbage is my treasure, to an extent. People are constantly amazed that I can remember where stuff is amongst the "garbage dump" (their term) of my stuff. Of course I done saved folks asses numerous times with a well timed piece of "junk" being used to niggarig their broke ass shit! Now on the finding things, this next item will explain...
5. I like order. - "Everything has a place and everything in it's place. If it doesn't have a place in my house it has no real function and hence has no need to exist in my house." This I have told to my kids ad infinitum. You would think those damn slobs would have learned that by now. The Wife takes that approach and goes overboard. For her, if it needs cleaning up then it needs circular filing! But back to me, I can find the smallest damn thing where folk only see disorder because I mentally catalog everything that I have. I can usually remember the last place I saw something. Of course that gets knocked off kilter when my folk "clean up". I put the clean up in quotes because their idea of cleaning up is taking the junk you moved from the area in question and putting it in a closet in a garbage bag.
6. Leave my shit alone! - This is definitely me. I have found that folk don't treat your things with nearly as much reverence and respect as you. But then again they didn't pay for it either and usually look at you like you are the one that fucked up when they break your shit. So I don't like folk messing around in my stuff. For instance, I collect Hot Wheels and mini motorcycles. Sometimes I put them out on display. Then folk come by and want to play with my shit. How dare these neanderthals want to play with my toys like they are...TOYS or something!!! I don't give a damn if you are three and like cars! Keep yo' little grubby hands off my shit! People sure aren't raising kids to the same standards like they used to! Humorous rant aside, it really does bug me because I have had a whole Hot Wheels collection DESTROYED like that. And when you are eight and had to BEG to get each and every one and come home from vacation and find your collection of 25 hard fought and won wonders broken, bent and missing, it does something to you! To this day, I will go and buy you one if you really want to play with one that bad! Seriously. And I find that grown folk ain't really no better with ya shit so this ain't just about Hot Wheels. That was just a good example...
7. I got more friends in Blogworld than Bushworld - What can I say? I like you guys a lot. I just hope y'all ain't crazier than I think ya are! Especially since I would like to meet SOME of you! Yeah, y'all chew on that last one. I will leave you to figure out who is in and who isn't. Fight it out amongst yaselves. To the winners go the spoils of me!

What? Why y'all looking at me all funny and shit? You KNEW I had to fuck with SOMEBODY on this damn post! If you didn't then you obviously didn't read the sign over the door when ya came in! Don't know what party you think THIS is. You know how I do it! I keeps it on tha madness! Shoo, ya betta axe somebody!

For those who might be wondering about their status per #7, I can say this. I ain't saying no names, but those who got a big ole ass, ya probably in. If ya knockas is bangin', ya probably in (that includes danglers too (maybe)). If you declared your undying love for me, or at least expressed your desire not to share me with others, ya probably in. If ya mind is as hot as ya body, ya probably in. If 310 means anything to you, you probably in. If you think I sound good on the phone or the lazy blog, you more than likely are in. If you got good cookies (marinate on that at ya leisure), you likely are in. If ya accent makes ya voice even sexier, by gosh give ya self an extra point or two. Hell if ya voice is sexy as hell, you can call me anytime and count yaself amongst the likely. IF ya talk a good sex game, you might be better off than most. If you are a homie and you have been known to turn up a tankard and you buying the first round, you definitely in! Hell if you are buying the first round then you in anyway!
And last but not least, if I told you I liked you more than ice cream and:

• You are a dude: Consider this the end of our relationship because I don't do that gay shit...
• You are a chick: Expect The Wife to come and bring that beat down because she may discover that you are the one I was cheating with!

If I missed any of you with these inside jokes, charge that to the Oldtimers and not the heart. Unless of course you really ARE out...

Oh, BTW. This is a voluntary tag because I stupidly promised immunity to several persons the last two times. AND I think I was the only one to get away with this the last time this particular bug was going around so y'all may have exhausted your weirdness already. Not likely, but maybe...

Twofer...

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A Public Service Announcement!!!

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Fattening The Blogroll

It is not secret that I have been somewhat missing lately. For a number of reasons I have either been time or motivation or resource constrained. More important is that I noticed that I don't read as much either. I think that kinda goes to the motivation part. My blogging isn't always inspired by my own experiences. Sometimes I get a spark from somebody else and have to throw my own spin on something. And my longtime readers know that I will cut a long winded comment off and post that gem of opinionation on my own page. Besides who wants to read a novel in a comment section? So I guess what I am saying is that I been missing you guys somewhat. I have been here and not. I am trying to erase the not part.

That said, I will get to the point of the title. I am calling out to my blogger fams for some shout outs! I used to discover my way to others by clicking links in other folks blogrolls. I may continue that. But what I really want is for you guys to point me to your favorites. Who do you read on the regular. If you only had time to get to one or two faves in a day, who would they be? And why? I especially wanna know about the folk who aren't in my list already. I of course assume I am there because my ego is on that trip today, so you need not mention me. Well you can mention me if you wanna. Never turned down a good ego strokin'! Anyway, let me stop playin' before I start believing this egotistical crap...

Tha Blogroll, Again...

In case you haven't noticed, my blogroll has changed. Fresh is no longer stalked on occasion. That dude is crazy as hell. If you ain't been there, go. You too will find yourself saying "Only you Fresh..."

And The Addict is a newbie to the scene. Since I commented all of her posts and started posting in her comment section (like I did all of you above her...), I had to add her too. Of course she does need to post more. But since I ain't one to put that out there being all guilty and such... Pop on over and give a little encouragement. Besides, I think she is showing signs of being dyssturbed too!