Honoring The Fallen

As of late, I find myself somewhat obsessed with death. Not in some unnatural way mind you. I guess a better description is that death has taken great interest in hanging around me. So of course I have taken great interest in return. Naturally.

As usual with the specter... no spectre (I like that spelling better...). As usual when the spectre of death hangs around, it brings many things with it. Usually those things are not positive. For me it has brought on a bit of surliness, less ready smiles, I am more withdrawn, a little more extreme. Some days I just plain old require solitude.

You see death has taken a toll on me recently. As I write this, I still can't fully measure what I have lost. Mostly because I can't see things from an objective perspective. At this point I don't want to understand. I don't want things to make sense. I just want death to go away for a good long time. I know people don't come back, so I don't really want that. But I do want that spectre to realize that it is not being very fair to me. Far be it from me to wish such a thing on someone else. But when dealing with such, that is sometimes how things go. “If not you, then who?” seems to be the question. My answer is “NOT DAMN ME! Come back when you have evened things out EVERYWHERE!” I know how that looks. But then again, pain doesn't give a damn how things look.

I guess I should take a minute and give a bit of backstory. I find that context tends to help paint the picture.

Two days before Thanksgiving, the phone rings. I think nothing of it since I was the farthest from the phone at the time. Then I hear “Nooooo!”. I have only heard that once before in my life. Fear fills my insides like there was previously a vacuum there. Just as it did the first time. The questions “What?” “Who?”, “Where?”, “When?” and “How?” all explode in my mind at the same time. Then I hear “Don't tell me that!”. Now every possible alarm bell is going off. At this point I know the relationship between the caller and the callee. I also know it is VERY bad news. The list suddenly narrows itself down to a 4 year old girl and a 65 year old woman. I am desperate for information at this point and am on the verge of knocking my wife over and ripping the phone out of her hand. Instead I try to concentrate on calming myself before my heart thundered itself right out of my chest. And then “Please don't make me tell this man that!”. The odds on the 4 year old suddenly dropped to near nil. My wife finally composed herself enough to realize that I was waiting on confirmation that my mother had passed. All of those questions I had were either answered buy that or became unimportant because “Why?” was the only one I cared about at that moment. Over the next several hours I spent time with a lot of sad and shocked family members. You see, my mother had some health issues, but she wasn't ill. She was watching TV as she always did and folk were coming and going. My nephew went to the store to get them some snacks and was coming back to massage her legs as she asked. My sister returned home less than 10 minutes after he left and she was gone. And my life changed. Those next few hours was the first time I have ever felt alone in the company of people. She was laid to rest with a wonderful memorial service. Her ashes will be spread at her favorite park either on her next birthday or around the 4^th of July during our annual family picnic.

Fast forward to the end of January. I am at work during a lull in the action. I log onto Facebook to see what is happening. I get an instant message from a great aunt that I barely see online. She tells me to call her. The fact that she contacted me that way told me it was something of great import, so I called her immediately. She infomed me that my Uncle Frankie had passed the night before. A sad event to be sure but not unexpected. He was 81 and had some heart problems for a while. Of course it was too soon for me. I mustered up the strength to make one more call and grabbed my cell phone. I went to a little used spot in the building where cell reception was better and privacy was higher. I called my wife to give her the bad news with a ton of tears in my eyes. He was one of her favorites in my family. She didn't take it well either.

Fast forward to the end of March. I am working from home early one Monday. I get a call from my cousin, who was like my brother while growing up. I hadn't heard from him in a while because as many of you know, I am part hermit. And other such grown folk stuff too. So we chit chat for a minute or three. Then he says to me, “I was calling to ask if you could be a pall bearer”. My immediate reply was “Who, what, when, what?!?!?”. His reply was “Oh, you didn't know! Dad passed on Saturday.” I didn't know because I was still a little down and had not been to the family page on Facebook or the family website on Ancestry.com. My sister also neglected to pass the word on. I told him that “I could do no less for him and that it would be my great honor to do so.” This really messed up my day and no work would get done. You see this man was like my other father. I was the salt in his salt and pepper twins. He was also one of my mother's favorite cousins. Needless to say, I was pretty messed up. My wife was rather fond of him and his wife. Again, not news she took well. The depression I had been running from for the last few months found me, and it held on tight.

Rewind to mid March. I read a FB post about a cousin from my father's side. He was in hospice for cancer. I called his brother to find out what was going on. We talked for a few minutes. I got caught up on cuz' situation. By this time I was running that losing race with depression. I wasn't able to bring myself to call Auntie though. Fast forward to Mid April. I run across another FB post about the cousin I talked to on the phone. It seems he had a stroke and was in the hospital with little to no memory of anyone. AND another cousin was in ICU because an asthma attack nearly took him out. A couple of days later the stroke patient has recovered some memory and function. The asthma patient improves enough to leave ICU. A few days after that my sister remembers to call. The cousin in hospice passed early that morning, his brother was still in the hospital recovering from the stroke AND their mother was admitted to the hospital due to stress and other complications.

Today is the day before my cousin's home going service. For me, this will be the fourth time in five months. Let me restate that. Four funerals in five months with two near misses. Obviously I am not doing that cool. To the point that I let slip my own self discipline and desire to be better. Some days I win, some days I lose. But I shall still strive until I no longer have the ability. I will get back on my meds and stay on schedule. I will get back on my bike and ride like I am young again. I will try that damned Insanity workout again! I gotta say though, that shit was hard!!! I must be a glutton for punishment because I liked it. My old, fat body didn't necessarily agree with the abuse and I had to wave off before I snapped something. But I will be back. And I will give myself a better diet and a better attitude.

I promised myself I would not write depressing stuff here again. But I needed to let this out. And I had to something to honor Loraine, Charlie, Donald and Layman. I don't think I can get better without having done so.

I ain't promising that I am back. But I am removing that dumb promise to myself. When I fell of writing here, I fell off having that therapy. I thought it was because things felt better. But I do this to make things better. Every time...

Memorial Madness: The Incident

Okay. The last installment involved the background material for THIS story. A short recap involved the devilish work of Shitake. That's a sliiiicckkkk one... But, onward... If you haven't read Memorial Madness: The Background, STOP! CLICK! READ! COME BACK!
I don't want you all lost as to why things are happening.

The day of the memorial arrives. The Wife had scooped me up the day before to reduce the amount of last minute rushing. So we were in chill mode for most of the morning. While doing breakfast, I happened to spy the time. So I asked her "What time is the service?" She looked at me and then the clock and said "Yeah, I know. We got plenty of time. It starts at 1:30. Well the family hour starts at 1:00 and the service starts at 1:30. But I want to arrive fashionably late so I don't have to deal with the BS that I am sure will be going on! I just know something is gonna happen. I am trying to give THEM the benefit of the doubt. But I ain't breaking bread with them fools afterward. I just can't deal with that mess!" So I said "Fine with me. I arrive when my driver does and leave when she goes! I don't know most of them folk anyway."

So we had our dressing, leaving and arriving plan set. We chillaxxed a bit more and then got dressed. I told The Boy that I would die before letting him be seen wearing a damn clip on tie while I still breathed. So tie tying class started. And I fear he needs a bit more practice. But out the door we go. On the way we were discussing what we might be expecting and the various devilment that Shitake had been engaging in up until that moment.

We arrive at the Jehovah's Witness hall where Gramma and Aunt Sweetie were members. Timing was impeccable. We arrived at about 1:25. We walked toward the entrance and spied all of the teenagers of the clan gravitated to each other talking about nothing. When we see Cousin CW, whose hot young body had turned into a bit larger middle aged version, headed toward us (sigh). As she is passing around hugs and greetings, she says, "It ain't happy in there. Be warned! They done started up already!" "Already!?!?!?" (Me and The Wife in stereo) CW - "Yep. Brace yourselves..." So me and the wife hover for a minute to steel ourselves by chit chatting with CW and the teens. And In we go!

We walk in and The Wife scans around to find her mom or sister for seating. No luck since she didn't see her sister and her mom was already accompanied. There was an empty row behind her mom. But she decided against sitting there. Okay she said "Ain't no way I am sitting in the middle near the front." So we sit at the right side of the hall about mid way back. We finally see her sister in the same row as us in the center section. By this time the teens had all drifted in and found seats. The Boy (my son) sat next to Heracles by MIL. The Girl (my daughter) sat by Jackie-L on the opposite side from us. We noticed that Aunt Sweetie and her family were in the front row, center section. MIL was in the row behind her with The Law's daughters, Heracles and The Boy. The next row was empty. Scratch that. The Law walked in right then with his wife and sat there. We noticed that Shitake was over by Jackie-L holding Princess (Jackie-L's baby girl). Aunt C, looking remarkably like a thicker version of Shitake (but don't tell HER that) was also over on the far side.

So the service went fine as usual. The pastor, as always, took that opportunity to hold service up in there! And between my bouts of nodding out, I found him pretty amusing. Mostly because I always find it amusing when people use redundancies when they talk. You know like when my step-mom says sausage-meat (sounds like shashuh meat). His phrase was Bible-book. And he quoted many scriptures out of that Bible-book too! He even gave us the Jehovah's Witness version of Heaven. Which I thought not too bad. Maybe I will read one of those Watchtowers that get forced on me in the future... But I digress.

The first clue for me that things might go horribly wrong was when The Wife borrowed an obituary from the man sitting at the end of the row. She remarked on the generally shoddy quality of the work. We (Me, The Wife and Annie Oakley) had done them for the last three funerals so it got critiqued, heavily. The first GLARING omission was when the son-in-laws were mentioned, her father wasn't in the list. He had passed on years earlier and apparently was out of mind (uh huh...) What I didn't know at the time was that Cousin Queen V (The Law's daughter, CW's sister) was visibly upset at the OTHER GLARING OMISSION. That being that The Law's wife wasn't mentioned either. His VERY MUCH ALIVE AND IN ATTENDANCE WIFE!!! And the wife was having a bit of sport at the part about Gramma being an exemplary mother and taught her children morals and such. This ALMOST made the wife snort out loud while the pastor was still doing his thing. But she listened when me and Cousin Glowworm told her to behave in stereo. A prayer and a few final words later the service ended! I even had my post half written at that point, especially about the Bible-book...

THEN ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!!!!!

I started to look around for everybody who needed greetings from me. Then I notice The Law grab his wife from behind by the shoulders and force march her the hell up out of the hall. A man who I can't ever recall seeing before was hot on his heels saying stuff like "...dinner on my mothers memorial day" "Why she gotta be here?" "...Don't trust her!" as they went past my amazed eyes. Oh, this man, by the way, was Uncle Nutzo. Apparently he decided to wait exactly ONE second after the pastor finished to start his shit with big brother! I was starting to think how fucked up that shit was. Until he tried to take a swing at The Law! Right in the damn doorway!

:: Now this is the part where everything got confusing. Please bear with me if it gets confusing. ::

So Nutzo tries to start a fight with The Law because he had enough sense to leave instead of having some mess going on during the service. Bedlam! A couple of people grabbed Nutzo. He attempted to fight his way out. Was very close to getting the life stomped out of him by an off duty cop. THEN! MIL, who has numerous medical problems, decides to go get her little brother to try to get him to calm down. He bumps into her! Nearly knocking her over. So Heracles sees this, hulks the fuck out, off comes the shirt (I still don't remember what he was wearing aside from his uncle beater). He stands in front of her and dares Nutzo to touch her again! At the same time The Wife was counting her peeps to see where we were. She sees the bump. She yells to The Boy "Get your grandma! NOW!!!!" So my lazy ass son shocks the shit out of us by LEAPING over the chair and gets behind Heracles and in front of MIL. Also heard in a very proper and well enunciated bit of English was "Don't let Annie Oakley get to her truck!!!" Yeah, a white dude, Big M. You may or may not remember him from bike class... By this time I am starting to think of the most efficient way of murdering off Nutzo because this shit was going too damn far.
:: Hey, my wife and kids were up in there! Sue my ass! BTW I had settled on a hand over mouth and one over nose and a big bear hug. My feet never moved though! You'd be proud! ::

AT THE SAME TIME on the OTHER side of the hall. Apparently Shitake, still carrying Princess, decides to get all up in the shit! So she is heading toward the shit right? She basically runs up on MIL. She sees her and the next thing EVERYBODY sees is MIL's cane get raised HIGH up in the air! No. She wasn't just gonna hit her ass. She was about to bring the smite down up in that piece! Then Annie Oakley shakes the hell up outta her shoes! Meanwhile The Girl was walking up behind Shitake to rescue Princess because it seems she had taken a blow or two in the conflict and Shitake's grip was slippin'. Now somebody later mentioned that Shitake took a swing at The Girl. Fortunately The Girl didn't notice that. Her evil ass WOULD have retaliated. And you know how mothers are with their babies right? And you all have been here long enough to know that The Wife is AKA Miss Whoopabitchorthree. Had either of my kids been hit that damn joint might be a smoking pile of rubble at this point with a community of Jehovah's Witnesses wondering what they had done to deserve having their hall treated so...

:: Before I go on I will have to do a quick tactical analysis. ::
MIL had probably the largest contingent of supporters. She had three grand children, Two daughters, one son-in-law, one son-in-law to be (so I just found out...), three in-laws and one niece from the seemingly forgotten husband's family (tha gangster ones...), about five or eight friends (I lost count), Jackie-L (who is staying between her and Aunt Sweetie's house after the argument), probably The Law's daughters Queen V and CW, their sons, and possibly Aunt Sweetie's hubby and grand kids.
:: Tactical Analysis over... ::

Now after a minute or two of struggle and strife, they manage to get Nutzo, Shitake and Aunt C outside. Remember Aunt C was under the influence of Shitake. Things seemingly break up. Or so I thought. I linger around inside before going outside. I find The Wife and Annie Oakley attempting to restrain MIL from heading to what appears to be ANOTHER fight! They were alternately trying to calm her down and cuss her out because she was still dead set and determined to get her smite on! AND Joan Cleaver, a very right and respected lady (imagine Maya Angelou mixed with June Cleaver) decides to go and "... have a word with this Shitake". Her son had to grab her and hold her in place. Can you see it two ladies, one in her 50's and another in her 70's hobbling down to get the way to smite a person or two? Yeah...

Now by this time, Annie Oakley HAD gotten to her truck. So she was armed. And pissed! And barefoot. She shook outta the shoes when the shit jumped off inside. So she was doing the bulk of the cussing while The Wife did most of the calming. Until she had to act like the mother. She later realized that her and her sister were gonna be in trouble for cussing at their mom when MIL finally calmed down and remembered.

Yes, I did say there was a fight going on. Apparently Shitake and Queen V aired their venom and it turned into fisticuffs. Sisters got involved. It turned into a Tag team match. Shitake and Aunt C on one side and Queen V and CW on the other. Now the teens were all in agreement until they realized that their mothers were going at it. Then they started beefing. So now Aunt C's son was about ready to scrap with Queen V's son. While Shitake's son and CW's son were about to get into it.

ALL that broke up when the Ecorse cops rolled up into the parking lot! And they rolled up fast. I guess they mean mugged folk hard enough for cooler heads to prevail. They circled the parking lot once. They stopped to talk to the guy off duty who was at the service. I guess they were convinced that every thing else was cool and rolled out without getting out of the squad car.

This is where I will end my tale. I think everything took less time to happen than it did for you to read this. And I know I am leaving out many details. But I think you have spent enough time on these folks!

Memorial Madness: The Background

As you all know, funerals tend to make for the best of stories! They are even more story worthy when you got a bit of dysfunction in the family.

This weekend was no exception! My wife refers to her mother's side of the family as "a bunch of educated fools".

The Cast:
Gramma: The Departed.
The Law: Oldest child and one most likely to get the other siblings to behave.
Aunt Sweetie: Second child, one of the nicest folk you wanna meet.
MIL: Fourth child. Mother of my queen.
Aunt C: Reportedly the meekest of the clan.
Nutzo: Baby boy of the clan.
Shitake: from Shit, meaning shit and Ake meaning one who starts. Okay I didn't wanna say shit starter the whole damn post! The baby of the clan...
Annie Oakley: The Wife's sister
Herkales: Annie Oakley's son
And... Aw hell. I will introduce any others as the story goes...

Anyhow. This little story starts when Shitake goes to The Law's house and complains that Gramma can't stay with him and his wife and HER father. So The Law's wife packs Gramma's bag and sends her on her way with Shitake. Of course Shitake was never one to take care of Gramma. As a result Gramma ends up in an apartment in a senior center alone. This was back in June.

Gramma has been known to be a bit hard to live with. Was somewhat paranoid and had a bit of dementia. So she frequently had episodes where she thought folk were pumping poisonous gas into her place. As I said, a bit hard to live with. So Uncle The Law was likely doing his best to make her as safe and comfortable as possible having folk around to see about her and being friendly faces. So Shitake didn't make a difficult situation any better.

About a week and a half ago, Gramma was found in her apartment having passed on a day or two prior. This led to Shitake blaming The Law for killing their mother by kicking her out of his house. It is also believed that Shitake gaffled up the estate by doing the old sneak and sign. Much like she did when their father passed (she got a new car out of that). AND she moved herself back in with her ex-hubby. This prompted an argument between her and her daughter Jackie-L (who was living there already), cause they can't stand each other. Jackie-L moved out and took the baby with her.

Now Shitake is a sly one. She had been talking in the ears of Aunt C. and Nutzo. They got things twisted in their heads. So they were kinda pissed about some things. Things that went even beyond their usual dysfunctionalism. Aunt Sweetie's husband The Electrician told me that they had given Shitake money to pay for obituaries. She thought the money was an old debt from someone who owed Gramma. Then she complained that she didn't know how much printing costs (full color). Then she claimed that she gave the obits to Nutzo who didn't answer or return folks calls. So they had trouble getting the obit to the pastor before the service for familiarity sake. And since Nutzo never brought them, they had to improvise. This led to black and white obits printed on thin paper (2 sided). AND Shitake also was the one who compiled the info. She left out the deceased father of The Wife AND the very much alive wife of The Law. AND The Law's wife or her family were responsible for making the food for the meal after the service.

Okay, I gotta jet. But look for the conclusion in Memorial Madness: The Incident.
I will pre date that post so that when I do it, it will show up under this one so you don't get the story out of order! I will post it tomorrow.

Of course if I remember anything else I will of course edit this post too!